training manual for conflict management
manuelledezma
Ch2CommunicationOptionsinConflict-3.pptxCommunication Options in Conflict
Intangible Conflict Issues
Intangible conflict issues center on gut feelings like love, respect, and self-esteem as well as other topics like power, cooperation, and other beneficial behaviors such as attention and caring.
Except in cases involving major personality issues, conflicts involving resources that are not scarce are often resolved through interpersonal communication.
Intangible conflicts usually involve personality, relationship, or behavioral issues.
Intangible Conflicts
Personality issue: Personality issue conflicts focus on a whole constellation of behaviors such as being dominating, introverted, selfish, or achievement oriented.
Relationship issue: Relationship issue conflicts involve rules, norms, and boundaries that partners have tacitly or overtly agreed on.
Behavioral issue: Behavioral issue conflicts concern specific and individual actions we can observe such as the way we handle money, time, space etc.
Usually specific to a situation (not the personality or relationship state in general)
Conflict Communication Options
It is necessary to know what alternative exists and reflect on different outcomes since our actions have consequences.
Functional and dysfunctional conflicts
Dysfunctional Conflict Cycles
Dysfunctional conflict cycles are scripted (scripts: routinized events that we perform with little deviation each time we do them).
Cronen and colleagues call a negative scripted event an undesired repetitive pattern (URP), or a feeling of being trapped in situation beyond one’s control.
One person may say something to another, which triggers an automatic response and the conflict quickly escalates.
This usually occur when the other person thinks they know what will be said next.
Common Dysfunctional Conflict Cycles
Confrontation avoidance/accommodation cycle
Competitive conflict escalation cycle
Passive-aggressive cycle
**Issues are usually not resolved in these dysfunctional cycles, namely because of the negative attitude people have about conflict.
Confrontation Avoidance/Accommodation Cycle (Win-Lose):
Those involved in this cycle try to avoid initiating conflict or to give in quickly (accommodate) when conflict arise.
Avoidance behaviors include choosing to withdraw, leaving the scene, avoiding discussion on the issue, or remaining silent.
Avoidance means people do their best not to engage in conflict.
These individuals allow others to interrupt them, subordinate them.
Sometimes have poor eye contact, poor posture and a defeated air about them.
We may recognize the avoiding/accommodating communicator by his/her indecisiveness.
Confrontation avoidance/accommodation cycle cont’d:
Some people prefer to avoid conflict situations because they have communication apprehension (anxiety a person feels in response to communication situations).
Accommodating, is similar to avoidance and involves obliging others and smoothing over conflict.
Accommodating person:
May say what he/she wants but gives in quickly to others, which maintains the illusion of harmony.
Suppresses personal needs, interests, and goals.
Does not get personal growth or satisfaction by giving in, but the other person usually does.
https :// www.youtube.com/watch?v=d1wf10-Rtnk
Steps in avoidance/accommodation cycle:
The cycle begins with the belief that confrontation is bad and we should avoid it if at all possible.
Because we would like to avoid confrontation, experiencing one makes us nervous.
Generally, something that makes us nervous is something we put off as long as possible.
Unfortunately, many issues worsen when left alone, so eventually we have to confront them.
Our anxiety causes us to handle the confrontation badly.
Our negative perception of conflict is confirmed, and the cycle starts again.
Effects of Confrontation/Accommodation Cycle
By not addressing their concerns, people engage in gunny-sacking (storing up hurts and anger until they explode).
Gunny-sacking can destroy relationships.
A person who gives in time after time may eventually leave the relationship because they have “had enough.”
Reasons People Engage in Avoidance
People may have a bad history of dealing with conflict.
May believe conflict is abnormal, and may want to end it soon so that they can return to a “normal life.”
In fact, excessive conflict and excessive harmony are abnormal.
Without conflict, people are not motivated to change, and thus not motivated to grow.
May believe that if conflict is avoided, it will go away.
In fact, conflict typically gets worse if it’s not addressed.
It is better to deal with conflict in the early stages.
May not care enough about the relationship to confront others to improve or clarify the situation.
Constructive Avoidance
First, effectively analyze the situation and choose an appropriate response rather than reacting out of fear of confrontation.
Some issues are better left alone (e.g. if you do not have ongoing relationship with the other and the situation has no real significance in your life).
Roloff and Ifert claim that confrontation avoidance can be useful, as long as it eliminates arguing and does no harm to the relationship.
Competitive Conflict
Schismogenesis (escalation of the cycle) occurs when the behavior of one person intensify the behavior of another person
Complementary: One person becomes more dominant and the other becomes more submissive.
Symmetrical: When each person tries to outdo the other’s behavior.
https:// www.youtube.com/watch?v=JKKyxmf_BR8
Behaviors of competitive communicator (Escalating conflict)
Talking louder; yelling
Standing up
Getting into the other’s face
Threatening gesture e.g. fist, finger
Pushing; shoving; hitting
Swearing; cursing
Making verbal threats
Pushing sensitive buttons (bring up unrelated sensitive issues)
Mocking the other
Damaging the other’s possessions
Being egged on by bystanders
Etc.
Competitive Conflict Escalation Cycle
Conflict bogs down in the differentiation stage when competitive interests lead to divergence rather than integration.
Participants are so concerned with winning that they are unable to respond to integrative messages.
Steps in Competitive Conflict Escalation Cycle
The cycle is fueled by previously unresolved grievances that color the perception of the current conflict.
The conflict is initiated with competitive messages that indicate “I’m right– you’re wrong” stance on the part of the initiator.
The cycle is intensified when the other responds with a win-lose orientation.
The outcome is generally that one person wins, and the other loses.
The person who has lost has an unresolved grievance that affects future conflicts.
Effects of Competitive Conflict Communication
As issues are introduced, the conflict is less likely to focus on a particular issue and is more likely to result in an irritating universal level such as “You’re always bugging me.”
Desire to win is distorted to win coupled with a desire to hurt the other.
Difficult to reverse conflict because the parties sees it as “backing down.”
Reasons People Use Competitive Conflict
Desire to win no matter what harm it does to a relationship.
Desire to out-do the other person.
Passive-Aggressive (“I win-You lose”)
Passive-Aggressive Communicator:
Has the ability to impose one’s will on others through the use of verbal or nonverbal acts that appear to avoid an open conflict or accommodate to the desires of others, but in actuality are carried out with the intention of inflicting physical or psychological pain or suffering.
Do not stand up for their interests/concerns but attempt to get what they want by underhanded means or sabotage.
Tries to win through subversion
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eeQwC2dQA8M
Steps in the passive-aggressive cycle
The cycle begins with the belief that conflict is bad and we should avoid experiencing it if at all possible.
Because we would like to avoid conflict, experiencing one makes us nervous.
Generally, something that makes us nervous is something we put off as long as possible.
Rather than confront the person, one goes over the person’s head or behind the person’s back to get one’s way.
If the person gets his/her way, one’s behavior is confirmed, and the cycle starts again.
Behaviors of passive-aggressive communicator
Spy on others to get information to use against them.
Withhold something the other person wants, such as approval, affection, or sex, in order to get what they want.
Operate behind the scenes in an attempt to undermine others or to motivate outsiders to act against their adversaries.
Spread lies behind their adversary’s back and engage in back stabbing.
Disclose some personal information to people they shouldn’t after it was told to them in confidence.
Encourage attacks from outsiders.
Behaviors of passive-aggressive communicator cont’d
Simply refuse to defend the adversary when others are attacking her or him.
Give away to others something of value to their adversary to make them think that they are perceived as friends when they are not.
Deny to one’s face that a problem exists while at the same time fail to co-operate.
Forget promises, agreements, and appointments.
Make unkind statements and then quickly apologize.
Engage in anger displays such as playing a stereo too loudly or slamming doors while denying there is a problem.
Behaviors of passive-aggressive communicator cont’d
Do things more slowly than necessary, such as taking more time than usual to get ready.
Get confused, sarcastic, helpless or tearful without saying why.
Get sick when they have promised to do something.
Schedule too much at once.
Evade meetings so that others are inconvenienced.
**On occasion we all get sick, fail to do a chore etc., but the passive-aggressive person does so with malicious intent.
Reason for Passive-Aggressive Approach
Fear of harm/confrontation
Malicious intent
Functional Conflict Styles
Functional conflict styles involves recognizing that our own needs and the needs of the other person are important.
Compromise
Collaboration
Compromise
No one totally wins or loses.
Conflicting parties are settling for a workable solution rather than finding a mutually satisfying solution.
Can be positive or negative
Positive- If parties happy with outcome.
Negative- If parties feel dissatisfied with outcome.
Steps in Compromise Cycle
Determine the needs of the conflicting parties.
If everyone has a legitimate claim, examine the outcome to determine whether everyone can receive an equal or fair share of the claim.
If dividing the claim works, give everyone involved his or her share of the claim.
Collaboration
Uses integrative behaviors and mutually satisfying agreements to solve a problem once and for all.
Consists of integrative behaviors such as cooperation, collective action, and mutual assistance.
Teamwork
Work side by side and hand in hand
Partners have same goal in mind.
Respects the other’s interests.
Win-win outcomes
Steps in Collaboration
The partners clarify their points of view to one another.
They commit themselves to the rigid goal of developing mutually satisfying solutions, but remain flexible.
Strive for mutual understanding by increasing their range of perspectives, solutions, or alternatives.
They implement their mutual understanding by undertaking the solution as agreed on.
Key Aspects of Collaboration
Collaboration is less competitive.
Features mutual learning and fact finding.
Allows for exploration of differences in underlying values.
Focus on interests, rather than positions.
All parties are responsible for implementation.
Conclusion generated via interactive and reflexive process.
Ongoing process.
Builds individual and community in leadership and conflict management.
Personal and Relationship Stress
Personal stress- Occurs within a person, and refer to wear and tear on one emotionally and physically (e.g. feelings of anxiety, frustration and anger due to crisis).
Relationship stress- Occurs outside the individual and refers to wear and tear on a relationship.
In the extreme, relationship stress is synonymous with dissatisfaction resulting in break-up, losing a job etc.
Personal and Relationship Growth and Satisfaction
Allowing self-interests, effective listening and integrative approach to problem-solving leads to high feelings of self worth and relationship growth.
Communication Considerations: Choosing the Appropriate Communication Option
The occasion (time and location)
The other person
Your needs
Use Collaborative: If the issue is important, other person is co-operative, long term relationship.
Use Avoiding/accommodating: If hurt exceeds benefit, you are unsure of facts, issue more important to others than it is to you, long-term relationship is important.
Use Competing: If you are in threatening situation.
Use passive-aggressive: If you are in physically threatening situation.
