Anthropology Discussion post

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Chapter Eleven

Being with Others: Forming Relationships in Young and

Middle Adulthood

11.1 Relationships

Love Relationships

• Sternberg’s three basic components of love – Passion – Intimacy – Commitment

• Couples are happier when each feels the same types of love to a similar degree

• The longer a relationship lasts, the lower its intimacy and passion, but the greater its commitment

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Love Through Adulthood

• Infatuation: characterizes early stages of romance when passion is high, but intimacy and commitment are lower – Higher divorce rates in couples who marry

based primarily on infatuation • Assortative mating: selecting one’s partner

based on similarity across many dimensions – Homogamy: degree to which people are

similar; greater when couples meet through school or a religious setting

Love Through Adulthood: What Heterosexual Women Want

• Women choose masculine-looking men for shorter-term relationships and feminine- looking men for long-term relationships

• Certain traits are universally desirable – Physical attractiveness, especially for men – Being a good provider, especially for

women – In both genders: love, mutual attraction,

dependability, emotional stability, kindness, and understanding

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Childhood Attachment Patterns and Adult Romantic Relationships

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Developmental Forces and Love Relationships

• Love is a function of biopsychosocial forces • Love is a distinct neurological emotion system,

with different stages of love involving different neurochemicals

• Erikson: mature love is impossible without a capacity for intimacy

11.3 The Family Lifecycle

Family Life Cycle

• Early adulthood – Leaving home – Marriage – Parenthood

• Middle adulthood – Launching children

• Late adulthood – Retirement – Death of spouse

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Leaving Home

• Average age of leaving increased over last 50 years

• More than 50% leave, then return briefly • Parents highly committed to helping children

move into adult roles

Marriage

• Studies show the median age at which couples marry has been rising for the past several decades

• Women who marry under the age of 20 are: – Three times more likely to divorce than

women who marry in their 20s – Six times more likely to divorce than those

who marry in their 30s

What is a Successful Marriage, and What Predicts It?

• Marriages are likelier to succeed when: – Both partners are relatively mature

• this may be why marriages in one’s early 20s or younger tend to fail

– The couple has similar values and interests – Each partner contributes equitably

(exchange theory) – Couples are honest and committed, they

trust and consult each other, and they make decisions jointly

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Do Married Couples Stay Happy?

• Vulnerability-stress adaptation model: marital satisfaction is a function of the couple’s ability to deal with stress, given its vulnerabilities and resources at each particular point in time

• Marital and cohabital satisfaction is highest in the beginning, falls until children begin leaving home, and rises again in later life

• When dependence is more equal, marriage tends to stay strong and close

Keeping Marriages Happy

• Enduring marital satisfaction is likelier when couples: – Are forgiving, understanding, flexible,

adaptive, and available for, and interested in, the other

– Keep the romance alive and express love – Confide in each other; communicate

constructively and positively – Share spirituality and/or religious beliefs

Deciding Whether to Have Children

• 50%+ of U.S. pregnancies are unplanned • Considerations:

– Finances – Personal values – Religious values

• Childless couples have a higher standard of living and greater marital satisfaction

• Societal attitudes toward childless couples have improved since the 1970s

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The Parental Role

• Couples are having fewer children and waiting longer to have them

• Older parents are more at ease, affectionate, sensitive, and supportive

• More than 70% of women with children under 18 are employed outside the home and still perform most of the childrearing tasks

• Men who become fathers in their 30s spend more time caring for their preschool children