Conflict Essay

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8

Communication Climate:
The Foundation of
Personal Relationships

Communication Climate

  • DEFINITION:

The overall feeling or emotional mood between people

(warm or cold, safe or anxious, comfortable or awkward, accepting or rejecting, open or guarded)

is shaped by verbal and nonverbal interactions between people

Features of Satisfying
Personal Relationships

  • Trust
  • Commitment
  • Investment
  • Comfort with relational dialectics

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Features of Satisfying Relationships

  • Trust:

believing in another’s reliability

Emotionally relying on another to look out for our well being and the relationship

  • Commitment:

Decision to stay with relationship.

The basis of an enduring relationship.

Intention is to share the future together.

Grows out of Investments: what we put into the relationship that we could not retrieve if the relationship ends (time, energy, feelings, money).

Self-disclosure can aid in building trust and commitment

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Normal, opposing, and continuous tensions in close relationships.

1) Autonomy/connection: tension between independence (separate) and closeness.

2) Novelty/predictability: tension between spontaneity and routine.

3) Openness/closedness: tension between approachable (candid) and privacy..

Relational Dialectics

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Negotiating Dialectical Tensions

  • 4 ways to manage Relational Dialectics:

Neutralization: negotiates a balance between the opposing dialectic forces (each need is met but not satisfied).

Selection: attend to one need, ignore the other (spend a lot of time together, then spend a lot of time alone).

Separation: assign certain issues, activities, or interactions to one dialectic (discuss everything but politics/religion).

Reframing: redefines contradictory needs in positive way; tensions become enhancing (distance makes us closer; conflict is a way to learn about friend)..

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Levels of Confirmation And Disconfirmation

  • Recognizing that another person exists

Saying hello, nod hello, silent treatment

  • Acknowledgment of what another feels, thinks, or says (direct responses)
  • Endorsement – accepting another’s feelings or thoughts (validating another’s thoughts)
  • Agreement is different than understanding
  • Can be verbal or nonverbal

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Defensive and Supportive Climates

  • Evaluation versus Description:

Descriptive communication does NOT critique others, what they think, or what they feel.

Descriptive communication depicts behaviors without passing judgment.

Negative evaluations are most likely to arouse defensiveness.

Nonverbal communication can also convey evaluation ( raised eyebrows, rolling eyes, frowns).

© Jason Harris/Wadsworth-Thomson Learning. All Rights Reserved.

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Defensive and Supportive Climates

  • Certainty versus Provisionalism:

Certainty language is absolute; only one valid answer, point of view, or course of action.

Provisionalism expresses openness to other points of view; signals that we are willing to consider alternative positions and encourages others to voice their ideas (tentative communication which invites continued conversation).

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Defensive and Supportive Climates

  • Strategy versus Spontaneity:

Strategic communication aims to manipulate others by keeping motives or intentions hidden.

Spontaneous communication may be well thought out, yet it is also open, honest, and not manipulative.

It is more spontaneous to ask a favor in a straightforward way than to preface a request by listing why that person owes you.

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Defensive and Supportive Climates

  • Control versus Problem Orientation:

Controlling communication attempts to dominate others (one’s preference over another’s preference).

Winning an argument or having the last word is more important than finding the best solution.

Problem-oriented communication focuses on resolving tensions and conflict.

Work collaboratively to discover acceptable solutions for everyone.

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Defensive and Supportive Climates

  • Neutrality versus Empathy:

Neutral communication implies indifference to others and what they say.

It is seen as negative and leads to defensiveness.

Empathy confirms the worth of others and shows concern for their thoughts and feelings.

Empathy does not mean agreement; instead, it conveys respect for others, what they think, and what they feel.

When you disagree with others, it is important to show that we respect them as a person.

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Defensive and Supportive Climates

  • Superiority versus Equality:

Most of us feel on guard with people who act as if they are better than we are.

We feel more relaxed and comfortable communicating with people who treat us as equals which promotes an open, unguarded climate in which interaction flows freely.

Creating a climate of equality allows everyone to be involved without fear of being judged inadequate..

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Guidelines for Creating and Sustaining Healthy Climates

  • Actively use communication to build climates
  • Accept and confirm others
  • Affirm and assert yourself
  • Respect diversity in relationships
  • Respond constructively to criticism

Aggression, Assertion, & Deference

Respond Constructively to Criticism

  • Seek more information
  • Consider the criticism thoughtfully
  • If you decide the criticism is valid, consider whether you want to change how you act
  • Thank the person who offered the criticism

Defensive and Supportive Climates

  • Evaluation vs. description
  • Certainty vs. provisionalism
  • Strategy vs. spontaneity
  • Control vs. problem orientation
  • Neutrality vs. empathy
  • Superiority vs. equality

Relational Dialectics

  • Autonomy vs. connection
  • Novelty vs. predictability
  • Openness vs. closedness

Negotiating Dialectical Tensions

  • Neutralization
  • Selection
  • Separation
  • Reframing

Confirming and Disconfirming Messages