Conflict Essay

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Mindful Listening
“We have 2 ears and 1 mouth so that we can listen twice as much as we speak.”
--Epictetus, Greek Philospher, (55 AD-135 AD)

Listening

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We spend 45-53% of our communication time listening

Listening

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Listening Vs. Hearing

  • Listening and hearing are not synonymous.

Hearing is a physiological activity that occurs when sound waves hit your eardrums.

People also receive messages through sight, touch, smell, and taste.

Listening is an active, complex process (involves hearing, organizing, interpreting, responding, and remembering)..

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The Listening Process

  • Being mindful
  • Physically receiving messages
  • Selecting and organizing information
  • Interpreting communication
  • Responding
  • Remembering

The Listening Process

Being Mindful:

  • Mindfulness focusing on what is going on at the present moment.

Ethical commitment to attend fully to others.

Enhances communication:

Increases our understanding of how people feel and what they think.

Promotes more complete communication by others..

The Listening Process

Physically Receiving Communication:

  • Hearing physically receiving communication.

Many people cannot hear very well.

Other physiological factors influence how we listen (noise, being tired, sick, speaking rate vs. listening rate [100 to 300 wpm], masculine communicators compared to feminine communicators)..

The Listening Process

Selecting and Organizing Communication:

  • We selectively attend to some communication and not other communication

We tend to notice stimuli that are intense, loud, unusual.

What we attend to is based on age, expectations, culture, social communities.

  • We organize what we selectively perceive

We use cognitive schemata to organize our perceptions.

We construct others and their communication by the schemata that we use to organize our perceptions (define the situation and create its meaning)..

The Listening Process

Interpreting Communication:

  • We interpret (make sense of) what we have selectively perceived and organized.

Interpretation determines the meaning of communication.

Recognizing others’ viewpoints even if you don’t agree with them is an ethical responsibility of a good listener.

Effective interpretation depends on your ability to understand others on their terms..

The Listening Process

Responding:

  • Effective listening also involves responding.

skillful listeners give signs to show that they are involved in the interaction (asking questions, voicing ideas, or communicating attentiveness).

involves nonverbal communication.

involves giving feedback..

The Listening Process

Remembering:

  • Remembering interpretations of messages is the final aspect of the listening process.

We forget about 66% of the meanings after about 8 hours of hearing a message.

Selectively focusing our attention is especially important when we listen to presentations that include a lot of information..

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EXTERNAL

OBSTACLES:

  • Message Overload:

too much information to process all of it.

  • Message Complexity: communication is intricate, complicated or difficult to understand /follow.
  • Noise:

Effective listeners reduce distractions (turn off the TV, side conversations in class, cell phones).

Obstacles to Mindful Listening

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INTERNAL

OBSTACLES:

  • Preoccupation with our own thoughts and concerns can impede good listening.
  • Prejudgments can get in the way of understanding what others mean; the tendency to evaluate others or their ideas before we hear them.
  • Lack of effort can reduce effectiveness.
  • Reacting to emotionally loaded language- evoke strong responses, positive or negative.
  • Failure to adapt to listening styles (age, culture, sex)..

Obstacles to Mindful Listening

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Obstacles to Mindful Listening

FORMS OF NONLISTENING:

  • Pseudolistening is pretending to listen.
  • Monopolizing occurs when a person hogs the conversational stage (rerouting or new topic).
  • Selective Listening can take place in two ways:

Carefully focus on parts that support our views or interest us (ex., this is on the test).

Carefully screen out parts that diverge from our views or do not interest us (ex., criticism of our work)..

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Obstacles to Mindful Listening

FORMS OF NONLISTENING:

  • Defensive listening involves perceiving a personal attack, criticism, or hostile undertone in communication when none is intended.

takes place when we assume others don’t like, trust, or respect us.

may be confined to areas where we judge ourselves to be inadequate or areas in which we feel negative..

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Obstacles to Effective Listening

FORMS OF INEFFECTIVE LISTENING:

  • Ambushing is listening for the purpose of attacking the person speaking and/or that person’s ideas.
  • Literal Listening occurs when individuals attend only to the content-level of meaning and overlook the relationship level of meaning..

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Adapting Listening to
Communication Goals

  • Listening for pleasure

Music, concerts, radio, talk radio, stand-up comedians, poetry readings

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Adapting Listening to
Communication Goals

Listening for Information:

  • Skills to use to be a better informational and critical listener:

be mindful

control obstacles and distractions

ask questions so that speakers can clarify their messages

use aids to recall information (ex: mnemonics)

organize the information by regrouping the information into categories..

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Adapting Listening to
Communication Goals Continued

  • Listening to support others

Be mindful

Be careful of expressing judgment

Understand the other person’s perspective

Paraphrase

Use minimal encouragement

Ask questions

Express support

Guidelines for Effective Listening

  • Be mindful
  • Adapt listening appropriately