Conflict Essay

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The World of Words
“I guess words are a motherf****r, they could be great, or they can create, or even worse, they can teach hate!”
Eminem, “Sing for the Moment”

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Features of Language

  • Language/Symbols have three qualities:

Arbitrary – not intrinsically connected to phenomena; meanings change over time; new words are coined to represent new phenomena (mouse; google)

Ambiguous – meanings not clear-cut; vary among people (“we are dating”; good friend)

Abstract – not concrete nor tangible; vary in degree of abstractness; increased abstractness increases potential for confusion (food, fruit, apple, _______).

Meanings of language are subjective.

Language and culture reflect each other..

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Principles of Communication

  • Punctuation affects meaning.
  • Punctuation influences the meanings we attribute to communication.

Punctuation marks a flow of activity into meaningful units.

Punctuation defines where communication episodes start and stop.

Punctuation is subjective, so there is no absolutely correct way to punctuate any interaction..

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Language Defines Phenomena

  • The way we name phenomena shapes what they mean to us.
  • The labels that we use to define others affect how we perceive them.
  • When we label someone, we focus on particular aspects of that person and obscure other aspects.
  • Totalizing occurs when we respond to a person as if one label totally represents what she or he is (Ann is a jock; Bob is a geek)..

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  • Symbols are not neutral; they are laden with values.
  • Accent good qualities and downplay bad qualities (depending on if we like it or do not like it)
  • Loaded language consists of words that strongly slant perceptions and thus meanings..

Language Evaluates Phenomena

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Language Organizes Perceptions

  • Language allows abstract thought

Think of abstract concepts (freedom, love)

Allows us to be more general in how we talk

  • Language can stereotype

Thinking about others in broad generalizations about a whole class of people

Teachers are smart, athletes are dumb, religious people are kind

Can be positive or negative

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Language Allows
Hypothetical Thought

  • Hypothetical Thought: Thinking about experiences and ideas that are not part of your daily, concrete reality (past, present, future).
  • We can plan, dream, remember, set goals, consider alternative plans of action, and imagine possibilities.
  • Aides in personal growth..

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Language Allows
Self-Reflection

  • We are able to think about ourselves (human identity).
  • We are able to monitor our behavior.
  • Allows us to manage our self image.
  • The Me aspect of self is the socially aware self that reflects on the I, which is the creative, spontaneous aspect of self..

© Microsoft Gallery. All Rights Reserved.

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Speech Communities

  • A speech community exists when people share norms about how to use talk and what purposes it serves.

Gender speech communities

Socialization into gender speech communities

Boys’ games vs girls’ games

Gendered communication in practice

Masculine communicators for power

Feminine communicators for maintaining relationships

Misunderstandings between gender speech communities

Why we talk, how we listen, “let’s talk about us”

Guidelines for Improving
Verbal Communication

  • Engage in dual perspective
  • Respect what others say about their feelings and thoughts
  • Strive for accuracy and clarity

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Guidelines for Effective Verbal Communication

Engage in Person-Centered Communication

Adapt to specific, unique individuals with whom we interact; be aware of others and their perspectives.

Be Conscious of Levels of Abstraction

Reduce the likelihood of misunderstandings by being aware of levels of abstraction; be concrete.

Qualify Language

Temper generalizations and language to describe and evaluate (avoid static evaluations: assessment that suggests unchangeable).

Indexing is applying specific times and circumstances to an evaluation.

Own your Feelings and Thoughts

We use verbal language to obscure our responsibility for how we feel, think, or act (i.e., you made me mad); it is our interpretations, not others’ communication, that guides our responses.

Utilize “I” language and avoid “You” language..

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You and I Language

  • You Language

You hurt me
You make me feel small

You’re really domineering

You humiliated me

  • I Language

I feel hurt when you ignore what I say.

I feel small when you tell me that I’m selfish.

When you shout I feel dominated.

I felt humiliated when you mentioned my problems in front of your friends..

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Guidelines for Improving
Verbal Communication

  • Engage in dual perspective
  • Own your feelings and thoughts
  • Respect what others say about their feelings and thoughts
  • Strive for accuracy and clarity

Be aware of levels of abstraction

Qualify language

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Principles of Verbal Communication

  • Communication is guided by rules.

Communication rules are shared understandings by a group or culture about what communication means and what behaviors are appropriate.

Regulative rules control interaction by specifying where, when, how, and with whom to talk about various topics.

Constitutive rules define what various types of communication mean or count as (respect, rudeness, a good friend)..

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