Conflict Essay
oliverjiang
C174Ch.12family.ppt12
Communication
in Families
Diversity in Family Life
- Diverse forms of family:
married, living together, single parent, step kids, same sex couples/parents, inter-racial
- Diverse goals for families:
kids, support, security (emotional, financial)
- Cultural diversity of family forms
arranged marriages, divorce is not allowed
- Diversity of paths to commitment
Gradual, rapid, medium length courtship, prolonged
Common Ways to Live as a Couple
- Cohabitation
Greater intimacy-less commitment; “trial marriage”, “playing house”
- Marriage:
Most popular form of living
with another: 90% will marry
Relationship Types
- Vital marriage:
very close emotionally/physically
- Total marriage:
close but have separate interests & activities
- Passive-congenial marriage:
More outside activities & interests
- Devitalized marriage:
bored with each other, lifeless
- Conflict-habituated marriage:
Incompatible; stay together for kids, financial
The Family Life Cycle
- Establishing a family
New couple without kids
- Enlarging a family
Families with infants/preschoolers
- Developing a family
Families with kids in school
- Encouraging independence
Kids begin to develop own interests, friends, activities
The Family Life Cycle
- Launching children
Kids move out for school, work, life
- Postlaunching of children
Couple alone at home with no kids
Empty-nest syndrome
- Retirement
No kids, no work, just each other
Families Enact Roles
Family Roles are the functions people serve in the family system
Four roles commonly emerge during conflict
Blamer: holds others responsible but never takes responsibility for his/her own actions
Placater: peacemaker that will go to any length to make everyone happy
Computer: uses logic/reasoning and not emotion to reduce conflict
Distracter: makes random, irrelevant comments to make us forget about conflict
Families Enact Rituals
Rituals: repetitive activities that have specific meaning for a family (important traditions)
Reinforce a family’s values
Provide a sense of belonging
Some family rituals are “imported” from 1 family into blended families
Others should be created by the new family
Families Tell Stories
give families a sense of their history, their expectations, and their connections
are told and retold
convey an underlying message about the family
“we stick together no matter what”
“that’s not how we do things in our family”
Families Share Secrets
Some families have secrets they intentionally keep hidden from others
Finances, conflicts, health, legal issues
Protects feelings, privacy, embarassment
Helps protect the family
Reinforces family identity and exclusivity
Secrets can also be kept within families
Guidelines for Effective Communication in Families
- Maintain equity in family relationships
- Make daily choices that enhance intimacy
- Show respect and consideration
- Don’t sweat the small stuff
Equity in Family Relationships
- Equity – fairness, based on the perception that both people invest equally in a relationship and benefit similarly from their investments
Social exchange theory: determine if the costs are higher than the rewards
Equity theory: balance in the investments that both partners make
Additional Relationship Types
- Traditional:
Highly interdependent, express emotions clearly
Typical values of marriage, love, family
- Independent:
More independent time; personal happiness
Conflict more frequent than Traditional
- Separate:
Highly independent; don’t express emotions
Avoid conflict
Family Life Cycle Continued
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Communication & Satisfaction in
Long-Term Commitments
3 key elements to satisfaction:
- Words: how partners talk and behave with each other
- Thoughts: how partners think about each other and marriage
- Emotions: feelings
Affected by words and thoughts
