BUS 402

Proofed Paper: ntp424956 - Fri Jul 27 8:36:17 EDT 2018

Paper Title: BUS 402 Week 5 Final Paper

No. of Pages: 12 Pages

Paper Style: APA Paper Type: Other (please describe in your paper description)

Taken English? Yes English as Second Language? No

Feedback Areas: Grammar & Mechanics, Paper Format

Paper Goals: Could you please look over my final paper and see if I am doing this right and my

APA as well

Proofing Summary:

Hi Robin,

I’m Kelly M., your writing tutor for the Writing Center. I have reviewed your submission and have several suggestions that will help you revise. Please

feel free to contact us through a 24/7 live writing session with any follow-up questions or for any clarification.

Below, you will find a revision plan along with margin comments within your paper. Use my suggestions as a starting point for the revision process.

Note that I have not proofread the draft for minor errors, but rather, focused on larger concerns such as idea development. For a complete look at

grammar and punctuation, please use the Grammarly software available under “Writing Center” in your classroom.

You have done a nice job of organizing your paper. You did a fine job of using proper grammar and mechanics in your paper.

For your revisions, I suggest focusing on:

1. Add a thesis. The last sentence of your introduction paragraph should state your thesis. A thesis conveys your position on a topic and provides

focus for your essay—basically, it is what you are hoping to accomplish or prove in this paper. A simple equation for a thesis statement might look

something like this: Specific topic + your opinion or the claim+ your reasons = Thesis. You need to 1) state your main point or purpose, and 2) state the

main points you will discuss in the paper. For help writing a thesis, click here: http://writingcenter.bridgepointeducation.com/writing-a-thesis

2. The introduction to a paper is a very important section, in that it sets the expectations of the reader. While there is no one formula for a good

introduction, in general, an introduction to a formal paper of this type should accomplish the following: attract the reader’s attention; define and explain

any keywords; introduce your topic; establish why the reader should care about your topic; state your thesis. Please try to do these things in your

introduction. For more help writing your introduction, click here:

http://writingcenter.bridgepointeducation.com/introductions-conclusions

3. Body paragraph structure- Each body paragraph must have 3 parts. First, it must include a topic sentence, in your own words, that tells your reader

what the focus of that paragraph will be. (This should be one of the reasons from your thesis.) Second, it must include several sentences that work to

explain, support, and give examples of that focus. (This is where you will support your reason with research you have found.) This will include any

evidence as well as an explanation or interpretation of that evidence. Third, and finally, there must be a concluding sentence, in your own words, that

tells your reader how that paragraph relates to the overall point of the essay. For more details, click here:

http://writingcenter.ashford.edu/body-paragraphs

4. Cite More. I noticed in your paper that you have a lot of great information and facts, but you don’t cite where you got this great information from. You

need to cite any information that is not common knowledge. To properly cite, add quotation marks around sentences that are word-for-word from a

source and add an in-text citation. For example: “Quote in quotation marks” (Author’s Last Name, Year, p. #). If you are paraphrasing (saying it in your

own words) or summarizing a source you need to cite as well. For example: YOUR OWN WORDS HERE (Author’s Last Name, Year). For more help

with citing, click here: http://writingcenter.bridgepointeducation.com/citing-within-your-paper

5. Please properly format your Reference page. Your citations need to be in alphabetical order and it needs to be double spaced with hanging indents.

Also, be sure that your sources are cited properly. For help formatting your references page, click here:

http://writingcenter.bridgepointeducation.com/format-your-reference-list

Good luck in the course!

Kelly M.

Writing Consultant

page 1 / 14

Proofed Paper: ntp424956 - Fri Jul 27 8:36:17 EDT 2018

Create a hard page break to begin your essay on a new page.

Please fix your title page and headers. Unfortunately, your title

page and headers are not done according to the university’s

APA guidelines. I suggest using the APA template to get your

title page, headers, and page numbers correctly formatted. For

a link to the template, click here and scroll to the bottom of the

page:

http://writingcenter.bridgepointeducation.com/introduction-apa

Create an introduction that ends with a comprehensive thesis.

page 2 / 14

Proofed Paper: ntp424956 - Fri Jul 27 8:36:17 EDT 2018

Because you're giving a history

of the company, it is not

necessary to create a new

paragraph for each portion. of

the history.

Don't use the last sentence of a

paragraph to transition to the

next topic. Be sure what you are

going to discuss in your paper is

listed in your thesis statement.

You have good information here,

but no citations.

page 3 / 14

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Proofed Paper: ntp424956 - Fri Jul 27 8:36:17 EDT 2018

Create a topic sentence that

tells your readers what this

paragraph is going to be

about. Don't rely on the level

heading to tell your readers

what you're going to discuss.

page 5 / 14

Proofed Paper: ntp424956 - Fri Jul 27 8:36:17 EDT 2018

Create a topic sentence

that tells your readers that

one of the company's

strengths is the brand

name. Using the level

heading to tell your readers

you've changed topics is

not acceptable.

page 6 / 14

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Proofed Paper: ntp424956 - Fri Jul 27 8:36:17 EDT 2018

Instead of numbering the 5 forces,

create a paragraph for each of these

explaining the importance of each

force. Give your readers examples

and citations to show your research.

page 9 / 14

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Proofed Paper: ntp424956 - Fri Jul 27 8:36:17 EDT 2018

Unless your instructor has asked you to

give an outline for this section, write a

clear paragraph that tells why this is

important to the company's growth.

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Proofed Paper: ntp424956 - Fri Jul 27 8:36:17 EDT 2018

This seems out of place.

Be sure you are properly formatting

your titles during in-text citations and

on your reference pages. Larger

works (and their volume numbers) are

required to be written in italics while

shorter works should be written in

normal font. Both have typical

capitalization within the paper, but on

the reference page only the first word

of a title and the first word after

punctuation (subtitle) should be

capitalized. Examples of larger works

are: books (including anthologies),

films, long or epic poems, music

albums, periodicals (including

databases), television series,

websites, etc. Examples of smaller

works are: chapter or section title, a

short story or poem title, a song title,

article title, episode title, etc.

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