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7/23/2018 What High School Dress Codes Teach Our Daughters

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What High School Dress Codes Teach Our Daughters

Jess Burnquist

6/16/15 1:50pm

“Stand up straight,” I tell my daughter, for the tenth time in an hour. I notice

when she rolls her eyes. By the time she’s staring straight ahead again, I have

seen myself reflected entirely in her behavior at her exact age of 14. I’ve heard

the echoes of my mother instructing me to stop slouching, to stand up straight.

And I realize that my daughter is slouching for the same reason I did at her age.

She is unsure of how to negotiate her newly developing body—mostly her

breasts. What I mistook as a lazy stance was really a slope of insecurity and a

desire to hide a feature of womanhood. This moment is part of the learning

curve.

In Appleton, Wisconsin, in early May, a teenager named Maria Chavez attended

school wearing a crop top and high-waisted pants. A sliver of midriff could be

seen, and it was seen. She was called out by her teacher, and, in front of her

peers, she was told that it looked like she was just wearing a bra.

Maria was escorted to the nurse’s office, where the nurse picked up the school

handbook and read this passage aloud:

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Student attire must be respectful of others and appropriate for the educational

environment at West High School. Clothing that causes a distraction or disruption in the

school . . . is deemed inappropriate for student dress.

Students may not wear scanty and/or revealing clothing. Examples may include but are

not limited to: short skirts (need to be mid thigh) or revealing shorts, tube tops, halters,

backless tops, spaghetti straps less than one inch, exposed midriffs or undergarments.

Maria was told that she clearly didn’t understand the dress policy. Humiliated,

she sought an appointment with her school counselor, who urged her to brush it

off. Still, Maria’s self-confidence was dealt a blow of shame. She confided in her

mother, Serena, that evening.

When I take my son and daughter shopping in preparation for a family event or

for a change of season, it’s easy to observe the difference of approach between

them when they’re selecting clothes. My son haphazardly grabs button-down

polos, a nice pair of khaki pants. He wonders aloud about a pink-and-white

checked option and asks for my advice regarding a tie. Afterwards, he decides to

try on some shorts and shirts. He grabs “muscle shirts,” tank tops by the

handful, because they are on sale and he loves them. He pulls shorts off the rack

and hits the fitting room. I end up giving him my keys and telling him to come

back for us when I call; he’s usually finished trying on all of his clothes before

his sister even reaches the fitting room.

My daughter, on the other hand, measures strap widths on the multitudes of

spring and summer dresses hanging off the junior racks. Straps are either too

thin, or there is too much shoulder or back revealed. She knows she won’t be

considered appropriate for school. She can opt for a shrug or shawl, but we live

in Arizona. It’s usually in the 90s or low 100s before school lets out for summer.

She doesn’t want the hassle. Instead, she chooses a dress with cap sleeves even

though it is nowhere near her first choice. When my daughter is looking at

shorts, I see her stand at attention, arms pressed to her sides. She digs her

middle fingers into her thighs to mark the “acceptable shorts length” for girls

at her school. Pair after pair of shorts fall far below that length. She gives up and

selects cropped pants even though, once again, the pants aren’t her first choice.

Maria’s mother Serena listened to her daughter recall the dress code incident,

and she was deeply disturbed by the fact that her daughter came home feeling

so much shame. She knew that her daughter was considered attractive by

today’s standards; she finds her daughter as intelligent as she does beautiful.

They discussed the school dress code. Maria noted that many boys at her school

wear muscle shirts and are never called up on violations, even though their

chests, and armpits and midriffs are visible.

Mother and daughter discussed the sexualizing of female bodies. They did some

research online, and found that, all over the United States, more and more

students, mostly female, are speaking out against the gender biases that exist in

dress codes. Maria discussed the creepiness she experienced feeling knowing

male teachers were able to look her over under the possible guise that they were

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checking her outfits for school-appropriateness. She worried: it was becoming

more hot and humid every day and her school didn’t have air conditioning.

Would she have to deal with heat rashes again this year? How could she wear

shorts without feeling as though she is being judged?

By conversation’s end, Maria decided to post flyers at school in protest of the

dress code. She was excited about her decision to act and felt proud to be

participating in the democratic tradition. Three weeks after receiving her dress

code violation, she was ready. She asked to be excused to the bathroom during a

study hall and proceeded to tape approximately 25 flyers to the school walls.

The flyers read, “Don’t prohibit girls from wearing shorts in warm weather;

teach boys and male teachers not to over-sexualize female body parts.”

In the fitting room, I am acutely aware of the tension between me and my

daughter—it is overwhelming. Mothers have often absorbed our culture’s

practices too well. We are ready to shame our daughters before men have the

chance.

“That’s too short.”

“Your boobs look huge.”

“Those are too tight.”

“No way, you’re not going into the world dressed like that.”

I catch myself, excuse myself, and bring back my daughter’s first choices. She

looks lovely, comfortable and confident. I insist that she buy them.

Maria was called into the office and told to explain the flyers. When she stated

that she was practicing her freedom of speech and expression, she was laughed

at by a security guard and her vice principal. Each time she tried to speak she

was interrupted. She was also told that her actions were on video and that she

would have two hours of community service, along with a $300 fine.

Serena received a call from her sobbing daughter and after she got the gist of

what happened, she made an appointment with the assistant principal. While

doing so, Serena also made the administrative assistant aware that she

contacted the local paper on behalf of Maria. She was outraged not only by the

fact that her daughter was belittled, again, but also by the fact that no one was

willing to simply listen to her daughter’s rationale.

At the meeting, Serena wasn’t greeted by the secretary or registrar; instead, the

Latino Group Staff Supervisor greeted her and ushered her into a room where

they had a brief conversation. Serena saw this exactly for what it was—she is a

first-generation Mexican-American. While the supervisor was very kind, there

was no identifiable reason why she met with Serena prior to the meeting with

other members of the administration. Was it a subtle comment on Serena’s

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cultural background? Was it perhaps intended as a method of intimidation?

What else could explain the fact that the supervisor didn’t even stay for the

following meeting?

Serena told me that when she brought up the gender biases in the school dress

code in that subsequent meeting, the male assistant principal seemed to

physically and mentally withdraw. “If he could have, he would have rolled his

eyes,” Serena said. He tabled the dress code issue, and cited Maria’s offenses as

having lied about what she was doing when she asked to be excused from the

classroom. She had also misused school property, he said. There was no fine. In

her mother’s presence, Maria was spoken to sweetly and wasn’t interrupted.

Her punishment was downgraded: she received 25 minutes of community

service on her campus for having violated the rules about school property and

for leaving her classroom under false premises. Her brief foray into the

democratic process had been shut down; for fear of punishment, she would not

talk about dress codes again.

The week before final exams, I suggest to my students that they dress up on

exam days. I tell them about a radio segment I recently heard in which the

connection between dressing for success and successful outcomes were

correlated—nearly proven.

One student raises her hand. “Do we have to dress in school-appropriate

clothes, because I have a really nice sundress I would like to wear.”

Many students groan as if she has asked a meaningless or stupid question.

Has she?

Jess Burnquist was raised in Tempe, Arizona. She received her MFA in Creative Writing from Arizona

State University. Her work has appeared in Ed Week, The Washington Post, Time.com, NPR.org, and

various online literary journals. Jess currently teaches high school in San Tan Valley, Arizona, and

has been honored with a Sylvan Silver Apple Award. She resides in the greater Phoenix metropolitan

area with her husband, son, and daughter. Please find her writings and her teaching blog at

www.jessburnquist.com.

Illustration by Tara Jacoby

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