Analyzing Barriers to Communication

 We know it is our job to be respon- sive and emotionally intelligent as we welcome children and families into our midst. We know it’s imperative to help children and parents experience a smooth transition as children venture into the world beyond home. So we work hard at reaching out to families.

Well-trained staff will immediately be- gin building relationships with families and children, precisely so we don’t re- main strangers for long and because we want everyone to adapt successfully. We know we are nurturing children during their first, critical lessons in relationship- building with non-family members. And we know we are among the first adults outside their family to make an impact on the child’s and family’s lives. It’s an auspicious time of childhood — and of childrearing — that deserves respect and special attention.

Helping relationships bloom authenti- cally between staff, parents, and children is a core mission for early childhood

professionals. It’s who we are. It’s what we do. In fact, when citing sources of job satisfaction, program staff often com- ment on the intrinsic rewards of forging meaningful relationships with children and families.

Because we accept responsibility for creating bonds with families, program staff establish a variety of ‘family-friend- ly’ outreach strategies. For instance, we plan gradual warm-up visits, hold family orientations, distribute parent newsletters, conduct parenting work- shops, sponsor support groups, hold family socials, schedule parent-teacher conferences, orchestrate family field- trips, organize home visits, and ensure parent input via evaluations and board participation.

All these strategies are great for spark- ing staff and family engagement. They set the stage for communication and discussion. And they provide opportuni- ties for information-sharing. But from what I’ve seen and experienced, we still haven’t fully reaped the relationship- building opportunities afforded by those interactions.

Of course, early childhood staff have a wide range of knowledge to offer about childhood and general principles and

stages of child growth and development. But for true teamwork and collabora- tion with families, systems should be designed so families also regularly share insight, tips, and advice to staff about their particular child’s personality, devel- opment, and experiences.

To serve children and families best, en- courage early childhood staff to ask for parents’ wisdom about their child. Train staff in good listening habits and tactful information-seeking; it’s as important as helping them develop good speak- ing skills. What staff learn during the conversations will promote richer family relationships, as well as more informed developmental assessment, guidance, and teaching practices.

Below I list some questions that parents can respond to regarding their child’s unique characteristics. Keep in mind that topics will vary according to age and development of infants, toddlers, preschoolers, and school-agers. Get- ting a parent’s perspective on these topics can help staff better understand a family’s childrearing choices, as well as children’s classroom behavior.

Please don’t treat these questions as an- other checklist to complete. (Who needs another one of those?) I don’t even sug-

38 PARENT RELATIONSHIPS EXCHANGE JULY/AUGUST 2010

Building informed relationships What parents can teach us about their children by Karen Stephens

In 1980, Karen Stephens became director of Illinois State University Child Care Center and instructor in child development for ISU Family and Consumer Sciences. She is author of

the electronic parent newsletter, “Parenting Exchange” located at www.ChildCareExchange.com.

Reprinted with permission from Exchange magazine. Visit us at www.ChildCareExchange.com or call (800) 221-2864. Multiple use copy agreement available for educators by request.

PARENT RELATIONSHIPS 39 JULY/AUGUST 2010 EXCHANGE

gest they be asked on a written ‘intake’ form parents complete when enrolling their child. I simply offer them as pos- sible talking points to spur discussion of substance among parents and staff.

Initial enrollment warm-up visits pro- vide good opportunities for information sharing. As time goes on, some topics can be explored during informal arrival or departure chats. Others are better asked when a parent joins in during a meal ser- vice or attends a parent support meeting. I’m sure you’ll think of other questions to casually explore with the families you serve.

As staff engage with parents, remind them to talk with parents, rather than just at or to them. They’ll find open-ended questions encourage parents to open up and elaborate with more details. And of course, professional use of information for documentation and ethical codes for con- fidentiality should be addressed as well.

What parents can teach us . . .

n About a child’s spirit:

• How did you choose your child’s name?

• Is there a special meaning to your child’s name?

• How did your child earn his or her nickname?

• What are your hopes and dreams for your child?

• What is sure to capture your child’s attention?

• What especially delights your child? What brings on the giggles?

• How did your child respond when he first succeeded at something challeng- ing, for instance, walking, learning a new word, or singing?

• What do you think is unique about your child?

• When do you first remember being head over heels in love with your child? What brings on those moments for you?

• When was the first time your child’s behavior made you want to pull your hair out? How did you cope?

• What do you think would surprise us most about your child?

n About a child’s temperament:

• How would you describe your child’s personality?

• In what type of setting is your child most likely to be quieter? More out- going? What situations overwhelm?

• How does your child express content- ment or happiness?

• What behaviors do you notice when your child is frustrated or confused?

• What helps your child warm up to new situations?

• How does he or she respond to disap- pointment? How long does it take to recover from disappointment?

• What are good ways to help soothe your child?

• What are good ways to get and main- tain your child’s attention?

• How would you describe your child’s activity level?

• How do you know when your child has had enough playtime?

• How do you keep your child calm during a storm or hectic times?

• When faced with a new challenge, how long does your child usually persist? How does he or she go about problem solving?

• How does your child respond to changes in normal routine? What are good ways to help your child cope with a change?

n About a child’s family culture:

• Are there siblings in the family? How do they get along? What types of things do they enjoy? What issues do they struggle over?

• Are there special activities the family especially enjoys together, such as gardening, singing in a choir, going to a water park, or volunteering for non- profit projects?

• What extra activities are children enrolled in outside of child care, such as tap dance lessons or swimming?

• Do extended family members live with you or nearby?

• What are the names your child uses for his grandparents, aunts, or uncles?

• What about your culture or beliefs is most important for your child right now?

• Are there traditional family games or songs your child enjoys? Are there some you are willing to share in the classroom?

• What does your family consider ‘good behavior’ for your child’s age?

• What are some family routines your child really likes?

• At what ages do you encourage self-help skills to develop, such as self-feeding, self-dressing, or picking up toys?

• In what ways will you expect your child to contribute to family life dur- ing childhood?

• If there is a pet in the home, how does the child play with it and help take care of it?

n About children’s social/emotional health:

• How does your child like to start the day?

• What makes your child feel cozy and relaxed?

• What does your child do when he wants attention at home?

• What motivates your child to cooper- ate?

• What kinds of things is your child stubborn about?

• How does your child behave around those she is most fond of?

• Are there ways to tell that your child has had enough cuddling or wants to play on his own?

• What can trigger a temper tantrum or aggression, such as biting? How do you de-escalate a tantrum? How have you responded when your child has hit or bitten someone?

40 PARENT RELATIONSHIPS EXCHANGE JULY/AUGUST 2010

In conclusion

Parents have a lot to teach us. As parents provide their ‘insider’ per- spective on their children, staff will be better able to respond to individual temperaments, overall development, and specific personal needs. This information will also provide staff with relevant ‘discussion starters’ as they engage daily with children. That responsiveness will provide a nourish- ing, informed foundation from which rich relationships will blossom.

When two-way communication be- comes a program norm, staff are bound to discover valuable, downright delightful and charming informa- tion about children and families. And through that process, they’ll be strangers no longer.

n About a child’s learning style and interests: • When playing alone, what does

your child enjoy doing? With adults? With peers?

• How does your family feel about playing outside? How does your child respond to ‘messy’ play? Does your child have a preference for indoor or outdoor play?

• What does your child like pretend- ing to be? What make-believe situa- tions does she act out?

• At what times is your child most likely to be talkative?

• What kinds of movement does your child enjoy?

• Does your child enjoy imaginary friends? In what ways?

• How does your child show his/her creative side?

• What kinds of books or stories does your child enjoy?

• What are sure signs your child is overwhelmed by something?

• Have you noticed play choices your child favors, such as block building, working puzzles, drawing/painting, or educational computer games?

n About a child’s special needs:

• How would you like us to comment on your child’s special needs when children or parents ask about them?

• Are there resources that would help us understand and respond to your child’s special needs?

• How have you arranged your family life and home environment to adjust to your child’s special needs?

• What have you learned from raising a child with special needs?

• Are there times your child’s special needs become overwhelming? If so, what are ways you and your child cope?

• Are there chronic conditions, such as asthma or diabetes, that we should be aware of? What are ways you’d like them addressed in our program?

• What situations or events scare or startle your child?

• Are there special objects your child is especially attached to, such as a keepsake or favorite item for nap- time?

• What coping strategies does your child use?

• What does your child think she is really good at?

• How can you tell your child feels good about his successes?

• What are ways your child goes about making a friend?

n About a child’s physical and nutritional health:

• What are typical signs of illness? Do fevers come on slowly or spike quickly? Are there signs of illness you want to know about immedi- ately?

• Are there allergies present or that run in the family? What symptoms should we watch for? How should symptoms be treated?

• What are your child’s sleeping routines?

• What are good ways to ease your child to sleep? Good ways to help her wake up from nap?

• What are sure signs your child is hungry? Tired?

• What are his food preferences and how are they prepared?

• What are some ways you introduce new foods?

• How does your infant like to be held during feeding?

• Are there games or songs your child enjoys during diapering time?

• How would you like us to go about working with your child on toilet training?

• Are there safety dangers your child seems drawn to?

• What self-help skills is your child especially proud of?

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