NEED HELP NO PLAGARISM !!!!!!!!!

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• 6 •

CONTROL YOUR RESPONSE

There is nothing either good or bad, but thinking makes it so.

—William Shakespeare

None of us, regardless of our law enforcement tenure or experience, are immune to emotions. We are subject to the same kinds of frus- tration, anger, irritation, hostility, fear, and depression as everyone else. While emotions perform a number of important functions, strong feel- ings can create a host of problems: They can interfere with our ability to listen, make it difficult for us to concentrate, and lead to aggressive behavior. Considering the range of irate, frustrated, and difficult people that law enforcement officers encounter on a daily basis, there will almost certainly be times when we will find ourselves overwhelmed by strong emotions. When this happens, we have two choices: We can control our emotions, or we can allow our emotions to control us. Anytime we allow our emotions to control us, we become part of the problem rather than part of the solution. As law enforcement professionals, we simply don’t have the luxury of surrendering ourselves to strong emotions. The costs of anger, frustration, and hostility are simply too high. Rather, we must master the self-awareness and emotional management skills necessary to control our response.

As we learned previously, our lives are influenced by two mental systems: one emotional, the other logical. The first system, the emotional

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84 LAW ENFORCEMENT INTERPERSONAL COMMUNICATION

“go” system, is concerned primarily with the emotional significance of people and things, particularly fear-related stimuli. It continuously scans the environment for threats and, at the first sign of danger, acti- vates the body’s stress response (“fight or flight”). The second system, the neutral “no” system, is emotionally objective. It is a consequence of the rational brain and is responsible for the higher-order functions of logic, planning, and language, as well as for modifying the duration and intensity of our emotional responses. Which brain system is currently in charge is determined by the reticular activating system (RAS), a kind of “toggle switch” located in an area beginning at the top of the brain stem and continuing into the cerebral cortex. The RAS switches brain systems at two different times: when we become emotionally aroused and when we relax. When we become emotionally charged, the RAS shuts down the cerebral cortex, allowing the emotional brain to assume control. Once the threat has passed, the RAS switches the cortex back on, letting us regain access to our logical brain.

The two systems—the emotional “go” system and the neutral “no” system—are connected by a collection of nerves that link thinking with feeling. These connections also allow the brain to control the rest of the body by regulating our physiological systems, including the auto- nomic nervous system and the endocrine system. Due to our unique abilities to use and understand language, we humans are the only organ- isms capable of thinking ourselves into an emotional state. By simply thinking hard enough about something frightening, we can increase our heart rate, intensify our breathing, and dilate our pupils. Because our thoughts can produce measurable physiological changes, the first step in managing our emotions is to manage the language that we use to label people and events.

Most experts agree that we have only two options for manag- ing emotions: We can change the environment, or we can change our response. As law enforcement professionals, we are often unable to con- trol our environment. We are dispatched to calls for service and sum- moned for assistance by forces beyond our control. In most cases we have no choice but to respond, and once on scene we have no choice but to handle events to conclusion, even when we feel ourselves overcome with strong emotions. When we are unable to change the environment, we have only one option left: We must change our response.

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Control Your Response 85

THE TRUTH ABOUT ANGER

Three common myths about anger influence many of our emotional responses. All of these myths have been repeated so many times that some have assumed an air of legitimacy. Some of the misinformation feeding these myths can be traced to early theories in psychology; other beliefs about anger are the products of childhood experiences. Regard- less of how we acquire our beliefs, they influence the ways we think about and respond to anger in a number of important ways. By under- standing the truth about anger, we will be better able to manage our emotions in positive, productive ways that allow us to be part of the solution rather than part of the problem.

Myth 1: Other People Are Responsible for My Anger

The first myth is that others are responsible for our frustration, anger, and hostility. According to this view, we do little more than respond to the behavior of others, similar to a puppet operated by a set of strings. The puppeteer pulls a string and we become angry. The puppeteer pulls a differ- ent string and we become happy. Other people are somehow to blame for our emotions. This belief is perhaps best expressed by the statement “You made me mad!” Despite the popularity of this view, nothing could be fur- ther from the truth. We are responsible for our emotions. Nobody can make us angry. Nobody can make us happy. We choose anger and hostility in the same ways that we choose happiness or joy. What we feel, how intensely we feel it, and whether or not we act on those feelings are choices.

Myth 2: Expressing Anger Is Healthy

The idea that expressing anger is healthy stems from the historical view of anger as a form of catharsis—that is, a way of reducing stress and unhealthy emotions. The problem is that each time we respond with anger, we practice anger. We are, at our core, creatures of habit. Not surprisingly, much of how we respond emotionally and behaviorally is the product of conditioning. We develop habits, or automatic ways of responding, by repeatedly practicing the same patterns of thoughts and behaviors. In other words, the more we practice anger, the more likely we are to respond with anger in the future.

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Myth 3: My Only Choices Are to Express My Feelings or to Hold Them In

Many people believe that there are only two ways of managing negative emotions: We can release our anger, hostility, and aggression on others, or we can hold those feelings in. Despite the long-standing acceptance of this belief, it is simply not true. There is a third choice. By improving our self-awareness and emotional intelligence, we can tone down or modify our emotions, much as we can turn down the heat on a pot of boiling water. We can do this by identifying and modifying unhealthy beliefs and labels. Additionally, we can adopt an assertive style of communication to help us set appropriate boundaries without ignoring the interests of others.

We can draw three conclusions from the debunking of these myths:

• We are responsible for our anger. • We can control our anger and other negative emotions. • Poor emotional management skills have serious negative consequences.

THOUGHTS, FEELINGS, AND BEHAVIORS

Too often, the first casualty of an encounter with a difficult person is our objectivity. An uncooperative citizen makes a nasty remark and we respond with an equally caustic comment. This type of “eye for an eye” thinking typically results in an unproductive cycle of action and reaction that continues unabated until constructive dialogue is no longer possible. While we might win the battle, too often we lose the war. Tit-for-tat tactics seldom accomplish anything; rather, they alien- ate others, generate complaints, and damage public trust. Effectively managing the emotions of others begins with effectively managing our own emotional response. If we want to be successful with irate, frus- trated, and difficult people, we must first learn to identify and manage our frustration and hostility.

All of our experiences as human beings consist of some com- bination of thoughts, feelings, and behaviors. Because the parts of the brain responsible for thinking are connected to the areas of the brain responsible for physiology, emotion, and behavior, we have

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Control Your Response 87

the ability to control our emotions and behaviors by controlling our thoughts. Simply put, our thinking has a direct influence on how we feel and how we behave. This means that the ways we think about people and things are important determinants of our responses. Unfortunately, most of us are largely unaware of the ways our thoughts influence our emotions and behaviors. We are also largely naive about the beliefs, self-talk statements, and labels that occupy much of our thinking.

Many of our beliefs, self-talk statements, and labels develop early in life, long before we are aware of their importance. As children, we develop beliefs based on our experiences with parents, teachers, and peers. Young children are acutely aware of behavioral reinforcements and punishments. Behaviors that are rewarded and reinforced are more likely to be repeated, while behaviors that are punished are less likely to occur again. Anytime we express anger, either as a child or as an adult, and that behavior gets us what we want, it becomes more likely that we will respond with anger in the future.

Proponents of rational emotive behavioral therapy maintain that people and things have no intrinsic emotional value. Rather, our think- ing is mostly responsible for our frustration, anger, and other negative emotions toward people and things. The three-step model proposed by psychologist Albert Ellis, described below, illustrates the relationship between events, beliefs, and emotional responses.

A: Activating Event

An activating event (A) is a person or thing that acts as a stressor. It could be a motorist who refuses to sign a citation, a citizen who “pays

Figure 6.1 Relationship Between Thoughts, Feelings, and Behaviors

Feelings

Behaviors

Thoughts

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your salary,” or a supervisor who wants things done a certain way. In either case, the event triggers our appraisal, including our beliefs and self-talk statements.

B: Beliefs and Self-Talk

We use beliefs and silent self-talk statements (B) to evaluate the person or event. Some of our beliefs are rational and positive. They help us cope with frustration and soothe negative emotions. In contrast, other beliefs and self-talk statements are irrational and negative. They frequently lead to frustration and anxiety. In either case, it is the auto- matic nature of our beliefs and self-talk that makes them so powerful.

C: Consequences

Consequences (C), including emotions and behaviors, result from our beliefs and self-talk statements. Depending on the beliefs and state- ments involved, our emotional consequences can range from frustration and anger to patience and satisfaction. Behavioral consequences, such as violence and aggression, may also occur.

The commonsense view of anger is the belief that we have little or no ability to control our emotions and behaviors (see Figure 6.2). Rather, people and things are to blame for our responses. This type of A-caused-C thinking is reflected in statements like “That idiot really pissed me off!” This, however, is simply not the case. In fact, it is not the other person, or “idiot,” who is responsible for the officer’s emo- tional distress; rather, it is the officer’s own labels, beliefs, and self-talk statements (see Figure 6.3). Although it is clearly impossible to elimi- nate all negative emotions, we can still influence the duration and inten- sity of our responses by challenging our irrational beliefs and labels.

The fact that we can control our emotions by monitoring our thoughts is good news. It means that if we can learn to control our beliefs, labels, and self-talk, we can better control our emotions and behaviors. This is because, contrary to conventional wisdom, the acti- vating events in our lives are neutral. In other words, people and things have no inherent emotional value. The only value they hold is the value we assign. Because the labels we select influence our emotions and

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Control Your Response 89

behaviors, we have the power to choose different responses simply by selecting different labels.

BELIEFS, LABELS, AND SELF-TALK

Psychologists have identified three types of cognitions that have impacts on our emotions and behaviors: beliefs, labels, and self-talk statements. By improving our abilities to manage our beliefs and self-talk, we can learn to manage our emotions and behaviors when it matters most—that is, when we are dealing with others who are irate, frustrated, or emo- tional. Learning to manage our emotions will also make us more effec- tive at connecting with others, managing conflict, and solving problems.

Beliefs

We all have beliefs about the ways we should be treated, how oth- ers should behave, and what is fair. These beliefs are especially salient when we are dealing with irate, frustrated, or difficult people. We tend to have particularly strong beliefs about the ways that we, as law enforce- ment professionals, should be spoken to and should be treated. Some of our beliefs are rational and lead to appropriate emotional responses.

Figure 6.2 Commonsense View of Emotions

A C Activating Event Consequences (behaviors, emotions)

SOURCE: Adapted from Clark, L. (1998). SOS help for emotions: Managing anxiety, anger, and depression. Bowling Green, KY: Parents Press.

SOURCE: Adapted from Clark, L. (1998). SOS help for emotions: Managing anxiety, anger, and depression. Bowling Green, KY: Parents Press.

A Activating Event

Consequences (behaviors, emotions)

Beliefs, Labels, and Self-Talk

B C

Figure 6.3 Correct Model of Emotions

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90 LAW ENFORCEMENT INTERPERSONAL COMMUNICATION

For example, we might hold a belief that it is all right for a person who is emotionally upset to raise her voice. Our rational beliefs help us cope effectively with difficult situations and people. However, we may hold other beliefs that are irrational and harmful. Rather than helping us better control our response, they exacerbate negative emotions. For instance, we may believe that people should respect our authority at all times and regardless of their emotional state. Obviously, there will be times when otherwise intelligent, rational people will not respond to our authority. The very nature of strong emotions can make it difficult for people to reason, much less to demonstrate unquestioning respect for authority.

Four types of beliefs that can be especially harmful are should/must thinking, all-or-nothing thinking, awfulizing or maximizing, and “why” questions.

Should/Must Thinking

Should/must thinking occurs when we place demands on people and things; it is associated with words like “never,” “always,” and “have to.” When we engage in should/must thinking, we escalate our wishes and preferences to demands. We may become emotionally upset, for example, when a person fails to demonstrate an appropriate level of respect or when a person fails to comply with a direct order. One prob- lem with should/must thinking is that other people rarely see the world in the same ways we do. Their rules and beliefs can be different from ours. Absent obvious officer safety concerns, the key to changing our irrational beliefs is realizing that many of our rules are based on pref- erences and choices, not categorical imperatives. While we all have preferences for certain behaviors, there are very few absolutes.

All-or-Nothing Thinking

We engage in all-or-nothing thinking when we evaluate people and things in absolute terms. In other words, things are good or bad, posi- tive or negative, right or wrong. There is simply nothing in between, no middle ground, no gray area. Most of us recognize that few things in life are completely “good” or completely “bad.” For example, it’s rare

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Control Your Response 91

that someone is “always” a jerk or that someone “never” cooperates. The key to changing this type of thinking is to challenge the under- lying rules responsible for our beliefs. Is it realistic to believe that everyone, everywhere, and every time must treat us with the utmost respect? Or might there be times when our job requires us to work with difficult people? Considering the nature of police work, there will almost certainly be times when we will be forced to work with irate, frustrated, and emotional people. The sooner we accept that fact, the sooner we can adopt healthy, realistic beliefs and take control of our emotions.

Awfulizing or Maximizing

Awfulizing or maximizing occurs when we exaggerate a minor problem into something more serious. It is associated with statements like “This is terrible!” or “This is awful!” For example, an officer who labels his contact with a difficult citizen as “the worst day in months” is likely to talk himself into a negative emotional state. The best way to challenge this form of thinking is to realize that very few things are truly “awful” or “horrible”; they are merely inconvenient. Anytime we discover ourselves awfulizing, we should immediately replace that ter- minology with more reasonable, emotionally cool descriptors, such as “inconvenient” or “unpleasant.”

“Why” Questions

The final type of irrational belief is actually a disguised form of should/must thinking. It occurs when we repeat the same question— usually beginning with “why” or “how could”—over and over. This type of thinking is associated with questions such as “Why is this hap- pening?” and “How could this occur?” For instance, an officer who asks, “Why do I have to deal with this idiot?” is likely to talk herself into a bad mood. Because we label the event as unfair, we refuse to accept responsibility or to deal with the consequences. Simply answer- ing the question is one of the best ways to challenge “why” thinking. This allows us to evaluate the question logically, acknowledge the reality of the situation, and take appropriate action.

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Labels

Human beings are not neutral observers. We label virtually everyone and everything that we encounter. We label people and things that help us move closer to a goal as positive. Conversely, we label anyone or anything that prevents us from reaching a goal as negative, especially irate, difficult, or hostile people. We learned many of our labels during early childhood, and, like other irrational beliefs, they have become unconscious habits. Like all forms of self-talk, the labels we select act as emotional filters. While it is easy to label somebody a “jerk,” we seldom realize that doing so can influence our emotions and behaviors in a host of negative ways. The trick to correcting negative labels is to ask ourselves whether they are truly accurate. For example, is a motorist who is upset about receiving a speeding ticket truly behaving like a “jerk,” or is he simply being difficult because he is concerned about his insurance rates? Because labels are powerful, we should periodically check the accuracy of our labels, as well as the effects those labels have on our emotions and behaviors.

Self-Talk

Internal dialogue, or self-talk, is the real-time conversation that we have with ourselves about what is occurring in our lives. Whether we

Table 6.1 Beliefs and Self-Talk Statements

Dysfunctional, Unhealthy Beliefs and Self- Talk

Results (unpleasant and unhealthy responses)

“He can’t talk to me like that!” Anger, frustration, arousal

“Who does this guy think he is?” Anger, frustration, arousal

“I’ll show this idiot who is in charge.” Anger, frustration, arousal

Functional, Healthy Beliefs and Self-Talk Results (unpleasant but healthy responses)

“This guy must be having a bad day.” Irritation

“This guy is angry, but getting upset won’t help.” Annoyance

“This is frustrating, but it’s not worth getting angry.”

Concern

SOURCE: Adapted from McKay, M., Rogers, P. D., & McKay, J. (1989). When anger hurts: Quieting the storm. Oakland, CA: New Harbinger.

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Control Your Response 93

realize it or not, we engage in a continuous internal dialogue that reflects our beliefs and labels. Self-talk is what we say to ourselves about the people, events, and things that we encounter. Most of us have engaged in self-talk for so long that we are not even aware we are doing it. Our self-talk can be either positive or negative, and it is one of the major influences on how we respond emotionally and behaviorally to others. Self-talk can heat up our emotional response or it can cool it down, depending on the language that we choose. A statement like “This guy is a real idiot!” is almost certain to heat up our emotional response, while saying “This guy must be having a really bad day” is more likely to cool our reaction.

While we develop many of our labels, beliefs, and self-talk state- ments during early childhood, many of these patterns continue unchal- lenged throughout our adult lives. If we continue to use the same irrational labels, beliefs, and statements long enough, they become patterns—that is, automatic ways of responding to people and things without any conscious awareness of the process or consequences. The fact that most of us are unaware of our self-talk is one of the main reasons that negative patterns develop and take root. Fortunately, early childhood conditioning is not fate. With a little effort, we can change the habits that we acquired early in life.

In the end, there is nothing automatic about anger or hostility. It all comes down to choice. We choose what to think about and we choose what not to think about. We have control over the content of our minds. Anytime we find strong emotions getting in the way of our personal or professional effectiveness, we can, and should, iden- tify and challenge our irrational and unhealthy thoughts before they become habits. We also need to replace our irrational beliefs with more realistic cognitions.

STEPS TO IMPROVING EMOTIONAL MANAGEMENT

Anger and other caustic emotions can damage relationships, undermine public trust, and reduce officer safety. Moreover, anger and hostility are not very effective at facilitating communication and problem solving. Now that we have a better understanding of emotions, as well as the roles played by irrational beliefs, labels, and self-talk, we can use the following strategies to recognize and manage our reactions.

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Recognize the Signs

The first step in controlling anger, hostility, and other negative emo- tions is to recognize the physical and mental cues. Because strong emo- tions produce noticeable bodily sensations and shifts in thinking, the better we are at recognizing these changes, the more successful we will be at managing our responses. The key to recognizing emotions, par- ticularly negative emotions, is learning to diagnose the changes early, including the following:

• Elevated heart rate, respiration, and blood pressure • Flushing • Elevated body temperature • Agitation • Difficulty concentrating • Muscle tension, especially in the shoulders, neck, and back • Strong impulse to act • Nausea

Once we understand the cognitive and physiological changes that accompany strong emotions, we will be better able to recognize the early signs of emotional distress. Strong emotions cause the release of adrenaline, cortisol, and other bodily chemicals, which take time to dis- sipate. If necessary, we may need to step away from the situation for a few moments—or minutes—until our thoughts and physiology return to normal. In this case, forewarned is forearmed. The earlier we can diagnose signs of emotion, the earlier we can intervene and the more effective our intervention is likely to be.

Take Responsibility

Once we become aware of a strong emotional response, the next step is to take responsibility. This is in direct conflict with our natural tendency to blame our negative emotions and hostility on others, argua- bly the main reason that we feel justified in our anger. When somebody else is responsible, we do not need to worry about changing ourselves or about the consequences of our actions. Fortunately, every situation offers

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Control Your Response 95

a choice. Although we may not always be able to choose our circum- stances, we can always choose our responses. Once we realize the ways thoughts and language shape our emotions, we can no longer blame our bad behavior on others. Managing our emotions and behaviors effec- tively means assuming responsibility for our thoughts, including our beliefs, labels, and self-talk statements, as well as the consequences of our actions.

Make a Proper Appraisal

The third step focuses specifically on the appraisal process. The ways that we think about events and people significantly influence our abilities to manage our emotional and behavioral responses effectively. People and things have no intrinsic emotional value. Our emotions and behaviors are not caused by objects or people but by our beliefs, labels, and self-talk. Because all emotions start with essentially the same state of general arousal, the specific emotion that we experience has more to do with how we evaluate things than with those things themselves. In fact, people often vary widely in their reactions to the same event mostly because they differ in the appraisal process.

Identify Hot Buttons

We all have hot buttons—that is, people, events, and things that upset us. The fourth step in effective emotional management is learn- ing to identify and recognize our triggers ahead of time. This pro- vides us with important opportunities to prepare ourselves mentally and emotionally for those times when someone invariably pushes our buttons. In many cases, it is helpful to visualize the situation or person beforehand. This can help us develop and practice specific strategies for how best to respond, including the beliefs, labels, and self-talk statements that we will use. In the same way that we rehearse men- tally for tactical situations, we can prepare for emotionally charged encounters. Taking the time to practice our emotional responses and self-talk is one way of increasing our odds of responding effectively while under pressure.

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Improve Emotional Literacy

The fifth step, improving our emotional literacy, focuses on our abilities to recognize and acknowledge specific emotional states. Rather than using the word anger to describe every negative emotional expe- rience, we should increase our emotional literacy so that we can more accurately identify and label our feelings. Anger, for example, comes in many forms; a person might be displeased, annoyed, vexed, upset, irritated, agitated, irate, or livid (see Table 6.2). Despite the many subtle distinctions among negative emotions, we often lump them all under one broad category. Because words are powerful, we must be careful with the labels we choose. Although this might seem like splitting hairs, choosing the right word can have a significant impact on how we respond. Telling ourselves that we are angry is more likely to generate hostility than tell- ing ourselves that we are irritated.

Annoyed

Irritated

Tense

Uptight

Bothered

Disturbed

Agitated

Mad

Angry

Furious

Fuming

Livid

Outraged

Table 6.2 Improving Our Emotional Literacy: Continuum of Labels for Unpleasant Feelings

SOURCE: Adapted from Peurifoy, R. Z. (1999). Anger: Taming the beast. New York: Kodansha America.

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Control Your Response 97

Slow Down the Process

The sixth step is to slow down the process. It should be clear by now that frustration, anger, and other negative emotions can limit our ability to think logically. Strong emotions can drain our mental, phys- ical, and psychological energies, making it difficult for us to concen- trate and increasing the likelihood that we will make poor decisions and engage in inappropriate behaviors. Because it often takes time for us to reengage the rational brain, the best way to counter the effects of neg- ative emotions is to increase the time allotted for important decisions or actions. In many cases, simply taking a “time-out” or discussing the best course of action with a coworker can prevent many of the problems and poor choices that often accompany anger.

Reframe

The seventh, and final, step is to change how we think about, or frame, problems and people. How we frame a problem is important because it determines what we look for, how we interpret information, and how we go about solving the problem. Almost any problem can be framed in more than one way. Learning to reframe interactions with dif- ficult people as opportunities for growth can significantly reduce nega- tive emotions or, in some cases, eliminate them altogether. One way of reframing is to change our demands to preferences. We often become emotionally upset when our demands are not met. Because unmet pref- erences do not usually cause the same level of emotional distress as unmet demands, one way of improving our response is to make a con- scious effort to identify and change our demands to preferences.

SUMMARY

Our lives are influenced by two different mental systems: one emo- tional, the other logical. The two systems—the emotional “go” system and the neutral “no” system—are connected by a collection of nerves that link thinking with feeling. These connections also allow the brain to control events throughout the rest of the body, including the stress

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response. Most experts agree that there are only two viable options for managing emotions: We can change the environment, or we can change our response. As law enforcement professionals, we are often unable to control our environment. Thus, we must learn to control our responses. Doing so begins with an understanding of the relationship between cognition and emotion, including the importance of beliefs, labels, and self-talk statements. Seven useful strategies for improving emotional management are recognizing the signs, taking responsibility, making a proper appraisal, identifying hot buttons, improving emotional literacy, slowing down the process, and reframing.

The next chapter discusses the sixth, and final, step in the IMPACT model: Take perspective.

STUDY QUESTIONS

1. Anytime we find ourselves overwhelmed with strong emotions, we have two choices. What are they?

2. Explain the three most common myths surrounding anger.

3. Describe the “ABCs” of our emotional responses.

4. How do our beliefs and labels influence our emotional responses?

5. What is self-talk?

6. List five strategies for managing strong emotions.

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