NEED HELP NO PLAGARISM !!!!!!!!!

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ACHIEVE RAPPORT

Pretend that every single person you meet has a sign around his or her neck that says, “Make me feel important.”

—Mary Kay Ash

The abilities to establish and to maintain rapport are critical aspects of communicating successfully with others. Simply put, rapport is the process of building mutual liking and trust. When we have a rap- port with someone, we engage naturally. We feel a sense of comfort and familiarity, we lower our barriers to resistance, and we become more receptive to the other person’s ideas. The better we are at establishing and maintaining rapport, the more effective we will be at persuad- ing others, promoting positive behavior, diagnosing problems, manag- ing conflict, and soothing strong emotions. On the other hand, unless we can build trust and rapport, others are unlikely to share their thoughts and feelings with us, listen to our advice, or honor our requests.

We begin to build rapport with others by finding similarities and cre- ating connections. In some cases, rapport occurs effortlessly. Connecting with the person is easy—we discover quickly that we have many interests in common, we feel naturally at ease, and we are comfortable sharing our thoughts and feelings. We listen to and validate the other person, and he listens to and validates us. In other cases, it is more difficult to build rap- port. We find ourselves struggling to find common ground. Rather than

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68 LAW ENFORCEMENT INTERPERSONAL COMMUNICATION

connecting easily and effortlessly, we must look for ways to build rapport systematically. In either case, building rapport is an important step to successful communication and problem solving. It is also instrumental to our successful use of many of the other techniques outlined in this book.

TRUST AND RAPPORT

Research findings have consistently supported the idea that the “mes- senger is the message.” In other words, the way we evaluate a message is a direct reflection of our perception of the person delivering the mes- sage. The more favorably we view the messenger (the person delivering the message), the more favorably we view the message itself. This is because we transfer our feelings about the messenger, whether positive or negative, to the message, a phenomenon psychologists refer to as the halo effect. As most people can attest, we are more likely to listen to messages from people we admire or respect than from individuals we dislike or disrespect. The more others like and trust us, the more apt they are to listen to, and to be influenced by, our messages. Our abilities to build trust and rapport and, in turn, our success at persuading others are influenced by first impressions, credibility, likability, and power.

First Impressions

Research has shown that in the first few milliseconds of meeting someone for the first time, we decide whether we like the person or not. The first impressions we form of others are based almost exclusively on nonverbal signals. We judge others based on their appearance, body lan- guage, demeanor, mannerisms, and dress. When we meet someone for the first time, we generally know very little about the person. Therefore, the person’s physical appearance and nonverbal messages are all that we have to go on. Based on what we see, we form impressions about what the person is like and what types of behaviors to expect. Forming first impressions is not a conscious process; rather, it is something that seems to be hardwired into the human nervous system.

To complicate matters further, first impressions can be stubbornly dif- ficult to change. This is because our first impressions (either conscious or unconscious) act as filters. They affect how we interpret and react to

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Achieve Rapport 69

a person’s future behavior. If our first impression of someone is negative (for example, we perceive the person as rude or condescending), we attach a negative label (such as “rude”) to the person. We don’t label the person as merely “having a bad day.” Rather, we label her a “bad person.” If a person is rude in one setting, we expect her to be rude in other settings as well. On the other hand, if our first impression of a person is positive (for example, we see her as polite or courteous), we attach a positive label (such as “polite”). Again, we don’t label the person as “having a good day.” Rather, we label her a “good person.” If she is polite in one situation, we expect her to be polite in other situations.

Because first impressions act as filters, once we form an impres- sion, we interpret the person’s future behaviors in ways that confirm our earlier conclusions. If we have labeled a person as rude, we look for other discourteous behaviors while ignoring or discounting evidence that does not fit our expectations. When the person does something con- sistent with our first impression, we tell ourselves, “I knew this guy was a jerk.” On the other hand, if the person behaves in a way that is incon- sistent with our first impression, we ignore the evidence. “Anybody can say something nice,” we might say. “This guy is still a jerk.” The old adage “You have only one chance to make a good first impression” is especially important in many law enforcement settings, where we often have only one contact with any given person. By paying attention to our nonverbal messages (facial expressions, mannerisms, and appearance), we can influence the first impressions that others form of us and, in turn, increase our abilities to connect, to persuade, and to motivate others.

Credibility

The ancient Greek philosopher Aristotle invested considerable time studying how the politicians of his day managed to persuade voters. He identified credibility, or ethos, as one of the three principal methods of persuasion. Contrary to popular belief, credibility (that is, believability), is not something a person possesses, like eye color or height. Rather, it is something that can be awarded only by others; it must be earned. Aristotle further identified three factors that affect a person’s credibility: competence (or expertise), character (trustworthiness), and goodwill. Competence involves how much we know—in other words, the type and amount of expertise we possess. One measure of competence that

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70 LAW ENFORCEMENT INTERPERSONAL COMMUNICATION

is often overlooked is physical appearance. As a general rule, the more knowledgeable, competent, and attractive we appear to be, the greater our ability to persuade others.

The second factor in credibility, character, encompasses the traits commonly associated with trustworthiness, such as dependability, integrity, and fairness. It also includes our beliefs about whether some- one is communicating honestly and openly. We rate people whom we believe to be honest, fair, and open as trustworthy. On the other hand, we view people whom we consider to be dishonest with suspicion.

The third characteristic, goodwill, involves the extent to which we believe someone has our best interests in mind. Most of us prefer to interact with others we see as honest, authentic, and transparent. Con- versely, we tend to judge people with hidden agendas more harshly, especially if we believe they are attempting to hide something from us.

Likability

The third element influencing the ability to establish rapport is lik- ability. We are all more likely to be persuaded by people we like than by those we dislike. As Dale Carnegie (1936/1981) observes in his classic book How to Win Friends and Influence People, liking and persuasion are inseparable. One important aspect of liking is similarity—that is, the degree to which we believe others are similar to us in their inter- ests and beliefs. Our preference for similarity seems to hold whether it involves opinions, values, personality traits, backgrounds, or lifestyles. In other words, people like people who are like themselves. This means that we can enhance our ability to connect with others by communicat- ing that “we are alike.” While this might seem challenging considering the spectrum of personalities and attitudes that law enforcement officers inevitably encounter, it is usually not as difficult as it might appear. We can almost always find similarities and common interests with others if we are willing to work at it long enough.

One way of demonstrating interest is to focus on the other per- son and his needs. We do this by listening actively to the person and to his behavior, by identifying key words and phrases, and by look- ing for similarities. It is worth noting, however, that just as similarities can enhance our abilities to communicate and to connect with others,

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Achieve Rapport 71

dissimilarities often have the opposite effect—that is, they make it more difficult to establish trust and rapport.

Power

The fourth aspect of establishing rapport is power, or the ability to influence others. Power can be divided into two categories: positional and personal. Positional power is determined by our status, rank, or authority, which includes our abilities to reward and to punish others for their behaviors. For example, a supervisor has more positional power than a subordinate employee. Personal power, on the other hand, has to do with individual characteristics such as knowledge, expertise, deter- mination, courage, and communication skills. While positional power is determined by a person’s standing within an organization’s structure, personal power is awarded by others because they respect or admire the person. Thus, the amount of personal power someone possesses has nothing to do with rank or authority; rather, it is based solely on the person’s character and competence.

Some people have considerable positional power but very little personal power. For example, a supervisor may have extensive formal authority—including the abilities to reward and to punish the behaviors of others—but may lack personal power because subordinate employ- ees do not respect him. Other people possess little, if any, positional power but still have considerable personal influence over others. In law enforcement this is often the case with peer-group leaders, officers who possess little formal authority but wield significant influence because of their tenure, expertise, or other personal factors.

As law enforcement officers, we have considerable positional power. We have the authority to carry firearms, seize people and their belong- ings, and arrest those suspected of violating the law. Unfortunately, too many officers rely solely on positional power to compel compliance. Rather than ask, they demand. Although this can be effective in the short term, it often creates more problems than it solves. People follow such orders by doing only the minimum required. In other cases, they may do the opposite or refuse to follow orders altogether.

While there are clearly times when it is necessary to use positional power, we should do so only as a last resort. Instead, we should work

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72 LAW ENFORCEMENT INTERPERSONAL COMMUNICATION

to develop our personal power. Unlike positional power, there are no restrictions on personal power. Indeed, our personal power actually increases the more frequently and effectively we use it. The more we develop our knowledge, experience, communication skills, and other desirable traits, the more powerful we become.

INTERPERSONAL COMMUNICATION

The next facet of building rapport is our ability to communicate effec- tively. As noted in Chapter 1, we continuously send and receive mes- sages whenever we interact with others. While some of those messages are clearly intentional—that is, meant to transmit information, invoke a response, or both—others are sent without conscious awareness. How- ever, regardless of our intent, all behavior communicates something valuable about our thoughts, feelings, and attitudes.

The messages that we send to others can be divided into two gen- eral categories: verbal and nonverbal. Verbal communication consists of the words we use to transmit information, while nonverbal communica- tion entails those parts of a message sent without words, such as facial expressions, gaze, tone of voice, proxemics, gestures, and posture. Research by psychologist Albert Mehrabian (1972) suggests that 93% of a message’s emotional impact is derived from nonverbal sources. In contrast, only 7% of a message’s emotional value is contained in the actual words that are used (see Figure 5.1).

Even without special training, most people are fairly skilled at decoding many types of nonverbal messages. This means that anytime we communicate with others, especially people who are irate, frus- trated, or emotional, we need to be careful about the signals we send, especially nonverbal cues. This includes ensuring that our words and behaviors send the same message.

Verbal Messages

The words we use constitute our verbal messages. Most mes- sages contain both emotional and logical dimensions. The emotional dimension entails the communication of feelings (anger, sadness, or disgust, for example), attitudes (whether we like or dislike something

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Achieve Rapport 73

or someone), and predispositions (such as anxiousness or confidence). Clearly, some ideas are difficult or uncomfortable to put into words and, therefore, are best expressed nonverbally. The logical dimension of messages, on the other hand, represents the communication of thoughts or ideas and relies heavily on the spoken word.

Unlike with other less conscious aspects of communication, we have the power to choose our words. The language we select can significantly influence our ability to establish rapport. The right words can go a long way toward enhancing trust, improving communication, and promoting positive behavior. Conversely, the wrong words can destroy any chance we may have of connecting with others. In choosing our words, we should consider the following elements:

• Greeting: Anytime we contact someone, we should acknowledge the person with a greeting, such as “Good morning” or “Hi, are you the person who called?”

• Introduction: In addition to greeting the person, we should begin every contact by introducing ourselves and by explaining the nature of our business. A simple introduction should include name, title, agency, and reason for the contact. For instance: “Good afternoon, I am Officer Jackson with the Pleasantville Police Department. Can I speak with you about your neighbor?”

• Use of proper title: Except where it is obviously unnecessary because of an existing relationship, we should initially address the person by

SOURCE: Adapted from Mehrabian, A. (1972). Nonverbal communication. New Bruns- wick, NJ: Aldine Transaction.

Verbal 7%

Vocal 38%

Visual 55%

Figure 5.1 Emotional Impact of Communicative Modalities

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74 LAW ENFORCEMENT INTERPERSONAL COMMUNICATION

using the appropriate title as well as name. Until we have obtained the person’s permission to use a less formal form of address, we should address the person as “Sir” or “Ma’am.”

• Use of person’s name: Addressing a person by name demonstrates per- sonal concern. It shows that we have taken the time to learn and remem- ber the person’s name. This can be an important step in establishing trust and rapport. Nonetheless, there are times when calling a person by his first name is inappropriate. If there is any doubt as to the appropriateness of using someone’s first name, we should ask permission. For example, “Mr. Johnson, is it all right if I call you Steve?”

• Use of polite and respectful language: Regardless of what the other per- son does or says, we should remain professional and polite at all times. Simple phrases such as “thank you” and “you’re welcome” are consid- ered basic civilities. Failure to use these phrases is often considered rude or impolite.

• Use of proper language: We should try to use language that is easily and commonly understood. We should avoid using technical terms, police jargon, and other phrases that are unique to law enforce- ment when explaining things to people outside the law enforcement community. For example, “Sir, I understand that you are having a problem with your neighbor” is more likely to be understood than “Sir, I was dispatched to investigate a possible civil action against your neighbor.”

• Small talk: Engaging in some friendly small talk or chitchat usually costs nothing but a few moments of time and can go a long way toward establishing rapport and humanizing the encounter. Not engaging in small talk when appropriate can appear callous or uncaring. There is more to interpersonal communication than “just the facts.”

Vocal Messages

The term paralanguage refers to nonverbal vocal messages such as the rate, volume, pitch, tone, and cadence of speech. We use paralan- guage to reinforce messages, to shape impressions, and to regulate our interactions with others. Our messages can take on different meanings depending on the vocal qualities of rate, volume, pitch, tone, and cadence, as well as the words we choose to emphasize. Because paralanguage can be difficult to control, it often provides important information about our true feelings and attitudes. More important, studies have found that when our paralanguage contradicts our spoken words, people tend to

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Achieve Rapport 75

pay more attention to the paralanguage and other nonverbal cues than to our verbal messages. In other words, it is not always what we say that matters, but rather how we say it. This also suggests that to com- municate effectively with others, we must ensure that our verbal and nonverbal messages are consistent. We should be aware of the following aspects of our vocal messages:

• Consistency of paralanguage and words: Our paralanguage should always match our spoken words. If we tell a person that we are concerned about her problem but our tone is harsh or critical, we send conflicting messages. If we say that we are concerned, our tone should demonstrate an appropriate level of empathy.

• Appropriate volume: Low to moderate volume levels are typically best for interpersonal communication. When we bark out orders or yell at others, we are seen as unprofessional or, in some cases, out of con- trol. Very few behaviors demonstrate self-assurance as well as “quiet confidence.”

• Appropriate speech: With a few rare exceptions, our tone of voice should be calm and professional. There is never a good reason to use sarcasm or derogatory language. Not only is such language unprofes- sional, but its use also undermines trust and rapport.

Visual Messages

Nonverbal messages are especially important because what we do is often more meaningful than what we say. If, for example, we tell a person that we are interested in better understanding his story while we look at our watch and roll our eyes, we communicate disinterest. In most cases, people look at nonverbal gestures (such as looking at our watch and rolling our eyes) as unvarnished indicators of our true feeling and react accordingly.

Facial Expressions

Anytime we interact with others, we pay special attention to their faces for signs of emotion, interest, and attitude. We use our faces to regulate our interactions with others, to send uncomfortable messages, and to reinforce or to modify verbal messages. Studies fur- ther suggest that facial expressions offer unique insight into people’s

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true emotional states. Indeed, some researchers have gone so far as to suggest that the study of the face is the study of emotion itself. As early as 1872, in his book The Expression of the Emotions in Man and Animals, Charles Darwin (1872/1998) discussed the important role of the face in expressing emotion. Darwin believed that our ability to communicate nonverbally evolved in the same ways as the rest of the brain and body. Long before human beings mastered verbal mes- sages, primates used facial expressions to transmit their attitudes and emotions.

Psychologist Paul Ekman (2003) has identified six universal facial expressions of emotion (anger, disgust, fear, joy, surprise, and sadness) and the distinct positions of the eyebrows, forehead, eyes, and mouth associated with each expression. For example, happiness and surprise are noticeable in the eyes and lower face, while anger is visible in the lower face, eyebrows, and forehead. Although faces can transmit a wealth of important information, they can be difficult to read accurately. This is because our faces transmit two sets of signals: the voluntary messages that we want others to see and the involuntary expressions that we prefer to hide. Facial expressions can also change very quickly (in as little as one-tenth of a second in some cases). Therefore, to read faces accurately, we must learn to pay special attention to the areas around the eyebrows, forehead, eyes, and mouth. With enough practice, any- one can learn to pick out even the subtlest expressions with astonishing accuracy.

Posture

Our posture provides important clues about our desire to be closer, both physically and psychologically, to people we like. Posture consists of two primary dimensions: immediacy and relaxation. Immediacy is observable primarily in relationships. It communicates our feelings of warmth as well as our desire to be closer to others. We demonstrate our attitudes toward others through approach and avoidance behaviors. Approach behaviors include direct body orientation, symmetric position- ing, and a forward lean. In contrast, avoidance behaviors, actions that signal dislike or disinterest, involve leaning away, poor eye contact, and

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Achieve Rapport 77

a closed posture. The second dimension of posture, relaxation, is influ- enced by status differences among people. As a general rule, we tend to exhibit more relaxed posture in nonthreatening environments (when interacting with others in status positions similar to or lower than ours) and less relaxed posture when we feel threatened (when interacting with others in higher status positions).

Understanding posture is important in building rapport because we tend to increase approach behaviors and adapt a more relaxed posture around people we like or admire. Conversely, we are more likely to increase avoidance behaviors and to show signs of tension around peo- ple we dislike. Generally, we face people we like directly, while we face away from the people we dislike. People often interpret closed posture as a sign of dislike and disinterest. On the other hand, an open and relaxed posture is commonly believed to be a sign of liking and interest.

Proxemics

Like other animals, human beings claim and stake out spaces to call their own. Proxemics, the study of how people and animals use space to communicate, consists of two major dimensions: distance and territo- riality. Distance is the actual physical space between people. One way that we communicate our feelings toward others is by controlling the physical space around us. Territoriality involves the claiming of an area. Animals claim and defend territory for a variety of reasons, including food and mating. Humans also engage in territorial behavior as a way of demonstrating their power and status.

According to anthropologist Edward Hall (1966), our choices regarding personal space—that is, the particular distances we main- tain from others—depend on how we feel about the other persons. Hall identifies four distances, or zones, that we use to control our interaction with others. The first distance, the intimate zone, is our personal space. It represents our innermost region of interaction, typically in the space ranging from physical contact to about 18 inches from the body. This zone is reserved for the few special people in our lives. The second area, the personal zone, extends from 18 inches to around 4 feet out from the body. This is the distance we prefer when conversing with friends

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78 LAW ENFORCEMENT INTERPERSONAL COMMUNICATION

and close acquaintances. The third region, the social zone, ranges from 4 feet to about 8 feet out. We use the social zone to conduct business or when talking with others in a professional capacity. The final area, the public zone, begins at around 10 feet from the body and extends indefinitely. At this distance, communication tends to be formal, such as a public speech.

When someone violates our personal space, the experience can be either positive or negative, depending on our feelings for the person. For example, if somebody we like sits closer to us than expected (pos- itive violation), we usually do not mind. In contrast, if a person we dislike comes too close (negative violation), we often feel anxious or uncomfortable. The outcome in either case depends on our relationship with the person. The distances that we maintain from others, as well as the distances that they maintain from us, communicate important infor- mation about our feelings and attitudes. With proxemics, as with other forms of nonverbal communication, we should monitor the messages that we send to others to promote an image of professionalism, warmth, and respect whenever possible.

Eye Contact

Eye contact is usually the first form of interaction we have with another person. If that exchange is negative, we often have no further contact. We also use eye contact to express emotion and to decrease the physical and psychological distance between others and ourselves. Eye contact is perhaps most important in communicating liking and interest. We tend to gaze more at things and people we find likable or interesting and to avoid eye contact with people we dislike. This makes eye contact a simple yet effective way of demonstrating interest in others. Failure to establish positive eye contact, on the other hand, can signal our dis- approval or disliking of others, significantly reducing our abilities to establish rapport, build trust, and open lines of communication.

Nonverbal Behavior Strategies

The messages that we send to others are affected not only by the words we choose but also by our facial expressions, gaze, posture, and

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Achieve Rapport 79

proxemics. The following strategies can help us send the most consist- ent, effective messages possible, while helping to establish trust and rapport:

• Visual and vocal accord: One function of nonverbal communication is to clarify verbal messages. As we have seen, perhaps the most impor- tant aspect of body language is that it matches our verbal message. When our verbal and visual messages are inconsistent, people are more likely to believe the nonverbal message.

• Open posture: One of the most obvious expressions of nonverbal behavior is posture. We should monitor our posture at all times, main- taining an open posture whenever possible and without compromis- ing officer safety. An open posture typically involves relaxed arms and shoulders, appropriate eye contact, positive facial expression, and fron- tal orientation. Presenting such a posture is one of the simplest displays of nonverbal communication we can control, although it may initially require some conscious effort.

• Body alignment: Whenever possible and without compromising officer safety, we should adopt a frontal orientation. A severely angled or bladed posture communicates defensiveness. Obviously, in higher-risk situations, tactical stances may be necessary and entirely appropriate.

• Positive facial expression: As we communicate with others we focus naturally on their faces. Facial expressions communicate a great deal about our feelings, attitudes, and interests. Because communication is oriented to the face, positive facial expressions are among the most important aspects of nonverbal communication. Lowered eyebrows and tight lips are two indicators of anger and should be avoided.

• Positive eye contact: While too much eye contact can be seen as con- frontational or rude, appropriate eye contact is usually viewed as an indicator of sincerity and attentiveness. People who do not make eye contact are often viewed as deceptive or untrustworthy. As a general rule, we should engage people in strong, positive eye contact for no more than a few seconds at a time before looking away. We should continue with this pattern throughout the interaction.

• Appropriate distance: When interacting with citizens who do not present a threat to officer safety, we should remain in a zone approxi- mately 2 to 5 feet away. Standing too close to a person may be offen- sive, while maintaining too great a distance communicates disinterest or dislike.

• Suitable gestures: People can become unsettled when someone uses overly broad and expansive gestures. During normal interaction with

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80 LAW ENFORCEMENT INTERPERSONAL COMMUNICATION

others, we should consider keeping our gestures within a “box” that is roughly the same area as our torso. Pointing at someone with one’s finger is usually considered rude and inappropriate. Using a flashlight or other object to point with only aggravates an already inappropriate gesture.

• Smiling as appropriate: A smile is an effective way of disarming a person’s natural defenses and can go a long way toward establishing trust and rapport. While smiling is clearly inappropriate to certain law enforcement contacts, there is no reason that law enforcement officers should be viewed as “ unsmiling” automatons, interested in “just the facts.” People smile at each other in a variety of contexts, and there is no reason, given an appropriate set of circumstances, that we should not do the same.

• Mirroring as appropriate: We can help to build rapport by mirroring, or reflecting, the other person’s communication, including voice tone, cadence, and volume, as well as other nonverbal messages, such as body positioning, facial expressions, and gaze. It can also be useful to mirror the kinds of words the person uses. For example, some people tend to use words that reflect visual processing (“Do you see what I mean?”), while others favor words related to auditory (“Do you hear me?”) or kinesthetic (“Do you feel me?”) processing. The basic prin- ciple of mirroring is that when the other person sees us, he sees him- self, which most people find highly attractive. Mirroring is generally most effective when it occurs subtly. Therefore, we should avoid overly explicit attempts to mirror a person’s words or behaviors.

SUMMARY

Building trust and rapport is critical to successful communication. When we have rapport with someone, we engage naturally. We feel comfortable sharing our thoughts, feelings, and concerns. Establish- ing rapport begins with finding similarities and creating connections. In some cases, rapport occurs naturally—we discover quickly that we have many interests in common with the other person. In other cases, we must look for ways to build rapport systematically. Our abilities to establish and to maintain rapport are influenced by first impressions, credibility, likability, and power. Our capacity to develop trust and rap- port also depends on our ability to communicate effectively with others.

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Achieve Rapport 81

One aspect of communication that studies have found to be especially important is nonverbal communication, including eye contact, posture, proxemics, gestures, and facial expressions. This is because what we do is often more important than what we say.

We continuously send and receive messages whenever we inter- act with others. While some of these messages are intentional—that is, meant to transmit information, invoke a response, or both—others are sent without conscious awareness. Regardless of our intent, all of our behavior communicates something important about our thoughts and feelings. Even without the benefit of specialized training, most people are relatively skilled at decoding many types of nonverbal mes- sages. Anytime we interact with others, we need to be careful about the types of messages—especially nonverbal messages—that we send. This includes ensuring that our verbal, vocal, and visual signals are consistent.

The next chapter details the fifth step of the IMPACT model: Control your response.

STUDY QUESTIONS

1. What is rapport?

2. What is meant by the phrase “The messenger is the message”?

3. List three elements that influence the building of trust and rapport.

4. According to research findings published by psychologist Albert Mehrabian, how much of a message’s emotional impact is the result of nonverbal communication?

5. What is paralanguage? Why is an understanding of paralanguage important to effective interpersonal communication?

6. List three types of visual messages.

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