PARENHYLES

Parenting styles: A guide for the

science-minded

© 2010 Gwen Dewar, Ph.D., all rights reserved

Looking for information about parenting styles? Here you will find research based articles about

• Authoritative parents, who encourage kids to be responsible, to think for themselves, and to

consider the reasons for rules

• Authoritarian parents, who expect their orders to be obeyed without question and who rely

on punishment--or the threat of punishment--to control their kids

• Permissive parents, who are responsive and warm (a good thing) but also reluctant to enforce rules (a bad thing)

• Uninvolved parents, who offer their children little emotional support and fail to enforce standards of conduct

As I explain in the articles above, authoritative parenting is associated with the best child outcomes. Uninvolved parenting is linked with the worst.

For more information, see also these reviews of

• The evidence that kids from authoritarian families are worse off than kids from authoritative

families

• Evidence that today’s permissive parents are more extreme than ever

• The apparent effects of permissive parenting and the methods that researchers use to

identify parenting styles

And here--below--is an overview of the four basic parenting styles: What researchers mean when they talk about parenting style, and how parenting styles seem to affect children.

What do researchers mean when they talk about "parenting style?"

Parents influence their children through specific practices, like breastfeeding or spanking. But

parenting is more than a set of specific practices.

What about the overall approach that parents take to guiding, controlling, and socializing their

kids? The attitudes that parents have about their children, and the resulting emotional climate that creates?

It’s this general pattern--this emotional climate--that researchers refer to as “parenting style”

(Darling and Steinberg 1993). And research suggests that parenting styles have important

effects on the ways that children develop.

The four styles

The most popular ideas about parenting style stem from the work of Diane Baumrind. In the

1960s, Baumrind was interested in the different ways that parents attempted to control or

socialize their kids.

She noted that the very idea of parental control--of adults acting as authority figures--had

fallen into disrepute.

Maybe that’s because people were equating “control” with blind obedience, harsh punishments,

and domineering, manipulative behavior (Baumrind 1966).

To avoid perils of authoritarianism, many parents tried the opposite approach. They put very few demands on their children, avoiding any sort of parental control at all.

To Baumrind, these were choices between two extremes.

Wasn’t there a compromise? A moderate approach that fosters self-discipline, responsibility, and independence?

So Baumrind proposed three distinct parenting styles:

• Authoritarian parenting, which emphasizes blind obedience, stern discipline, and

controlling children through punishments--which may include the withdrawal of parental

affection

• Permissive parenting, which is characterized by emotional warmth and a reluctance to enforce rules,

and

• Authoritative parenting, a more balanced approach in which parents expect kids to meet

certain behavioral standards, but also encourage their children to think for themselves and to develop a sense of autonomy.

Later, researchers added a fourth style, uninvolved parenting (Maccoby and Martin 1983).

Uninvolved parents are like permissive parents in their failure to enforce standards. But unlike

permissive parents, uninvolved parents are not nurturing and warm. They provided kids with

food and shelter, but not much else.

Another way to think about it: Parenting differences in a nutshell

In addition to adding a new category to Baumrind’s original scheme, researchers have re- stated her definitions in terms of two dimensions—“responsiveness” and “demandingness.”

1. Responsiveness is “the extent to which parents intentionally foster individuality, self-

regulation, and self-assertion by being attuned, supportive, and acquiescent to children’s special needs and demands” (Baumrind 1991).

2. Demandingness refers to “ the claims parents make on children to become integrated into

the family whole, by their maturity demands, supervision, disciplinary efforts and willingness to confront the child who disobeys” (Baumrind 1991).

Both of these qualities are desirable, hence authoritative parenting--which is both responsive

and demanding--is considered the optimal style.

Other styles are missing one or both qualities. Authoritarian parenting is demanding but not

responsive. Permissive parenting is responsive but not demanding. And uninvolved parenting is neither demanding nor responsive.

Can parents combine the aspects of more than one style?

Probably.

As noted above, the authoritative parenting style was first conceived as a kind of middle ground between permissiveness and authoritarianism.

And when we speak of someone being “responsive,” or “demanding,” these are relative terms.

So the four basic parenting styles represent a continuum. Some parents might straddle the line

between authoritarianism and authoritativeness. Other parents might find themselves on the

border between authoritativeness and permissiveness.

Where do we draw the lines? That might depend on the study. When researchers classify

parents, they usually measure and score each person’s levels of responsiveness and demandingness.

Then they decide how high or low a score must be to meet the criteria for a given parenting

style. Often, researchers choose their cutoffs by “grading on a curve”--looking over the

distribution of scores for the entire pool of study participants.

For example, researchers frequently define a parent as "permissive" if her score for

responsiveness falls in the upper third of the distribution and her score for control falls in the lower third of the distribution.

Child outcomes

Does parenting style influence child outcomes? It seems so.

Numerous studies report the same pattern:

Kids from authoritative families are well-behaved and accomplished at school. They tend to be emotionally healthy, resourceful, and socially-adept.

Kids from authoritarian families are relatively well-behaved. But their social skills tend to be

inferior, and they are more likely than other kids to suffer from anxiety, depression, and poor

self-esteem.

Kids from permissive families have higher self-esteem and lower rates of depression and

anxiety. However, they are more likely to get involved in problem behavior (like drug use). They also tend to achieve less at school.

Kids from uninvolved families are the worst off in all respects. Most juvenile offenders have uninvolved parents (Steinberg 2001).

Cultural differences

Although Baumrind’s ideas have been applied in places as varied as

Brazil, China, and Turkey (Martinez et al 2007; Chen et al 1997; Turkel

and Teser 2009), the four basic parenting styles don’t always “map” onto local parenting methods.

Examples?

In a recent study of Korean-American parenting, researchers found that

over 75% of the sample population didn’t fit into any of the standard

categories (Kim and Rohner 2002).

And Ruth Chao argues that the authoritarian parenting style—as defined by Western

psychologists—doesn’t quite “map” onto traditional Chinese practices (Chao 1994).

Perhaps such cultural differences can explain why some studies report different outcomes. For

example, a recent study of Spanish adolescents found that kids from permissive homes were

as well-behaved and well-adjusted as were kids from authoritative homes.

But overall, there is remarkable agreement across cultures. Authoritative parenting is consistently linked with the best child outcomes.

What if two parents disagree?

Some people wonder about consistency. If, for example, one parent insists on being

permissive, should the other conform? Or are kids better off having at least one authoritative parent?

Anne Fletcher and colleagues asked this question in a study of American high school students.

They found that teens were generally better off having at least one authoritative parent--even if the other parent was permissive or authoritarian (Fletcher et al 1999).

How important is parenting style? Can it explain everything?

A parent's style is important. But it can't explain everything.

In theory, a parenting style is more than the sum of a parent’s specific practices. But we shouldn’t assume that’s true.

Why is authoritative parenting linked with successful kids?

Maybe it’s because authoritative parenting is associated with a package of individual practices

that are, on balance, more likely to produce independent, achievement-minded, socially-

responsible, well-adjusted people.

And maybe it depends--at least in part--on what the rest of the community is doing.

When schools are run along authoritative principles, kids from

authoritative families may have an easier time meeting their teacher's expectations (Pellerin 2004).

It's also likely that your child's peer groups have an influence. As

Laurence Steinberg and his colleagues have argued, peer pressure

can weaken the beneficial effects of the authoritative parenting style (Steinberg et al 1992).

And what about the child's own temperament or personality?

Although some researchers claim that parenting styles are determined by the parent only,

children aren’t all alike. One child may be timid, the other more aggressive or defiant. And the same parent may respond differently to different kinds of kids.

Problem behavior can elicit poor parenting

There is support for the idea that child behavior influences a parent’s style. An American study tracked about 500 adolescent girls for a year (Huh et al 2006).

At the beginning of the study, the researchers measured the girls’ externalizing behavior

problems (e.g., fighting or treating others with cruelty). They also asked girls about the way

their parents attempted to monitor them and enforce rules. At the end of the study, these variables were measured again.

The results?

Initially low levels of parental control didn’t have a significant effect on a girl’s subsequent development of externalizing behavior problems.

But initially high levels of misconduct were a significant predictor of decreasing parental control

over time (Huh et al 2006).

In other words, parents were more likely to give up--stop trying to control their kids--if their kids were more aggressive or difficult to begin with.

As the authors note, this doesn’t mean that parents with more difficult kids should give up.

But it suggests that some kids are intrinsically more difficult to handle, and their behavior

problems may push parents into bad habits. To help such families, counselors need to address

the behavior of both parents and kids (Huh et al 2006).

References

Baumrind D. 1966. Effects of authoritative parental control on child behavior. Child

Development, 37(4), 887-907.

Baumrind D. 1991. The influence of parenting style on adolescent competence and substance use. Journal of Early Adolescence 11(1): 56-95.

Chao R. 1994. Beyond parental control; authoritarian parenting style: Understanding Chinese parenting through the cultural notion of training. Child Development 45: 1111-1119.

Chen X, Dong Q, Zhou H. 1997. Authoritative and Authoritarian Parenting Practices and Social

and School Performance in Chinese Children. International Journal of Behavioral Development,

21(4): 855-873.

Darling N and Steinberg L. 1993. Parenting style as context: An integrative model.

Psychological Bulletin 113(3): 487-496.Garcia F and Gracia E. 2009. Is always authoritative the optimum parenting style? Evidence from Spanish families. Adolescence 44(173): 101-131.

Huh D, Tristan J, Wade E and Stice E. 2006. Does Problem Behavior Elicit Poor Parenting?: A Prospective Study of Adolescent Girls. Journal of Adolescent Research 21(2): 185-204.

Kim K and Rohner RP. 2002. Parental Warmth, Control, and Involvement in Schooling:

Predicting academic achievement among Korean American adolescents. Journal of Cross- Cultural Psychology 33(2): 127-140.

Maccoby EE and Martin JA. 1983. Socialization in the context of the family: Parent–child

interaction. In P. H. Mussen (ed) and E. M. Hetherington (vol. ed.), Handbook of child

psychology: Vol. 4. Socialization, personality, and social development (4th ed., pp. 1-101).

New York: Wiley.

Martínez I, García JF, and Yubero S. 2007. Parenting styles and adolescents' self-esteem in Brazil. Psychol Rep. 2007 Jun;100(3 Pt 1):731-45.

Steinberg L. 2001. We know some things: Parent-adolescent relationshgips in retrospect and prospect. Journal of research on adolescence 11(1): 1-19.

Türkel YD and Tezer E. 2008. Parenting styles and learned resourcefulness of Turkish adolescents. Adolescence. 43(169):143-52.

The authoritative parenting style: Warmth,

rationality, and high standards

A guide for the science-minded parent

© 2010 Gwen Dewar, Ph.D., all rights reserved

The authoritative parenting style is about setting limits, reasoning with kids, and being responsive to their emotional needs.

This approach is common in middle class settings throughout the world, and it’s linked with the most successful child outcomes.

Kids raised by authoritative parents are more likely to become

independent, self-reliant, socially accepted, academically successful, and well-behaved.

They are less likely to report depression and anxiety, and less likely to engage in antisocial behavior like delinquency and drug use.

Research suggests that having at least one authoritative parent can make a big difference (Fletcher et al 1999).

And despite minor controversies, studies consistently report that authoritative parenting is

beneficial for kids from a variety of backgrounds and ethnic groups.

But being “authoritative” isn’t an all-or-nothing proposition. By its very nature, authoritative

parenting occupies a sort of middle ground between granting too much freedom and being too strict.

So what are the criteria of authoritative parenting? And how do researchers distinguish the authoritative parenting style from permissive parenting and authoritarian parenting?

The authoritative parenting style: The original definition

The authoritative parenting style was first defined by

Diane Baumrind, who proposed a new system for classifying parents.

Baumrind’s idea was to address how parents control their kids (Baumrind 1966).

According to Baumrind’s model, there are three major approaches to parental control:

• Permissive parents are reluctant to impose rules and standards, preferring to let their kids

regulate themselves.

•

Authoritarian parents demand a sort of blind obedience from their children.

• Authoritative parents take a different, more moderate approach that emphasizes setting

high standards, being nurturing and responsive, and showing respect for children as

independent, rational beings. The authoritative parent expects maturity and cooperation, and offers children lots of emotional support.

This combination distinguishes the authoritative parenting style from both authoritarianism and

permissiveness.

Like permissive parents, authoritative parents are responsive, nurturing, and involved.

But unlike permissive parents, authoritative parents don’t let their kids get away

with bad behavior.

Authoritative parents take a firm stand, expecting their kids to behave responsibly.

Like authoritarian parents, authoritative parents enforce rules.

But unlike authoritarian parents, authoritative parents show high levels of warmth,

and they emphasize the reasons for rules.

When kids make mistakes or misbehave, they attempt to reason with their children.

Authoritative parents encourage a verbal give-and-take, and explain the consequences of good and bad behavior.

Authoritative parents are also less likely to control their children through harsh or arbitrary punishments, shaming, or the withdrawal of love.

Put another way, the authoritative parenting style reflects a balance between two values-- freedom and responsibility.

Authoritative parents want to encourage independence in their kids. But they also want to

foster self-discipline, maturity, and a respect for others.

Some researchers sum it up this way: Authoritative parents are both highly responsive and very demanding (Maccoby and Martin 1983).

That’s the classic definition of the authoritative parenting style. And--using this definition--

researchers have identified the authoritative parents throughout the world. But there is some variation. It’s not clear that authoritative parenting takes the same form in all cultures.

Cross-cultural variation: The authoritative parenting style isn’t always about democracy

In Western countries like Australia and the United States, authoritative parenting includes

certain democratic practices--like taking children’s preferences into account when making family plans, or encouraging kids to express their own, possibly divergent, opinions.

In other places, these democratic elements may be absent. For instance, a cross-cultural study

of parenting styles in four countries found that otherwise authoritative parents living in China

and Russia did not take their kids’ preferences into account when making family plans. Nor did

Chinese parents encourage kids to voice their own opinions--not when they disagreed with those of the parents (Robinson et al 1996).

But one key trait--reasoning with kids--was found in all four countries (Robinson et al 1997). It

seems that explaining the reasons for rules, and talking with kids who misbehave, is a

widespread practice.

This aspect of the authoritative parenting style has been called “inductive discipline,” and there

is evidence that it helps kids become more empathic, helpful, conscientious, and kind to others (Krevans and Gibbs 1996; Knafo and Plomin 2006).

Applying the definition to real world parents

How can you tell if you are an authoritative parent?

When researchers want to identify an individual’s parenting style, they

sometimes observe how parents and kids get along in the real world. For

instance, in one study researchers assigned parents and kids a puzzle task,

and recorded the way parents interacted with their children (Dekovic and Jannsens 1992).

More often, however, researchers rely questionnaires. These questionnaires present a parent

(or child) with a series of statements. The respondent is asked to rate his or her agreement with each statement on a four-point scale (1= “almost never true”, 4 = “almost always true”).

In general, researchers classify a parent as authoritative if he or she agrees with

statements like these:

• I take my child’s wishes and feelings into consideration before I ask her to do something

• I encourage my child to talk about his feelings

• I try to help when my child is scared or upset

• I provide my child with reasons for the expectations I have for her

• I respect my child’s opinion and encourage him or her to express them...even if they are

different from my own

Parents are LESS likely to be judged authoritative if they agree with statements like:

• I let my child get away with leaving chores unfinished

• I bribe my child to get him to comply with my wishes

• I explode in anger toward my child

• I punish my child by withdrawing affection

But there isn’t any one, universally-used questionnaire for identifying the

authoritative parenting style. Different studies may use different

questionnaires, and this might account for some discrepancies between

studies.

For instance, a recent Spanish study has reported that adolescents from

permissive families were as well-behaved and academically successful as were teens from authoritative homes.

This result contradicts research in the United States that links permissive parenting with inferior child outcomes.

Does the Spanish study suggest that parenting styles work differently in Spain? Maybe.

But it’s also possible that the disagreement reflects the different questionnaires used. As I

argue elsewhere, some of the parents classified as “permissive” in the Spanish study might have been labeled as “authoritative” in other studies.

Why do kids from authoritative families turn out so well?

Each component of the authoritative parenting style seems to have its own benefits.

As noted above, inductive discipline—explaining the reasons for rules—has been linked with more advanced moral reasoning skills (Krevans and Gibb 1996; Kerr et al 2004).

In addition, research suggests the following points.

1. Warm, responsive parenting promotes secure attachments and protects kids from

developing internalizing problems.

2. Parents who enforce limits are less likely to have kids engaged in drug and alcohol

use, juvenile delinquency, or other antisocial behavior(e.g., Lamborn et al 1991;

Steinberg et al 1992; Querido et al 2002).

3. Talking with kids about thoughts and feelings may strengthen attachment

relationships and make kids into better “mind readers.”

4. Parents who avoid reprimanding kids for academic mistakes (e.g., “I’m

disappointed in you”) may have kids who are more resilient problem-solvers and

better learners (Kamins and Dweck 1999; Schmittmann et al 2006; van Duijvenvoorde et al

2008).

5. Encouraging independence in kids is linked with more self-reliance, better problem

solving, and improved emotional health (e.g., Turkel and Tezer 2008; Rothrauff et al 2009; Lamborn et al 1991; Pratt et al 1988; Kamins and Dweck 1999).

6. Encouraging independence and showing warmth are also linked with more helpful, kind, and popular kids.

The last point is illustrated by research conducted in the Netherlands. In this study, school kids

were observed at home as they worked with their parents on a couple of puzzle tasks. Then researchers

• recorded how often parents uttered their disapproval or tried to take over the task,

• rated how often parents showed warmth, made suggestions, used induction “(What would

happen if we tried this?”), or demanded mature behavior from their kids, and

• asked teachers and peers to rate each child’s social behavior.

The results are compelling. Parents who behaved more authoritatively during the puzzle task

had kids who were rated as more prosocial—helpful and kind—by their teachers and peers. The kids with authoritative parents were also more popular (Dekovic and Janssens 1992).

There is even evidence that kids from authoritative homes are more attuned with their parents and less influenced by their peers.

In a study of American students, undergraduates were presented with a series of moral

problems and asked how they would solve them. Students from authoritative families were

more likely than others to say that their parents--not their peers--would influence their decisions (Bednar and Fisher 2003).

But there are other factors, too.

It’s likely that the benefits of authoritative parenting are maximized when the whole

community is organized along authoritative principles. For instance, when the school climate is

authoritative, kids from authoritative families may find it easier to fit in (Pellerin 2004).

In addition, some studies have reported ethnic differences--that for African-American and

Chinese-Americans, there is little or no difference in academic performance between kids from authoritarian and authoritative homes.

Why? Researchers have posed several different explanations, which you can read about in this

article that contrasts the effects of authoritarian parenting with the effects of authoritative

parenting.

Nevertheless, there is remarkable agreement across studies. From Argentina to China, from

the United States to Pakistan, the authoritative parenting style is consistently associated with

superior outcomes, and it has never been linked with bad outcomes (see review in Steinberg 2001).

As researcher Laurence Steinberg has stated, “I know of no study that indicates that

adolescents fare better when they are reared with some other parenting style” (Steinberg 2001).

As of March, 2010, this is still seems to be the case.

More information about the authoritative

parenting style

As noted, you can read more about the difference between authoritarianism and the authoritative

parenting style in my article “Authoritarian parenting: What happens to the kids?”

In addition, check out this article for a discussion of the difference between permissiveness and

the authoritative parenting style.

And for a general overview of Diane Baumrind's model--and the research supporting it--see "Parenting styles: A guide for the science-minded."

For an overview of the research supporting responsive, sensitive parenting, check out my article on

the science of attachment parenting.

And if you are interested in the importance of intimacy and closeness, see these articles about mind-

minded parenting and the possibility of friendship between parents and children.

Diana Baumrind's 3 Parenting Styles: Get a Full Understanding of the 3

Archetypical Parents

In this article on the 3 parenting styles formulated by Diana Baumrind, you'll get:

• Quick background information about her research and methods.

• An important understanding of her 1960s concepts of demandingness and responsiveness

that she used as 'measuring' tools to categorize the 3 parenting styles.

• A detailed but lively description of her results:

- The authoritarian parenting style

- The permissive parenting style

- The authoritative parenting style

- And the later added, neglectful parenting style.

Diana Baumrind:

Quick Facts About Her Famous Parent Child Behavior Study

Back in the early 1960s, developmental psychologist Diana Baumrind conducted her famous

child care research.

In her study she and her research team followed more than 100 middle class children of

preschool-age. Baumrind's primary research methods were interviews and observation.

The aim of Diana Baumrind's child parent behavior study was to formulate and evaluate the effect of the most typical Western parenting styles.

Diana Baumrind's 3 parenting styles are these:

 The authoritarian parenting style

 The permissive parenting style

 The authoritative parenting style

Her findings were ground breaking at the time and her analytical methods and results have

ever since been subject to both academic acclaim and criticism.

Diana Baumrind's Two Analytical Measuring Instruments

In her study Diana Baumrind used two aspects of parenting that she found so important that

all her data was evaluated and the essence of the 3 parenting styles defined in relation to these two elements.

Her two analytical tools for formulating the 3 parenting styles were:

1) Parental responsiveness vs. parental unresponsiveness:

In the words of Diana Baumrind herself, responsiveness describes "the extent to which parents

intentionally foster individuality, self-regulation, and self-assertion by being attuned,

supportive, and acquiescent to children's special needs and demands" (Baumrind, 1991)

In other words, responsiveness is about how much or how little parents meet and respond to

their children's needs!

2) Parental demandingness vs. parenting undemandingness:

I relation to demandingness, Diana Baumrind says that it refers to "the claims parents make

on children to become integrated into the family whole, by their maturity demands, supervision, disciplinary efforts and willingness to confront the child who disobeys". (Baumrind, 1991).

Another word for demandingness is control. The demandingness continuum (high vs. low)

describes the level of behavior control parents exercise on their kids based on their

expectations of 'mature' behavior.

The 3 Parenting Styles Model

Before describing each of the 3 parenting styles in detail, I will just explain the model I've made above.

The 3 parenting styles model has two axes. Each axis represents one of Baumrind's parenting

themes which is 'high' in one end and 'low' in the other. Together these two axes of

demandingness and responsiveness create four quadrants where each parenting styles is placed:

 The authoritative parenting style is high on demandingness and high on

reponsiveness (hence placed in the top left corner).

 The authoritarian parenting style is high also high on demandingness but low on

responsiveness (hence placed in the bottom left corner).

 The permissive parenting style is high on responsiveness but low on demandingness

(hence placed in the top right corner).

 The neglectful parenting style is both low on responsiveness and low on

demandingness (the neglectful parenting style was not formulated by Diana Baumrind but

added later by Maccoby and Martin).

An Important Note:

The Parenting Styles are not "Real"! They Are Archetypes!

Before you read on about the 3 parenting styles, please do bear in mind that these parenting

styles are archetypical. In my opinion they represent 'clean-cut' personalities and behavior

patters.

This means that in reality most people don't just fit neatly into one archetype.

Typically people behave according to one primary archetype in most situations and then often have traits from some of the other parenting styles in other situations.

We people are not as 'black and white' as models portray us to be!

Description of the 3 Parenting Styles

In this article of the 3 parenting styles I will present you with Diana Baumrind's results.

There's no doubt that Baumrind favors the authoritative parenting style and finds the

authoritarian parenting style too strict and the permissive parenting style too soft.

I don't favor any of them, not even the authoritative parenting style. My personal approach is

different from all of them.

But I will not be commenting on or evaluating her research results right here. However, if

you're academically curious or just feel:

"H'mmm, there must be more to it than these 3 parenting styles? Something seems to be

missing!",

I recommend you go on reading this reflective article on parenting styles .

In that article of mine you'll get to:

 Read other researchers' academic criticism of Baumrind's definition of the 3 parenting

styles.

E.g. I'll present you with insightful comments from developmental psyhologist Stephen

Greenspan and psychologist Wendy S. Grolnick who both find Baumrind's focus on high

control inadequate and somewhat rigid.

<BR<

 See my own analysis of her theories and conclusions and along with my suggestion of

how one may rearrange her 1960's model by replacing her two axes (demandingness &

responsiveness) with two new ones.

For now, let's see what these 3 parenting styles are about.

The Authoritarian Parenting Style

~ Diana Baumrind's 3 Parenting Styles ~

The extreme, archetypical representation of

authoritarian parents: (The first of the 3

parenting styles):

To get a mental image of the archetypical

authoritarian family, try picturing a typical 1950s

American family: There are traditional family

values (patriarchal), set family roles, firm rules

and everybody behaves in a predictable, orderly fashion.

Main child discipline instrument:

Strict control maintained via rigid rules. Rules are typically enforced via threat and punishment.

The authoritarian parents' behavior, value and belief system:

 The authoritarian parents are conservative,

conformist and norm abiding.

 Rigidity, harshness and predictability create a desired sense of being in control.

 Traditional roles and values are to be followed unquestionably. There are strict rules of

child conduct. Misbehavior is considered a serious threat to the much cherished established

order.

 The authoritarian parents see the world in only black and white, good or bad, right or

wrong etc. This means that there is a lot of judgement and evaluation. A child is either good

or bad, well-behaved or naughty.

 Children are often looked upon with critical eye. They are basically perceived as non-

equals, and sometimes even subconsciously perceived as enemies that pose a threat to

order of things and therefore must be kept down.

 Rules and orders are not explained but are to be obeyed instantly and unquestionably.

Discussion such as give and take dialogue is not encouraged.

 Praise and reward are potentially dangerous because of the idea that they may lead to

children becoming 'too full of themselves' and consequently developing too much autonomy

and straying off the 'good' path.

 A good child is a child that lives up to expectations of 'mature' ('adult') behavior: such

as being independent, well-behaved, undemanding, non-emotional, participating in house

chores to develop a sound work ethic etc.

Kids' social behavior and inner being (the effect of the authoritarian parenting style):

 Kids of authoritarian parents quickly learn to adjust to the parents' expectations. In

other words they are well-behaved out of fear: "If I don't behave, I will be punished!"

 They tend to willingly obey authorities. They have internalized and accepted the

prevailing norm and value system which means they do relatively well in school, do not

engage in 'deviant' behavior such criminal acts or experimental drug or alcohol use.

 They are not used to making independent choices, taking full responsibility for

themselves and do not experiment much with new ways of doing things or alternative ways

of thinking.

 According to research, kids of authoritarian parents are not as socially 'skilled' as kids

from authoritative and permissive families.

 According to research they find it difficult to handle frustration: girls tend to give up in

the face of challenges and boys tend to react with aggressiveness.

 According to research, they are also more prone to suffer from low self esteem, anxiety

and depression.

The Permissive Parenting Style

~ Diana Baumrind's 3 Parenting Styles ~

The extreme, archetypical representation of

Permissive Parenting (The second of the 3

parenting styles):

The archetypical image of permissive parenting,

also called indulgent parenting, is that of a conflict

scared parent desperately trying to maintain a

'friendship' with his or her bossy child rather than

being 'a parent'.

The child behaves in a 'unruly' fashion, oblivious of

other people's needs and is only interested in

having fun. Many people believe that permissive

parenting is a curse of the modern age: The child

is seen as being too much in the centre!

Main child discipline instrument:

Use of reasoning, manipulation and / or bribes as means to achieve some level of control.

The permissive parents' behavior, value and belief system:

 Permissive parents believe in the autonomy of the individual. The world is seen as a

free place filled with opportunities just waiting to be seized.

 Permissive parents believe in responding to their children's desires in an accepting and

affective manner.

 The child is viewed as a 'child' and is not expected to behave according to 'mature' or

'adult' standards.

 Traditional child discipline and rigid rules of conduct are seen as restrictive of a child's

natural development and free, independent thinking.

 Children are perceived as equals and are included in decision making processes and are

encouraged to communicate and discuss rather than just obey.

 Permissive parents dislike and tend to avoid confrontations and the overt use of power

to shape and regulate their kids behavior.

Kids' social behavior and inner being (the effect of the permissive parenting style):

 A complete lack of limits, absence of authority figures, no consistent routines, no

predictability may lead to a sense of insecurity in the child: "How far can I go and what can I

count on?"

 Because of the potential experience of wavering, conflict scared parents the child may

become bossy or dominating as he or she tries to search for limits where there are none.

 Because of the installed beliefs that the world is open for experimentation and that

there are very few 'musts', children of permissive parents are found to be more impulsive

and involved in 'problematic' behavior such as drug and alcohol use and do less well in

school than kids from authoritative and authoritarian parents.

 As these kids are brought up in the belief that they are adults' equals, they are well

equipped in dialogue, have high social skills and high self esteem and low levels of

depression.

The Authoritative Parenting Style

~ Diana Baumrind's 3 Parenting Styles ~

This one of the 3 parenting styles is Baumrind's ideal parenting style.

Baumrind views authoritative parenting as a sort of middle ground, taking the best from the

authoritarian parenting style, high control, and the best from the permissive parenting style, high responsiveness.

Even though Baumrind's research is 50 years old, many people (not me), child experts included, see the authoritative parenting styles as the 'ideal' parenting style.

Main child discipline instrument:

Control is achieved via the use of firm but fair reasoning as a base for 'moderately' open negotiations along with positive reinforcement.

The authoritative parents' behavior, value and belief system:

 Just like the authoritarian parents, the authoritative parents' control is firm and

standards of behavior is are high. The difference is that authoritative parents are not

'keeping' their children down or restricting them as a sort of preventive measure for bad

behavior. The authoritative parents strive towards letting their children live out their

potentials but within an overall controlled framework: "You can go as far as this point, but

exceeding this boundary will not be tolerated!"

 "They monitor and impart clear standards for their children’s conduct. They are

assertive, but not intrusive and restrictive. Their disciplinary methods are supportive, rather

than punitive. They want their children to be assertive as well as socially responsible, and

self-regulated as well as cooperative" (Baumrind, 1991, p. 62).

 In this way authoritative parents recognize that a child needs to have a degree of say

but will always make sure to have the final word. In this way they strive to balance a child's

need for autonomy and their own need for discipline and control.

 Authoritative parents use praise and positive attention as a way to make their child

'want to' behave well: "If I behave and do well, I will get positive attention and affection!"

 Authoritative parents make an effort to understand their child and teach them how to

understand their own feelings, think of ways to solve problems and encourage them to follow

independent but still norm supportive ways.

Kids' social behavior and inner being (the effect of the authoritative parenting

style):

 Because of the use of positive reinforcement (praise) along with logical and fair

rules done in a warm, caring manner, the child has learnt that behaving and following the

rules feels good and get them positive attention.

 Their ability to decode and subsequently live up their parents rules and

expectations provide them with well developed social skills and emotional regulation.

 According to research, kids of authoritative parents do well in school, are self

confident and goal orientated.

I think The Cosby Show represent an archetypical authoritative family: Control /

The Neglectful Parenting Style

~ Diana Baumrind's 3 Parenting Styles ~

A fourth parenting style formulated by Maccoby and Martin, is called the neglectful parenting

style or the uninvolved parenting style.

The uninvolved parents fulfil their children's physical needs but are otherwise distant,

detached, and disengaged.

The uninvolved parents may lead 'full' lives but their life is emotionally separate from that of

their children. There are few demands and limits and communication and responsiveness is low.

The children of neglectful parents have low self esteem (no attention makes them feel

unimportant) and they are less socially competent than children of raised with the other parenting styles.

Children and adolescents whose parents are uninvolved perform most poorly in all domains.

New, Modern Perspectives on Baumrind's 1960's

3 Parenting Styles Study!

There's no doubt that Diana Baumrind's insights has contributed tremendously to the

academic field of child parent behavior reasearch.

However, the study is more than 50 years and I think it does show.

Among other things, I think her academic and analytical point of departure - the presumption

of high control being an important definitive of 'good' parenting - is a direct reflection of the early 1960s societal norms and mindset.

If you want more 'meta thinking' and want to see my analytical perspectives on her 3

parenting styles, you're welcome to dive into this this article

Your Positive Parenting Ally,

Birgitte