ENG 111

Since extensive comments were given on the first draft of the paper, the revised papers receive very few, if any, comments. The new grade will replace the old grade. Grades 25 and below have major citation issues or the paper did not meet or follow the requirements in the syllabus, instructions, or in Canvas. Grades 60 and below usually are caused by citation issues. The highest grade a paper can receive with citation issues is a 60.

Paper had many significant citation issues.

Unknown formats on the WC page. Database article citation? Why is a date in parentheses? Why is a volume after an article title? Cortez, Elif Kiesow, ed. “Data Protection around the World: Privacy Laws in Action.” Vol. 33. Springer Nature. (2020).

-vol. for the number, not volume and number or volume. issue number

Example: vol. 21, no. 3, not 21.3…also, no big V

-no. for the issue number, not issue and number or volume. issue number

Example: vol. 21, no. 3, not 21.3…also, no big N

-volume, issue, year of publication, page range, not date, volume, issue, page range for citation 2

-use pp. for a page range, not p. Do not include the number of pages. Only include the page range.

-DOI number or web address missing from the database citations.

-The whole Works Cited page should be in Times New Roman, 12 pt. font, even the quotation marks and web addresses

-Double-space the whole Works Cited page…one blank line between each line, not two. No extra wide spacing anywhere in a paper, including the heading, body, and WC page. No extra wide space between Works Cited and the citations.

Why are random numbers in citation?

Ex: 7.3-4 (2020): 135.

The paper is too long. No matter how long a paper is, if the citations are not correct, the length does not matter.

-better title needed. Using only one or two words makes for a topic that is too broad, and one should just not announce the subject or be the name of the assignment.

-better title needed. Titles should be dramatic and informative. Remember, the title is the first thing someone reads before he/she starts reading your paper. The title should also not sound like an announcement, should not be the type of paper, and should not have character names in it.

-No extra wide spaces between paragraphs. Open the paragraph tab and place a check in the box where it asks if you want an extra space between paragraphs of the same style

Do not announce or say that people argue. Just quote the arguments.

A quote? a quote introduction

Missing critical introduction

Missing quotation marks

Missing intext citation

According to the Fourth Amendment, searches and seizures must be reasonable, and public safety constitutes a reasonable cause for limited privacy intrusions. Proponents state that the government has the authority to enact regulations that serve the public interest, even if they impose some limits on individual privacy(period) as Cortez (101) states that…

All quoted?

Who is quoted?

1,2,3 or more quotes run together?

Missing critical introductions

Missing quotation marks around what are not your words

Why is (101) in the middle of the sentences? Is it an intext citation?

Do not quote parts of sentences or fragments. Quote whole sentences and ideas.

According to the Fourth Amendment, searches and seizures must be reasonable, and public safety constitutes a reasonable cause for limited privacy intrusions. Proponents state that the government has the authority to enact regulations that serve the public interest, even if they impose some limits on individual privacy as Cortez (101) states that “this right is not an absolute right” in reference to individual privacy rights. This perspective emphasizes that privacy concerns should not override the necessity to protect public safety. Moreover, data handling protocols can ensure that mental health records are used solely for the purpose of background checks and not for any other governmental intrusion. Proper data protection measures, such as encrypting sensitive information and restricting access to authorized personnel, can effectively address privacy concerns while ensuring that individuals with significant mental health issues are prevented from accessing firearms as “prohibiting the mentally ill from owning firearms” is considered effective in gun control laws (Smith and Spiegler 3).

The audience knows what it highlights because the audience just read it.

Below is some information about proper MLA Citation:

-For MLA citations, you have to create a Works Cited page at the end of the paper that has the complete citation list. In the body of the paper, you have to critically introduce a quote, put quotation marks around it, and use an in-text citation, which is placed at the end of the sentence and looks like this (Smith 42) or (American Cancer 42). Smith would be the author's name, and 42 would be the page number. American Cancer, being The American Cancer Society, would be the online source's name, and again, 42 would be the page number the quote or information was taken from. If I see (Smith 42) in the body of the paper, then that will refer me to the Works Cited page, at the end of the paper, where the full citation is written out. Here is an example of a proper quote and an in-text citation in the body of a paper: According to Douglass Adams, author of The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy, “the answer to the ultimate question is 42” (166). You could also write: “The answer to the ultimate question is 42,” according to Douglass Adams, author of The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy (166). Both are acceptable and correct. However, if you do not introduce your source, you must place the author’s last name and the page number or paragraph number in the in-text citation. For instance: According to the author of The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy, “The answer to the ultimate question is 42” (Adams 166). I would prefer the former to the latter. One must always preface a quote or tell where it came from, put quotation marks around what is quoted, and then place the author's last name and page number in brackets with a period at the end. The only difference when paraphrasing is that you do not use the quotation marks, but you must still introduce the quote and use an in-text citation. Do not do this (Smith, 42). Do not place a comma in the in-text citation. Lastly, if there is no author, use the first word or two of the citation on the Works Cited page to create an in-text citation. Look at the left-hand side of the screen or page when looking at your Works Cited page. The author’s last name or the title of the source should be there. Use the author’s last name and page or paragraph number: example (Smith 42) or (Smith p.4). For a source with no author that begins with a title, say the American Heart Association, use the first word or two of the title ( American 42) or (“American” p.4). If the title is in quotation marks or italics on the Works Cited page, carry them over to the in-text citation. One should be able to see an in-text citation and easily scan the left side of a Works Cited page to see which source is being quoted. All quotes in the body should have a corresponding full citation on the Works Cited page. All full citations on a Works Cited page should have a corresponding critical introduction, quote in quotation marks, and in-text citation in the body of a paper. (Remember, there is no paraphrasing or summary allowed in the course…only direct quotation is accepted)

75% of a paper must be written in your own words. Quotation should be used to support ideas, but it should not be used to write most of the paper.

Whenever you quote someone, always try to say something critical in your own words about the quote. You should always try to interpret, explain, add to, subtract from, agree with, disagree with, point out faulty logic, or show the reasoning behind a quote. Try not to link too many quotes together. Use quotation for support, but do not let it write or dominate parts of your paper. Always place a critical comment after a quote. Say something about the information in the quote. Do not just go right into another quote or idea. Do not just repeat what the quote said.

-always say something about a quotation before moving on to a different topic, subject, or other quote. Always make critical comment on a quote. Never leave a quotation hanging, and never expect the quote to speak for itself.

-when quoting, always introduce a quote, use quotation marks around the quoted words, and place an in-text citation at the end of the sentence. This must be done in order to protect yourself from accidental plagiarism due to improper citation.

This is a number, not an argument for or against MHBC, mental health background checks

In the CDC’s report, “In 2020, 79% of all homicides and 53% of all suicides involved firearms” (Kegler 2).

- Avoid quoting numbers and statistics that do not have explanations. They are just numbers. Quote explanations and arguments. Say this was a quote: “350000 abortions happen in the U.S. each year.” This number is just a number. It may be big to some, small, or be reasonable to others. Also, this quote does not say, explain, argue, or refute. There are no reasons given and no logic provided as to why abortion should be legal or illegal or if it is moral or immoral. Polls, surveys, what many people believe or do not believe or feel or do not feel, big or small numbers, large or small statistics are not explanations, arguments, facts, reasons, or refutations. If numbers or statistics are quoted, the quote should also explain in specific detail why the numbers matter, what the significance of the numbers is, or why and how the numbers are important. Otherwise, numbers are just numbers and statistics are just statistics, usually being cited to emotionally manipulate an audience. Quote detailed, specific explanations and arguments, not just numbers or statistics.

No, it does not. It is just numbers without context, argument, or explanation

Of great concern, this figure captures the position of firearms in the lives of the suicidal.

More critical approach needed

Unclear meaning, wording, and logic

Guns are a more efficient and less reversible approach to dying, which is why access control is essential.

Who? Never heard of them

Missing critical introduction…full names, credentials, and article title needed

Why is there a number after their names?

Missing comma

Missing intext citation

Why is there a dash at the end of the quote?

Do not add your own words to the quote.

In research carried out by Pallin and Barnhorst (1), it was established that the(comma) “odds of dying by suicide are more than 3 times higher for those with access to firearms compared to those without access” – this points at the link between guns and suicide rates.

Unclear wording, meaning, and logic

Therefore, it can be possible for the authorities to identify the patients who are likely to harm themselves and ensure that they are not granted access to firearms in a bid to reduce on suicides.

-Do not refer to your own paper in the paper, explain why the topic or points are important to write about, refer to a quote by saying this quote says or this quote means, or announce how the paper will be written or organized.

Stop saying things are important

No, it is not important to note because it is obvious.

Stop announcing

It is also important to note that some of the school shooters had some symptoms of mental illness prior to the shooting

Missing critical introduction

Missing intext citation

2013 was over ten years ago….what about today? Use current research.

According to Metzl et al. (83), there is “a Federal Bureau of Investigation (FBI) study of 63 active-shooter incidents between 2000 and 2013 that found that 25% of shooters were known to have been diagnosed with a mental illness of some kind.”

Take out

The sentence after this makes the argument

Such a connection between mental health and acts of violence means that prevention is necessary.

Critical introduction needed. A journal is just a place to publish articles. Introduce the author, their credentials, and the name of the study or article.

Journal names should be italicized

Missing comma

The source has no page 1

The point was already supported and explained by a previous quote…do not repeat

Moreover, a study published in the Journal of Threat Assessment and Management established that(comma) “approximately two‐thirds of public mass shooters exhibit signs of mental illness” (Lankford and Cowan 1).

Take out

Do not explain what you are trying to do in a paper

This strengthens the argument for thorough background checks to identify possible threats before they escalate to acts of violence.

Already stated previously almost word for word

However, privacy rights are not absolute and can be reasonably limited to protect public safety.

Missing critical introduction

Is (134) an intext citation? Why is it after the critical introduction?

Missing intext citation

This is not a critical argument or explanation

Do not use quotes with capitalization issues or errors

According to Cortez (134), “the constitution should balance individual rights with the public interest or national interest.”

Stop saying things are highlighted

Stop making announcements after quotes

Missing critical introduction

Missing comma

Quote is an unclear fragment

As noted by legal experts, effective data protection protocols can(comma) “prevent harm to individuals from wrongful collection or misuse of their personal information” (Raul 44).

Stop saying people argue and just quote their arguments

Just quote it

Stop announcing

However, substantial evidence contradicts this claim.

Same mechanical issues as the previous quotes

Missing introduction

The quote does not explain why or how?

The effectiveness of these measures is further supported by a Policy Studies Journal study that concluded that, “stricter gun control laws decrease gun-related deaths” (Smith and Spiegler 5).

-Do not announce conclusions with ‘in conclusion,’ ‘in summary,’ ‘in closing,’ or in any other way. The audience can see that it is the last paragraph. Also, a paper should naturally feel like it is coming to an end without any prompting.