Couple Assessment

A Couple Assessment

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A Couple Assessment Report

Jane Doe

SFTM 6320: Assessment in Marriage and Family Therapy

Nova Southeastern University

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Table of Contents

I. BIOGRAPHICAL INFORMATION

II. ORAL HISTORY

III. WRITTEN TASKS

IV. FONDNESS AND ADMIRATION SYSTEM: INTRODUCING THE CONCEPT

V. PAPER TOWER TASK

VI. CASE NOTES

VII. CONCLUSIONS

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Couple Assessment

I. BIOGRAPHICAL INFORMATION

I contacted Adam in person on 00/00/00 to request an interview with him and his partner,

Annette. They agreed to meet with me on 00/00/00 at their apartment. Adam is 25 years old.

His highest level of education is a college degree. He identifies himself as a black Christian. His

current personal annual income is between $30,000 and $40,000. He is currently a student at a

local university. He has never gotten married before. Annette is 35 years old. Her highest level

of education is two years of college. She identifies herself as an Asian American. Her current

personal annual income is between $40,000 and $50,000. She is currently working as a Finance

Administrator. She has never gotten married before.

II. ORAL HISTORY INTERVIEW

Part A: History of the Relationship

Adam and Annette met at a club when they both went out with their own friends. Annette

found him fine, and her friend came up to him and grabbed him for Annette. They started talking

to each other, danced, and exchanged numbers at night. The next morning, he called her on the

phone and had a deep conversation. Adam mentioned that he did not usually call girls on the

phone whom he met at clubs, but somehow, he called and had a meaningful conversation with

her. Annette said that she was impressed with him, especially because she did not usually

exchange phone numbers at clubs. For Adam, the deep and meaningful conversation stood out

whereas for Annette, it stood out that Adam called her at the moment when he was about to leave

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for going back to his country since they had not had such relationship yet, which made her feel

that she was someone special for him.

Adam reported that it stood out that Annette drove a considerable distance to see him,

cooked, cleaned dishes, and drove back to where she lived, which he saw as her commitment to

their relationship. “Annette is someone that I wasn’t used to,” he said. He reminisced that his

mother was impressed with Annette for holding his clothes. Ann mentioned that she has mixed

feelings about their dating. She said that something happened that showed her that things come

out differently from his actions. In comparison, she recalled a good thing about their dating that

he made her feel really good with loving comfort. It also stood out to Annette when Adam

introduced her to his family. She reminisced about a story where he took her out of town.

Although they have been dating for 9 months, both of them feel like it has been longer than 9

months.

Regarding the tension that they had, Adam recalled that he was offended when he saw

another guy start dancing with her at a carnival. Adam told her to come down. Annette recalled

that they went there on their own with their friends. She said that her girlfriend felt

uncomfortable going there without Annette. In addition, Annette recalled that Adam told her that

he was with his friends and that he would not mind her dancing with someone else. Annette

furthermore recalled a story 4 months before the event that Adam’s ex-girlfriend called him and

tried to meet up with him. Annette said that she felt uncomfortable about it. Adam called her

back and talked to her on the phone. Annette expressed her feeling at the time as “I was done,”

as she describes herself as an action person. In response, Adam said that he did not want to hide

from her that he received a phone call from his ex-girlfriend and would call her back. Annette

became mad at him, and they talked about it. Despite the situation, Annette decided to stay in the

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relationship since she found potential with him that he is a good and God-fearing man, which she

prioritizes in a man.

Annette reported that she is sometimes frustrated with Adam since she thinks he portrays

himself as a single, and not “us.” For instance, he says to her that he is going to watch a movie

instead of asking her if she wants to watch the movie together. She wants him to say, “We are

going to go to the movie,” which has not come out of his mouth. Adam disagrees with her

perception that he thinks he is single. For him, telling her that he is going to watch a movie is an

invitation to do it together with her. Regardless of the difference in their interpretation of his

action, they mentioned that they do everything together. They also reported that they feel natural

doing so.

Regarding their ideal relationship, Adam reported, “I believe men and women should

enjoy company no matter what.” He sees her as having all the quality that he seeks including

“good head on shoulder, carrying conversation, career driven, wanting family, and committed.

Annette reported that ideal relationship involves “royalty, honesty, commitment, and family.”

She mentioned that he shows his commitment and family aspect of relationship by how he treats

his family. Annette said that they “talked about goals and blended each other” and said, “We

want to spend the rest of the life together.”

In the process from living separately to living together, both of them said that no

adjustment was needed. Adam reported that he was hoping for a girl like her. Annette reported

that it was always the same before and after they lived together. Regarding the happy times that

they had, Annette recalled that he took her to New York, although “he could have taken someone

else, which was something special.” Adam recalled that they went to visit his parents in his

country. “That was important for my parents to accept her,” he said.

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Adam and Annette reported that they agree that the relationship goes through periods of

ups and downs. Both of them agreed with each other that there have been more ups than downs.

They also reported that they have not had any hard times in their relationship yet. Regarding

philosophy to get through difficult times, Annette identified communication, prayer, and

honesty. Similarly, Adam identified communication as philosophy to get through difficult times.

Looking back, Adam recalled that it was new and adventurous when they started dating. Now, he

stated, it is more settled as he learned about Annette and feels generally happy. In comparison,

Annette reported that their relationship has still been exciting, just like the beginning of their

relationship. For Annette, anything that they do together is fun. Annette hopes that Adam will

not get bored with their relationship.

Part B: Their Philosophy of Marriage

Regarding what works and what does not work in a relationship, Adam reported that

some marriages do not work because they have wrong reaction. Adam identified communication,

enjoyable sex, and right reason as what works in traditional marriages. Regarding the right

reason, Adam elaborated it as “entering relationships knowing that I love the other person.”

Annette identified communication and royalty as what works in relationships. She, in addition,

reported that everything else comes automatically if a couple has these two qualities. Regarding

their parents’ marriages, Adam reported that his parents never got married or separated. Yet,

Adam stated, they seemed to be happy, which was “present” to their kids as his family ate

together, did things together, and danced together. Annette reported that her father left her

mother and her and that her mother was wounded from it. Annette added that she did not know

what her mother’s struggle meant. Annette also reported that she carries the tradition of

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celebrating Christmas and holidays from her father’s side, which she hopes to instill to their

future children. Annette also recalled watching her mother serving her father like a king.

Regarding the history of their relationship, Adam reported, “Annette has been with me

from the beginning,” which is happy. Adam reported that the dancing night when Annette used

certain language, like saying that she is going to leave their relationship, was a blow for their

relationship. Annette reported, “When we are together and doing positive things together, like

going to church or family stuff. We feel like God put us together.” In comparison, Annette

reported that their down is “when we feel like we are doing something that we are not supposed

to do, like going to a strip club.” Regarding major hopes, stresses, and worries of the partner,

Adam identified Annette’s hope as getting married to him, having their kids, and becoming a

mother. As Annette’s major stress, Adam identified himself, her family, and her household. In

comparison, Annette identified Adam’s hopes as that they are going to be together, to get

married, and to have their children. As Adam’s worries and stresses, Annette identified that he

fears that she is going to find someone older than him and successful who would give her a

richer and more comfortable environment. As Adam stressed, Annette identified his friends and

family.

Regarding the way they stay in touch with one another, Adam reported that they

reminisce, remind each other, and talk about everything. Annette similarly reported that they talk

about things and reminisce. Annette added that she wants Adam to tell her what he has to say,

and she listens to it. Lastly, Adam reported, “I feel stuff from within. I know that she is not in

and out. She continues putting (things) in front and eventually talks about it” regarding their

routines for staying in emotional contact. In comparison, Annette identified “actions” like

touching, kissing, and words as their routines for staying in emotional contact.

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Scoring of the Oral History Interview

Love Maps or Cognitive Room: I observed Adam and Annette describe their relationship and

experiences in great detail. They both demonstrated that there is a cognitive map of each others’

world, and their relationship. On my subjective scale of 1 to 9 (1 indicates very little; 9 indicates

a lot), I scale Adam’s recall about specific times in their relationship at a 9 whereas as Annette’s

fondness and admiration toward Adam at a 9.

Fondness and Admiration System: I observed throughout the interview spontaneous expressions

of fondness and admiration expressed towards each other. They both spoke highly of each other

and demonstrated physical affection towards each other. On my subjective scale of 1 to 9 (1

indicates very little; 9 indicates a lot), I scale Adam’s fondness and admiration toward Annette at

a 9, whereas as Annette’s fondness and admiration toward Adam at a 9.

Disappointment and Negativity: I observed a moderate amount of disappointment and/or

negativity expressed toward each other throughout the interview. On my subjective scale of 1 to

9 (1 indicates very little; 9 indicates a lot), I scale Adam’s disappointment and/or negativity

toward Annette at a 2, whereas Annette’s disappointment and/or negativity toward Adam at a 3.

We-ness: More often than not, I observed Adam refer to them as separate individuals based on

his frequent use of “I” and “she.” In comparison, I observed Annette refer to themselves as “we”

in most instances throughout the interview. On my subjective scale of 1 to 9 (1 indicates very

little; 9 indicates a lot), I scale Adam’s use of “we-ness” words at a 4 whereas as Annette’s use

of “we-ness” words at a 9.

Glorifying the Struggle: I observed that Mary Jo and Annette have “couple efficacy” as they

were able to surpass obstacles in their relationship successfully in the past. Besides, both of

them reported a few obstacles between them. On my subjective scale of 1 to 9 (1 indicates very

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little; 9 indicates a lot), I scale Adam’s ability to solve relational problems at an 8 whereas as

Annette’s ability to solve relational problems at a 9.

Chaos: I would describe this couple’s relationship as stable and not chaotic or out of control

since they seem to get along well overall despite few disagreements between them. In addition,

Adam and Annette share a philosophy that communication works in their relationship, and they

demonstrated the philosophy when a disagreement occurs over We-ness during the interview. On

my subjective scale of 1 to 9 (1 indicates very little; 9 indicates a lot), I scale the level of chaos in

their relationship at a 2. On the same scale, I scale Adam’s expression of chaos in their

relationship at a 2 whereas Annette’s expression of chaos in their relationship at a 2.

Stereotypic Roles & Traditionality: I observed their relationship as being egalitarian and

traditional in nature. Annette expressed, “he (Adam) is some type of a leader. He wants to lead

and I will follow.” This statement is congruent with cultural tradition that women follow men.

Yet, Adam reported Annette takes over when it comes to problem solving. In fact, Annette

mentioned, “We balance (our roles).” On my subjective scale of 1 to 9 (1 indicates totally

egalitarian; 9 indicates totally traditional), I scale the style of their relationship at a 5. On the

same scale, I scale Adam’s style of relationship at a 4 whereas Annette’s style of relationship at a

6.

Conflict-avoiding vs. Conflict-engaging Couples: I observed this couple engage in conflicts

when they arise. In fact, they expressed their arguments and they listened to each other’s

arguments. Both of them reported that they do everything together. On my subjective scale of 1

to 9 (1 indicates very little; 9 indicates a lot), I scale the degree of conflict-avoiding style in their

relationship at a 2. On the same scale, I scale the degree of Adam’s conflict-avoiding style in

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their relationship at a 1 whereas the degree of Annette’s conflict-avoiding style in their

relationship a 2.

III. WRITTEN TASKS

This writer requested that Adam and Annette completed seven different questionnaires

(Love Maps, Fondness and Admiration System, Turning Toward or Away, Start-Up, Accepting

Influence, Repair Attempts, and Shared Meanings Questionnaire: Honoring Each Other’s

Dreams)

A. Love Maps

Adam reported true to all the statements except the ones below:

• I can list the relatives my partner likes the least.

• I can list my partner’s three favorite movies.

Annette reported true to all the statements except the one below:

• I can list the relatives my partner likes the least.

Based on the questionnaire, it seems that both of them allocate the great amount of

“cognitive room” to one another.

B. Fondness and Admiration System

Adam and Ann reported true to all the statements. Based on the questionnaire, it seems

that both of them express the great amount of spontaneous expressions of “fondness and

admiration.”

C. Turning Toward or Away

Adam and Ann reported true to all the statements. Based on the questionnaire, it seems

that their “emotional bank account” is full of “emotional money” or “turning toward” instead of

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“turning away” from one another in non-conflict interaction. Therefore, “positive sentiment

override” (PSO) is likely to occur in their relationship.

D. Start-Up

Adam reported false to all the statements except the ones below:

• I hate the way my partner raises an issue.

• Arguments often seem to come out of nowhere.

• Before I know it, we are in a fight.

• When my partner complains, I feel picked on.

• I seem to always get blamed for issues.

• I feel I have to ward off personal attacks.

• I often have to deny charges leveled against me.

Annette reported false to all the statements except the one below:

• When my partner complains, I feel picked on.

• I often have to deny charges leveled against me.

• I just want to leave the scene when complains arise.

Based on the questionnaire, it seems that both of them express some amount of

spontaneous “disappointment” and “negativity” to one another. Still, the amount of “disappoint”

and “negativity” between the partners is relatively small compared to the amount of “fondness”

and “admiration” between the partners, which again makes PSO possible.

IV. FONDNESS AND ADMIRATION SYSTEM: INTRODUCING THE

CONCEPT

The intervention was administered to the couple so to reconnect partners with feelings of

fondness and admiration and shift their focus to qualities that kindled their relationship in the

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past. They were instructed to select three to five of the adjectives that have, at some time,

characterized partner’s personality. They were also instructed to share their responses and

explain their choices. Then, they were instructed to share specific incidents that illustrate these

qualities. Adam identified six adjectives; loving, loyal, supportive, committed, reliable, and

dependable. Annette identified five adjectives; loving, truthful, great friend, future thinker, and

silly. Both of them were able to come up with clear and vivid examples of incidents in which the

other person demonstrated that quality. I did not notice any negative quotes during this

intervention. Instead, I noticed positive quotes from both of them during the exercise. I heard

Annette mentioning, “Wow, there are so many of them (adjectives that have characterized

Adam’s personality),” “Loving, in the morning, when I get ready for work, he gets out of the bed

and give me a hug,” “He is a very truthful person,” “I feel in my heart that he is not going to

leave,” “He is a great great friend,” and many more. I heard Adam mentioning, “I’m going to

pick up 5,” “She is attractive, I mean, she is,” “She is in a committed relationship and she shows

that,” “Reliable, she is a problem solver,” and many more.

As I mentioned above, Adam identified six adjectives; loving, loyal, supportive,

committed, reliable, and dependable easily. Annette identified five adjectives; loving, truthful,

great friend, future thinker, and silly easily. The fact that they could be able to come up with

these adjectives easily is noted as a positive. Based on my subjective perception, their strengths

may be somewhat complementary since I remember Annette telling me that Adam is more future

thinker than she is, which, she thinks, is useful. It may be that Adam’s perceived personality of

being silly may complement to Annette’s perceived personality of being loyal. Based on my

subjective perception, their strengths are similar since both of them chose loving as an adjective

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that characterized the other person. Similarly, it may be that Adam’s perceived personality of

being truthful and Annette’s perceived personality of being loyal is similar in some way.

V. PAPER TOWER TASK

The paper tower task consisted of creating a paper tower as a couple with the materials

provided by this writer. The couple was provided with color construction papers, stickers of a

variety of shapes and alphabet letters, decorative stickers, crayons, name labels, feathers of

different colors, a curling ribbon, color pencils, paper clips, a pair of scissors, tape, glue, and

crayons. The couple was instructed to create a paper tower that is tall, strong, and beautiful, and

that has to be able to stand unsupported. The couple was also instructed that they can earn up to a

total of 20 points for size, and up to a total of 20 points for strength, and up to a total of 50 points

for beauty.

The couple started out with creating themes of the tower. Adam chose a theme of “tiki”

(a wood or stone image of a Polynesian supernatural power) and Annette chose a theme of a

house. Thus, they settled down with a theme of nature and a house by incorporating each other’s

themes. With a rough initial planning, they started working on their own parts of the project;

Adam on the nature part and Annette on the house part. Throughout the project, the couple was

cooperative and supportive of one another as evidenced by giving encouragement each other and

asking questions each other about the process and the content of the tower. For instance, I heard

Annette tell Adam, “You do fine,” “I need your help,” and “Should I do a house?” I also heard

Adam tell Annette, “Give me the vision,” “What’s the building?” and “How about draw?” I did

not observe any of “The Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse” between them. I observed Adam

and Annette turn toward one another throughout the project as evidenced by their engagement in

conversation while they worked on their own parts. For instance, I observed Annette tell Adam,

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“I can’t draw” and Adam respond back to Annette by telling her “Tell me.” I also observed

Adam telling Annette, “I’m messed up” and Annette telling back to Adam, “It’s okay.” There

was a possible tension when Adam asked Annette, “What a hell is that?” and Annette answered,

“Leave me alone,” it did not lead to further argument. It can be said that Annette’s remark is a

repair attempt so that the further argument would not occur. Thus, her repair attempt worked.

Toward the end, Adam left the project and started doing own things like working on a computer

and watching TV while Annette kept working by herself and called him to come back to work on

the project. In the end, Adam came over the scene when Annette asked if he wanted to add

anything to it. He replied that there was not anything that he wanted to add and the couple

completed the project with a kiss. The result of their effort into this project was a beautiful two

stories house with furniture and a decorated tiki in the yard next to the house. I gave 20 points for

size, 20 points for strength, and 50 points for beauty.

VI. CASE NOTES

6/24/09 afternoon: The assessor visited Adam and Annette’s apartment for the first

appointment. Nature of the assessment was explained and consent forms were provided

by the assessor. Adam and Annette agreed with the consent and signed them.

Demographic Information Sheet was filled out by Adam and Annette separately to get

basic information about them. As an intervention, Oral History Interview was

administered to Adam and Annette and their responses to the questionnaire were

collected on the assessor’s note book. Their collected responses to the questionnaire were

used to assess following areas of their relationship; “Love Maps or Cognitive Room,”

“Fondness and Admiration System,” “Disappointment and Negativity,” “We-ness,”

“Glorifying the Struggle,” “Chaos,” “Stereotypic Roles, Traditionality,” and “Conflict

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Avoiding versus Conflict-engaging Couples.” Adam and Annette seemed to engage

themselves in the questionnaire evidenced by their active participation and feedback.

Based on the questionnaire, Adam and Annette seemed to be a stable couple that has

plenty of “Emotional Bank Account,” and regulate conflict successfully. As a future plan,

a pair of written tasks was assigned to Adam and Annette to complete individually until

the next meeting to further explore their relationship. They were instructed not to discuss

any of the questionnaires one another.

06/06/09 11a.m.-2p.m.: The assessor visited the couple for the second time. The

“Fondness and Admiration System: Introducing the Concept” was administered to the

couple so to reconnect partners with feelings of fondness and admiration and shift their

focus to qualities that kindled their relationship in the past. They were instructed to select

three to five of the adjectives that have, at some time, characterized partner’s personality.

They were also instructed to share their responses and explain their choices. Then, they

were instructed to share specific incidents that illustrate these qualities. Adam identified

six adjectives and Annette identified five adjectives. Their incidents were clear and well

explained. Then, “Paper Tower Task” was assigned to the couple to help the couple work

as a team by turning toward versus turning away from one another, and giving and

accepting influence in an equitable sharing of power on a task that is unrelated to marital

issues. As noted in the PAPER TOWER TASK section, the couple was cooperative and

supportive of one another as evidenced by giving encouragement each other and asking

questions each other about the process and the content of the tower throughout the

project. I did not observe any of “The Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse” between them.

I observed Adam and Annette turn toward one another throughout the project as

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evidenced by their engagement in conversation while they worked on their own parts.

They also managed possible tension between them by de-escalating it. The assessor will

write a report about the couple’s relationship that focus on their strength and resources,

and share it with the couple.

VII. CONCLUSION

Based on the Oral History Interview, I would describe this couple’s relationship as stable

for a couple reasons. First, I observed Adam and Annette describe their relationship and

experiences in great detail. Second, I observed spontaneous expressions of fondness and

admiration expressed towards each other. Specifically, they both spoke highly of each other, and

demonstrated physical affection towards each other. Third, they seem to have “couple efficacy”

as they were able to surpass obstacles in their relationship successfully in the past. Particularly, I

observed this couple engage in conflicts when they arise to solve them.

The couple also seems to be cohesive since they share a philosophy that communication

works in their relationship and they demonstrated the philosophy when a disagreement occurs

over We-ness during the Oral History Interview. In addition, the couple seems to be balanced as

Annette recognizes Adam as a leader and follow him while Adam reported Annette takes over

when it comes to problem solving.

Based on a variety of questionnaires, it seems that the couple allocates the great amount

of “cognitive room” to one another, and that “emotional bank account” is full of “emotional

money” or “turning toward” instead of “turning away” from one another in non-conflict

interaction. Also, the amount of “disappoint” and “negativity” between the partners is relatively

small compared to the amount of “fondness” and “admiration” between the partners. Therefore,

“positive sentiment override” (PSO) is more than likely to occur in their relationship.

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During the Paper Tower Task, the couple was cooperative and supportive of one another

as evidenced by giving encouragement to each other and asking questions each other about the

process and the content of the tower throughout the project. I did not observe any of “The Four

Horsemen of the Apocalypse” between them. I observed Adam and Annette turn toward one

another throughout the project as evidenced by their engagement in conversation while they

worked on their own parts. They also managed possible tension between them by de-escalating

it.

During the Fondness and Admiration System exercise, the couple could easily identify adjectives

with clear and vivid examples of incidents in which the other person demonstrated that quality. I

did not notice any negative quotes during this intervention. Instead, I noticed many positive

quotes from both of them during the exercise.

I noted the couple’s reaction to the assessment process as curious, motivated, explorative,

and serious since they completed more questionnaires than needed, gave me full detail to

questions, and made their effort into tasks. I learned that some of Gottman’s questionnaires and

interventions can fit to postmodern approaches. For instance, we can play with During the

Fondness and Admiration System exercise and ask a relationship question by having a couple

guess which adjectives the other person would choose out of other adjectives. I also realized that

some of Gottman’s questionnaires and tasks really evoke conflict and tension as much as it heels

couple. At a certain point of the Oral History Interview, the couple reacted to a question and they

started arguing over We-ness. Thus, the one who uses Gottman’s questionnaires and tasks needs

to be prepared for possible outcomes from using them.

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Assessment completed rubric.

Rubrics and Assessment of Couples Assessment:

1 – 4 points 5 – 9 points 10 points Earned

Content of

Assessment

Addresses only some of the points recommended in the template, some poorly. Contains negative, judgmental comment.

Addresses most of the points recommended in the template, some poorly. No negative, judgmental comments.

Addresses all of the topics listed in the template, all very thoroughly. No negative, judgmental comments.

9

Oral History,

Tower Task,

Written

Tasks

All three assignments completed by couple, but generally lacking detail or clinical/ educational reflection.

All three assignments completed by couple, but without enough detail or clinical/ educational reflection.

Clear, concise, excellent clinical/ educational points identified for the couple and the therapist/student. Sensitive, thorough, summary appropriate for the couple.

10

1 – 2 points 3 – 4 points 5 points Earned

Writing

Quality/

Readability

of Written

Results

Awkward, imprecise wording; unclear, with typographical and/or grammatical errors.

Fairly clearly written, well- organized in most areas.

Coherent, organized, clear format, succinct yet very thorough.

5

Presentation Did not respond to all 4 questions (i.e., Summary of the Assessment; Relate assessment to Gottman material; What you learned about couples; What you learned about assessment).

Answered all 4 questions, usually clear in supporting their evaluation with examples.

Answered all 4 questions, very clear, succinct, and thorough in their presentation. Demonstrated reflection of their learning experience.

5

Items present in the report:

Write up the results of your visits with the couple, indicating how you contacted them, your assessment of their

relationship, their reactions to the assessment process, and what you learned. No case notes required, but welcome,

use pseudonym names.

X

Oral history (p. 398-401) X

Tower Task (p. 293)

Observe for 4 horsemen, Turn toward/turn away, Repair attempts X

Written tasks (351-374, 379-395)

Selection of 2 questionnaires X

Case Note in formal format

What did you learn

Write up clear and readable

X

Additional suggestions: