Theory Research Paper #2

Motherhood and the Construction of ‘‘Mommy Identity’’: Messages about Motherhood and Face Negotiation Jennifer M. Heisler & Jennifer Butler Ellis

This study examined women’s attitudes about motherhood by utilizing the concept of

‘‘face’’ (Goffman, 1967) and the role memorable messages play in the construction of

women’s identities as mothers. Results suggested that women could recall messages from

a variety of sources, including family members and other mothers. Participants generally

reported that they did not seek to maintain a ‘‘good mother face’’ for others, yet when

asked to provide reasons why they engaged in facework behaviors, they provided a variety

of reasons such as acceptance and approval.

Keywords: Face Negotiation; Identity; Memorable Messages; Mothers

The transition into ‘‘parenthood’’ can be an emotional and turbulent time for any

individual, especially a new mother. For instance, hormonal and physical changes

in new mothers have been linked to depression (O’Hara, Schlechte, Lewis, & Wright,

1991). However, the challenges for women are not only biological. Researchers have

found that maternal depression after the birth of a child was also correlated with

marital satisfaction, social boredom, and negative body image (Anderson, Fleming,

& Steiner, 1994). Furthermore, mothers scoring themselves as depressed during the

post-partum months were less likely to seek out information about child rearing

(Anderson et al., 1994) and had more negative attitudes about caring for their

own children (Gotlib, Whiffen, Wallace, & Mount, 1991). Thus, the physiological

Jennifer M. Heisler (PhD, Michigan State University, 2001) is an associate professor in Oakland University’s

Department of Communication and Journalism. Jennifer Butler Ellis (PhD, Michigan State University, 2001)

is a professor of practice and director of the Ernst & Young Accounting Business Communication Center within

the Eli Broad College of Business at Michigan State University. Correspondence: Jennifer M. Heisler, Department

of Communication and Journalism, 427 Wilson Hall, Oakland University, Rochester, MI 48309; E-mail:

[email protected]

Communication Quarterly

Vol. 56, No. 4, November 2008, pp. 445–467

ISSN 0146-3373 print/1746-4102 online # 2008 Eastern Communication Association

DOI: 10.1080/01463370802448246

and psychological changes occurring in women during pregnancy and the transition

to motherhood may have implications for the whole family system.

Research on family influence has suggested that new parents often rely upon their

families of origin as references for their new roles as parents (Massey, 1986). Indeed,

these extended networks often provide social support and serve to alleviate stress and

encourage well-being during life transitions (i.e., births) and crises (Gottlieb, 1994),

such as divorce. The U.S. Census Bureaus reports ‘‘the number of grandchildren liv-

ing in households maintained by grandparents with just their mothers present

increased by 118 percent from 1970 to 1997, while those living with just their fathers

increased by 217 percent’’ (Casper & Bryson, 1998, p. 1). However, family demo-

graphic trends in the last half of the century suggest families are becoming more

mobile. Although these changes in demography have been labeled the ‘‘mobility

myth’’ by some (Wellner, 2006), the U.S. Census Bureau reports that in 2000, less

that 4% of family households were ‘multigenerational’ in make-up (Simmons &

O’Neil, 2001), and 46% of the U.S. population had lived in a different home in

2000 than they did in 1995 (Berkner & Faber, 2003), with approximately 10% of

moves occurring across state lines. As a result, socialization and support that once

occurred within extended families may not be as readily available for new mothers.

If women receive familial support, it may be over long distances or sporadic. The

absence of immediate family support suggests parents may seek to find ‘‘replacement

support’’ from other, nonfamilial sources.

While one might assume that new parents without supportive immediate families

would run to others for support during difficult or stressful times, seeking help may

not be a natural or culturally sanctioned practice. Face Negotiation Theory (Ting-

Toomey, 1988) suggests that the United States’ culture simultaneously encourages

connection and autonomy among individuals. In other words, we have a need to

engage and receive understanding from others while still maintaining a desire for priv-

acy and boundaries. One way these boundaries may manifest themselves is through

the development of one’s ‘‘face,’’ or the image of ourselves we display for others

(Goffman, 1967). Cupach and Metts (1994) have suggested when people meet, they

present a prepared ‘‘image’’ of themselves to the other(s) in the interaction. This

image is ‘‘an identity that he or she wants to assume and wants others to accept’’

(p. 3). While this image, or face, is not necessarily designed to deceive or mislead, it

is certainly influenced by cultural norms. As a new mother, a woman may struggle

to balance her constructed, mother image and acknowledge her insecurities, need of

connection, support, and advice from others. The authors recognize that this struggle

is based on the assumption that women do not feel comfortable revealing their failures

to others. Certainly, (one hopes) women have individuals in their lives with whom

they can share their difficulties. In these relationships, it follows that the construction

of a ‘‘mother face’’ would not be a salient issue. However, it is also possible, and thus

the focus of this study, that relationships may exist that provoke a need to present a

constructed image of motherhood, selectively highlighting successes and moments of

pride. This desire to belong and be accepted by others is considered the strongest, most

central of human motivations (Baumeister & Leary, 1995). One’s self-concept depends

446 J. M. Heisler & J. B. Ellis

to a large extent on self-other perceptions; therefore, concerns about failures in this

arena can be especially threatening to individuals, particularly in Western, individu-

alistic cultures (Spencer, Fein, & Lomore, 2001).

Given the emotional and biological changes occurring in women during the tran-

sition to motherhood, and the potential ramifications of their decision-making on

the rest of the family system, it becomes important to understand how women view

themselves as they undergo this transition. The authors of this project fully acknowl-

edge that the birth of a child is also a life-altering experience for men, and many

fathers are active in daily childcare activities. However, societal expectations continue

to view childcare as a female responsibility, and women, child-bearing or not, are still

associated with (and feel responsible for) this role (Freed, 1996; Johnston & Swanson,

2006; Letherby, 1994; Weinshenker, 2006). Thus, the present study begins a prelimi-

nary examination of women’s attitudes about motherhood by utilizing the concept of

‘‘face’’ (Goffman, 1967). The study identifies general message themes about mother-

hood that women recall, the origins of these messages, and if these messages shape a

woman’s perception or definition of motherhood. Furthermore, this study explores

whether women with children sense a need to create and communicate a ‘‘good

mother’’ image and, if so, the behaviors and rationale women associate with these

constructed ‘‘mommy faces.’’

Review of Literature

Motherhood and Identity: What is a Mother?

To understand what communicative behaviors are utilized in the projection of a

‘‘good mother’’ image or ‘‘face,’’ one must examine the origins of identity. Self-

identity includes a person’s collective experiences, thoughts, ideas, memories, and

plans for the future. A woman with children will have unique experiences from

women without children, and thus a differently constructed identity as a result of

those cumulative experiences with her children. The experience of pregnancy alone,

separate from the act of mothering when the child arrives, has been identified as an

identity shaping experience. The pregnancy period is a transition period toward

‘‘motherhood,’’ a physical representation of a permanent shift in a woman’s role,

position, and perspective (for examples see Bailey, 1999; Michaels & Goldberg,

1988; Smith, 1999).

Yet, the personal experience of motherhood or physical changes during pregnancy

cannot totally account for the development of a motherhood identity in women. For

instance, women who do not have the physical experience of pregnancy prior to

motherhood (e.g., through adoption, step parenting) maintain similar struggles to

women who give birth. Certainly great diversity exists in the motherhood experience.

Thus, in addition to personal experiences, one should consider societal role expecta-

tions when discussing identity. In her study of identity issues among black women,

Reynolds (2001) found that many of the participants talked about paid work as being

an important part of who they were as mothers. Reynolds related,

Communication Quarterly 447

In speaking to the mothers it was common for them to identify paid work and mothering practices [the emotional and physical care of the child] as two interlock- ing and interdependent functions . . . [the subjects’ comments] implicitly convey an understanding of . . . . mothering being dependent upon their ability to financially support their families. (p. 1054)

While paid work is typically seen as a man’s (or father’s) domain, Reynolds’ predo-

minantly single-parent sample recognized that societal expectations of parenthood

require financial as well as emotional support of offspring. Thus, rather than reject

the expectation, the subjects incorporated the ‘‘financial provision’’ expectation into

their own identities as mothers. Indeed, women are instructed in their role require-

ments as mothers once they enter pregnancy. In her examination of pregnancy man-

uals, Marshall (1991) found that pregnant women were encouraged to promote the

interests of the child above all else, including their own needs and interests. From the

moment a woman announces her pregnancy to others she is inundated with infor-

mation about her impending responsibilities. Advice, solicited or not, is offered by

well-meaning family members and medical professionals shaping the new mother’s

concept of motherhood. Even the media offers counsel with entire magazines devoted

to the shape, fears, and health of pregnant women.

Certainly, one’s self-identity as a mother will develop through interactions with

others. Ting-Toomey (1994) argued a person’s sense of self is both conscious and

unconscious. One’s ‘‘self’’ cannot exist independently of others; the two are linked.

In other words, one’s self-identity is partially constructed through interactions with

others. This further suggests that the identity is not stagnant or permanently

described but rather a continuous, yet flexible, belief about oneself that is trimmed

or shaped. For instance, one author of this study (a mother of three small boys)

can plainly recall the first moment a young child (not her own) announced to his

peer group ‘‘No, she’s not a girl—That’s Adam’s mom!’’ This female adult was a

‘‘girl’’ as well as a ‘‘mom’’ (in fact, a girl much longer than a mom!), and the moment

became decidedly memorable for this author. This interaction served as both recog-

nition and definition of this author’s roles and, in a sense, provided her and those

listening with a message about which role should dominate her identity. Indeed,

being labeled and treated as a mother by others may produce ‘‘mothering’’ behaviors

on the part of women as well as alterations to the way women see themselves.

However, some communication about motherhood is not so indirect. Often

women learn about being mothers through verbal instructions from others

(Reynolds, 2001). Sometimes these messages from others are forgotten or purpose-

fully discarded. Yet, some of these messages are retained and integrated into one’s

identity. These ‘‘memorable messages,’’ first identified by Knapp, Stohl, and Reardon

(1981), typically reflect guidelines or prescriptions for the listener’s behavior, and

although the identified messages may be communicated orally during a specific, sin-

gle context, Knapp et al. (1981) argued that the content of the messages ‘‘transcended

any one specific context’’ (p. 32) to influence a receiver’s general life actions. Indeed,

memorable messages have been found in general interpersonal contexts (Ellis &

Smith, 2004; Holladay, 2002; Smith & Ellis, 2001; Smith, Ellis, & Yoo, 2001), families

448 J. M. Heisler & J. B. Ellis

(Heisler, 2002), as well as organizations (Stohl, 1986; Switalski, Ellis, & Ford, 2003),

covering a wide range of topics, such as sexuality, general life expectations, aging,

work behavior, and customer service interactions. It follows that women may be

receiving similar memorable messages about motherhood that they are then using

as guideposts to construct their mother identities. Thus, the following research ques-

tions are considered.

RQ1a: Can women with children recall past messages sent to them about mother- hood?

RQ1b: If so, what themes are evident in these messages? RQ1c: What sources (e.g., spouses, in-laws, friends) are remembered as com-

municating these messages?

Motherhood and Face: Me vs. the ‘‘Good Mother’’

A woman’s identity as mother is shaped through experiences, interactions with, and

messages from others. Yet, this view of oneself can also be intensely private and per-

sonal. As a result, individuals may be protective and hesitant to share this ‘‘real me’’

with others. This reticence may be magnified if a woman feels she does not measure

up to her or others’ expectations. Revealing her weaknesses and failures may make

her feel too vulnerable (see works on image threats by Fein & Spencer, 1997; Holmes,

2000; Murray & Holmes, 1993 as examples). As a result, individuals develop an image

of self, or ‘‘face,’’ to display in conversations with others (Goffman, 1967). The con-

cept of face is not synonymous with self-concept, but rather suggests that there is a

‘‘projected image’’ of the self purposefully designed for specific encounters with

others. Ting-Toomey (1994) suggested that face ‘‘entails the presentation of a civi-

lized front to another individual’’ (p. 1). For example, a woman may hold a vision

of ‘‘motherhood.’’ Through conversations and comparisons, she constructs a self-

identity that almost matches her vision of motherhood. In one area, however, her

‘‘mothering’’ falls short of the standard she has set (e.g., she works more hours out-

side the home than she believes a ‘‘good mommy’’ would work). Rather than reveal

this personal discrepancy to other individuals, the woman constructs a ‘‘mommy

face’’ that emphasizes all the ways in which she reaches (and often surpasses) her

own standard in other areas of motherhood.

While there may be incongruity between one’s identity and the face shown to

others, the concept of face should not be mistaken for an act of deception or pretend-

ing. Rather, one’s face is an extension of one’s self identity that is modified with

thought to cultural expectations and social desirability. Often this modification pro-

cess involves communication behaviors, called facework (Cupach & Metts, 1994;

Ting-Toomey, 1994). For example, an individual may recognize his=her tendencies to procrastinate. Yet, in the office and at work, this individual makes a concerted

effort to arrive early for each meeting, stay at the office late, and check in regularly

with superiors. Thus, the individual’s ‘‘work face’’ is secured as she=he is labeled

by coworkers as ‘‘dependable’’ and ‘‘punctual.’’ For families, facework could take

Communication Quarterly 449

shape within the long-term ‘‘happy marriage’’ that everyone, including close friends,

is surprised to see dissolve. A mother may also engage in facework by telling her

mother or significant other that she took ‘‘Junior’’ to the park and spent quality time

reading books. This information may be communicated with the intent of portraying

a positive ‘‘mommy’’ image to others as well as reinforcing one’s own role expecta-

tions. In any case, the construction of one’s face and the associated facework beha-

viors are a communicative process that is undertaken through interaction with

others. In this sense, the following research questions were developed:

RQ2a: Do women with children recognize a need to construct a ‘‘good mother face,’’ (i.e., a presented image different from their own self identities)?

RQ2b: If so, how do these women show others they are ‘‘good mothers?’’ RQ3: For what reasons, and to whom, do women with children feel the strongest

need to manage and maintain their ‘‘good mother’’ face?

Methods

Participants

Initial recruitment of potential participants for this study included distribution of the

survey instruments in the areas thought to contain the desired population, such as

young married fellowships, or informally organized ‘‘playgroups’’ for children. How-

ever, the majority of participants were obtained by word-of-mouth and referrals by

participants. Interested participants were encouraged to share the names of friends,

relatives, or acquaintances that might be interested in the research project. Referrals

were made in two ways: an interested participant included that name and=or address

of her friend, co-worker, acquaintance; or an interested participant asked for multiple

copies of the survey instruments and consent (and the provided stamped envelopes)

to deliver to her friend, co-worker, or acquaintance (potential referral). If a referral

was received via completed questionnaire, the potential (referred) participant was

mailed a research survey and a stamped, pre-addressed envelope with an invitation

to participate in the study. Any potential participant who did not wish to participate

in the current study was encouraged to discard the survey instrument. An anony-

mous survey was employed in an effort to reduce participants’ tendencies to engage

in facework during data collection.

One hundred and seventy-five surveys were distributed, yielding eighty-one sur-

veys for the current analysis (46% response rate). All participants were female with

at least one child (M¼2.3, SD¼1.6, range¼1–6). Participants ranged in age from 24–59 years representing the following distribution: 18–23 yrs. (1.2%), 24–29 yrs.

(17.3%), 30–34 yrs. (28.4%), 35–39 yrs. (24.7%), 40–44 yrs. (21%), 45–49 yrs.

(6.2%), and 50–59 yrs. (1.2%), with the largest group in their early thirties

(28.4%). The majority of women described their relationship to their children as

‘‘biological parent’’ (N¼77, 95.1%), two women (2.5%) described their relationship as ‘‘step parent,’’ one (1.2%) described their relationship as ‘‘adoptive parent,’’ and

one (1.2%) described their relationship as ‘‘relative.’’ Approximately ninety-nine

450 J. M. Heisler & J. B. Ellis

percent of participants (N¼80) reported their ethnicity as Caucasian, and 1.2% (N¼1) reported her race as Black. Relational status of participants was reported as 91.4% married (N¼74), 4.9% divorced or separated from spouse (N¼4), 2.5% single (N¼2), and 1.2% cohabitating (N¼1). Participants represented a well-educated population with 60.5% having a college degree or advanced schooling.

Seventy-six (N¼62) percent of participants reported working outside their homes, with 46.9% (N¼38) of those mothers working part-time and 29.6% (N¼24) work- ing full-time outside the home (one participant did not indicate the number of hours

worked outside the home).

Instrumentation

Interested participants received a ‘‘messages about motherhood’’ survey created for

this study. Although it would be the authors’ preference to utilize an existing, pre-

viously validated survey instrument, the specific focus on mothers, messages, and

facework prompted the creation of the current questionnaire.

Similar to other studies on memorable messages (Ellis & Smith, 2004; Smith &

Ellis, 2001), the first section of the survey, in open-ended format, asked participants

to recall any messages received about motherhood and the source of each message.

One Likert item was then used to ask participants ‘‘to what extent have these

messages shaped your definition of a good mother?’’ (1¼not at all, 5¼ to a great extent).

The second section of the questionnaire identified participants’ beliefs about

motherhood, face needs, and behavior. Three, five-point Likert-type items (1¼not at all and 5¼ to a great extent) asked participants to indicate their personal need to communicate and construct their motherhood face. Items included ‘‘To what

extent do you try to communicate to others that you are a ‘good mother’?’’ and

‘‘Do you ever feel that you are trying to communicate to others something that

you are not?’’ The final Likert item provided participants with the definition of

‘‘face’’ (i.e., ‘‘one’s face is the image of self that people display in conversations with

others’’) and asked whether participants felt this described their own behaviors.

These three items were summed to create a measure of facework (a¼ .60). Two open-ended items were also used to ask participants how and why they felt it

necessary to communicate to others they were a ‘‘good mother.’’ To establish which

relationships mothers feel the strongest need to communicate a ‘‘good mother’’

image, all participants were given a list of 10 possible relationships (spouse, signifi-

cant other, your mother, your father, friends, boss, co-workers, mother-in-law,

father-in-law, family members) and asked to report ‘‘how strongly you feel the need

to communicate that you are a ‘good mother’’ for each person (1¼not at all and 5¼ to a great extent).

Finally, participants were asked to indicate their sex and age, the number of and

relationship to their children (e.g., biological mother, step-mother), as well as infor-

mation regarding their education, relational status, and current employment status.

Communication Quarterly 451

Analyses

For all the open-ended items, the unit of measurement for each participant response

was identified at the level of thought unit or theme. Thus, a single participant

response could contain several categorizable units of analysis or messages. For

example, one mother wrote: ‘‘Mothering is probably the greatest responsibility given

to me by God . . . a good mother is patient, creative, soft-spoken, teachable.’’ In this example, two units of analysis were present in the single recalled response: mother-

hood as a privilege or gift, and the behaviors and characteristics of a good mother.

Therefore, this answer’s two thoughts were treated as distinct units of analysis= messages and thus categorized separately. The identification of the units of analyses

for each open-ended item was determined through researcher discussion prior to

data analyses. The average unit of analysis (or message) per participant for each ques-

tion was as follows: motherhood message recall (M¼2.10), source of message(s) (M¼2.65), ways of communicating face (M¼1.80), and reasons for communicating face (M¼1.08).

Coding schemes were developed for the open-ended motherhood message recall,

source of messages, methods of communicating face, and reasons for communication

of face items. Given the exploratory nature of the current study and the open-ended

design of the questionnaire, the categories were developed in a grounded fashion

originating from obtained participant responses. Similar to the Smith and Ellis

(2001) study, a random selection of approximately 10 surveys were used to develop

category schemes. An initial coding scheme was created for each open-ended item

through discussion. In addition to the emergent categories, a miscellaneous category

was included for each item, allowing the possibility of additional categories to

surface. Through this method, categories and themes emerged that were grounded

in the data (Strauss & Corbin, 1998). The two researchers then independently coded

all sample responses into the generated categories. When this process was completed

without having any responses fall into a ‘‘miscellaneous’’ category, the category

scheme was accepted. Two coders then coded approximately 20% of the units of

analysis to establish coding reliability. Cohen’s Kappas for each variable were

obtained prior to discussion. The types of memorable messages about motherhood

fell into four general themes: motherhood is my priority, behaviors and characteris-

tics of mothers, motherhood as unidimensional, motherhood as a dialectic. Cohen’s

kappa for memorable message type was .70.

The sources of memorable messages were coded into 14 categories. Categories

included spouse, society, media, family (i.e., grandparent, relatives, children), co-

workers, mother, father, mother-in-law, bible or religious sources, personal life= experiences, other mothers, friends, doctors, and college. Cohen’s kappa for source

of memorable message was .82.

Ways or how one communicates or shows a ‘‘good mother’’ image were coded

into three categories: interactions with children, children and their accomplishments,

and sacrificing personal needs versus balance. Cohen’s kappa for ways one commu-

nicates to others a ‘‘good mother’’ image was .76.

452 J. M. Heisler & J. B. Ellis

Table 1 Open-ended Coding Categories and Representative Participant Responses

Categories of responses Sample responses

Messages about motherhood

Motherhood is my priority It is a very important job—the most

important job in the world.

A mother needs to devote her entire

life to her children.

It is a lifetime job—it doesn’t end

when your children grow up and

have children of their own.

Behaviors and characteristics

of mothers

Good mothers listen to their kids and

dialogue with them.

Good moms stay home with their kids.

Be in your child’s classroom, clean, only

feed the right foods, only watch the right

shows—stay at home!

Motherhood as unidimensional It’s the best thing in the whole world.

It [motherhood] is an interruption in

YOUR career and life.

It’s one of the harder jobs to have.

Open-ended Coding Categories and Representative Participant Responses

Motherhood as dialectic Being a mom has good parts and bad

parts all at once.

It is the hardest, thankless at times, most

rewarding, best job in the world.

It is demanding, yet worthwhile.

Methods of communicating ‘‘good mother’’ face

(Mothers’) interactions with children When we go places with others, they see

I am good at this job.

The way I handle discipline in front of others . . .

The children and their accomplishments My child is very well-mannered and polite.

How my kids act when they are not around me.

I talk about my son’s grades—he gets straight as.

By bragging about my kids.

Sacrificing personal needs vs. balance I work part-time, which I’m sure has

delayed my career, only to spend more

time with the kids.

I need to take of myself too—I can’t be

good at this job if I feel bad about myself.

(Continued)

Communication Quarterly 453

Reasons one communicates to others that they are a ‘‘good mother’’ were coded

into three categories: acceptance and approval, personal reasons, and helping others.

Cohen’s kappa for reasons why one tries to communicate a ‘‘good mother’’ image

was .72. All coding discrepancies for each variable were resolved through discussion

to reach 100% agreement. See Table 1 for a list of categories and representative

responses.

Results

Messages about Motherhood

The first research question addressed whether or not ‘‘women with children recall

past messages sent to them about motherhood?’’ and ‘‘[w]hat sources (e.g., spouses,

in-laws, friends) are remembered as sending these messages.’’ Participants reported

receiving messages about motherhood from a variety of sources. Many participants

indicated multiple sources for the recalled messages, yielding 198 categorizable

responses for coding. The most frequently mentioned sources of messages about

motherhood were family members (e.g., grandparents, siblings, children, or relatives,

N¼40) and participants’ own mothers (N¼38). Least often recalled sources con- sisted of co-workers (N¼2) and participants’ mothers-in-law (N¼4). Other recalled sources included friends (N¼22), media (N¼35), participants’ fathers (N¼10), other mothers (N¼11), Bible and religious sources (N¼27), spouse=husband

Table 1 Continued

Categories of responses Sample responses

Reasons for communicating ‘‘good mother’’ face

Acceptance and approval I always feel pressure from my in-laws—my

mother-in-law especially—to show them

that I am a good mom–wife–person.

Because its whats (sic) expected

Personal reasons It’s very important to me.

To validate myself that I am a good mother.

I feel better about myself when I have a

good day with the kids, when I don’t

lose my temper or when I play

[with the kids].

Mentoring=helping others If I thought they needed advice on raising

their own children.

Moms need support from one another.

Because it’s hard to be a good mom—and

if I can do this [job] than so can she.

454 J. M. Heisler & J. B. Ellis

(N¼7), personal experience (N¼4), generic ‘‘society’’ (N¼5), and other sources, such as doctors (N¼2) and college (N¼1). Finally, participants reported that the messages they recalled shaped their definition of a good mother to a great extent

(mode¼5, M¼3.9, SD¼1.28). Additionally, the current research explored the question ‘‘what themes are evident

in these [recalled] messages.’’ Eighty-one participants (92% of study participants)

yielded 146 units of analysis for coding. The content of these messages revealed four

themes described in the following paragraphs.

Motherhood is my priority

The most prevalent theme among the recalled messages reflected the importance of

motherhood (N¼56). Participants often identified messages that described this role as a priority in their lives (e.g., ‘‘It is a very important job-the most important job in

the world’’ or ‘‘Mothering matters’’). In some instances, participants recalled mes-

sages that described a mother’s role as consuming other, separate parts of their lives.

For instance, one woman recounted a message encouraging her to restrict her own

interests for the sake of other family members: ‘‘[You] need to place your children’s

needs above your own, and sacrifice for your family. The goal should be to give your

child a better life than you’ve had.’’ The importance of this particular role (mother-

ing) allowed and even encouraged this consummation of other areas and interests.

Embedded in these thoughts were the sentiments that motherhood is a priority

because it is a gift, an experience not available to all persons (e.g., ‘‘Motherhood is

a gift from God’’ and ‘‘that it is a precious gift and to enjoy each moment of it’’).

Furthermore, mothers highlighted messages stating the need to be thankful for the

opportunity to assume this privileged role by making motherhood a defining charac-

teristic of their lives. For example, one woman writes, ‘‘The message I received is that

motherhood is something you are not something you do.’’

Behaviors and characteristics of mothers

Approximately one-fifth of messages recalled by participants referred to the charac-

teristics and behaviors most desirable for mothers (N¼38). In many cases, the mes- sages recalled suggested that mothers were expected to serve as role models for their

families (e.g., ‘‘Be sure that your relationship with God is strong and your kids will

follow’’ and ‘‘Set the standard and be a good example for your own children’’).

Therefore, mothers should embody those behaviors and standards wanted in their

own children. These behaviors ranged from directly observable actions (e.g., ‘‘Good

moms stay home with their kids’’) to more subtle, perhaps even vague, demonstra-

tions (e.g., ‘‘Mothers care a lot . . . they have to show [their family] that they love them’’ or ‘‘be sure to love them without conditions’’). In addition to behaviors, part-

icipants were instructed on the most desirable characteristics for motherhood. These

messages reflected internal qualities, such as personality or attitudes (‘‘Moms have to

be patient’’ or ‘‘be consistent!’’).

Communication Quarterly 455

Motherhood as unidimensional

While many of the mothers recalled multiple messages regarding motherhood, some

messages expressed a singular view of their role. These messages (N¼29) reflected a view of parenting as a unidimensionally positive or negative experience. Responses

were typically gestalt reflections on motherhood, rather than comments on particular

pieces or duties within the role (e.g., ‘‘It’s the best thing in the whole world’’) and did

not include further explanation. Positive comments extolled the benefits and positive

nature of mothering such as ‘‘It’s a joy,’’ ‘‘It’s a wonderful thing,’’ or ‘‘That it is a

rewarding experience.’’

On the other hand, negative messages provided general comments about the

difficulties and costs incurred when mothering, such as ‘‘Motherhood is challenging.’’

These comments, regardless of the valance, were not mixed nor did they make any

attempt to qualify or balance their views with mention of the alternate perspective.

Instead, these women recalled advice with a singular view, privileging the positive

or the negative experiences within the role. Furthermore, unlike the message theme

of ‘‘mother as my priority’’ these comments did not suggest an ordering of women’s

roles (e.g., ‘‘Motherhood should be the first thing you do in the morning and the last

thing you do at night . . .’’) but rather were general reflections on the mothering experience.

Motherhood as a dialectic

In contrast to participants who recalled one-dimensional messages of motherhood,

23 messages highlighted the role’s conflictual nature. These participants recalled mes-

sages that, within the same thought or sentence, identified the challenges and benefits

of motherhood, such as ‘‘That it is challenging and rewarding.’’

These messages, like dialectic theory (Baxter & Montgomery, 1996), suggested

that motherhood is simultaneously a difficult and joyous experience. These recalled

messages tended to be the longest entries by participants, perhaps due to the equal

attention given to each side of the dialect. These dialectical messages also possessed

a notable structure. Many of these messages started with the challenges of motherhood

and finished with motherhood’s positive aspects. It is difficult to surmise whether the

order of the recalled benefits reflects the mothers’ or the speakers’ opinions. Yet, one

might imagine that mothers could be utilizing an ‘‘intrapersonal recency effect,’’ by

ending their messages with the positive attributes of a difficult role.

Motherhood and Face

The current study also examined whether Goffman’s (1967) notion of face was appli-

cable to motherhood (RQ2a) and, if so, to whom and for what reasons face was com-

municated (RQ3). Three items were used to assess general ‘‘good mother’’ facework

behaviors. The average participant response indicated that they did not purposely

engage in ‘‘good mother’’ facework to a great extent (M¼2.5, SD¼ .83; 1¼not at all, 5¼ to a great extent). However, when participants were also asked to indicate

456 J. M. Heisler & J. B. Ellis

the strength of their need to communicate they were a good mother to various indi-

viduals the results were mixed, suggesting that mothers do engage in some

‘‘mommy’’ facework behavior depending upon the target. Participants rated their

need to communicate they were a good mother for each potential relationship

(1¼not at all; 5¼ to a great extent). Means and standard deviations were as follows: spouse (N¼79; M¼3.68; SD¼1.42), your mother (N¼76; M¼3.64; SD¼1.38), your father (N¼63; M¼3.20; SD¼1.31), your mother-in-law (N¼69; M¼3.57; SD¼1.29), friends (N¼79; M¼3.32; SD¼1.05), co-workers (N¼58; M¼2.79; SD¼1.20), your boss (N¼53; M¼2.30; SD¼1.29), family members (N¼77; M¼3.30; SD¼1.05), and your father-in-law (N¼63; M¼3.20; SD¼1.20).

Furthermore, when asked to indicate the reasons they communicate a particular

image to others, 74 participant responses yielded 86 units of analysis for coding.

Seven participants left this question blank. Themes included acceptance and approval

(N¼32), personal reasons (N¼25), and helping others (N¼18). Eleven participants indicated they did not feel a need or have a reason to construct a ‘‘face’’ for others.

Acceptance and approval (from others)

The most frequently cited reason for constructing a ‘‘good mother’’ face was seeking

acceptance from other individuals. These messages spoke of a fear of criticism and=or

rejection by others (e.g., ‘‘. . . there’s always a fear of having someone criticize me’’ or ‘‘When I am feeling judged’’). Although not always directly mentioned, the messages

conveyed ‘‘face’’ as an avoidance of critique and carried an undercurrent of being

‘‘found out’’ by others. For instance, one mother wrote: ‘‘I always put my best foot

forward. I’m not a liar, but I also don’t want my neighbors to know about the days

my kids don’t have baths and eat cereal for dinner.’’ In these responses, mothers

described the creation of a separate, although not entirely fictional, public image.

These ‘‘faces’’ were continually described as a strategy for keeping their ‘‘at-home’’

persona out of the public realm. Alongside a need to avoid criticism, women con-

structed ‘‘mommy faces’’ to encourage acceptance by others. For example, one

mother described her desire to be accepted by her in-laws: ‘‘[I] want them to accept

[me] into [the] ‘clan’ and show you [I] can take care of a child.’’ This mother, and

others, recounted a purposeful construction of an image that would be desirable or

acceptable to others. In contrast to the avoidance ‘‘face,’’ which served to deflect

others’ attentions, the acceptance ‘‘face’’ was constructed to attract. While very few

of these responses listed specific ‘‘others’’ (e.g., spouse or mother-in-law), parti-

cipants did communicate a general desire for acceptance and approval for their

mothering duties. For example, one mother suggested that she felt motivated [to con-

struct her mommy face] by a desire to achieve ‘‘good mother’’ status: ‘‘I don’t

know . . . I guess that I want to be seen by others as a good, competent mom. I want someone to say that I did a good job.’’

In some cases, the general acceptance seemed to be located in societal expectations.

Some participants recounted they constructed public images because they recognized

Communication Quarterly 457

societal expectations for mothers and they felt pressured to conform to the precon-

ceived ideals (e.g., ‘‘Because it’s expected!’’ or ‘‘It’s my job to be a good mother.’’)

Personal reasons

While many participants were motivated by external influences (like neighbors or in-

laws), some mothers described an internal pressure to demonstrate their mothering

skills. Participants listed various personal motivations for their self-images such as

guilt (e.g., ‘‘. . . because sometimes I feel guilty about not spending enough quality time with my child’’), insecurity (e.g., ‘‘Sometimes I’m not sure how I’m doing [at

mothering]. Telling others about the good things makes me feel better’’), values

(e.g., ‘‘It’s very important to me’’), and self-esteem (e.g., ‘‘To validate myself that I

am a good mother’’). The literature on face negotiation (e.g., Ting-Toomey, 1994)

and social constructionism (e.g., Anderson & Goolishian, 1988; Hoffman, 1990)

suggests that ‘‘self’’ is influenced through interaction with others, and that cultural

expectations can influence one’s personal expectations for behavior and attitudes.

In short, a woman’s thoughts on mothering are not uniquely her own; her family

of origin and her daily interactions have shaped her current practices and expecta-

tions. Yet, these mothers identified their reasons for displaying ‘‘good mother’’

behaviors as self-motivated without mention of pressure from outside forces. This

self-motivation is most notable in the ‘‘I’’ language used by participants, for example,

‘‘I need to be a good mother.’’ These reasons for communicating a ‘‘good mother

face’’ are described as initiated by and beneficial to the women themselves. The

comments suggest that the mothers have internalized what, typically, is felt as an

external, societal pressure.

Mentoring=helping others A lesser number of participants communicated their ‘‘good mother’’ faces for the

benefit of others. In these comments, the women suggested that their own displays

of ‘‘good mothering’’ would be helpful and provide guidance to others. Three notable

sentiments emerged within these quotations. First, the comments were very clearly

aimed at other women. None of the participants’ comments suggested that their dis-

plays of ‘‘good mothering’’ should be universalized as ‘‘good parenting,’’ or ‘‘good

fathering’’ (e.g., ‘‘Moms need support from one another’’ and ‘‘I want to show other

women that it [being a good mother] can be done’’). Although the question did ask

for the reasons one communicates a ‘‘good mother face,’’ the women in this sample

associated their own performances as exclusively helpful to other women, not other

parents. Second, the mothers desiring to help others clearly defined mothering as a

difficult and stressful experience for example, ‘‘. . . to help [a] struggling mother.’’ Third, the remarks represented a sense of authority and=or privilege. The women

serving as examples of ‘‘good mothering’’ (e.g., the participants) were conceptualized

as more successful or more knowledgeable than women needing guidance. One

mother wrote: ‘‘I’ve been a mother for almost 30 years. I have a strong idea of

458 J. M. Heisler & J. B. Ellis

how to be a good mother—for myself and others.’’ In this case, and others, the par-

ticipant highlighted her own abilities in contrast to other women who lack her

experience and, perhaps, her expertise.

Following the request for the reasons one communicates a positive image of their

mothering, participants were asked how they displayed this image to others (RQ2b).

The following provides a thematic explanation of participants’ responses.

(Mothers’) interactions with children

When participants found it necessary to demonstrate their mothering skills, most

relied upon their interactions with their child(ren) (N¼38) to communicate they were ‘‘good mothers.’’ In these cases, participants described ‘‘good mothering’’ as

occurring when other individuals observed their parent-child interactions (e.g.,

‘‘When we go places with others—they see I am good at this job’’ or ‘‘watching

me with the kids’’). It is interesting, however, that these women felt that observations

of their parenting behavior would inherently provide an image of them as ‘‘good

mothers’’ rather than bad, lazy, or frustrated mothers. Anecdotally, one author of this

paper can recall a very public fight between herself and her five-year-old son in the

grocery store over the appropriateness of certain breakfast foods. Keenly aware of

other shoppers, the author struggled to maintain her ‘‘good mother’’ image while

battling with her son. When it became apparent that a resolution (e.g., child calmed

but mega-sugar cereal NOT in shopping cart) was impossible, the author left the

store rather than remain in direct view of other shoppers. As this experience illus-

trates, the mothers in the study described being very conscious of others’ observa-

tions and, when observed, provided a role performance that embodied ‘‘good

mothering.’’ Yet, on the occasions when observations provide less than positive

evaluations, these mothers may depart for more private=home spaces. For instance, one mother described a situation like the author’s example:

[T]he way I handle discipline in front of others—I get very nervous when my kids act up and I have to discipline them around others. I feel like I’m in the spotlight and am quite paranoid about what conclusions are being drawn about the way I handle my children’s misbehavior; to show I’m a ‘good mother’ I’m probably too easy on my kids around others.

This further supports the notion that a ‘‘good mother face’’ is a conscious, purposely

constructed image designed specifically for others’ inspection.

The children and their accomplishments

Many participants (N¼36) reported they bragged about their child(ren)’s accom- plishments or relied upon their child(ren)’s behavior or appearance. In the previous

category, mothers relied upon their own behaviors to communicate their role. This

group, however, felt their children’s actions characterized their status as mothers.

At times, simple observation of their children communicated that these mothers

Communication Quarterly 459

had succeeded as parents (e.g., ‘‘My children are always neat and clean—others can

tell that I care for them’’ and ‘‘Just look at my daughter—she looks loved!’’), while

other mothers suggested that their children’s behaviors were better evidence (e.g.,

‘‘my child is very well-mannered and polite’’).

Yet, some comments within this category highlighted a second, maternal action in

tandem with correct child behavior. These comments still relied upon children’s

achievements, however, ‘‘good mothers’’ were also responsible for telling others

about these accomplishments, for instance, ‘‘I like to talk about my kids- what they’re

doing and how great they are.’’ For these mothers, the act of bragging—verbally

describing their children’s behaviors—was a performance of ‘‘good mothering.’’ It

was difficult to discern, however, whether the act of verbally describing their chil-

dren’s actions or the presupposed parental pride accompanying the bragging was

more important to the women’s facework. Assuming that the women would not

be as likely to share their children’s poor decisions and failures, we might conclude

that the ‘‘good mothers’’ have children that are ‘‘worthy’’ of bragging about and,

therefore, encourage the prideful sharing of their accomplishments.

Sacrificing personal needs vs. balance

Twenty-five responses highlighted the difficulties of balancing personal and family

time. Although most individuals in this category (N¼17) suggested that ‘‘good mothers’’ should sacrifice their own desires and needs for the sake of their families,

a few participants (N¼8) suggested that ‘‘good mothers’’ are seen in well-organized, balanced families. Participants employing a model of self-sacrificing ‘‘good mother-

ing’’ argued that the families’ wants, needs, and desires should be met before personal

needs could be explored such as, ‘‘I attend all of my children’s activities—no matter

what else is going on.’’

Interestingly, none of the mothers expressed discomfort or resentment with this

arrangement. Neither did the mothers highlight the potential selfishness by other

family members that the mothers’ sacrifices could promote. Rather, mothers sup-

porting selflessness seemed motivated by genuine, albeit altruistic, feelings of love.

Furthermore, delaying one’s own pleasure was demonstrative of ‘‘good mothering’’

(e.g., ‘‘I work part-time, which I’m sure has delayed my career, only to spend more

time with the kids’’).

Occasionally, a participant indicated she displayed ‘‘good mothering’’ by having

family balance. In these instances, the women described their families as unique indi-

viduals with individual needs (e.g., ‘‘I need to take of myself too—I can’t be good at

this job if I feel bad about myself’’). Like the women above, these women also saw

themselves as managers of their families’ happiness. The sacrificing women orche-

strated their family’s happiness by providing for the family members first; the

balanced women are equally responsible for the family’s well-being, but have utilized

different strategies. Whether the women demonstrated their ‘‘good mothering’’

through personal sacrifice or balance, their role as family coordinator supports

previous family literature identifying women as monitors of overall family health

460 J. M. Heisler & J. B. Ellis

and well-being (e.g., Christensen & Heavey, 1990; Wood, 1993; Wood & Lenze,

1991).

Post hoc analyses

Because employment was perceived as a potentially confounding variable, additional

analyses were conducted to test for differences between participants who worked out-

side the home (N¼62) and those who were stay-at-home mothers (N¼19) for the quantitative variables included in the study. No significant differences were found

between the groups for the facework items: ‘‘To what extent do you try to communi-

cate that you are a ‘good mother’ ’’ (t(79)¼�1.78, ns), ‘‘Do you ever feel that you are trying to communicate to others someone that you are not?’’ (t(76)¼�.62, ns), and ‘‘Do you ever feel [like you are using a face] when you are communicating to

others that you are a ‘good mother?’ ’’ (t(76)¼�1.06, ns). However, there was a significant difference between the groups for the item, ‘‘To what extent have these

messages shaped your definition of a ‘good mother’’’ (t(76)¼�2.04, p < .05). The data suggest that women who worked outside the home (M¼3.7, SD¼1.3) reported that memorable messages shaped their definition of a good mother less than women

who were stay-at-home mothers (M¼4.3, SD¼1.06). Although our sample was small and there were unequal cell sizes, this finding suggests future research should

explore the potential effects work outside the home may have on a mother’s identity.

Discussion

This study makes an important contribution by assessing mothers’ needs to com-

municate a ‘‘good mother’’ identity through the theoretical framework of facework

(Goffman, 1967). Specifically, this study explores how memorable messages shape

and influence the construction of one’s identity as a mother and in turn the extent

to which women try to communicate to others that they are a ‘‘good mother.’’ In this

way the study was both theoretical and descriptive (Duck, Rutt, Hurst, & Strejc,

1991). In addition, this study’s findings extend Face Negotiation theory by highlight-

ing the relationship between messages about motherhood and mothering role defini-

tions. This not only extends Face Negotiation theory to the context of motherhood,

but identifies how messages may play a key role in shaping a woman’s definition of

motherhood and her identity as a mother. Research on facework has considered the

influence of communication content (i.e., advice), management of facework con-

cerns, and receptiveness to the message (MacGeorge, Butler, & Budarz, 2004), yet this

study considers memorable messages as the input process to identity formation

rather than facework in relation to output processes. MacGeorge et al. (2004) sug-

gested that theories of face and facework have given little consideration to the basic

content of advice messages or how that content may influence message evaluation or

outcomes (p. 45). Although the current study considered a different context, the

results provide a starting point for understanding the content of messages recalled

by mothers about motherhood. In addition, the literature on face negotiation

Communication Quarterly 461

(e.g., Ting-Toomey, 1994) and social constructionism (e.g., Anderson & Goolishian,

1988; Hoffman, 1990) suggest that ‘‘self’’ is influenced through interaction with

others, and that cultural expectations can influence expectations for behavior and

attitudes. Results from the current study extend the facework literature by providing

evidence that expectations about appropriate mothering attitudes and behaviors are

formed in part through memorable messages received from various sources.

Four message themes emerged from the recalled messages about motherhood:

motherhood is the main priority, motherhood requires certain characteristics and

behaviors, motherhood is unidimensional, and motherhood is dialectic. This broad

range of messages about motherhood suggests the complexity of the role and the

emerging themes provide fertile ground for future research. Specifically, future

research should explore how various types of memorable messages about mother-

hood may influence a wide range of mothering behaviors (e.g., childcare choices,

nurturing, cleanliness). Mothers play important roles in raising and shaping future

generations; therefore, it is important to further examine the messages sent to

mothers and how, in turn, their behavior may be influenced. By exploring relation-

ships between memorable messages about motherhood and mothering behavior,

more effective, positive messages could be targeted to mothers as they seek to fulfill

a complex and challenging role.

Consistent with prior work on memorable messages (Smith & Ellis, 2001; Smith,

Ellis, & Yoo, 2001), this study also found that most participants could recall a single

memorable message about motherhood, and many were able to recall multiple

messages from a variety of sources. The distribution of sources, with many recalled

messages from family, also provides support for the intergenerational transmission

of familial values (Bosco & Bianco, 2005; Escriche, 2004; Peretti & Statum, 1984).

In addition, participants indicated that these messages were influential in developing

one’s expectations and behaviors for motherhood (M¼3.9, 1¼not at all, 5¼ to a great extent). Thus, women may learn to define their own identities as mothers from

fellow family members and particularly their own mothers. This is important to con-

sider because the implications are far-reaching. For example, the messages a mother

sends to her children about the role of mother may in turn affect the behaviors her

children enact toward her grandchildren, and so on. This powerful chain could

potentially positively or negatively affect future parenting behaviors and ultimately

the children of future generations.

Interestingly, when asked if participants engaged in facework behaviors, the results

were mixed. Generally, participants indicated they did not engage in ‘‘good mother’’

facework, yet when given specific targets (e.g., mother-in-law, significant other,

friends) to whom they might try and communicate they are a good mother, there

were some differences in the means and standard deviations. This suggests that in

some relationships mothers may engage in high facework behaviors, while in other

relationships they do not feel a need to activate facework behaviors. Another expla-

nation for the mixed results may be poor instrumentation. Three new items were

developed to measure ‘‘mommy’’ facework, yet the reliability of the measure was

low (a¼ .60). Thus, one must proceed with cautious interpretation when considering

462 J. M. Heisler & J. B. Ellis

the data. Future research should explore these findings and seek to create a more

reliable and valid measure of general facework behaviors by developing additional

items that may better capture a broader span of facework behaviors.

Although the reported ‘‘good mother’’ facework behavior findings were mixed,

participants were able to provide reasons for why they engaged in facework beha-

viors. Participants’ reasons for communicating they are ‘‘good mothers’’ may indi-

cate why participants did not want to share or admit they constructed a face for

others. For example, most participants managed their ‘‘faces’’ to gain acceptance

from others, for personal reasons, or helping others. However, this questionnaire asks

mothers to admit there may be a discrepancy between their own identities and that

image (or face). This may be uncomfortable and difficult to admit to oneself much

less others. Thus, the very need to maintain face for acceptance and approval (intern-

ally or externally) may prevent women from acknowledging they do, indeed, main-

tain an image separate from their actual feelings. Mothers may not want to admit to

themselves (via completing a survey) that at times there is a discrepancy between how

they perceive themselves as a mother and the image or face they portray to others.

Another interesting finding of this study is how women show others they are

‘‘good mothers’’ or how they enact ‘‘good mother’’ facework. Three themes explain-

ing how mothers enact facework emerged from the data: interactions with children,

children and their accomplishments, and sacrificing personal needs vs. balance.

Participants most often demonstrated their ‘‘good mother’’ skills through interac-

tions they had with their children and their children’s behavior. This connotes an

aspect of ‘‘actor’’ and ‘‘observer’’ and suggests that mothers may feel ‘‘on stage.’’

By portraying positive mother-child interactions that others may observe, others

may then conclude that this woman is a ‘‘good mother.’’ These findings further

highlight that mothers may purposely construct a face that others are free to inspect.

It is also interesting that two of the themes (i.e., interactions with children and

children and their accomplishments) rely on others (i.e., the children) to perform

positively to reflect a positive image for the mother. This may lead to problems when

children do not perform in ways that enhances the mother’s image. Future research

should investigate these facework behavior themes and examine the effectiveness of

these behaviors in communicating the desired image.

Study Limitations and Future Research

Based upon participant responses, it was difficult to determine which messages about

motherhood came from which sources. Most participants listed multiple messages

and multiple sources. Future research would benefit from identifying potential

sources (individually) and asking mothers to identify what messages they perceived

from each source. Then, it may be possible to identify the greatest influence upon

a woman’s construction of identity as mother.

It is also important to note that men experience parenthood as well. Morman and

Floyd (2002) discussed the changing culture of fatherhood and how expectations for

Communication Quarterly 463

how fathers should act are subject to social, economic, and political influences.

Future research should explore if memorable messages influence the expectations

for how fathers should behave, as well as if fathers engage in facework to portray a

positive ‘‘daddy image.’’ It would also be interesting to compare mothers’ and

fathers’ facework behaviors, as well as the reasons why parents engage in facework

behaviors.

Another variable that may affect women’s self-perceptions and=or interpretations of memorable messages is whether they work outside of the home. Post-hoc analysis

revealed that for women who work outside the home, memorable messages shaped

their definitions of motherhood more than stay at home mothers. Given the limita-

tions of our sample, future research should further explore how work outside of the

home may affect women’s perceptions and interpretations of messages about

motherhood.

Finally, research should consider further developing the instrumentation to assess

facework. In general, participants suggested that they did not feel they tried to com-

municate to others someone they were not, yet they were able to provide reasons why

they tried to communicate to others that they were a ‘‘good mother.’’ This contradic-

tory finding suggests the need for reworking some of the assessment tools. Future

research should consider adding items to assess facework behaviors and conduct

factor analysis to assess the scale.

This study makes an important contribution by gaining access to a significant

group of people. Mothers are typically busy people who may have easily self-selected

out of the study, yet a strong effort was made to recruit participants and begin the

investigation of memorable messages, identity, and facework. Although the age range

of participants was demonstrative of motherhood, the ethnicity, relational status, and

work arrangements of the current sample were limited. One would expect that a

homogeneous sample of Caucasian, married women working outside the home

would report similar experiences, standpoints, and values regarding motherhood.

Another limitation of this sample is that the majority of participants experience

motherhood through birth, in contrast to those who become mothers through

step-parenting or adoption. Future research should seek to gain a more diverse sam-

ple that includes a broader range of women who experience motherhood.

Additionally, while the ability to recall specific messages from prior interactions

presupposes that the messages were memorable, the current study makes no attempt

to identify if messages were influential. For that reason, it is conceivable that a par-

ticipant could recall a message that she completely rejected, or simply recalled

because of circumstances rather than content. Likewise, survey construction made

the connection of message to individual source problematic. It is expected that the

content and frequency of messages would vary by source. Future research should seek

to design instruments that clearly connect recalled message, source of message, fre-

quency of message, and perceived influence of recalled message. Furthermore, future

research should examine differences in how messages coming from various sources,

such as a woman’s children versus a woman’s mother, may play very different roles in

shaping her identity as a mother.

464 J. M. Heisler & J. B. Ellis

Conclusion

This study provides a starting point for exploring memorable messages, the construc-

tion of a ‘‘mommy identity’’ and face negotiation in motherhood. This theoretical

and descriptive study provides some insight into who mothers seek to portray a good

mother image to and why they feel the need to engage in these communicative beha-

viors. By further exploring these facework issues, we may better understand how to

support mothers in this challenging role.

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