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Smarthinking Tutor Response Form
Your tutor has written overview comments about your essay in the form below. Your tutor has also embedded comments [in bold and in brackets] within your essay. Thank you for choosing Smarthinking to help you improve your writing!
Hello, My name is Angela D., and I look forward to working with you on this Essay Center Review to improve your writing today. Let's get started!
*Writing Strength: You provide background information about the act in your introduction:
The No Child Left Behind Act was signed into law in 2002 by President George Bush with the intention of raising student achievement and holding schools responsible to meet computable success across all schools in the country.
This information can help your readers better understand your argument about the effects of this act. Good job, Patrick!
11701260, you requested help with Content Development:
There are missing details in some parts of your draft. Here is an example:
In their fight for inclusivity, disability advocates were able to have these students included in taking their assessments, and the state’s impression that some would struggle finding success in the new system was proved true.
In this excerpt, you state that some disabled students find it difficult to find success in the new system. However, you do not explain why they find success difficult in the new system. Your readers might wonder what reasons prove your claim if you do not provide additional details. Why are disabled students having difficulty in the new system? What obstacles do they face in the new system? What impact does the new system have on their performance?
* 11701260, you requested help with Introduction/Conclusion:
You do not have a clear thesis statement in your introduction. Here is how you end your introduction:
This paper will argue the negative impact of this Act in the country.
Based on this thesis statement, your readers might not understand what negative impacts you are going to discuss in your essay. An introductory thesis statement can serve as a preview for your readers, so they know what to expect from your discussion. You can improve your introductory thesis statement by clearly stating the negative effects you are discussing. Here is an example:
This new policy can negatively affect employees’ efficiency, organization profit, and customer satisfaction.
In this example, you can see that I mention the different negative effects of the policy I am discussing. As a result, readers know what negative effects I am going to focus on in my discussion. You can do something similar for your thesis statement, Patrick. What negative effects of the “No Child Left Behind Act” are you discussing in your essay?
Organization
It is not clear how your essay is currently organized. For example, you discuss the counterargument (good results for students) in between your own arguments. This organization might confuse your readers, and they might think that your essay is contradictory. You can improve your essay by focusing on one topic in each body paragraph. You also need to follow a logical progression, so it is advisable for you to disucuss your own arguments first before your discuss any counterarguments. Here is how you might outline your discussion:
I. Introduction
II. Background information/Important details about the act
III. First Negative effect: Lack of Funding
IV. Second negative effect: High requirements for teachers
V. Third negative effect: Disabled students
VI. Counterargument: Improvements in Students’ performance
VII. Rebuttal: Why is the act bad despite the positive effects on students’ performance?
VIII. Conclusion
In this outline, each Roman numeral represents one paragraph in your essay. As you can see from this outline, your own arguments (the negative effects) are first discussed before the counterargument. Because of this organization, readers can better understand your argument. You can read this lesson from the Writer’s Handbook to learn more about this topic: Writing an Argument Essay. Summary of Next Steps:
· Provide additional details.
· Write a clear introductory thesis statement.
· Organize your body paragraphs.
Thank you for submitting your essay for a review, Patrick. I enjoyed helping you with this step in the revision process. Have a good day! ~Angela D.
You can find more information about writing, grammar, and usage in the Smarthinking Writer's Handbook.
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Please look for comments [in bold and in brackets] in your essay below. Thank you for submitting your work to Smarthinking! We hope to see you again soon.
Argument Essay: The negative impact of the No Child Left Behind Act.
Education is important to every citizen because it is the foundation of the American dream. It is the building block for success for both individuals and the country as a whole, and it is the key to solving many of the country’s most challenging problems. The No Child Left Behind Act was signed into law in 2002 by President George Bush with the intention of raising student achievement and holding schools responsible to meet computable success across all schools in the country. The Act was guided by good intentions. However, it currently faces high opposition owing to its stern policies that make its goal unattainable. This paper will argue the negative impact of this Act in the country.
The No Child Left Behind Act is a 2002 law concerning the education sector within the country. Its intention was to promote student achievement through its raised policies that include the license and certification for teachers in the state of their employment (Dee et al., 2010). Here, a teacher is expected to be a holder of a bachelor’s degree minimum and must meet the requirements need in the state testing criteria to qualify teaching above the 2005/2006 school year. A teacher who does not meet the standards of this Act is discontinued from the profession until a time when they meet these requirements.
The second intention of the Act demanded all children to have attained proficiency by the 2013/2014 year. Each state was given the liberty to define its own standards of ‘proficiency’ for the region. [<--What are these standards of proficiency based on? How do states determine their standards of proficiency? This information can help your readers better understand this act.] Even so, the policy was that each school was expected to produce proficient students. In the case that a school failed to meet this standard of the No Child Left Behind Act, the school’s district would step in and offer assistance to parents and students of the school, including tightened disciplinary measures that would attract state takeover.
On its part, the country’s Department of Education would facilitate this No Child Left Behind Act by increasing the amount of funding repackaged in the form of bonuses to the district schools, but on condition that they were achievers of the standards of the Act. The law also allowed states and school districts the allowance to utilize their resources much freely, demand more accountability of student results from district schools as well as private schools, so that they could be able to determine the schools that were achieving in the various regions, in order to add more learning assistance, in addition to allowing schools to encourage parent involvement. As for the schools that would fail to achieve before year 2007, a school improvement plan would be added, and the state would decide if to take control or not.
The No Child Left Behind Act has raised many concerns and controversies. First is the issue of funding, that has remained inadequate until to date. Owing to this problem, various bodies such as NASBE among others, is concerned that the Act is gradually becoming more of a burden than an aid. Initially, it had been assumed making the Act work would cost about $7 billion within a span of 7 years. This budget and time were viewed as enough for the development and implementation of the testing programs in this Act, but then the budget of this project only gives a go ahead for only four million dollars to be directed towards assisting the states come up and implement the tests. [<--Why is there a budget deficit for this act? What caused this budget deficit? These details can help your readers better understand this effect of the act.] From this event, it means that schools are left with no option but to foot a bill of over six billion dollars. The states position of facing scarcity led by the concern of budget cuts does not guarantee any improvements any soon.
Though the No Child Left Behind Act is facing funding issues, it has registered an improvement in test scores as demonstrated by learners in public schools. The 2005 results of the National Assessment of Education Progress are a proof that the Act has indicates the policy’s achievement. The results show that students aged nine years improved in their reading skills between 2001 and 2005, compared to its former policy. They also indicated an improvement in math in that period.
The No Child Left Behind Act has improved children’s achievement in their education. However, it did not live its legacy as it forgot learners in the special education category. According to Grissom (2015), evaluation of students with disability is a tough issue in education plan. In the past years, children with disability were not mixed with their abled peers during evaluation. While schools only measure what they can, children with disability have not been accorded value in the education system, considering that it did not compute their success or failures. The Individuals with Disability Act (IDEA) was the policy that came and changed this path as it made it mandatory that all kids with disability be included in state assessments (Bleiburg and West, 2013). The state argued that the event of having disabled children being denied taking a general test assessment just because their cognitive disability could not help improving their proficiency. In their fight for inclusivity, disability advocates were able to have these students included in taking their assessments, and the state’s impression that some would struggle finding success in the new system was proved true.
The requirement for the No Child Left Behind Act ensured that teachers were highly qualified to teach children, thus setting a pace and standard for kid’s education. Even so, it left these professionals disgruntled from the unattainable conditions. Teachers who do not qualify in the state testing criteria that qualifies teaching above the 2005/2006 school year cannot continue teaching and as such, they are forced to go pursue a quality education as per the conditions, and only then can they be reinstated. This stipulation has left a number of unprepared teachers unemployed and having to face the financial burden of improving their education to meet the required pass. In addition, the conditions are set so high that they are discouraging aspiring teachers who would make good teachers but are limited by financial reasons to pursue their careers. [<--What are the current conditions for teachers under this act? By adding these details, you can further emphasize the difficulty of attaining these conditions.]
In conclusion, the No Child Left Behind Act has left more negative impacts on the education sector than it has with its positive ones. As such, teachers are left opposing the conditions, while society, which includes parents, continue to reel in the high budget from the 6-billion-dollar deficit that the state had purposed to fund. With its exception of the special education learners, it fails to embrace the whole student fraternity, leaving them for a different body to cater for their needs. On the other hand, the Act has indicated through its results that it is indeed achieving its goal and purpose, meaning that if allowed more time, it could sure change the whole education system as planned.
References
Bleiburg, J., & West, D. (June 18, 2013) Special Education: The Forgotten Issue in No Child Left Behind Reform. Retrieved from https://www.brookings.edu/blog/up-front/2013/06/18/special-education-the-forgotten-issue-in-no-child-left-behind-reform/
Dee, T., Jacob, B., Hoxby, C., & Ladd, H. (2010). The Impact of No Child Left Behind on Students, Teachers, and Schools. Brookings Papers on Economic Activity, pp. 149-207
Grissom, A. (October 2, 2015). The Effects of No Child Left Behind on Teachers. Retrieved from https://edpolicyinca.org/newsroom/effects-no-child-left-behind-teachers