The Long-Answer Essay: Early Civilizations

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History | Writing a Long-Answer Essay, Part 2

Writing a Long-Answer Essay, Part 2

You have practiced writing the introduction and body paragraphs of a long-answer essay. In this document, you will first review what you learned about those essay components. Then you’ll write a conclusion to your essay. Finally, you will evaluate your essay and a sample essay based on the College Board Scoring Guide.

Review: Introduction and Body Paragraphs

During the College Board Exam (AP Test) for World History, you must answer two free response essay questions in the final section of the test: one document-based essay and one long-answer essay. Free response essay questions on the AP World History Exam are designed to assess your understanding of historical themes and concepts along with your ability to formulate clear and logical responses. Questions are typically straightforward and address various historical topics covered throughout the AP World History course. You should answer the questions using facts and information from memory. Long-answer essays generally ask you to analyze, assess, and/or evaluate causes and effects of particular historical subjects.

Prior to writing your essay, you should take a few minutes to organize your thoughts. Create a simple road map for your essay to ensure that you answer the question completely and include all relevant information. Higher-scoring essays typically include a strong defendable thesis statement, organized body paragraphs that include numerous examples and analysis of relevant information, and a strong summarizing conclusion.

Although there are many ways to write an essay, you should follow the standard five paragraph essay format:

Introductory paragraph, including thesis statement, organizational statement, and hook

Body paragraph with supporting evidence and analysis

Concluding/Summarizing paragraph

Begin your essay with a strong introductory paragraph that introduces the essay’s subject and answers the question posed in very general terms. The introduction should begin with a topic sentence, which introduces the question by providing appropriate historical context and serves to demonstrate that you have a firm understanding of the essay topic. A good topic sentence should also act as a “hook” to grab the interest of the reader. The introduction should contain an organizational statement, stating the three topics that will be covered in detail in the body paragraphs of the essay. Finally, the introduction must contain a thesis statement. A thesis statement thoroughly addresses the entire essay question and clarifies your position or approach.

For your introduction, follow this simple paragraph structure:

1. Topic sentence

1. Organizational statement

1. Thesis statement

The bulk of the essay is contained in the body paragraphs, which supply the necessary details, examples, assertions, and evidence to support the thesis statement. Due to time constraints, write no more than three solid body paragraphs, each of which discusses a discrete topic and together provide a comprehensive response to the question. An effective body paragraph begins with a topic sentence that provides focus for the rest of the paragraph and introduces two or three related examples that support the thesis statement. When giving examples, provide commentary to explain why the information is important, what it means, and how it ultimately relates to the thesis and the question being answered. Essays should incorporate only well-chosen examples that are clearly connected to the topic sentence. Avoid story telling or simply listing information, as this will ultimately draw attention away from the main point of the essay. Throughout the body of the essay, refer to your thesis to strengthen your argument and clarify the relevance of the information that is presented. The final sentence of a good body paragraph should summarize the information as well as act as a transition sentence to the ideas discussed in the next paragraph.

Use this simple paragraph structure for each body paragraph:

1. topic sentence

1. fact/example related to the topic sentence

1. commentary on the example

1. another fact/example

1. commentary

1. summarizing sentence

Writing a Conclusion

If you have followed a clear strategy throughout your essay, a strong conclusion can add significantly to your final score. The concluding paragraph is your last chance to positively influence the AP grader and should be carefully written with this in mind. The concluding paragraph acts as a review for what has already been written in the body of the essay. It should not, however, be a simple repetition of the introductory paragraph or restate the thesis verbatim. Instead, the main topics of each body paragraph should be restated in a slightly different way while maintaining the essential content and meaning of the thesis.

While the introduction and body paragraphs should focus on the question asked, the conclusion is an opportunity to venture outside the question to make additional analytical points. Remember, these questions were chosen because they represent broad themes in world history. Use this opportunity to demonstrate your understanding of the ties to larger issues. For example, if an essay question focused on secular humanism, the concluding paragraph might mention Petrarch, Machiavelli, and Bruni, all of whom would have been discussed previously in the body paragraphs, and then state the influence of these humanists on later writers. While it is acceptable to summarize information discussed in the body paragraphs, be careful not to include new information in the conclusion.

Because you may be pressured for time at this point in the exam, limit your conclusion to four to six sentences. While there is no single format for writing a strong concluding paragraph, the best conclusions act as a summary and demonstrate the larger relevance of the question and the information discussed. Follow basic guidelines for writing a solid conclusion. The thesis statement found in the introductory paragraph should be restated in the conclusion. Avoid beginning phrases with in conclusion, in summary, or in closing. Never assume the reader agrees with the essay, and avoid making emotionally charged statements that might negatively influence the AP grader. Any evidence including new information, quotations, statistics, and examples should appear in the body of the paper. The purpose of the conclusion is to summarize that knowledge, not add to it.

Here is an example of a strong concluding paragraph:

Throughout this tumultuous time of warfare and clinical upheaval (from the sixteenth through the eighteenth centuries), many people devoted themselves to science and to the progress of science. Science contended with religion and sparked new philosophical concepts. The Scientific Revolution was a major step in changing not only Europe but the rest of the world.

AP World History Exam writers craft long-answer essay questions to represent some of the most important themes of the course. In the conclusion, you are given the opportunity to demonstrate that you recognize the importance of a theme and to expound on it. In this way, you are able to show your control of the question and your grasp of the information as part of the larger AP World History curriculum. For example, if the essay question asks you to evaluate the economic and political factors accounting for the failure of the German Weimar Republic (1918–1933), you could make some important concluding remarks. A good conclusion might consider why the Weimar Republic disappeared in 1933 in the context of the period between the two world wars.

Here is an example written by a student writer:

The Weimar Republic was born in a time of chaos and revolution after World War I. Considering this, it never had much chance of success. Economic problems like reparations and the Great Depression, along with Germany’s lack of democratic history and anger over the Versailles Treaty, proved almost unsolvable. Weimar’s failure was significant. Because Germany was unable to establish democracy, Hitler came to power in 1933 and quickly worked to undo the Treaty of Versailles. These policies led eventually to a conflict even larger and more violent—World War II.

Student Practice

Write a sample conclusion for the essay you began previously. Recall the essay question prompt: Compare and contrast key characteristics of two early civilizations (choose from Mesopotamian, Shang, Indus Valley, Chavin, and Phoenician) in terms of three of the following: economy, political system, art and architecture, religion, technology, legacy.

Remember these rules when writing your conclusion:

Review the information in the body of the essay.

Restate the thesis statement.

Add additional analytical points.

Avoid adding new information.

Don't use phrases beginning with "in conclusion," "in summary," or "in closing."

Identifying College Board Guidelines

Now that you have written all paragraphs of your comparative essay, it’s time to learn how long-answer essays are graded.

Scoring Guide for the Long-Answer Essay

Maximum Possible Points: 6

A. Thesis: 0-1 point

Skills assessed: Argumentation + targeted skill (Continuity and Change Over Time, Comparison, Causation, or Periodization)

To earn 1 point your essay must

State a thesis that directly addresses all parts of the question. The thesis must do more than restate the question.

B. Support for argument: 0-2 points

Skills assessed: Argumentation, Use of Evidence

To earn 1 point your essay must

Support the stated thesis (or make a relevant argument) using specific evidence.

To earn 2 points your essay must

Support the stated thesis (or make a relevant argument) using specific evidence.

Clearly and consistently state how the evidence supports the thesis or argument.

Establish clear linkages between the evidence and the thesis or argument.

C. Application of targeted historical thinking skill: 0-2 point

Skill assessed: Targeted skill

For questions assessing CONTINUITY AND CHANGE OVER TIME

To earn 1 point your essay must

Describe historical continuity.

Describe change over time.

To earn 2 points your essay must

Describe historical continuity.

Describe change over time.

Analyze specific examples that illustrate historical continuity.

Analyze specific examples that illustrate change over time.

For questions assessing COMPARISON

To earn 1 point your essay must

Describe similarities AND differences among historical developments.

To earn 2 points your essay must

Describe similarities AND differences among historical developments.

Analyze the reasons for the similarities and differences OR (depending on the prompt) evaluate the relative significance of the historical developments.

For questions assessing CAUSATION

To earn 1 point your essay must

Describe causes AND/OR effects of a historical development.

To earn 2 points your essay must

Describe causes AND/OR effects of a historical development.

Analyze specific examples that illustrate causes AND/OR effects of a historical development.

For questions assessing PERIODIZATION

To earn 1 point your essay must

Describe the ways in which the historical development specified in in the prompt was different from OR similar to developments that preceded and/or followed.

To earn 2 points your essay must

Describe the ways in which the historical development specified in in the prompt was different from OR similar to developments that preceded and/or followed.

Provide specific examples to illustrate the analysis.

D. Synthesis: 0-1 point

Skill assessed: Synthesis

To earn 1 point your essay must

Synthesize the argument, evidence, and context into a coherent and persuasive essay.

Evaluating Your Essay

Use the scoring guide above and the checklist below to evaluate and revise your essay. Remember, this is the essay that you will turn in as a graded assignment.

Essay Prompt: Compare and contrast key characteristics of two early civilizations (choose from Mesopotamian, Shang, Indus Valley, Chavin, and Phoenician) in terms of three of the following: economy, political system, art and architecture, religion, technology, legacy.

Checklist:

_____ Did you provide a provocative and precise thesis that states your main argument?

_____ Did you write an statement in which you present the three topics for the body paragraphs?

_____ Did you place the organizational statement above the thesis in the introductory paragraph?

_____ Did you define any key terms or establish the time frame for the essay in the introductory paragraph?

_____ Did you write a lead that introduces the reader to the topic?

_____ Did you write a topic sentence at the beginning of each body paragraph?

_____ Did you provide at least two examples that support your thesis in each body paragraph?

_____ Did you provide commentary that explains the “so what” of your examples?

_____ Did you write a summarizing sentence to close each body paragraph?

_____ Did you restate the thesis in the conclusion?

_____ Did you remind the reader of the main topics addressed in the body when you wrote the conclusion?

_____ Did you leave all new information out of the concluding paragraph?

Evaluating a Sample Comparative Essay

Finally, complete the same evaluation on the sample essay below. Then compare it to your essay and make any needed changes.

Sample Essay

Early river civilizations developed in modern-day Egypt, China, and the Middle East and represent the world’s first civilizations. Mesopotamian civilization emerged in present-day Iraq in the fourth millennium B.C.E., and the Shang civilization developed in present-day northeastern China around 1700 B.C.E. Both civilizations declined by 1000 B.C.E. These early river civilizations shared many similarities in their political, economic, and social systems but also exhibited certain differences. Despite developing thousands of miles apart in vastly different lands, the Mesopotamian and Shang civilizations exhibit more similarities than differences because they faced many of the same challenges common to early river civilizations.

The political features of the Mesopotamian and Shang civilizations were largely based on the religious and organizational characteristics of each society. For example, both civilizations saw their leaders as intermediaries between the spiritual and earthly realms. The Shang king was seen as a conduit between the gods and the Shang people. Similarly, the Mesopotamians viewed their kings (called lugals) as the gods’ representative on earth. The organization of power, however, differed in these two societies, perhaps partly due to the different nature of the landscapes. Mesopotamia was vast, flat, and open, which promoted the spread of people throughout the region. As such, power was less centralized and instead concentrated in numerous small city-states that enjoyed considerable autonomy. On the other hand, Shang rulers chose to centralize their power in a few large, fortified cities. The aristocracy helped to enforce the king’s power throughout the region, but all cities remained in the king’s complete control. Political features of these two early societies reflected the needs and beliefs of each civilization and its leadership.

Much less is known about the economic system of the Shang civilization than the Mesopotamians, but it is clear that the two societies shared many features common to early river civilizations. Both societies developed long-distance trade, although geographic barriers proved somewhat limiting in establishing trade routes by the Shang dynasty. Both civilizations also developed technology and expertise in sailing. Shang sailors traded with Koreans, while Mesopotamians sailed through the Persian Gulf and Arabian Sea to trade with people in northern India. Both societies also relied to some extent on slaves, many of whom were prisoners of war. One difference in these two economic systems may have been the role that women played. In both societies, women’s primary roles were in the household, but Mesopotamian society also offered opportunities for women to work outside the home as midwives, shopkeepers, bakers, and tavern keepers. Shang women primarily stayed within the home where they did the usual domestic and child-rearing tasks, along with winemaking, weaving, and cultivating silkworms. The economic features of both societies reflect many of the social and technological similarities the two civilizations shared.

The technological achievements of these early river civilizations reflect their needs in the areas of agriculture, religion, and manufacturing. Both civilizations depended on productive agricultural practices to feed their growing populations. The Mesopotamians used ox-drawn plows and developed extensive irrigation systems to water their fields. The Shang were also skilled agriculturalists who developed highly regulated irrigation systems to cultivate soybeans and millet. Religion was a central aspect of people’s lives in both societies, but in. Mesopotamia, religion was very public and political leaders served as messengers between the gods and the people. Mesopotamians constructed large temples, called ziggurats, to their gods. Manufacturing was important to both societies for a number of reasons, particularly for making weapons and tools. Both the Mesopotamians and the Shang civilization were skilled in bronze metallurgy. The technological innovations of these societies clearly reflect the common needs and concerns of people in early river civilizations.

The early river civilizations of Mesopotamia and the Shang Dynasty share similarities and exhibit differences in their political, economic, and cultural characteristics. However, these two societies shared more similarities than differences because they shared common challenges and opportunities that faced many early civilizations, regardless of location, such as fostering trade, developing agriculture, maintaining order, and defending territory. Although the two civilizations organized their power differently, they both relied on leaders who served as intermediaries between their gods and their people. Both societies also built their economic systems by developing long-distance trade routes, including travel by sea. Besides ship building technology, both the Mesopotamians and Shang people developed agricultural innovations to feed their growing populations and worked extensively in bronze metallurgy to produce much-needed tools and weapons. The numerous similarities displayed by these two groups of people, hundreds of thousands of miles apart, demonstrate the common challenges faced during this period of history when civilizations emerged and people began leaving written records and artifacts that make up the beginning of the historical period.