Order 539016: Final Paper

AN IDEAL HUSBAND43 2 LADYCHILTjust enough to prevent the lower classes making painful observations

Robert isthrough the windows of the carriage. The fact is that our Society is so,Iam lterribly overpopulated. Really, some one should arrange a proper

scheme of assisted emigration.o It would do a great deal of good. MRS CHEVE] see. MenMRS CHEVELEY. I quite agree with you, Lady Markby. It is nearly six

years since I have been in London for the season, and I must say LADY MARK Society has become dreadfully mixed. One sees the oddest people quite un everywhere. ment. H

towomeLADY MARKBY. That is quite true, dear. But one needn't know them. I'm andlamsure I don't know halfthe people who come to my house. Indeed, from were tauall I hear, I shouldn't like to. wonder!

[Enter Mason.] and my LADY CHILTERN. What sort of a brooch was it that you lost, Mrs extraor(

Cheveley? MRS eHB\

MRS CHEVELEY. A diamond snake-brooch with a ruby, a rather large moderl1 ruby.

LADY MAR LADY MARKBY. I thought you said there was a sapphire on the head,

up mar dear? Gertru

MRS CHEVELEY [Smiling.] No, Lady Markby-a ruby. muchf LADY.\fARKBY [Nodding her head.] And very becoming, I am quite sure. regulal

has be LADY CHILTERN. Has a ruby and diamond brooch been found in any of addres

the rooms this morning, Mason? state 0 Jl.fASON. No, my lady. quite i

the roc MRS CHEVELEY. It really is of no consequence, Lady Chiltern. I am so onefo sorry to have put you to any inconvenience.

footID LADY CHILTERN [Co/do/.J Oh, it has been no incortvenience. That will assun

do, Mason. You can bring tea. theU The)[Exit Mason.] his pl

LADY MARKBY. Well, I must say it is most annoying to lose anything. I befor remember once at Bath, years ago, losing in the Pump Roomo an hand exceedingly handsome cameo bracelet that Sir John had given me. I voice don't think he has ever given me anything since, I am sorry to say. He hard has sadly degenerated. Really, this horrid House of Commons quite I tru: ruins our husbands for us. I think the Lower House by far the greatest blow to a happy married life that there has been since that terrible LADY ( thing called the Higher Education ofWomen° was invented. Mar

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6;(ittvJ, v..r\'IVt,r~I~ fl"r..:s'S, lqf~,

433 AN IDEAL HUSBAND

LADY CHlLTERN. Ahl it is heresy to say that in this house, Lady Markby. Robert is a great champion of the Higher Education of Women, and so, I am afraid, am I.

MRS CHEVELEY. The higher education of men is what I should like to see. Men need it so sadly.

LADY MARKEY. They do, dear. But I am afraid such a scheme would be quite unpractical. I don't think man has much capacity for develop­ ment. Hc has got as far as he can, and that is not far, is it? With regard to women, well, dear Gertrude, you belong to the younger generation, and I am sure it is all right if you approve ofit. In my time, of course, we were taught not to understand anything. That was the old system, and wonderfully interesting it was. I assure you that the amount of things I and my poor dear sister were taught not to understand was quite extraordinary. But modern women understand everything, I am told.

MRS CHEVELEY. Except their husbands. That is the one thing the modern woman never understands.

LADY MARKEY. And a very good thing too, dear, I daresay. It might break up many a happy home if they did. Not yours, I need hardly say, Gertrude. You have married a pattern husband. I wish I could say as much for myself. But since Sir John has taken to attending the debates regularly, which he never used to do in the good old days, his language has become quite impossible. He always seems to think that he is addressing the House, and consequently whenever he discusses the state of the agricultural labourer, or the Welsh Church, or something quite improper ofthat kind, I am obliged to send all the servants out of the room. It is not pleasant to see one's own butler, who has been with one for twenty-three years, actually blushing at the sideboard, and the footmen making contortions in comers like persons in circuses. I assure you my life will be quite ruined unless they send John at once to the Upper House. He won't take any interest in politics then, will he? The House of Lords is so sensible. An assembly of gentlemen. But in his present state, Sir John is really a great triaL Why, this morning before breakfast was half over, he stood up on the hearthrug, put his hands in his pockets, and appealed to the country at the top of his voice. I left the table as soon as I had my second cup of tea, I need hardly say. But his violent language could be heard all over the house! I trust, Gertrude, that Sir Robert is not like that?

LADY CHILTERN. But I am very much interested in politics, Lady Markby. I love to hear Robert talk about them.

434 AN IDEAL HUSBAND

LADY MARKBY. Well, I hope he IS not as devoted to Blue Bookso as Sir John is. I don't think they can be quite improving reading for anyone.

MRS CHEVELEY [Languid{y.] I have never read a Blue Book. I prefer books ... in yellow covers.o

LADY MARKBY [Genially unconscious.] Yellow is a gayer colour, is it not? I used to wear yellow a good deal in my early days, and would do so now ifSirJohn was not so painfully persona] in his observations, and a man on the question of dress is always ridiculous, is he not?

MRS CHEVELEY. Oh, no! I think men are the only authorities on dress.

LADY MARKBY. Really? One wouldn't say so from the sort of hats they wear, would one?

[The butlerenters, followed lry thefootman. Tea is set on a small table close to Lady Chiltem.]

LADY CHILTERN. May I give you some tea, Mrs Cheveley?

MRS CHEVELEY. Thanks. [The butler hands Mrs Cheveley a cup oftea on a salver.]

LADY CHILTERN. Some tea, Lady Markby?

LADY MARKBY. No thanks, dear. [The seroants go out.] The fact is, I have promised to go round for ten minutes to see poor Lady Brancaster, who is in very great trouble. Her daughter, quite a well-brought-up girl) too, has actually become engaged to be married to a curate in Shropshire. It is very sad, very sad indeed. I can't understand this modem mania for curates. In my time we girls saw them, of course, running about the place like rabbits. But we never took any notice of them, I need hardly say. But I am told that nowadays country society is quite honeycombed with them. I think it most irreligious. And then the eldest son has quarrelled with his father, and it is said that when they meet at the club Lord Brancaster always hides hirnselfbehind the money article in 'The Times'. However, I believe that is quite a common occurrence nowadays and that they have to take in extra copies of 'The Times' at all the clubs in Stjames's Street; there are so many sons who won't have anything to do with their fathers, and so many fathers who won't speak to their sons. I think, myself, it is very much to be regretted.

MRS CHEVELEY. SO do I. Fathers have so much to learn from their sons nowadays.

LADY MARKBY. Really, dear? What?

435 AN IDEAL HUSBAND

MRS CHEVELEY. The art of living. The only really Fine Art we have produced in modern times.

LADY MARKBY [Shaking her head.] Ah! I am afraid Lord Brancaster knew a good deal about that. More than his poor wife ever did. [Turning to Lady Chi/tern.] You know Lady Brancaster, don't you, dear?

LADY CHILTERN. Just slightly. She was staying at Langton last autumn, when we were there.

LADY MARKBY. Well, like all stout women, she looks the very picture of happiness, as no doubt you noticed. But there are many tragedies in her family, besides this affair of the curate. Her own sister, MrsJekyll, had a most unhappy life; through no fault ofher own, I am sorry to say. She ultimately was so broken-hearted that she went into a convent, or on to the operatic stage, I forget which. No; I think it was decorative art-needlework she took up. I know she had lost all sense ofpleasure in life. [Rising.] And now, Gertrude, ifyou will allow me, I shall leave Mrs Cheveley in your charge and call back for her in a quarter of an hour. Or perhaps, dear Mrs Cheveley, you wouldn't mind waiting in the carriage while I am with Lady Brancaster. As I intend it to be a visit of condolence, I shan't stay long.

MRS CHEVELEY [Rising.] I don't mind waiting in the carriage at all, provided there is somebody to look at one.

LADY MARKBY. Well, I hear the curate is always prowling about the house.

MRS CHEVELEY. I am afraid I am not fond ofgirl friends.

LADY CHILTERN [Rising.] Oh, I hope Mrs Cheveley will stay here a little. I should like to have a few minutes' conversation with her.

MRS CHEVELEY. How very kind of you, Lady Chiltem! Believe me, nothing would give me greater pleasure.

LADY MARKBY. Ah! no doubt you both have many pleasant remin­ iscences of your schooldays to talk over together. Goodbye, dear Gertrude! Shall I see you at Lady Bonar's tonight? She has discovered a wonderful new genius. He does ... nothing at all, I believe. That is a great comfort, is it not?

LADY CHILTERN. Robert and 1 are dining at home by ourselves tonight, and I don't think I shall go anywhere afterwards. Robert, of course, will have to be in the House. But there is nothing interesting on.

LADY MARKBY. Dining at home by yourselves? Is that quite prudent? Ah,

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I forgot, your husband is an exception. Mine is the general rule, and nothing ages a woman so rapidly as having married the general rule.

[Exit Lady Markby.]

MRS CHEVELEY. Wonderful woman, Lady Markby, isn't she? Talks more and says less than anybody I ever met. She is made to be a public speaker. Much more so than her husband, though he is a typical Englishman, always dull and usually violent.

LADY CHILTERN [Makes no answer, but remains standing. There is a pause. Then the eyes ofthe two women meet. Lady Chi/tern looks stern and pale. Mrs C/zeve/ry seems rather amused.] Mrs Cheve!ey, I think it is right to tell you quite frankly that, had I known who you really were, I should not have invited you to my house last night.

MRS CHEVELEY [With an impertinent smile.] Really?

LADY CHILTERN. I could not have done so.

MRS CHEVELEY. I see that after all these years you have not changed a bit, Gertrude.

LADY CHILTERN. I never change.

MRS CHEVELEY [Elevating her eyebrows.] Then life has taught you nothing?

LADY CHILTERN. It has taught me that a person who has once been guilty of a dishonest and dishonourable action may be guilty of it a second time, and should be shunned.

MRS CHEVELEY. Would you apply that rule to everyone?

LADY CHILTERN. Yes, to everyone, without exception.

MRS CHEVELEY. Then I am sorry for you, Gertrude, very sorry for you.

LADY CHILTERN. You see now, I am sure, that for many reasons any further acquaintance between us during your stay in London is quite impossible?

MRS CHEVELEY [Leaning back i1l her chair.] Do you know, Gertrude, I don't mind your talking morality a bit. Morality is simply the attitude we adopt towards people whom we personally dislike. You dislike me. I am quite aware of that. And I have always detested you. And yet I have come here to do you a service.

LADY CHILTERN [Contemptuousry.] Like the service you wished to render my husband last night, I suppose. Thank heaven, I saved him from that.

437 AN IDEAL HUSBAND

MRS CHEVELEY [Starting to herftet.] It was you who made him write that insolent letter to me? It was you who made him break his promise?

LADY CHILTERN. Yes.

MRS CHEVELEY. Then you must make him keep it. I give you till tomorrow morning-no more. If by that time your husband does not solemnly bind himself to help me in this great scheme in which I am interested-­

LADY CHILTERN. This fraudulent speculation-­

MRS CHEVELEY. Call it what you choose. I hold your husband in the hollow ofmy hand, and ifyou are wise you will make him do what I tell him.

LADY CHILTERN [Rising and going towards her.] You are impertinent. What has my husband to do with you? With a woman like you?

MRS CHEVELEY [With a bitter laugh.] In this world like meets with like. It is because your husband is himself fraudulent and dishonest that we pair so well together. Betweenyou and him there are chasms. He and I are closer than friends. We are enemies linked together. The same sin binds us.

LADY CHILTERN. How dare you class my husband with yourself? How dare you threaten him or me? Leave my house. You are unfit to enter it.

[Sir Robert Chiltern enters from behind. He hears his wife's last words, and sees to whom they are addressed. He grows deadly pale.]

MRS CHEVELEY. Your house! A house bought with the price of dis­ honour. A house, everything in which has been paid for by fraud. [Turns roundandsees SirRobmChiltem.] Askhim whatthe origin ofhis fortune is! Get him to tell you how he sold to a stockbroker a Cabinet secret. Learn from him to what you owe your position.

LADY CHILTERN. It is not true! Robert! It is not true!

MRS CHEVELEY [Pointing at him with outstretchedfinger.] Look at him! Can he deny it? Does he dare to?

SIR ROBERT CHILTERN. Go! Go at once. You have done your worst now.

MRS CHEVELEY. My worst? I have not yet finished with you, with either of you. I give you both till tomorrow at noon. Ifby then you don't do what I bid you to do, the whole world shall know the origin of Robert Chiltern. [Sir Robert Chiltern strikes the bell. Enter Mason.]

AN IDEAL HUSBAND

SIR ROBERT CHILTERl"'l. Show Mrs Cheveley out.

[Mrs Cheveley starts; then bows with somewhat exaggerated politeness to Lady Chiltern, who makes no sign ofresponse. As she passes by Sir Robert Chiltern, who is standing close to the door, she pauses for a moment and looks him straight in thefoce. She then goes (Jut, followed by the servant, tlJho closes the deor after him. The husband and wife are left alone. Lady Chi/tern stands like some one hi a dreadful dream. Then she turns round and looks at her husband. She looks at him with strange eyes, as though she was seeing him for the first time.]

LADY CHILTERN. You sold a Cabinet secret for money! You began your life with fraud! You built up your career on dishonour! Oh, tell me it is not true! Lie to me! Lie to me! Tell me it is not true!

SIR ROBERT CHILTERN. W'hat this woman said is quite true. But, Gertrude, listen to me. You don't realize how I was tempted. Let me tell you the whole thing. [Goes towards her.]

LADY CHILTER.N. Don't come near me. Don't touch me. I feel as if you had soiled me for ever. Oh! what a mask you have been wearing all these years! A horrible painted maskl You sold yourself for money. Oh! a common thief were better. You put yourself up to sale to the highest bidder! You were bought in the market. You lied to the whole world. And yet you will not lie to me.

SIRROBERTCHILTERN [Rushing towards her.] Gertrude! Gertrude!

LADY CHILTERN [Thrusting him back with outstretched hands.] No, don't speak! Say nothing! Your voice wakes terrible memories-memories of things that made me love you-memories of words that made me love you-memories that now are horrible to me. And how I wor­ shipped you! You were to me something apart from common life, a thing pure, noble, honest, without stain. The world seemed to me finer because you were in it, and goodness more real because you lived. And now-oh, when I think that I made of a man like you my ideal! the ideal of my life!

SIR ROBERT CHILTERN. There was your mistake. There was your error. The error all women commit. Why can't you women love us, faults and all? Why do you place us on monstrous pedestals? We have all feet ofclay, women as well as men; but when we men love women, we love them knowing their weaknesses, their follies, their imperfections, love them all the more, it may be, for that reason. It is not the perfect, but the imperfect, who have need oflove. It is when we are wounded by our own hands, or by the hands of others, that love should come to

439 AN IDEAL HUSBAND

cure us-else what use is love at all? All sins, except asin against itself, Love should forgive. All lives, save loveless lives, true Love should pardon. A man's love is like that. It is wider, larger, more human than a woman's. Women think that they are making ideals ofmen. What they are making ofus are false idols merely. You made your false idol ofme, and I had not the courage to come down, show you my wounds, tell you my weaknesses. I was afraid that I might lose your love, as I have lost it now. And so, last night you ruined my life for me-yes, ruined it! What this woman asked of me was nothing compared to what she offered to me. She offered security, peace, stability. The sin of my youth, that I had thought was buried, rose up in front ofme, hideous, horrible, with its hands at my throat. I could have killed it for ever, sent it back into its tomb, destroyed its record, burned the one witness against me. You prevented me. No one but you, you know it. And now what is there before me but public disgrace, ruin, terrible shame, the mockery of the world, a lonely dishonoured life, a lonely dishonoured death, it may be, some day? Let women make no more ideals of men! let them not put them on altars and bow before them, or they may ruin other lives as completely as you-you whom I have so wildly loved­ have ruined mine! [He passesfrom the room. Lady Chi/tern rushes towards him, but the door is

closed when she reaches it. Paie with anguish, bewildered, helpless, she sw4yslikeap/ant in the rvater. Her hands, outstretched. seem to tremble in the at'r like blossoms in the wind. Then sheflingJ herselfdown beside asofa and buries herface. Her sobs are Hke the sobs of a child.]

ACT DROP.

THIRD ACT

SCENE-The Library in Lord Goring's house. AnAdam" room. On the right is the door leading into the hall. On the left. the door ofthe smoking-room. A pair offolding doors at the back open into the drawing-room. The fire is lit. Phipps, the butler, is arranging some newspapers on the writing-table. The distinction ofPhipps is his impassivity. He has been termed by enthusiasts the Ideal Butlcr. The Sphinx is not so incommunicable. He is a mask with a ftumner. Of his intelleaual or emotional lifo history knows nothing. He represents the dominance ofform.

[Enter Lord Goring in evening dress with abuttonhole. He is wearitlg a silk hat andInverness cape. 0 White-gllJVed, he carries aLouis Seize cane. His are all

440 AN IDEAL HUSBAND

the delicatefopperies ofFashion. One sees thai he stands in immediate relation to modern life, makes it indeed, and so masters it. He is the first well-dressed philosopher in the history ofthought.]

LORD GORING. Got my second buttonholeo for me, Phipps?

PHIPPS. Yes, my lord. [Takes his hat, cane and cape, and presents new buttonhole on salver.)

LORD GORING. Rather distinguished thing, Phipps. I am the only person of the smallest importance in London at present who wears a buttonhole.

PHIPPS. Yes, my lord. I have observed that

LORD GORING [Taking out old buttonhole.] You see, Phipps, Fashion is what one wears oneself. What is unfashionable is what other people wear.

PHIPPS. Yes, my lord.

LORD GORING. Just as vulgarity is simply the conduct of other people.

PHIPPS. Yes, my lord.

LORD GORING [Putting in new buttonhole.] And falsehoods the truths of other people.

PHIPPS. Yes, my lord.

LORD GORING. Other people are quite dreadfuL The only possible society is oneself.

PHIPPS. Yes, my lord.

LORD GORING. To love oneselfis the beginning of a life-long romance, Phipps.

PHIPPS. Yes, my lord.

LORD GORING [Looking at himselfin theglass.] Don't think I quite like this buttonhole, Phipps. Makes me look a little too old. Makes me almost in the prime of life, eh, Phipps?

PHIPPS. I don't observe any alteration in your lordship'S appearance.

LORD GORING. You don't, Phipps?

PHIPPS. No, my lord.

LORD GORING. I am not quite sure. For the future a more trivial buttonhole, Phipps, on Thursday evenings.

PHIPPS. I will speak to the florist, my lord. She has had a loss in her family lately, which perhaps accounts for the lack of triviality your lordship complains onn the buttonhole.

s in immediate relation is the first well-dressed

, Phipps?

'Pe, and presents 1le1P

I am the only person wears a buttonhole.

Phipps, Fashion is what other people

;t of other people.

loods the truths of

The only possible

ife-long romance,

nk I quite like this akes me almost in

,'s appearance.

e a more trivial

lad a loss in her )f triviality your

AN IDEAL HUSBAND 44!

LOlID GORING. Extraordinary thing about the lower classes in Eng­ land-they are always losing their relations.

PHIPPS. Yes, my lord! They are extremely fortunate in that respect.

LOlID GORING [Turns round and looks at him. Phipps remains impassive.] Hum! Any letters, Phipps?

PHIPPS. Three, my lord. [Hands letters on a safuer.]

LOlID GORING [Takes letters.] Want my cab round in twenty minutes. PHIPPS. Yes, my lord. [Goes towards door.]

LOlID GORING [Holds up letter in pink erroelope.] Aheml Phipps, when did this letter arrive?

PHIPPS. It was brought by hand just after your lordship went to the Club.

LOlID GORING. That will do. [Exit Phipps.] Lady Chiltern's handwriting on Lady Chiltern's pink notepaper. That is rather curious. [ thought Robert was to write. Wonder what Lady Chiltern has got to say to me? [Sits at bureau and opens letter, and reads it.] (I want you. [trust you. [am coming to you. Gertrude.' [Puts down the letter with a puzzled look. Then takes it up, and reads it again slowly.] '1 want you. 1 trust you. I am coming to you.' So she has found out everything! Poor woman! Poor woman! [Pulls Ollt watch and looks at it.] But what an hour to call! Ten o'clock! I shall have to give up going to the Berkshires'. However, it is always nice to be expected, and not to arrive. I am not expected at the Bachelors', so 1shall certainly go there. Well, I will make her stand by her husband. That is the only thing for her to do. That is the only thing for any woman to do. It is the growth of the moral sense in women that makes marriage such a hopeless, one-sided institution. Ten o'clock. She should be here soon. I must tell Phipps I am not in to anyone else. [Goes towards bell]

[Emer Phipps.]

PHIPPS. Lord Caversham.

LOlID GORING. Oh, why will parents always appear at the wrong time? Some extraordinary mistake in nature, I suppose. [Enter Lord Ca;vel'­ sham.] Delighted to see you, my dear father. [Goes to meet him.]

LOlID CAVERSHAM. Take my cloak off.

LOlID GORING. Is it worth wIllie, father?

LOlID CAVERSHAM. Of course it is worth while, sir. Which is the most comfortable chair?

LOlID GORING. This one, father. It is the chair I use myself, when I have visitors.

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LORD CAVERSHAM. Thank yeo No draught, I hope, in this room?

LORD GORING. No, father.

LORD CAVERSHAM [Sitting down.] Glad to hear it. Can't stand draughts. No draughts at home.

LORD GORING. Good many breezes, father.

LORD CAVERSHAM. Eh? Eh? Don't understand what you mean. Want to have a serious conversation with you, sir.

LORD GORING. My dear father! At this hour?

LORD CAVERSHAM. Well, sir, it is only ten o'clock. What is your objection to the hour? I think the hour is an admirable hour!

LORD GORING. Well, the fact is, father, this is not my day for talking seriously. I am very sorry, but it is not my day.

LORD CAVERSHAM. What do you mean, sir?

LORD GORING. During the season, father, I only talk seriously on the first Tuesday in every month, from four to seven.

LORD CAVERSHAM. Well, make it Tuesday, sir, make it Tuesday.

LORD GORING. But it is after seven, father, and my doctor says I must not have any serious conversation after seven. It makes me talk in my sleep.

LORD CAVERSHAM. Talk in your sleep, sir? What does that matter? You are not married.

LORD GORING. No, father, I am not married.

LORD CAVERSHAM. Huml That is what I have come to talk to you about, sir. You have got to get married, and at once. Why, when I was your age, sir, I had been an inconsolable widower for three months, and was already paying my addresses toyour admirable mother. Damme, sir, it is your duty to get married. You can't be always living for pleasure. Every man of position is married nowadays. Bachelors are not fashionable any more. They are a damaged lot. Too much is known about them. You must get a wife, sir. Look where your friend Robert Chiltern has got to by probity, hard work, and a sensible marriage with a good woman. Why don't you imitate him, sir? Why don't you take him for your model?

LORD GORING. I think I shall, father.

LORD CAVERSHAM. I wish you would, sir. Then I should be happy. At present I make your mother's life miserable on your account. You are heartless, sir, quite heardess.

I

443 in this room?

an't stand draughts.

you mean. Want to

tat is your objection J

my day for talking

k seriously on the

it Tuesday. tor says I must not es me talk in my

that matter? You

talk to you about, when I was your months, and was :r. Damme, sir, it ing for pleasure. chelors are not much is known

llr friend Robert Ie marriage with y don't you take

Id be happy. At xount. You are

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LORD GORING. I hope not, father.

LORD CAVERSHAM. And it is high time for you to get married. You are thirty-four years of age, sir.

LORD GORING. Yes, father, but I only admit to thirty-two-thirtv-one and a half when I have a really good buttonhole. This buttonhole"is not ... trivial enough.

LORD CAVERSHAM. I tell you you are thirty-four, sir. And there is a draught in your room, besides, which makes your conduct worse. Whv did you tell me there was no draught, sir? I feel a draught, sir, I feel it distinctly.

LORD GORING. SO do I, father. It is a dreadful draught. I will come and see you tomorrow, father. We can talk over anything you like. Let me help you on with your cloak, father.

LORD CAVERSHAM. No, sir; I have called this evening for a definite purpose, and I am going to see it through at all costs to my health or yours. Put down my cloak, sir.

LORD GORING. Certainly, father. But let us go into another room. [Ritlgs bel/.J There is a dreadful draught here. [Etlter Phipps.] Phipps, is there a good fire in the smoking-room?

PHIPPS. Yes, my lord.

LORD GORING. Come in there, father. Your sneezes are quite heart-rending.

LORD CAVERSHAM. Well, sir, I suppose I have a right to sneeze when I choose?

LORD GORING [Apologetically.] Quite so, father. I was merely expressing sympathy.

LORD CAVERSHAM. Oh, damn sympathy. There is a great deal too much of that sort of thing going on nowadays.

LORD GORING. I quite agree with you, father. If there was less sympathy in the world there would be less trouble in the world.

LORD CAVERSHAM [Goitlg towards the smokitlg-room.] That is a paradox, sir. I hate paradoxes.

LORD GORING. SO do I, father. Everybody one meets is a paradox nowadays. It is a great bore. It makes society so obvious.

LORD CA VERSHAM [Turnitlg routld, atld lookitlg at his SOtl broeath his bushy ryebrows.] Do you always really understand what you say, sir?

444 AN IDEAL HUSBAND

LORD GORING Vlfter some hesitation.] Yes, father, if! listen attentively.

LORD CAVERSHAM [Indignantly.] If you listen attentively! ... Conceited young puppy!

[Goes offgrumbling into the smoking-room. Phipps enters.]

LORD GORING. Phipps, there is a lady coming to see me this evening on particular business. Show her into the drawing-room when she arrives. You understand?

PHIPPS. Yes, my lord.

LORD GORING. It is a matter of the gravest importance, Phipps.

PHIPPS. I understand, my lord.

LORD GORING. No one else is to be admitted, under any circumstances.

PHIPPS. I understand, my lord. [Bell rings.]

LORD GORING. Ah! that is probably the lady. I shall see her myself.

[just as he is going towards the cWor Lord Caversham enters from the smoking-room.]

LORD CAVERSHAM. Well, sir? am I to wait attendance on you?

LORD GORING [Considerably perplexed.] In a moment, father. Do excuse me. [Lord Caversham goes back.] Well, remember my instructions, Phipps-into that room.

PHIPPS. Yes, my lord. [Lord Goring goes into the smoking-room. Hamid, thefootman, shows Mrs

Cheveley in. Lamia-like,o she is in green and silver. She has a cloak of black satin, lined with dead rose-leafsilk.]

HAROLD. What name, madam?

MRS CHEVELEY [To Phipps, who atiuances towards her.] Is Lord Goring not here? I was told he was at home?

PHIPPS. His lordship is engaged at present with Lord Caversham, madam.

[Turns a cold, glassy eye on Harold, who at once retires.]

MRS CHEVELEY [To herself.] How very filial! PHIPPS. His lordship told me to ask you, madam, to be kind enough to

wait in the drawing-room for him. His lordship will come to you there.

MRS CHEVELEY [With a look ofsurprise.] Lord Goring expects me?

PHIPPS. Yes, madam.

MRS CHEVELEY. Are you quite sure?

445 AN IDEAL HUSBAND

PHIPPS. His lordship told me that if a lady called I was to ask her to wait in the drawing-room. [Goes to the d{}orofthedrawing-room and opens it.] His lordship's directions on the subject were very precise.

MRS CHEVELEY [To herself.J How thoughtful of himl To expect the unexpected shows a thoroughly modem intellect. [Goes towards the drawing-room and looks in.] Ugh! How dreary a bachelor's drawing­ room always looks. I shall have to alter all this. [Phipps brings the lamp from the writing-table.] No, I don't care for that lamp. It is far too glaring. Light some candles.

PHIPPS [Replaces lamp.] Certainly, madam.

MRS CHEVELEY. I hope the candles have very becoming shades.

PHIPPS. \Ve have had no complaints about them, madam, as yet.

[Passes into the drawing-room and begins to light the candles.]

MRS CHEVELEY [To herself.J 1 wonder what woman he is waiting for tonight. It will be delightful to catch him. Men always look so silly when they are caught. And they are always being caught. (Looks about room and approaches the writing-table.] What a very interesting room! What a very interesting picture! Wonder what his correspondence is like. [Takes up letters.] Oh, what a very uninteresting correspondence! Bills and cards, debts and dowagersl Who on earth writes to him on pink paper? How silly to write on pink paper! It looks like the beginning of a middle-class romance. Romance should never begin with sentiment. It should begin with science and end with a settle­ ment. [Puts letter down, then takes it up again.] I know that handwriting. That is Gertrude Chiltern's. I remember it perfectly. The ten commandments in every stroke of the pen, and the moral law all over the page. Wonder what Gertrude is writing to him about? Something horrid about me, I suppose. How I detest that woman! [Reads it.] 'I trust you. I want you. I am coming to you. Gertrude.' '1 trust you. I want you. I am coming to you.'

[A look oftriumph comes aver herface. She is just about to stcal the letter, when Phipps comes in.]

PHIPPS. The candles in the drawing-room are lit, madam, as you directed.

MRS CHEVELEY. Thank you. [Rises hastily, a11d slips the letter under a large silver-cased blotting-hook that is lying on the table.]

PHIPPS. 1 trust the shades will be to your liking, madam. They arc the

AN IDEAL HUSBAND

most becoming we have. They are the same as his lordship uses himself when he is dressing for dinner.

MRSCHEVELEY [Withasmiie.] Then I am sure theywiU be perfectly right. PHIPPS [Gravely.] Thank you, madam.

[Mrs Gheveley goes into the drawing-room. Phipps closes the door and retires. The door is then slowly (Jpened, andMrs Cheveley comes out and creeps stealthily towards the writing-table. Suddenly voices are heardfrom the smoking-room. Mrs Cheveley grows pale, atld stops. The voices gr01P louder, and she goes back into the drawing-room, biting her lip.]

[Ellter Lord Goring and Lord Gaversham.] LORD GORING [Expostulating.] My dear father, if I am to get married,

surely you will allow me to choose the time, place, and person? Particularly the person.

LORD CAVERSHAM [Testily.] That is a matter for me, sir. You would probably make a very poor choice. It is I who should be consulted, not you. There is property at stake. It is not a matter for affection. Affection comes later on in married life.

LORD GORING. Yes. In married life affection comes when people thoroughly dislike each other, father, doesn't it? [Puts on Lord Caver­ sham's c1oakforhim.]

LORD CAVERSHAM. Certainly, sir. I mean certainly not, sir. You are talking very foolishly tonight. What I say is that marriage is a matter for common sense.

LORD GORING. But women who have common sense are so curiously plain, father, aren't they? Of course I only speak from hearsay.

LORD CAVERSHAM. No woman, plain or pretty, has any common sense at all, sir. Common sense is the privilege of our sex.

LORD GORING. Quite so. And we men are so self-sacrificing that we never use it, do we, father?

LORD CAVERSHAM. I use it, sir. I use nothing else.

LORD GORING. SO my mother tells me.

LORD CAVERSHAM. It is the secret of your mother's happiness. You are very heartless, sir, very heartless.

LORD GORING. I hope not, father.

[Goes out for a moment. Then returns, looking rather put out, with Sir Robert GMltern.]

AN IDEAL HUSBAND 447 SIR RO~ERT CHILTERN. My de..r Arthur, what a piece of good luck

meetmg you on the doorstep. Your servant had just told me you were not at home. How extraordinary!

LORD GORING. The fact is, I am horribly busy tonight, Robert, and I gave orders I was not at home to anyone. Even my father had a com­ paratively cold reception. He complained ofa draught the whole time.

SIR ROBERT CHIL TERN. Ah! you must be at home to me, Arthur. You are my best friend. Perhaps by tomorrow you will be my only friend. My wife has discovered everything.

LORD GORING. Ah! I guessed as much!

SIR ROBERT CHIL TERN [Looking at him.] Really! How?

LORD GORING [,1fter some hesitation.] Oh, merely by something in the expression of your face as you came in. Who told her?

SIR ROBERT CHILTERN. Mrs Cheveley herself. And the woman I love knows that I began my careel'with an act oflow dishonesty, that I built up my life upon sands ofshame-that I sold, like acommon huckster, the secret that had been intrusted to me as a man of honour. I thank heaven poor Lord Radley died without knowing that I betrayed him. I would to God I had died before I had been so horribly tempted, or had fallen so low. [Burying his/ace in his hantk.]

LORD GORING [After a pause.] You have heard nothing from Vienna yet, in answer to your wire?

SIR ROBERT CHILTERN [Looking up.] Yes; I got a telegram from the first secretary at eight o'clock tonight.

LORD GORING. Well? SIR ROBERT CHIL TERN. Nothing is absolutely known against her. On the

contrary, she occupies a rather high position in society. It is a sort of open secret that Baron Arnheim left her the greater portion of his immense fortune. Beyond that I can learn nothing.

LORD GORING. She doesn't turn out to be a spy, then?

SIR ROBERT CHIL TERN. Oh! spies are of no use nowadays. Their profession is over. The newspapers do their work instead.

LORD GORING. And thunderingly well they do it.

SIR ROBERT CHIL TERN. Arthur, I am parched with thirst. May I ring for something? Some hock and seltzer?

LORD GORING. Certainly. Let me. [Rings the bell.]

AN IDEAL HUSBAND

SIR ROBERT CHIL TERN. Thanksl I don't know what to do, Arthur, I don't know what to do, and you are my only friend. But what a friend you are-the one friend I can trust. I can trust you absolutely, can't I?

[Enter Phipps.] LORD GORING. My dear Robert, of course. Oh! [To Phipps.] Bring some

hock and seltzer.0

PHIPPS. Yes, my lord. LORD GORING. And Phipps!

PHIPPS. Yes, my lord. LORD GORING. Will you excuse me for a moment, Robert? I want to give

some directions to my servant.

SIR ROBERT CHILTERN. Certainly. LORD GORING. When that lady calls, tell her that I am not expected home

this evening. Tell her that I have been suddenly called out of town. You understand?

PHIPPS. The lady is in that room, my lord. You told me to show her into that room, my lord.

LORD GORING. You did perfectly right. [Exit Phipps.] What a mess I am in. No; I think I shall get through it. I'll give her a lecture through the door. Awkward thing to manage, though.

SIR ROBERT CHILTERN. Arthur, tell me what I should do. My life seems to have crumbled about me. I am a ship without a rudder in a night without a star.

LORD GORING. Robert, you love your wife, don't you? SIR ROBERT CHIL TERN. I love her more than anything in the world. I used

to think ambition the great thing. It is not. Love is the great thing in the world. There is nothing but love, and I love her. But I am defamed in her eyes. I am ignoble in her eyes. There is a wide gulf between us now. She has found me out, Arthur, she has found me out.

LORD GORING. Has she never in her life done some folly-some indiscretion-that she should not forgive your sin?

SIR ROBERT CHILTERN. My wife! Never! She does not know what weakness or temptation is. I am of clay like other men. She stands apart as good women do-pitiless in her perfection-cold and stem and without mercy. But I love her, Arthur. We are childless, and I have no one else to love, no one else to love me. Perhaps if God had sent us children she might have been kinder to me. But God has given us a

449

r AN IDEAL HUSBAND

lonely house. And she has cut my heart in two. Don't let us talk of it. I was brutal to her this evening. But I suppose when sinners talk to saints they are brutal always. I said to her things that were hideously true, on my side, from my standpoint, from the standpoint of men. But don't let us talk of that.

LORD GORING. Your wife will forgive you. Perhaps at this moment she is forgiving you. She loves you, Robert. Why should she not forgive?

SIR ROBERT CHILTERN. God grant it! God grant it! {Buries his face it! his hands.] But there is something more I have to tell you, Arthur. [Enter Phipps with drinks.]

PHIPPS [Hands hock and seltzer to Sir Robert Chiltent.] Hock and seltzer, sir.

SIR ROBERT CHILTERN. Thank you.

LORD GORING. Is your carriage here, Robert? SIR ROBERT CHILTERN. No; I walked from the club.

LORD GORING. Sir Robert will take my cab, Phipps.

PHIPPS. Yes, my lord. [Exit.]

LORD GORING. Robert, you don't mind my sending you away? SIR ROBERT CHILTERN. Arthur, you must let me stay for five minutes. I

have made up my mind what I am going to do tonight in the House. The debate on the Argentine Canal is to begin at eleven. V1 chairfalls in the drawing-room.] What is that?

LORD GORING. Nothing. SIR ROBERT CHILTERN. I heard a chair fall in the next room. Some one

has been listening. LORD GORING. No, no; there is no one there.

SIR ROBERT CHILTERN. There is some one. There arc lights in the room, and the door is ajar. Some one has been listening to every secret ofmy life. Arthur, what does this mean?

LORD GORING. Robert, you are excited, unnerved. I tell you there is no one in that room. Sit down, Robert.

SIR ROBERT CHILTERN. Do you give me your word that there is no one there?

LORD GORING. Yes. SIR ROBERT CHILTERN. Your word of honour? [Sits doWfl.]

AN IDEAL HUSBAND

LORD GORING. Yes. SIR ROBERT CHILTERN [Rises.] Arthur, let me see for myself.

LORD GORING. No, no. SIR ROBERT CHILTERN. If there is no one there why should I not look in

that room? Arthur, you must let me go into that room and satisfY myself. Let me know that no eavesdropper has heard my life's secret. Arthur, you don't realize what I am going through.

LORD GORING. Robert, this must stop. I have told you that there is no one in that room-that is enough.

SIR ROBERT CHIL TERN [Rushes to the door ofthe room.] It is not enough. I insist on going into this room. You have told me there is no one there, so what reason can you have for refusing me?

LORD GORING. For God's sake, don't! There is some one there. Some one whom you must not see.

SIR ROBERT CHILTERN. Ah, I thought so!

LORD GORING. I forbid you to enter that room.

SIR ROBERT CHILTERN. Stand back. My life is at stake. And I don't care who is there. I win know who it is to whom I have told my secret and my shame. [Enters room.]

LORD GORING. Great Heavens! his own wife!

[Sir Robert Chi/tern comes back, with a look ofscorn and anger on his face.}

SIR ROBERT CHILTERN. What explanation have you to give me for the presence of that woman here?

LORD GORING. Robert, I swear to you on my honour that that lady is stainless and guildess of all offence towards you.

SIR ROBERT CHILTERN. She is a vile, an infamous thingl

LORD GORING. Don't say that, Robert! It was for your sake she came here. It was to try and save you she came here. She loves you and no one else.

SIR ROBERT CHIL TERN. You are mad. What have I to do with her intrigues with you? Let her remain your mistress! You are well suited to each other. She, corrupt and shameful-you, false as a friend, treacherous as an enemy even-­

LORD GORING. It is not true, Robert. Before heaven, it is not true. In her presence and in yours I will explain all.

p

AN IDEAL HUSBAND 45 1

SIR ROBERT CHILTERN. Let me pass, sir. You have lied enough upon your word of honour.

[SirRobert Chiltern goes out. Lord Goring rushes to thedoor ofthedrawing­ room, when Mrs Cheveley comes out, lookitlg radiant and much amused.]

MRS CHEVELEY [With a mock curtstry.] Good evening, Lord Goring!

LORD GORING. Mrs Cheveleyl Great Heavens! ... May I ask what you were doing in my drawing-room?

MRS CHEVELEY. Merely listening. I have a perfect passion for listening through keyholes. One always hears such wonderful things through them.

LORD GORING. Doesn't that sound rather like tempting Providence?

MRS CHEVELEY. Oh! surely Providence can resist temptation by this time. [Makes a sign to him to take her cloak o./.t: which lIe does.]

LORD GORING. I am glad you have called. I am going to give you some good advice.

MRS CHEVELEY. Oh! pray don't. One should never give a woman anything that she can't wear in the evening.

LORD GORING. I see you are quite as wilful as you used to be.

MRS CHEVELEY. Far more! I have greatly improved. I have had more experience.

LORD GORING. Too much experience is a dangerous thing. Pray have a cigarette. Half the pretty women in London smoke cigarettes. Per­ sonally I prefer the other half.

MRS CHEVELEY. Thanks. I never smoke. My dressmaker wouldn't like it, and a woman's first duty in life is to her dressmaker, isn't it? What the second duty is, no one has as yet discovered.

LORD GORING. You have come here to sell me Robert ChHtern's letter, haven't you?

MRS CHEVELEY. To offer it to you on conditions. How did you guess that?

LORD GORING. Because you haven't mentioned the subject. Have you got it with you?

MRS CHEVELEY [Sitting down.] Oh, no! A well-made dress has no pockets.

LORD GORING. What is your price for it?

MRS CHEVELEY. How absurdly English you are! The English think that a

-I

1

AN IDEAL HUSBAND45 2

cheque-book can solve every problem in life. Why, my dear Arthur, I have very much more money than you have, and quite as much as Robert Chiltern has got hold of. Money is not what I want.

LORD GORING. What do you want then, Mrs Cheveley?

MRS CHEVELEY. Why don't you call me Laura?

LORD GORING. I don't like the name.

MRS CHEVELEY. You used to adore it.

LORD GORING. Yes: that's why. [Mrs Cheveley motions to him to sit d()wn beside her. He smiles, and does so.}

MRS CHEVELEY. Arthur, you loved me once.

LORD GORING. Yes.

MRS CHEVELEY. And you asked me to be your wife.

LORD GORING. That was the natural result of my loving you.

MRS CHEVELEY. And you threw me over because you saw, or said you saw, poor old Lord Mortlake trying to have a violent flirtation with me in the conservatory at Tenby.

LORD GORING. I am under the impression that my lawyer settled that matter with you on certain terms ... dictated by yourself.

MRS CHEVELEY. At that time I was poor; you were rich.

LORD GORING. Quite so. That is why you pretended to love me.

MRS CHEVELEY [Shruggitlg her shoulders.} Poor old Lord Mortlake, who had only two topics of conversation, his gout and his wifel I never could quite make out which of the two he was talking about. He used the most horrible language about them both. Well, you were silly, Arthur. Why, Lord Mortlake was never anything more to me than an amusement. One of those utterly tedious amusements one only finds at an English country house on an English country Sunday. I don't think anyone at a1l morally responsible for what he or she does at an English country house.

LORD GORING. Yes. I know lots of people think that.

MRS CHEVELEY. I loved you, Arthur.

LORD GORING. My dear Mrs Cheveley, you have always been far too clever to know anything about love.

MRS CHEVELEY. I did love you. And you loved me. You know you loved me; and love is a very wonderful thing. I suppose that when a man has

r AN IDEAL HUSBAND 453

once loved a woman, he will do anything for her, except continue to love her? (Puts her hand on his.]

LORD GORING [Taking his hand away quietly.] Yes: except that. MRS CHEVELEY fIlfler a pause.] I am tired ofliving abroad. I want to come

back to London. I want to have a charming house here. I want to have a salon. If one could only teach the English how to talk, and the Irish how to listen, society here would be quite civilized. Besides; I have arrived at the romantic stage. When I saw you last night at the Chilterns', I knew you were the only person I had ever cared for, if! ever have cared for anybody, Arthur. And so, on the morning of the day you marry me, I will give you Robert Chiltern's letter. That is my offer. I will give it to you now, if you promise to marry me.

LORD GORING. Now?

MRS CHEVELEY [Smiling.] Tomorrow.

LORD GORING. Are you really serious?

MRS CHEVELEY. Yes, quite serious.

LORD GORING. I should make you a very bad husband.

MRS CHEVELEY. I don't mind bad husbands. I have had two. They amused me immensely.

LORD GORING. You mean that you amused yourself immensely, don't you?

MRS CHEVELEY. What do you know about my married life?

LORD GORING. Nothing: but I can read it like a book.

MRS CHEVELEY. What book?

LORD GORING [RIsing.] The Book ofNumbers.o MRS CHEVELEY. Do you think it quite charming ofyou to be so rude to a

woman in your own house?

LORD GORING. In the case ofvery fascinating women, sex is a challenge, not a defence.

MRS CHEVELEY. I suppose that is meant for a compliment. My dear Arthur, women are never disarmed by compliments. Men always are. That is the difference between the two sexes.

LORD GORING. Women are never disarmed by anything, as far as I know them.

MRS CHEVELEY (Aflerapause.J Then you are going to allow your greatest friend, Robert Chiltem, to be ruined, rather than marry some one who

1AN IDEAL HUSBAND454 really has considerable attractions left. I thought you would have risen to some great height of self-sacrifice, Arthur. I think you should. And I the rest of your life you could spend in contemplating your own perfections.

LORD GORING. Oh! I do that as it is. And self-sacrifice is a thing that should be put down by law. It is so demoralizing to the people for whom one sacrifices oneself. They always go to the bad.

MRS CHEVELEY. As if anything could demoralize Robert Chiltem! You seem to forget that I know his real character.

LORD GORING. What you know about him is not his real character. It was an act of folly done in his youth, dishonourable, I admit, shameful, I admit, unworthy of him, I admit, and therefore ... not his true character.

MRS CHEVELEY. How you men stand up for each other!

LORD GORING. How you women war against each other!

MRS CHEVELEY [Bitterly.] I only war against one woman, against Gertrude Chiltern. I hate her. I hate her now more than ever.

LORD GORING. Because you have brought a real tragedy into her life, I suppose.

MRS CHEVELEY [With a sneer.] Oh, there is only one real tragedy in a woman's life. The fact that her past is always her lover, and her future invariably her husband.

LORD GORING. Lady Chiltern knows nothing of the kind oflife to which you are alluding.

MRS CHEVELEY. A woman whose size in gloves is seven and three­ quarters never knows much about anything. You know Gertrude has always worn seven and three-quarters? That is one ofthe reasons why there was never any moral sympathy between us.... Well, Arthur, I suppose this romantic interview may be regarded as at an end. You admit it was romantic, don't you? For the privilege ofbeing your wife I was ready to surrender a great prize, the climax of my diplomatic career. You decline. Very well. If Sir Robert doesn't uphold my Argentine scheme, I expose him. Voila tout.o

LORD GORING. You mustn't do that. Itwould be vile,horrible, infamous.

MRS CHEVELEY [Shrugging her shoulders.] Oh! don't use big words. They mean so little. It is a commercial transaction. That is all. There is no good mixing up sentimentality in it. I offered to sell Robert Chiltem a

455

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AN IDEAL HUSBAND

certain thing. Ifhe won't pay me my price, he will have to pay the world a greater price. There is no more to be said. I must go. Goodbye. Won't you shake hands?

LORD GORING. With you? No. Your transaction with Robert Chiltern may pass as a loathsome commercial transaction of a loathsome commercial age; but you seem to have forgotten that you who came here tonight to talk of love, you whose lips desecrated the word love, you to whom the thing is a book closely sealed, went this afternoon to the house of one of the most noble and gende women in the world to degrade her husband in her eyes, to try and kill her love for him, to put poison in her heart, and bitterness in her life, to break her idol and, it may be, spoil her soul. That I cannot forgive you, That was horrible. For that there can be no forgiveness.

MRS CHEVELEY. Arthur, you are unjust to me. Believe me, you are quite unjust to me. I didn't go to taunt Gertrude at all. I had no idea ofdoing anything of the kind when I entered. I called with Lady Markby simply to ask whether an ornament, a jewel, that I lost somewhere last night, had been found at the Chilterns'. If you don't believe me, you can ask Lady Markby. She will tell you it is true. The scene that occurred happened after Lady Markby had left, and was really forced on me by Gertrude's rudeness and sneers. I called, oh!-a litde out of malice if you like-but really to ask if a diamond brooch of mine had been found. That was the origin of the whole thing.

LORD GORING. A diamond snake-brooch with a ruby? MRS CHEVELEY. Yes. How do you know? LORD GORING. Because it is found. In point of fact, I found it myself, and

stupidly forgot to tell the buder anything about it as Iwas leaving. [Goes uver to the writing-table andpulls out the drawers.] It is in this drawer. No, that one. This is the brooch, isn't it? [Holds up the brooch.]

MRS CHEVELEY. Yes. I am so glad to get it back. It was ... a present.

LORD GORING. Won't you wear it? MRS CHEVELEY. Certainly, if you pin it in. [Lord Goring suddenly clasps it

on her ann. JWhy do you put it on as abracelet? Inever knew it could be worn as a bracelet.

LORD GORING. Really? MRS CHEVELEY [Holding out her handsome arm.] No; but it looks very well

on me as a bracelet, doesn't it? LORD GORING. Yes; much better than when I saw it last.

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AN IDEAL HUSBAND

MRS CHEVELEY. When did you see it last? LORD GORING [Caimo/.J Oh, ten years ago, on Lady Berkshire, from

whom you stole it. MRS CHEVELEY [Statting.] What do you mean?

LORD GORING. I mean that you stole that ornament from my cousin, Mary Berkshire, to whom I gave it when she was married. Suspicion fell on awretched servant, who was sent away in disgrace. I recognized it last night. I determined to say nothing about it till I had found the thief. Ihave found the thiefnow, and I have heard her own confession.

MRS CHEVELEY [Tossing her head.] It is not true.

LORD GORING. You know it is true. Why, thief is written across your face at this moment.

MRS CHEVELEY. I will deny the whole affair from beginning to end. I will say that I have never seen this wretched thing, that it was never in my possession.

[Mrs Cheveley tries 10 get the bracelet offher ann, but fails. Lord Goring looks on amused. Her thin fingers tear at the jewel to no putpose. A curse breaks from her.]

LORD GORING. The drawback of stealing a thing, Mrs Cheveley, is that one never knows how wonderful the thing that one steals is. You can't get that bracelet off, unless you know where the spring is. And I see you don't know where the spring is. It is rather difficult to find.

MRS CHEVELEY. You brute! You coward I [She tries again to unclasp the bracelet, but fails.]

LORD GORING. Oh! don't use big words. They mean so little.

MRS CHEVELEY [Again tears at the bracelet in a paroxysm of rage, with inatticulate sounds. Then stops, and looks at Lord Goring.] What are you going to do?

LORD GORING. I am going to ring for my servant. He is an admirable servant. Always comes in the moment one rings for him. When he Comes I will tell him to fetch the police.

MRS CHEVELEY [Trembling.] The police? What for?

LORD GORING. Tomorrow the Berkshires will prosecute you. That is what the police are for.

MRS CHEVELEY [Is now in an agony ofphysical terror. Herface is distorted. Her mouth awry. A mask hasfollen from her. She is, for the moment, dreadful to

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AN IDEAL HUSBAND 457

look at.] Don't do that. I will do anything you want. Anything in the world you want.

LORD GORING. Give me Robert Chiltern's letter.

MRS CHEVELEY. Stop! Stop! Let me have time to think.

LORD GORING. Give me Robert Chiltern's letter.

MRS CHEVELEY. I have not got it with me. I will give it to you tomorrow. LORD GORING. You know you are lying. Give it to me at once. [Mrs

Cheveley pulls the letter out, and hands it to kim. She is horribly pale.] This is it?

MRS CHEVELEY [In a hoarse voice.] Yes. LORD GORING [Takes the letter, examines it, sighs, and burns it over the

lamp.} For so well dressed a woman, Mrs Cheveley, you have moments ofadmirable common sense. I congratulate you.

MRS CHEVELEY [Catches sight ojLady Chi/tem's letter, the cover ojwhich is just showing Jrom under the blotting-book.] Please get me a glass of water.

LORD GORING. Certainly.

[Goes to the comer oJthe room andpOllrs Ollt aglass ojwater. While his back is tllmedMrs Cheveley steals Lady Chiltem's letter. When Lord Goring retllms with the glass she refuses it with a gesture.]

MRS CHEVELEY. Thank you. Will you help me on with my cloak?

LORD GORING. With pleasure. [Puts her cloak on.]

MRS CHEVELEY. Thanks. I am never going to try to harm Robert Chiltern again.

LORD GORING. Fortunately you have not got the chance, Mrs Chevcley.

MRS CHEVELEY. Well, if even I had the chance, I wouldn't. On the contrary, I am going to render him a great service.

LORD GORING. I am charmed to hear it. It is a reformation.

MRS CHEVELEY. Yes. I can't bear so upright a gentleman, so honourable an English gentleman, being so shamefully deceived, and so-­

LORD GORING. Well?

MRS CHEVELEY. I find that somehow Gertrude Chiltem's dying speech and confession has strayed into my pocket.

LORD GORING. What do you mean?

MRS CHEVELEY [With a bitter note oJtriumph in her voice.] I mean that I am

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going to send Robert Chiltem the love letter his wife wrote to you tonight.

LORD GORING. Love letter?

MRS CHEVELEY (Laughing.] 'I want you. I trust you. 1am coming to you. Gertrude.'

[Lord Goring rushes to the bureau and takes up the envelope,jinds it empty, and tums round.]

LORD GORING. You wretched woman, must you always be thieving? Give me back that letter. I'll take it from you by force. You shall not leave my room till 1have got it.

[He rushes towards her, but Mn Cheveley at once puts her hand on the electric bell that is on the table. The bell sounds with shrill reverberations, and Phipps entm.]

MRS CHEVELEY [After apause.] Lord Goring merely rang that you should show me out. Goodnight, Lord Goring!

[Goes out,Jollowed by Phipps. Herface is illumitled with evil triumph. There is joy in her eyes. Youth seems to have come back to her. Her last glance is like aswift arrow. Lord Goring bites his lip, and lights a cigarette.]

ACT DROP.

FOURTH ACT

SCENE-Same as Act II.

[Lord Goring is standing by thejireplace with his hands in his pockets. He is looking rather bored.]

LORD GORING [Pulls out his watch, inspects it, and ritzgs the bell.] It is a great nuisance. 1 can't find anyone in this house to talk to. And I am full of interesting information. 1 feel like the latest edition of something or other. [Enter Servant.]

JAMES. Sir Robert is still at the Foreign Office, my lord.

LORD GORING. Lady Chiltem not down yet?

JAMES. Her ladyship has not yet left her room. Miss Chiltem has just come in from riding.

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AN IDEAL HUSBAND

JAMES. Lord Caversham has been waiting some time in the library for Sir Robert. I told him your lordship was here.

LORD GORING. Thank you. Would you kindly tell him I've gone? JAMES [Bowing.] I shall do so, my lord.

[&:it Sen'ant.] LORD GORING. Really, I don't want to meet my father three days

running. It is a great deal too much excitement for any son. I hope to goodness he won't come up. Fathers should be neither seen nor heard. That is the only proper basis for family life. Mothers are different. Mothers are darlings. (11Irows himselfdown into achair, picks up a paper and begins to read it. J [Enter Lord Caversham.]

LORD CAVERSHAM. Well, sir, what are you doing here? Wasting your time as usual, I suppose?

LORD GORING [Throws down paper and rises.] My dear father, when one pays a visit it is for the purpose of wasting other people's time, not one's own.

LORD CAVERSHAM. Have you been thinking over what I spoke to you about last night?

LORD GORING. I have been thinking about nothing else. LORD CAVERSHAM. Engaged to be married yet?

LORD GORING [Genialry.J Not yet: but I hope to be before lunch-time. LORD CAVERSHAM [Caustical{y.] You can have till dinner-time ifitwould

be of any convenience to you.

LORD GORING. Thanks awfully, but I think I'd sooner be engaged before lunch.

LORD CAVERSHAM. Humph! Never know when you are serious or not.

LORD GORING. Neither do I, father. IA pause.]

LORD CAVERSHAM. I suppose you have read 'The Times' this morning?

LORD GORING lAiri{y.] 'The Times'? Certainly not. I only read 'The Morning Post'. All that one should know about modem life is where the Duchesses are; anything else is quite demoralizing.

LORD CAVERSHAM. Do you mean to say you have not read 'The Times" leading article on Robert Chiltem's career?

LORD GORING. Good heavens! No. What does it say?

AN IDEAL HUSBAND

LORD CAVERSHAM. What should it say, sir? Everything complimentary, of course. Chiltern's speech last night on this Argentine Canal Scheme was one of the finest pieces of oratory ever delivered in the House since Canning.o

LORD GORING. Ah! Never heard of Canning. Never wanted to. And did ... did Chiltern uphold the scheme?

LORD CAVERSHAM. Uphold it, sir? How little you know him! Why, he denounced it roundly, and the whole system of modern political finance. This speech is the turning-point in his career, as 'The Times' points out. You should read this article, sir. [Opens 'The Times '.J 'Sir Robert Chiltern '" most rising of all our young statesmen ... Brilliant orator ... Unblemished career ... Well-known integrity of character ... Represents what is best in English public life ... Noble contrast to the lax morality so common among foreign politicians.' They will never say that of you, sir.

LORD GORING. I sincerely hope not, father. However, I am delighted at what you tell me about Robert, thoroughly delighted. It shows he has got pluck.

LORD CAVERSHAM. He has got more than pluck, sir, he has got genius.

LORD GORING. Ah! I prefer pluck. It is not so common, nowadays, as genius is.

LORD CAVERSHAM. I wish you would go into Parliament.

LORD GORING. My dear father, only people who look dull ever get into the House of Commons, and only people who are dull ever succeed there.

LORD CAVERSHAM. Why don't you try to do something useful in life?

LORD GORING. I am far too young.

LORD CAVERSHAM [Testi(y.] I hate this affectation of youth, sir. It is a great deal too prevalent nowadays.

LORD GORING. Youth isn't an affectation. Youth is an art.

LORD CAVERSHAM. Why don't you propose to that pretty Miss Chiltern?

LORD GORING. I am of a very nervous disposition, especially in the morning.

LORD CAVERSHAM. I don't suppose there is the smallest chance of her accepting you.

LORD GORING. I don't know how the betting stands today.

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AN IDEAL HUSBAND

LORD CAVERSHAM. If she did accept you she would be the prettiest fool in England.

LORD GORING. That is just what I should like to marry. A thoroughly sensible wife would reduce me to a condition of absolute idiocy in less than six months.

LORD CAVERSHAM. You don't deserve her, sir.

LORD GORING. My dear father, if we men married the women we deserved, we should have a very bad time of it.

[Enter Mabel Chi/tern.]

MABEL CHIL TERN. Oh! ... How do you do, Lord Caversham? I hope Lady Caversham is quite well?

LORD CAVERSHAM. Lady Caversham is as usual, as usual.

LORD GORING. Good morning, Miss Mabel!

MABEL CHlLTERN [Taking no notice at all ofLord Goring, and addressing herselfexclusively to Lord Caversham.] And Lady Caversham's bonnets ... are they at all better?

LORD CAVERSHAM. They have had a serious relapse, I am sorry to say.

LORD GORING. Good morning, Miss Mabel!

MABEL CHlLTERN [To Lord Caversham.] I hope an operation will not be necessary.

LORD CAVERSHAM [Smiling at herpertness.] If it is we shall have to give Lady Caversham a narcotic. Otherwise she would never consent to have a feather touched .

LORD GORING [With increased emphasis.] Good morning, Miss Mabel!

MABEL CHIL TERN [Turning round withfeigned sUlprise.] Oh, are you here? Ofcourse you understand that after your breakingyour appointment I am never going to speak to you again.

LORD GORING. Oh, please don't say such a thing. You are the one person in London I really like to have to listen to me.

MABEL CHILTERN. Lord Goring, I never believe asingle word that either you or I say to each other.

LORD CAVERSHAM. You are quite right, my dear, quite right ... as far as he is concerned, I mean.

MABEL CHILTERN. Do you think you could possibly make your son behave a little better occasionally? Just as a change.

AN IDEAL HUSBAND

LORD CAVERSHAM. I regret to say, Miss Chiltern, that I have no influence at aU over my son. I wish I had. IfI had, I know what I would make him do.

MABEL CHILTERN. I am afraid that he has one of those terribly weak natures that are not susceptible to influence.

LORD CAVERSHAM. He is very heartless, very heartless.

LORD GORING. It seems to me that I am a little in the way here. MABEL CHILTERN. It is very good for you to be in the way, and to know

what people say ofyou behind your back.

LORD GORING. I don't at all like knowing what people say of me behind my back. It makes me far too conceited.

LORD CAVERSHAM. After that, my dear, I really must bid you good morning.

MABEL CHILTERN. Oh! I hope you are not going to leave me all alone with Lord Goring? Especially at such an early hour in the day.

LORD CAVERSHAM. I am afraid I can't take him with me to Downing Street Iris not the Prime Minister's day for seeing the unemployed.o [Shakes hands with Mabel Chi/rem, takes up his hat and stick, and goes out,

with apartingglare ofindignation at Lord Goring.}

MABEL CHIL TERN [Takes up roses and begins to arrange them in a bowl on the table.} People who don't keep their appointments in the Parke are horrid.

LORD GORING. Detestable.

MABEL CHILTERN. I am glad you admit it. But I wish you wouldn't look so pleased about it.

LORD GORING. I can't help it. I always look pleased when I am with you.

MABEL CHILTERN [Sadry.} Then I suppose it is my duty to remain with you?

LORD GORING. Ofcourse it is.

MABEL CHILTERN. Well, my duty is a thing I never do, on principle. It always depresses me. So I am afraid I must leave you.

LORD GORING. Please don't, Miss Mabel. I have something very par­ ticular to say to you.

MABEL CHILTERN [Raptllrousry.] Oh! is it a proposal?

LORD GORING [Somewhat taken aback.] Well, yes, itis-I am bound to say it is.

AN IDEAL HUSBAND

MABEL CHILTERN [With a sigh oJpleasure.] I am so glad. That makes the second today.

LORD GORING [Indignantly.] The second today? What conceited ass has been impertinent enough to dare to propose to you before I had proposed to you?

MABEL CHILTERN. Tommy Trafford, of course. It is one of Tommy's days for proposing. He always proposes on Tuesdays and Thursdays, during the season.

LORD GORING. You didn't accept him, I hope?

MABEL CHILTERN. I make it a rule never to accept Tommy. That is why he goes on proposing. Ofcourse, as you didn't turn up this morning, I very nearly said yes. It would have been an excellent lesson both for him and for you ifI had. It would have taught you both better manners.

LORD GORING. Oh! bother Tommy Trafford. Tommy is a silly little ass. I love you.

MABEL CHILTERN. I know. And I think you might have mentioned it before. I am sure I have given you heaps of opportunities.

LORD GORING. Mabel, do be serious. Please be serious.

MABEL CHILTERN. Ah! that is the sort of thing a man always says to a girl before he has been married to her. He never says it afterwards.

LORD GORING [Taking holdoJherhand.] Mabel, I have told you that I love you. Can't you love me a little in return?

MABEL CHILTERN. You silly Arthur! If you knew anything about ... anything, which you don't, you would know that I adore you. Everyone in London knows it except you. It is a public scandal the way I adore you. I have been going about for the last six months telling the whole of society that I adore you. I wonder you consent to have anything to say to me. I have no character left at all. At least, I feel so happy that I am quite sure I have no character left at all.

LORD GORING [Catches her in his anns and kisses her. Thm there is apause oj bliss.] Dear! Do you know I was awfully afraid of being refused!

MABEL CHILTERN [Looking up at him.] But you never have been refused yet by anybody, have you, Arthur? I can't imagine anyone refusing you.

LORD GORING [After kissing her again.] Of course I'm not nearly good enough for you, Mabel.

MABEL CHILTERN [Nestling close to him.] I am so glad, darling. I was afraid you were.

I J'

2Q

AN IDEAL HUSBAND

LORD GORING [After some hesitation.] And I'm ... I'm a little over thirty.

MABEL CHILTERN. Dear, you look weeks younger than that. LORD GORING [Enthusiastically.] How sweet ofyou to say sol ... And it is

only fair to tell you frankly that I am fearfully extravagant. MABEL CHILTERN. But so am I, Arthur. So we're sure to agree. And now

I must go and see Gertrude.

LORD GORING. Must you really? [Kisses her. J MABEL CHILTERN. Yes.

LORD GORING. Then do tell her I want to talk to her particularly. I have been waiting here all the morning to see either her or Robert.

MABELCHILTERN. Do you mean to say you didn't come here expressly to propose to me?

LORD GORING [Triumphantly.] No; that was a flash of genius. MABEL CHILTERN. Your first.

LORD GORING [With determination.] My last.

MABEL CHILTERN. I am delighted to hear it. Now don't stir. I'll be back in five minutes. And don't fall into any temptations while I am away.

LORD GORING. Dear Mabel, while you are away, there are none. It makes me horribly dependent on you. [Enter Lady Chi/tern.]

LADY CHILTERN. Good morning, dear! How pretty you are looking!

MABEL CHILTERN. How pale you are looking, Gertrude! It is most becoming!

LADY CHILTERN. Good morning, Lord Goring!

LORD GORING [Bowing.] Good morning, Lady Chiltern!

MABEL CHILTERN [Aside to Lord Goring.] I shall be in the conservatory, under the second palm tree on the left.

LORD GORING. Second on the left?

MABEL CHILTERN [With a look ofmock surprise.] Yes; the usual palm tree.

[Blows a kiss to him, unobseroed by Lady Chiltern, andgoes out.] LORD GORING. Lady Chiltern, I have a certain amount of very good news

to tell you. Mrs Cheveley gave me up Robert's letter last night, and I burned it. Robert is safe.

LADY CHILTERN [Sinking on the sofa.1 Safe! Oh! I am so glad of that. What a good friend you are to him-to us!

AN IDEAL HUSBAND

LORD GORING. There is only one person now that could be said to be in any danger.

LADY CHILTERN. Who is that?

LORD GORING [Sitting down beside her.] Yourself.

LADY CHILTERN. II In danger? What do you mean?

LORD GORING. Danger is too great a word. It is a word I should not have used. But I admit I have something to tell you that may distress you, that terribly distresses me. Yesterday evening you wrote me a very beautiful, womanly letter, asking me for my help. You wrote to me as one ofyour oldest friends, one ofyour husband's oldest friends. Mrs Cheveley stole that letter from my rooms.

LADY CHILTERN. Well, what use is it to her? Why should she not have it?

LORD GORING [Rising.] Lady Chiltern, I will be quite frank with you. Mrs Cheveley puts a certain construction on that letter and proposes to send it to your husband.

LADY CHiLTERN. But what construction could she put on it? .. Oh! not that! not that! If I in-in trouble, and wanting your help, trusting you, propose to come to you ... that you may advise me ... assist me ... Dh! are there women so horrible as that. .. ?And she proposes to send it to my husband? Tell me what happened. Tell me ail that happened.

LORD GORING. Mrs Cheveley was concealed in a room adjoining my library, without my knowledge. I thought that the person who was waiting in that room to see me was yourself. Robert came in unexpec­ tedly. A chair or something fell in the room. He forced his way in, and he discovered her. We had a terrible scene. I still thought it was you. He left me in anger. At the end of everything Mrs Cheveley got possession of your letter-she stole it, when or how, I don't know.

LADY CHILTERN. At what hour did this happen?

LORD GORING. At half-past ten. And now I propose that we tell Robert the whole thing at once.

LADY CHiLTERN [Looking at him with amazement that is almost ten-or.] You want me to tell Robert that the woman you expected was not Mrs Cheveley, but myself? That it was I whom you thought was concealed in a room in your house, at half-past ten o'clock at night? You want me to tell him that?

LORD GORING. I think it is better that he should know the exact truth.

LADY CHILTERN [Rising.] Dh, I couldn't, I couldn't!

-----------------..---- ..-----..--------"""I"i

AN IDEAL HUSBAND

LORD GORING. May I do it?

LADY CHILTERN. No. LORD GORING [Grave(y.] You are wrong, Lady Chi/tern. LADY CHiLTERN. No. The letter must be intercepted. That is all. But

how can I do it? Letters arrive for him every moment of the day. His secretaries open them and hand them to him. I dare not ask the servants to bring me his letters. It would be impossible. Ohl why don't you tell me what to do?

LORD GORING. Pray be calm, Lady Chiltern, and answer the questions I am going to put to you. You said his secretaries open his letters.

LADY CHILTERN. Yes. LORD GORING. Who is with him today? Mr Trafford, isn't it?

LADY CHILTERN. No. Mr Montfort, I think.

LORD GORING. You can trust him? LADY CHILTERN [With agesttmoJdespair.] Oh! how do I know?

LORD GORING. He would do what you asked him, wouldn't he?

LADY CHILTERN. I think so. LORD GORING. Your letter was on pink paper. He could recognize it

without reading it, couldn't he? By the colour?

LADY CHILTERN. I suppose so.

LORD GORING. Is he in the house now?

LADY CHiLTERN. Yes.

LORD GORING. Then I will go and see him myself, and tell him that a certain letter, written on pink paper, is to be forwarded to Robert today, and that all costs it must not reach him. [Goes to the door, and opens it.1 Oh! Robert is coming upstairs with the letter in his hand. It has reached him already.

LADY CHILTERN [With a cry oJpain.] Oh! you have saved his life; what have you done with mine? [Enter Sir Robert Chiltern. He has the leuer in his hand, and is reading it.

He comes towards his wife, 'lOt noticing Lord Goring's presence.] SIR ROBERT CBILTERN. 'I want you. I trust you. I am coming to you.

Gertrude.' Oh, my love! Is this true? Do you indeed trust me, and want me? Ifso, itwas for me to come to you, not for you to write ofcoming to me. This letter of yours, Gertrude, makes me feel that nothing that the world may do can hurt me now. You want me, Gertrude?

as

AN IDEAL HUSBAND

[Lord Goring, unseen by Sir Robert Chiltem, makes an imploring sign to Lady Chiltern to accept the situation and Sir Robert's error.]

LADY CHIL TERN. Yes.

SIR ROBERT CHlLTERN. You trust me, Gertrude? LADY CHILTERN. Yes.

SIR ROBERT CHILTERN. Ahl why did you not add you loved me?

LADY CHrLTERN [Taking his hand.] Because I loved you.

[Lord Goringpasses into the conservatory.]

SIR ROBERT CHlL TERN [Kisses her.] Gertrude, you don't know what I feel. When Montfort passed me your letter across the table-he had opened it by mistake, I suppose, without looking at the handwriting on the envelope-and I read it-ohl I did not care what disgrace or punishment was in store for me, I only thought you loved me still.

LADY CHILTERN. There is no disgrace in store for you, nor any public shame. Mrs Cheveley has handed over to Lord Goring the document that was in her possession, and he has destroyed it.

SIR ROBERT CHlLTERN. Are you sure of this, Gertrude?

LADY CHILTERN. Yes; Lord Goring has just told me.

SIR ROBERT CHILTElU'IJ. Then I am safe! Oh! what a wonderful thing to be safe! For two days I have been in terror. I am safe now. How did Arthur destroy my letter? Tell me.

LADYCHILTERN. He burned it.

SIR ROBERT CHILTERl~. I wish I had seen that one sin of my youth burning to ashes. How many men there are in modern life who would like to see their past burning to white ashes before them! Is Arthur still here?

LADY CHILTERN. Yes; he is in the conservatory.

SIR ROBERT CHlLTERN. I am so glad now I made that speech last night in the House, so glad. I made it thinking that public disgrace might be the result. But it has not been so.

LADY CHILTERN. Public honour has been the result.

SIR ROBERT CHILTERN. I think so. I fear so, almost. For although I am safe from detection, although every proof against me is destroyed, I suppose, Gertrude ... I suppose I should retire from public life? [He looks anxiously at his wife.]

AN IDEAL HUSBAND

LADY CHIL TERN [EagerlY.] Oh yes, Robert, you should do that. It is your duty to do that.

SIR ROBERT CHILTERN. It is much to surrender.

LADY CHILTERN. No; it will be much to gain.

[Sir Robert Chi/tern walks up and down the room with atroubled expression. Then comes over to his wife, and puts his hand on her shoulder.]

SIR ROBERT CHILTERN. And you would be happy living somewhere alone with me, abroad perhaps, or in the country away from London, away from public life? You would have no regrets?

LADY CHILTERN. Oh! none, Robert.

SIR ROBERT CHILTERN [Sadry.] And your ambition for me? You used to be ambitious for me.

LADY CHILTERN. Oh, my ambition! I have none now, but that we 1:\'{0 may love each other. It was your ambition that led you astray. Let us not talk about ambition.

[Lord Goring returns from the conseroatory, looking very pleased with himself, and with an entirelY new buttonhole that some otle has made/iJr him.]

SIR ROBERT CHILTERN [Going towards him.] Arthur, I have to thank you for what you have done for me. I don't know how I can repay you. [Shakes hands with him.]

LORD GORING. My dear fellow, I'll tell you at once. At the present moment, under the usual palm tree ... I mean in the conservatory ...

[Enter Mason.]

MASON. Lord Caversham.

LORD GORING. That admirable father of mine really makes a habit of turning up at the wrong moment. It is very heartless of him, very heartless indeed.

[Emer Lord Caversham. Masoll goes out.]

LORD CAVERSHAM. Good morning, Lady ChilternI Warmest con­ gratulations to you, Chiltern, on your brilliant speech last night. I have just left the Prime Minister, and you are to have the vacant seat in thc Cabinet.

SIR ROBERT CHILTERN [With a look o/joy and triumph.] A seat in the Cabinet?

LORD CAVERSHAM. Yes; here is the Prime Minister's letter. [Hands letter.]

AN IDEAL HUSBAND

SIR ROBERT CHILTERN [Takes letter and reads it.] A seat in the Cabinet!

LORD CAVERSHAM. Certainly, and you well deserve it too. You have got what we want so much in political life nowadays-high character, high moral tone, high principles. [To Lord Goring.] Everything that you have not got, sir, and never will have.

LORD GORING. I don't like principles, father. I prefer prejudices.

[Sir Robert Chiltern is on the brink 0/accepting the Prime Minister's offer, when he sees his wife looking at him with her clear, candid ryes. He then realizes that it is impossible.]

SIR ROBERT CHILTERN. I cannot accept this offer, Lord Caversham. I have made up my mind to decline it.

LORD CAVERSHAM. Decline it, sir!

SIR ROBERT CHILTERN. My intention is to retire at once from public life.

LORD CAVERSHAM [Angriry.] Decline a seat in the Cabinet, and retire from public life? Never heard such damned nonsense in the whole course of my existence. I beg your pardon, Lady Chiltern. Chiltern, I beg your pardon. [To Lord Goring.] Don't grin like that, sir.

LORD GORING. No, father.

LORD CAVERSHAM. Lady Chiltern, you are a sensible woman, the most sensible woman in London, the most sensible woman I know. Will you kindly prevent your husband from making such a ... from talking such ... Will you kindly do that, Lady Chiltern?

LADY CHILTERN. I think my husband is right in his determination, Lord Caversham. I approve of it.

LORD CAVERSHAM. You approve of it? Good Heavens!

LADY CHILTERN [Taking herhusband's hand.] I admire him for it. I admire him immensely for it. I have never admired him so much before. He is finer than even I thought him. [To Sir Robert Chiltem.] You will go and write your letter to the Prime Minister now, won't you? Don't hesitate about it, Robert.

SIR ROBERT CHILTERN [With a touch o/bitterness.] I suppose I had better write it at once. Such offers are not repeated. I will ask you to excuse me for a moment, Lord Caversham.

LADY CHILTERN. I may come with you, Robert, may I not?

SIR ROBERT CHILTERN. Yes, Gertrude.

[Lady Chiltern goes out with him.]

470 AN IDEAL HUSBAND

LORD CAVERSHAM. What is the matter with this family? Something wrong here, eh? [Tapping his forehead.] Idiocy? Hereditary, I suppose. Both of them, too. Wife as well as husband. Very sad. Very sad indeed! And they are not an old family. Can't understand it.

LORD GORING. It is not idiocy, father, I assure you.

LORD CAVERSHAM. What is it then, sir?

LORD GORING lAfter some hesitation.] Well, it is what is called nowadays a high moral tone, father. That is all.

LORD CAVERSHM1. Hate these new-fangled names. Same thing as we used to call idiocy fifty years ago. Shan't stay in this house any longer.

LORD GORING [Taking his ann.] Oh! just go in hcre for a moment, father. Third palm trce to the left, the usual palm tree.

LORD CAVERSHAM. What, sir?

LORD GORING. I beg your pardon, father, I forgot. The conservatory, father, the conservatory-there is some one there I want you to talk to.

LORD CAVERSHAM. What about, sir?

LORD GORING. About me, father.

LORD CAVERSHAM [Gn'm?JI,] Not a subject on which much eloquence is possible.

LORD GORING. No, father; but the lady is like me, She doesn't care much for eloquence in others. She thinks it a little loud.

[Lord Gaversham goes into the conseroatory. Lady Chi/tern enters,]

LORD GORING. Lady Chiltern, why are you playing Mrs Cheveley's cards?

LADY CHILTERN [Startled.] I don't understand you.

LORD GORING. Mrs Chcveley made an attempt to ruin your husband. Either to drive him from public life, or to make him adopt a dishonourable position. From the latter tragedy you saved him. The former you are now thrusting on him. Why should you do him the wrong Mrs Cheveley tried to do and failed?

LADY CHILTERN. Lord Goring?

LORD GORING [Pulling himselftogether for a great effort, atld shmving the philosapher that underlies the dan4Jt.] Lady Chiltern, allow me. You wrote me a letter last night in which you said you trusted me and wanted my help. Now is the moment when you really want my help, now is the time when you have got to trust me, to trust in my counsel

»

AN IDEAL HUSBAND 47 I

and judgment. You love Robert. Do you want to kill his love for you? What sort of existence will he have if you rob him of the fruits of his ambition, if you take him from the splendour ofa great political career, ifyou close the doors ofpublic life against him, if you condemn him to sterile failure, he who was made for triumph and success? Women are not meant to judge us, but to forgive us when we need forgiveness. Pardon, not punishment, is their mission. Why should you scourge him with rods for a sin done in his youth, before he knew you, before he knew himself? A man's life is ofmore value than a woman's. It has larger issues, wider scope, greater ambitions. A woman's life revolves in curves of emotions. It is upon lines of intellect that a man's life progresses. Don't make any terrible mistake, Lady Chiltern. A woman who can keep a man's love, and love him in return, has done all the world wants of women, or should want of them.

LADY CHILTERN [Troubled and hesitating.] But it is my husband himself who wishes to retire from public life. He feels it is his duty. It was he who first said so.

LORD GORING. Rather than lose your love, Robert would do anything, wreck his whole career, as he is on the brink of doing now. He is making for you a terrible sacrifice. Take my advice, Lady Chiltern, and do not accept a sacrifice so great. Ifyou do, you will live to repent it bitterly. We men and women are not made to accept such sacrifices from each other. We are not worthy of them. Besides, Robert has been punished enough.

LADY CHILTERN. We have both been punished. I set him up too high.

LORD GORING [With deep fieling in his voice.] Do not for that reason set him down now too low. Ifhe has fallen from his altar, do not thrust him into the mire. Failure to Robert would be the very mire of shame. Power is his passion. He would lose everything, even his power to feel love. Your husband's life is at this moment in your hands, your husband's love is in your hands. Don't mar both for him.

[Enter Sir Robert Chi/tern.]

SIR ROBERT CHILTERN. Gertrude, here is the draft of my letter. Shall I read it to you?

LADY CHILTERN. Let me see it.

[Sir Robert hands her the letter. She reads it, and then, with a gesture of passion, tears it up.]

SIR ROBERT CHILTERN. What afe you doing?

472 AN IDEAL HUSBAND

LADY CHILTERN. A man's life is of more value than a woman's. It has larger issues, wider scope, greater ambitions. Our lives revolve in curves of emotions. It is upon lines of intellect that a man's life progresses. I have just learnt this, and much else with it, from Lord Goring. And I will not spoil your life for you, nor see you spoil it as a sacrifice to me, a useless sacrifice!

SIR ROBERT CHILTERN. Gertrude! Gertrude! LADY CHILTERN. You can forget. Men easily forget. And I forgive. That

is how women help the world. I see that now. SIR ROBERT CHILTERN [Deeply ooercome by emotion, embraces her.] My

wife! my wife! [To Lord Goring.] Arthur, it seems thatI am always to be in your debt.

LORD GORING. Oh dear no, Robert. Your debt is to Lady Chiltern, not to me!

SIR ROBERT CHILTERN. lowe you much. And now tell me what you were going to ask me just now as Lord Caversham came in.

LORD GORING. Robert, you are your sister's guardian, and I want your consent to my marriage with her. That is all.

LADY CHILTERN. Oh, I am so glad! I am so glad! [Shakes hands with Lord Goring.]

LORD GORING. Thank you, Lady Chittern. SIR ROBERT CHILTERN [With a trollbled look.] My sister to be your wife? LORD GORING. Yes. SIR ROBERT CHIL TERN [Speaking with great firmness.] Arthur, I am very

sorry, but the thing is quite out of the question. I have to think of Mabel's future happiness. And I don't think her happiness would be safe in your hands. And I cannot have her sacrificed!

LORD GORING. Sacrificed! SIR ROBERT CHIL TERN. Yes, utterly sacrificed. Loveless marriages arc

horrible. But there is one thing worse than an absolutely loveless marriage. A marriage in which there is love, but on one side only; faith, but on one side only; devotion, but on one side only, and in which of the two hearts one is sure to be broken.

LORD GORING. But I love Mabel. No other woman has any place in my life.

LADY CHIL TERN. Robert, if they love each other, why should they not be married?

AN IDEAL HUSBAND 473

SIR ROIlERT CHILTERN. Arthur cannot bring Mabel the love that she deserves.

LORD (JORING. What reason have you for saying that?

sm RormRT ClIILTERN [Ailer tl pause.] Do you really require me to tcll you?

LORD GORING. Certainly I do. SIR ROBERT CHlLTERN. As you choose. When I called on you yesterday

evening I j(lUnd Mrs Chevelcy concealed in your rooms. It was between ten and cleven o'clock at night. I do not wish to say anything more. Your relations with Mrs Cheveley have, as I said to you last night, nothing whntsoever to do with me. I know you were engaged to be married to her once. The fascination she exercised over you then seems to have returned. You spoke to me last night of her as of a woman pure and stainless, a woman whom you respected and honoured. That may hc so, But I cannot give my sister's life into your hands. It wOllld he wrong ofme. It would be unjust, infamously unjust to her.

LORD GORING. I have nothing more to S~ly. LADY CHILTERN. Robert, it was not Mrs Cheveley whom Lord Goring

expected last night.

SIR ROBERT CHILTERN. Not Mrs Chevcley! Who was it then?

LORD GORING. Lady Chiltem!

LADY CIIILTI·:RN. It WitS your own wife. Robert, yesterday afternoon Lord Goring told me that if ever I was in trouble I could come to him for help, as he was our oldest and best friend. Liter on, after that terrible scene in this room, I wrote to him telling him that I trusted him, that I had nced of him, that I was coming to him for help and advice. [Sir Roberl G/ziltem lakes the f£'ttl!r Imt ofhis pi/eke/.] Ycs, that letter. I didn't go to Lord Goring's, aftcr nIl. I fclt that it is from ourselves alone that help can comc. Pride made me think that. Mrs Cheveley went. She stole my letter and sent it anonymously to you this morning, that you should think ... Oh! Robert, I cannot tell you what she wished YOll to think....

SIR ROIlERT CHILTERN. What! Had I fallen so low in your eyes that you thought that even for a moment I could have doubted your goodness? Gertrude, Gertrude, you arc to me the white image ofall good things, and sin can never touch you. Arthur, you can go to Mabel, and you have my best wishes! Oh! stop a moment. There is no name at the

474

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AN IDEAL HUSBAND

beginning of this letter. The brilliant Mrs Cheveley does not seem to have noticed that. There should be a name.

LADY CHILTERN. Let me write yours. It is you I trust and need. You and none else.

LORD GORING. Well, really, Lady Chiltern, I think I should have back my own letter.

LADY CHILTERN [Smiling.] No; you shall have Mabel. [Takes the letter and writes her husband's name on it.]

LORD GORING. Well, I hope she hasn't changed her mind. It's nearly twenty minutes since I saw her last. [Enter Mabel Chiltern and Lord Caversham.]

MABEL CHILTERN. Lord Goring, I think your father's conversation much more improving than yours. I am only going to talk to Lord Caversham in the future, and always under the usual palm tree.

LORD GORING. Darling! [Kisses her.] LORD CAVERSHAM [Considerably taken aback.] What does this mean, sir?

You don't mean to say that this charming, clever young lady, has been so foolish as to accept you?

LORD GORING. Certainly, father! And Chiltern's been wise enough to accept the seat in the Cabinet.

LORD CAVERSHAM. I am very glad to hear that, Chiltern ... I congratu­ late you, sir. If the country doesn't go to the dogs or the Radicals, we shall have you Prime Minister, some day.

[Enter Mason.1

MASON. Luncheon is on the table, my Lady! [Mason goes out.]

LADY CHILTERN. You'll stop to luncheon, Lord Caversham, won't you?

LORD CAVERSHAM. With pleasure, and I'll drive you down to Downing Street afterwards, Chiltern. You have a great future before you, a great future. Wish I could say the same for you, sir. [To Lord Goring.] But your career will have to be entirely domestic.

LORD GORING. Yes, father, I prefer it domestic.

LORD CAVERSHAM. And if you don't make this young lady an ideal husband, I'll cut you off with a shilling.

MABEL CHILTERN. An ideal husband! Oh, I don't think I should like that. It sounds like something in the next world.

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LORD CAVERSHAM. What do you want him to be then, dear?

MABEL CHILTERN. He can be what he chooses. All I want is to be ... to be ... oh! a real wife to him.

LORD CAVERSHAM. Upon my word, there is a good deal of common sense in that, Lady Chiltern.

[Thry all go out except Sir Robert Chiltern. He sinks ;mo a cit air, wrapt in thought. After a little time Lady Chittem returns to lookfor him.]

LADY CHILTERN [Leaning over the back oflhe chaiT.] Aren't you coming in, Robert?

SIR ROBERT CHILTERN [Taking her hand.] Gertrude, is it love you feel for me, or is it pity merely?

LADY CI-IILTERN [Kisses him.] It is love, Robert. Love, and only love. For both of us a new life is beginning.

CURTAIN.