Touchstone 3

Running head: English Composition I

2

English Composition I

Re-defining beauty

Mohammed Alshaghathirah Comment by Lisa Quigley: Hello Mohammed, Lisa here, your grader for this touchstone☺️.

Sophia Learning

English Composition

Re-defining beauty Comment by Lisa Quigley: Appropriate title!☺️

What makes an individual or something beautiful? Growing up, every individual has come across movie stars, celebrities or models, who have embodied what is referred as the ‘perfect’ body or facial features. Society has put much emphasis on physical beauty such as the body size, height or skin color and other physical attraction while defining beauty. As a result, this has set a certain mindset of trying to live up to those unreasonable traits or versions, established by the so-called societal intellectual strata. For example: the Korean beauty standards, which prioritizes small face, pale skin, large eyes, slim figure, smooth skin and straight eyebrows. Merriam Webster online dictionary defines beauty as “aggregated of qualities” in an individual or something, which “gives pleasure to sense” or “pleasurably exalts the spirit or the mind”. Most people would say, what makes one beautiful it’s their body shape, facial features and other common traits, which people seek out. The traditional definition of beauty mostly reckoned the inner beauty, where people kept perfecting as well as fine-tuning their personalities and moral values, while the modern definition focused more on the outer beauty. Therefore, from personal re-definition, beauty is a full expression and manifestation of who an individual is on the inside rather than how they appear. It does not matter how an individual's complexion is, beauty should be viewed as an individual’s moral compass, traits and personality as well as attitude towards the world. As such, from a personal perspective, the definition of beauty should be broad enough to include the inner light , characteristics and personality of something or someone. Comment by Lisa Quigley: Great start on this thesis. You may want to also include a reference to the traditional or dictionary definition of beauty in this thesis so the reader can compare. For example, "The definitions of beauty should broaden beyond __________________________________to include inner light, characteristics and personality. Your body paragraphs should address these two examples of an extended definition. The topic sentences of the two body paragraphs should describe these two ideas from thesis.

First of all, The idea that beauty has particular qualities, traits or standards is obsolete in nature because beauty encompasses different facets, which are beyond those stereotypes. For centuries, the skin and how an individual appeared was utmost significant when the society judged someone as beautiful. For example, the ancient Greeks believed the key to beauty was the perfect proportion of one’s body or face. This is also common in today’s modern world. However, beauty goes beyond societal measures. For instance: if an individual with physical disabilities participates in voluntary projects aimed at helping other people in the community who are physically disabled, they can be viewed as a beautiful individual. Their physical appearance might not be as per societal standards but there is a beauty in their characteristics. Even though the person is physically disabled, being willing to help others makes them beautiful. But can people who are unwilling to help others, even when they can be referred to as beautiful? Therefore, beauty should not be limited to particular standards because it does not matter if an individual fits into these standards or not, their personality or traits matter. Not every individual would judge others based on their complexion, some will consider someone beautiful based on their inner light or personality they possess. Comment by Lisa Quigley: Is this main idea stated in your thesis. Remember, examples of your unique definitions of beauty become are the main ideas for your body paragraphs. Make sure each idea is unique and stated in the thesis. Comment by Lisa Quigley: Relevant supporting details. Comment by Lisa Quigley: This concluding sentence would make a great topic sentence (restated) since it states the main idea of this paragraph and track to the thesis.

In addition, Beauty is more than what is perceived. The premise of beauty focuses on everything in someone, from their appearance and most importantly their mind, soul and heart, which are things that make one truly beautiful and attractive. An individual can have the most perfect face but if they hate themselves or their traits hurt other people, then they lack real beauty. Beauty goes beyond just complexion and cannot be touched or seen with the naked eyes. The truth is, in defining beauty, one should overlook the true essence of what is within an individual, given all the credit to the physical appearance. For example: a nurse might be physically attractive, but their ability to sacrifice their time and take care of the patient without any discrimination, makes them beautiful. It is beyond how they appear and their actions. Comment by Lisa Quigley: Would this topic sentence improve if it clarified what sensory mode the perception is coming from. For example, "Beauty is more than what is perceived visually." This idea should be specifically state your thesis. Comment by Lisa Quigley: I think this idea may be similar to the main idea in the previous paragraph. You want the body paragraphs to have their own unique main idea.

Finally, People's view or perception of beauty differs. “Beauty is in the eye of the beholder.” This old adage view of beauty might be true. A universal definition of beauty can never be ignored or denied. This idiom expresses the idea that not all individuals have the same opinion on beauty. Beauty is the matter of opinion. If I find someone beautiful because of their personality, someone else might not find them attractive or beautiful, depending on how they view beauty. For example: one individual might be attracted to a certain celebrity because they think they appear beautiful while another might be attracted to them because of their actions and perspective on the world. Therefore, the word “beauty” has many definitions and interpretations as well as multiple ways of manifesting itself in the real world. Thus, the idea that beauty can have standards or particular qualities does not might not apply in the real world. People who view or define beauty depending on what they have been taught and not how to internally view it, are not aware of what “beauty” means. Comment by Lisa Quigley: This topic sentence idea for extension may rely too much on the traditional definition of beauty. Comment by Lisa Quigley: Consistent use of objective, informative language.☺️ Comment by Lisa Quigley: Great in-text transition.

In conclusion, the concept of beauty can be challenging to define as how each individual perceives beauty is constantly influenced by their own experiences, culture or beliefs that contribute to their depiction of what beauty means. Given that some people view beauty in terms of physical appearance while others through one’s soul, personality and other inner beauty qualities, it is wrong to only define beauty based on one point of view. As such, having a broad definition, which combines both inner and outer beauty, including more than what people perceive, is significant. I believe beauty can be redefined as full expressions and manifestation of who an individual is on the inside, from their soul, heart and mind, rather than how they appear. Comment by Lisa Quigley: Great use of a transition. Comment by Lisa Quigley: Since this is an informative essay, the tone and style should be objective and unbiased. Avoid stating personal opinions to maintain that informative tone.

Think about Your Writing

Part 2: questions

1. What is the significance of your essay? Why should readers care about what you have written? (2-3 sentences).

Having people decide what is beautiful or not, whether thin or fat has always been a way of living, in which people succumb to. This essay helps the reader understand that the concept of ‘beauty’ is broader and what we define as beautiful should not be inclusive but also diverse without considering all beauty stereotypes. I believe that my readers will care about what have written because not only will it broaden their understanding on beauty but also help them let go of the impossible standards and understand what is considered as a flaw in the society can also be beautiful. For example, having stretchmarks, being thick or ancient buildings.

2. Which areas of your draft do you think will benefit most from revision? (2-3 sentences)

In the first revision, have tried focusing more on the overall organization of the draft and the big picture. However, I think more strengthening on each paragraph might be needed. As such, I think my overall organization will benefit the most from revision.

3. Consider the strengths and weaknesses of your writing. How can you capitalize on your strengths and improve on your weaknesses in future essays? (3-4 sentences)

One of my main weaknesses is writing deficiencies, where I find it challenging figuring out how to write down my ideas or what am thinking. However, I can improve this by making writing one of daily exercise and always getting feedbacks from others. As for my strength such as I really enjoy writing, I will use them to outweigh all my weak areas for the future essay. Comment by Lisa Quigley: Thank you for your insightful reflections!☺️