Religion

S • 6 Can I Control What l Shall Do and Beco~ , QU ESTION · ... e.

SULLIVAN BALLOU

A Letter to His Wife, 1861

As we have noted, times of war often force people to acknowledge the lim. its of their control over what they shall be and do. Soldiers preparing for battle, who must face the imminent possibility of their own death, have long observed the custom of writing a letter to loved ones before major engagements, to be del ivered on ly if they die. The following selection is one such letter. Here a young officer writes to his twenty-four-year-old wife, who is at home in New England with their five-year-old and two-year. old sons. Th is letter, found among his belongings, has become a well. known record of what this particular war meant to supporters of the Union , as well as a powerful statement of the losses sustained in any war.

Ballou (March 28, 182<,-)uly 21, 1861) met his death in the First Battle of Bull Run , one of the earliest engagements of the Civil War. Enthusiasts on both sides thought the war would be swift and easy, though in fact it would grind on for nearly four more years , becoming what is still the bloodiest war in U.S . history. Ballou , a su pporter of Lincoln who was active in Rhode Is land pol itics and one of the fi rst to enlist, was clear about the ideals for which he was fight ing. Notice, however, his acknowledgment to his wife that his actions are al so "hazard ing the happiness of those I love" - herself and their sons. His enlistmen t influenced not only what he would do and become, but also their futures. How does the question of control over who one person will be and become necessarily become re- lated to the destinies of others, wheth er fa mily members or strangers, such as, in this case, enemy troops?

From hnp://usinfo.sta1e.gov/usa/infousa/facts /dcmocrac/23. h1m

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SULLIVAN BALLOU A Letter lo His Wif,

I e, 1861

Camp Clark W July 14, I861 ry dear Sarah: • ashington ID !,ly ve . h .q

The indicattons are very strong t at we shall move i tomorrow. Lest I should not be able to Writ n a few days_ haps , II d e you agai 1, per-·te lines that may 1a un er your eye whe I h n, ,eel impell d toWf1 b n s allbe e our movement may e one of a few days d . no more.

b f urat1on and I II f d it may e one o severe conflict and death u o pleasure - an d 1f· . tome Not th. 0 God, be one. 1t 1s necessary that I should, II · my Will, but ine d Ih ,a ontheb ttl fi ountry, I am rea y. ave no misgivings about I k a e eld for myc h"hl d ,oracofconfld th cause in w 1c am engage , and my courage d I ence in, e 1 . 0esnothait f.I know how strong y Amencan Civilization now lean h or a ter. I

dh supont etri h th Government, an ow great a debt we owe to tho h ump of e d d cc f sew owentbei through the bloo an suuering o the Revolution And 1 .11 . ore us

I d ll · · amwi tng-per fecdy willing - to ay own a my Joys in this life to help . . - Government, and to pay that debt. · mamtam this

But, my dear wife, when I know that with my own 1 ·oys Ila d d I th . h" 1., h Y ownnearly all of yours, an rep ace em m t is Ite wit cares and sorrows - when after having ~aten for long years the bitter fruit of orphanage myself,

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offer it as their only sustenance to my dear little children -is it weak or dis- honorable, while the banner of my purpose floats calmly and proudly in the breeze, that my unbounded love for you, my darling wife and children should struggle in fierce, though useless, contest with my love of coun1ry?

I cannot describe to you my feelings on this calm summer night, when two thousand men are sleeping around me, many of them enjoying the Ias1, perhaps, before that of death - and I, suspicious that Death is creeping be- hind me with his fatal dart, am communing with God, my country, and 1hee.

I have sought most closely and diligently, and often in my breast, for a wrong motive in thus hazarding the happiness of those I loved and I could not find one. A pure love of my country and of the principles I have often advocated before the people and "the name of honor that I love more than I fear death" have called upon me, and I have obeyed.

Sarah, my love for you is deathless, it seems to bind me to you with mighty cables that nothing but Omnipotence could break; '"'.d yet ".'Y lo;~ of Country comes over me like a strong wind and bears me 1rres15 t1bly with all these chains to the battlefield.

The memories of the blissful moments I have spent with you come . d d ou that I haveen-creepmg over me and I feel most gratified to Go an to Y h

· d • · h andburntoas es Joye them so long. And hard it is for me to give t em up

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QUESTIONS • 6. Can I Control What I Shall Do and Become?

the hopes of future years , when God willing, we might still have lived and loved together, and seen our sons grow up to honorable manhood around us. I have, I know, but few and small claims upon Divine Providence, but something whispers to me - perhaps it is the wafted prayer of my little Ed- gar - that I shall return to my loved ones unharmed. If I do not, my dear Sa- rah, never forget how much I love you, and when my last breath escapes me on the battlefield, it will whisper your name.

Forgive my many faults, and the many pains I have caused you. How thoughtless and foolish I have oftentimes been! How gladly would I wash out with my tears every little spot upon your happiness, and struggle with all the misfortune of this world, to shield you and my children from harm. But I cannot. I must watch you from the spirit land and hover near you, while you buffet the storms with your precious little freight, and wait with sad patience till we meet to part no more.

But, 0 Sarah! If the dead can come back to this earth and flit unseen around those they loved, I shall always be near you; in the garish day and in the darkest night - amidst your happiest scenes and gloomiest hours - al- ways, always; and if there be a soft breeze upon your cheek, it shall be my breath; or the cool air fans your throbbing temple, it shall be my spirit pass- ing by.

Sarah, do not mourn me dead; think I am gone and wait for thee, for we shall meet again .

As for my little boys, they will grow as I have done, and never know a fa- ther's love and care. Little Willie is too young to remember me long, and my blue-eyed Edgar will keep my frolics with him among the dimmest memo- ries of his childhood. Sarah, I have unlimited confidence in your maternal care and your development of their characters. Tell my two mothers his and hers I call God's blessing upon them. 0 Sarah, I wait for you there! Come to me, and lead thither my children.

Sullivan

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