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Aging Paper 7
Aging Paper
Denise Caldwell
University of Louisville
1. Introduction
Albert is a single African American male. He is 5’9 and weighs 110bs and
occasionally relies on oxygen to breath. He was coherent at the time of the interview.
He was aware of the present place and time. His speech was good and he answered he
understood all and answered most of my questions
Family Characteristics
Albert and his brothers were born to Albert and Lossie Lee Lumford in the southern
state of Durham, North Carolina. His father Albert Lumford Sr was a sharecropper and
his mother Lossie Lee Lumford was a homemaker Albert is the eldest of the four
children, his brothers are Charles, Douglas and Pete. . Charles and his wife Doris have 5
children 9 grandchildren and 7 great-grandchildren. Albert has 4 children, 8
grandchildren, and 5 great grandchildren and was married to Gloria M Taliaferro. His
oldest daughter Marie seemed to struggle during her adolescent years into adulthood. In
1975 at age of 17 years old Marie met a man 10 years her senior and ran away from home
to be with him. When she returned she told her parents that she wanted to get married,
but would need their consent. Reluctantly Albert and Gloria signed the consent papers,
and the couple got married at Newark, NJ City Hall. She moved in with her husband and
shortly thereafter became pregnant. Marie stayed in high school and graduated in June of
1975. Four months later she gave birth to a baby girl named Ashiah, and within the next
two years she gave birth to a baby boy named Rashad. The remained together for 8 years
before the couple divorced in 1983.
Sabrina was an over achiever and always did well in school. She graduated with a
Bachelor’s degree in Political Science from Shaw University in Raleigh North Carolina
and landed a job with the US Attorney’s office in Newark, New Jersey. Sabrina met and
married her husband in 1982. There were no children from this union but the marriage
began to deteriorate when Sabrina had a nervous breakdown and was diagnosed with
Paranoid Schizophrenia. She had been placed in several institutions and hospitals in New
Jersey. Today Sabrina is living independently in a senior housing complex.
Denise was affected by the physical and mental abuse towards her mother at the hands of
her father. She began smoking marijuana and drinking wine at 13 years old. By the time
she was 17 her alcohol use increase to hard liquor and sniffing cocaine. By age 30 her
substance uses escalated to smoking cocaine, speedballs and sniffing heroin. She entered
treatment in September 21, 2000 and has been clean ever since. She got married in 2004,
and went back to school to earn an A.S and Bachelors in Human and Social Services and
adopted a sibling group a boy and a girl in 2010. She is currently working towards her
MSW.
Wendy is the baby of the family. She got married when she 19 years old and from
that union there is 4 children and 2 grandchildren. Pete and Barbara had three children
and 4 grandchildren that they never met. In 1974 Pete the youngest of the four boys was
murdered in a bar fight in Newark, New Jersey, and his wife Barbara passed away 10
years later from cancer. After trying to conceive for years Douglas and his wife Gloria
had one son, unfortunately she passed away shortly after giving birth. Pete and Barbara s
on was an IV substance user, and he passed away years ago from AID’s. All of the other
children are alive and well. Albert Jr had a troublesome childhood because he was often
teased by his siblings, friends and his father because he had darker skin than his brothers.
Albert Sr. was verbally and mentally abusive to all of the children but his anger and
frustration seemed to always connect with Albert the most. He remembers being his
father calling him dumb and stupid, and he didn’t seem to be able to do anything right.
He was punished for his actions and the actions of his brothers, because he was the eldest
and was expected to keep all his brothers in line, and make sure that they did their
chores. Albert explained that all the kids had to do chores before they went to school
and after they came home and if chores were not done they could expect the discipline to
be a whooping or beating with belts, sticks, shoes or anything that was available at that
time. Suppertime was 6pm, if they were not home when the family sat down to eat
supper you would go to bed without anything to eat, this was another way the Lumford
family disciplined their children.
Albert described his father as they so fondly called him “daddy” was as a serious man
who did not tell or laugh at jokes, he worked hard and he ruled with an iron fist. Albert
described his mother as a loving, and caring God fearing, Christian women, but when his
father was present she changed and was just as stern as he was, and she called him
“daddy” too. He was not a religious man and did not attend church, and did not put
much thought or effort into the holidays nor did they have any special rituals other than
the kids being home for dinner on time.
2. Attitudes
Albert parenting styles weren’t that much different than of his parents. Albert says
that his parenting styles were similar to his father’s because his children got whooping’s
and beatings, too “and they straighten them right up” He went on to say that his wife took
care of the kids, that is women’s work. Albert enjoyed having a good time and seemed to
have a lot of friends. His favorite pass time was street racing on Frelinghuysen Avenue
and hanging out at White Castle located in Newark, NJ. Surprisingly enough he
continued to meet his friends at White Castle restaurant after retirement. Friendships
with the “Boys” was important to him, but as the years went by they either passed away
or moved back to the South.
Albert attitude towards school could have been better if he had received the support
he needed from home. He said that he enjoyed learning in school but he did not like
attending school. He talked about it being hard for him and that he had difficulties
reading and writing. His father told him that because his grades were not up to par he
needed to stay home and help him around the house, or to get a job; he was only 13 years
old. While this arrangement was short-lived Albert returned to school and eventually
graduated from Durham high school. 3. Occupation: Albert moved to North Newark,
New Jersey in 1954 and resided with his Aunt Mozelle. He explained that back in the
1950’s people moved up north looking for better job opportunities, but before you left the
south you needed to make sure that there was work and that you had family or friends
that would help you until you were able to earn a living. Albert worked at several jobs
during his lifespan, but his last place of employment was with Wakefern foods located in
Elizabeth New Jersey. He was hired as a meat packer and after two years he was
promoted to a butcher. He remained at Wakefern foods until he retired at the age of 62.
4. Retirement:
By this time Albert had been divorced and had been living with his girlfriend for over
15 years. He retired was retired and would travel to North Carolina a few times a year.
A couple of years later his longtime l live in partner passed away, he was devastated and
he began to feel lonely and suffered from depression. He isolated himself at home and
sat at the window because he liked to watch the cars go by. As the years went on his
health began to deteriorate and he had a difficult time walking which required him to
have knee surgery which only increased his inability to be independent. He was divorced
and his longtime companion passed away and Albert was left alone. It was a difficult
time for him because Albert did not have the closeness that he needed and wanted with
his family.
5. Social/Historical/Environmental influences
Albert stated that the one of the most historical events that affected him all through his
adult life was the Newark riots in 1967. He told me a story about how the city looked
like a war zone and he fearful for his families safety. He said that he become afraid of
the dark and got nervous when it thunder. He says he remembers people were looting,
robbing and hurting people. He told me that the Newark riots had a negative effect on
him, but a positive effect on the community, because after the riots Newark elected the
first African American Mayor.
6. Global Assessments: Albert never had a relationship with his grandchildren when
they were younger and now that they are older they visit with him and send him special
cards on his birthday and holidays. Albert has stage 4 terminal Prostate cancer and some
days he feels defeated and just wants to die. My father does not feel that the people in the
nursing home have his best interest in mind. He complains that they are not attentive and
they don’t help him. He becomes frustrated and wants to be moved to a nursing home
that is owned and operated by white people because he insists that those are the places
where you can get the best care. He says that when you get old people just don’t treat
you right. In 2010 a women was found guilty for abusing an a women by placing her had
the victims mouth I have read many nursing home abuse issue so we keep a close eye on
him. And he feels that people do not treat elderly people right. He complain that about
the nursing home that he is in stating that they don’t take proper care of him and that the
food is horrible and he feels that terminal ill patients be able to stay home and die the
way they want to, people have no respect for the elderly and elderly people deserve to be
respected.
7. Triumphs and Regrets:
Although Albert life history with his family was not always the best he states that his
greatest joy is his girls and he is proud of his family. He often talks about the decisions
that he made within his marriage and s regrets was divorcing his wife. He says that
looking back on his life there were opportunities to make better choices, but he simply
did not make them. He told me that he always wanted to travel and experience new
things but he never had the opportunity to do explore other interest and that he had to
provide for his family. He expressed that he regrets not forming a better relationship with
his brothers. Charles was the only one who when he retired he moved back the North
Carolina in a less stressful atmosphere. He envied his brother Charles because he had a
good relationship with his family and even helped raise some of his grandchildren. The
brothers talked on the phone but rarely visited each other. This may have been a result of
again, how they were raised and he issues that arouse during his child experiences. I
expressed to my father that we love him and to try not to dwell on the past but to enjoy
the time that we have now and move forward.
8. Conclusion
It was difficult for me to write this paper about my father. What I have learned over
the years in this Profession is that it helps me to have a better understanding of my
elderly parents and what they may be experiencing as they are both 84 years old. My
father did the best that he could with the upbringing that he was given. His inability to
effectively express emotion was stagnated years ago in his childhood. His learned
behaviors as a child, the disbelief in his abilities to achieve goals and insufficient support
from families and friends all play a role in who my father is today and how he
transitioned through his
life (Dowell,C. 2005). I believe that if my father had a vision or a purpose that he was
living for other than his children and right now he feels that he failed in that area as well.
The problems that he did not have a good relationship with his grandchildren and they
grew up not knowing who he was. He alienated himself from the family. His inability to
form loving and caring relationships seem to be a direct result of how was raised and the
physical verbal abuse that he experienced as a child. Albert’s did not experience healthy
developmental stages that would allow for him to develop the skills that he needed into
adulthood. At this time he only seems to focus on failures and becomes angry and
verbally abusive when he doesn’t get what he wants or when he feels misunderstood. He
is can’t seem to focus on anything good for long periods of time. He constantly reflects
on things that he should have done differently and how he can change things now. He is
in a state of denial thinking that he will one day go home and make some life changes.
Oftentimes he says he just wants to die he has also expressed his fear of dying. His illness
and inability to function both cognitively and physically are frustrating for him. His
mindset is only focused on past failures, inadequacies and judgement of others. People
who struggle with this stage of life are said to be in despair. They become preoccupied
with the past and their failures and regret all the bad decisions and realize they have little
time or energy to reverse them. People in despair are oftentimes become depressed,
spiteful, paranoid, hypochondriacal and can develop patterns of senility with or without
physical basis” Mckee,(2012).
My father has never been a church goer, but he is familiar with the bible and relies on
his own personal relationship with God and being spiritual. “Spirituality is a more
personal experience Hutchins (2015). Bishop (2011). Late adulthood is where my father
is in his life right now. The end of life begins with life and the stages that every
individual must go through which will map out who we become or who we want to be
Erickson stages of changes suggest that Trust vs Mistrust helps a child know that the
person who is caring for them will feed them and make sure that their needs are met. The
provide affection and love in which a child knows and forms a trusting relationship with
the caregiver. Fear and lack of trust would result in mistrust. My father experience
inferiority. He didn’t feel good about going to school and although he would have liked
to play football he preferred to sit in the background and watched. He lacked the
confidence to develop the skills needed to move through these stages in an effective
manner. My father state of acceptance of his terminal illness fluctuates through the five
stages of death and dying. He seems to always be in a state of denial and believing that
the doctors misdiagnosed his illness. I wish that was true. He is trying to get through
each day in hopes that his illness will get better and he will be able to go home, but there
are times when the reality of the end of his life is near he begins to experience feeling of
depression, fear and anger. He is angry with God and himself.
He angry for being sick and feels trapped because he feels that he had unfinished
business that he needs to take care of., and he is angry with God just because he is sik.
When my father was living at home we tried to encourage him to seek medical
attention and he just never would. At this point he is bargaining to do anything to get out
of the nursing home. He wants to go to the doctor and keep appointments he told me that
he prays to God every night for healing and that he will live a better life. I feel that
depression is a factor in all of the stages of death and dying. I feel that once a person
experiences all of these feeling they continue to experience them but not in the order of
sequence. My father has good days and bad days, mostly bad. When he thinks of his
family he becomes depressed and expresses guilt feelings and the loss of time spent
together. His ability to work through these stages are difficult for him, because he has
not fully accepted that he is confined to a nursing home until the end of his life. As I sit
here writhing this paper I feel a sense of guilt for placing him in a nursing home, but we
had no other choice. Our decision to have a loved one removed from their home not only
effects the individual but the family as whole. Family members also suffer from the five
stages of death and dying. The anger of having to make a decision such as this or the
fact that a loved one is facing the end of their lifespan is one that is difficult for many
families. This has been very difficult for me and my family,
References
http://farrarhome.org/home/?p=345
Dizon,. General Psychology. Manila: Rex Bookstore, 2003 Uriarte, Gabriel G. General Psychology. Manila, 2007 http://www.answers.com/Psychosocial%20Development
Dimensions of Human Behavior Hutchins, E 2015
The Changing Life Course
https://www.clarkperdue.com/blog/supervisor-found-guilty-in-nursing-home-abuse-case/
