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Chapter 3

Interpersonal Communication and the Self

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Section 1 COMMUNICATION AND THE SELF-CONCEPT

Interplay

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Communication and the Self-Concept

Self-concept: relatively stable set of perceptions you hold of yourself

Self-esteem: part of the self-concept that involves evaluations of self-worth

How does high or low self-esteem affect communication behavior?

All individuals hold a specific perception of themselves, and one piece of such perceptions is feelings of self-worth. People who feel good about themselves have positive expectations about how they will communicate, and those feelings increase the chances that communication will be successful (the same is true for negative evaluations).

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How the Self-Concept Develops

Reflected appraisal: A mirroring of the judgments of those around you

Significant others: People whose evaluations are especially influential

Social comparison: Evaluating ourselves in terms of how we compare with others

Reference groups: People against whom we evaluate our own characteristics

An individual’s self-concept develops over time, influenced by supportive messages from others, especially those who are particularly influential in our lives, and the way we compare ourselves to other people.

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Characteristics of the Self-Concept

The self-concept is subjective

We inflate and/or underestimate our self-perception

Why?

Obsolete information

Distorted feedback

The myth of perfection

Social expectations

Sometimes we view ourselves more harshly than others view us, and sometimes we view ourselves more favorably than others view us. This is related to the fact that sometimes we let our past influence the way we view ourselves, we let overly critical messages influences us the most, we try to be perfect, and we live in a society that tends to reward those who actually downplay their strengths.

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Characteristics of the Self-Concept

A healthy self-concept is flexible

The self-concept resists change

Cognitive conservatism: Seeking information that conforms to an existing self-concept

Human beings change overtime, and the self-concept can change, too – but typically, it is difficult for such changes to occur because we often try to confirm our existing self-concept instead of allowing it to adjust.

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The Self-Fulfilling Prophecy and Communication

Self-fulfilling prophecy: When a person’s expectations of an event and his or her behavior based on those expectations make the outcome more likely to occur than would otherwise have been the case.

Four stages:

Holding expectation (for yourself or for others)

Behaving in accordance with that expectation

The expectation coming to pass

Reinforcing the original expectation

Sometimes, the things we expect to happen influence our behaviors to the point that those things we expect are even more likely to occur because the belief is being reinforced.

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Types of Self-Fulfilling Prophecies

Self-imposed prophecies

Your own expectations influence your behavior

Other-imposed prophecies

When one person’s expectations govern another’s actions, whether positive or negative

Observer must communicate their belief for the prediction to have an effect

Setting your own expectations can often influence your own behaviors, and setting your expectations for others can also influence their behaviors if those expectations are effectively communicated.

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Section 2 PRESENTING THE SELF

Interplay

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Public and Private Selves

Perceived self: The person you believe yourself to be in moments of honest self-reflection

Presenting self: Public image—the way we want to appear to others

Facework: Verbal and nonverbal ways we act in order to maintain our presenting image and the image of others

People tend to try to manage the impression they make on others, which is based on how one perceives oneself (which may or may not be accurate) and what one believes to be a socially approved image; we use nonverbals and verbals to maintain face with others.

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Characteristics of Impression Management

We strive to construct multiple identities

Impression management is collaborative

We improvise scenes where our character reacts with others

Impression management can be deliberate or unconscious

Impression management involves attempting to use the appropriate identity for a situation, which typically features others who are also trying to manage the impression of others. This process can be both intentional and unintentional.

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Face-to-Face Impression Management

Manner

Words

Nonverbal actions

Appearance

Personal items people use to shape an image

Setting

Physical items we use to influence how others view us

In order to manage how people see us in face-to-face settings, we use words and nonverbals, alter our physical appearance, and use our surroundings to add to the impression.

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Impression Management in Social Media

The Internet offers an opportunity for people to present themselves in a variety of ways

In mediated identity management, how do the factors of manner, appearance, and setting change?

How do these changes make it easier or more difficult to manage identity?

Social networking platforms provide opportunities to share or withhold certain types of information in order to manage how other people see them.

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Impression Management and Honesty

People sometimes misrepresent themselves to gain the trust of others

Deception in cyberspace is common

There is not only one honest way to behave in every circumstance

Impression management involves deciding which face—which part of yourself—to reveal

People have to make choices about how they will represent themselves in every situation, and sometimes those choices can be deceptive, which invites certain questions about when it is okay to withhold certain details about oneself.

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Section 3 DISCLOSING THE SELF

Interplay

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Disclosing the Self

Self-disclosure: Information about the self that is purposefully communicated to another person

Distinguishing factors of self-disclosure:

Honesty

Depth

Availability of information

Context of sharing

Self-disclosure is a process that features the self as the subject, is intentional and directed at another person, is honest and revealing, contains information generally unavailable from others, and with its intimate nature often determined by context.

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Models of Self-Disclosure

Degrees of Self-Disclosure: The Social Penetration Model (Altman and Taylor)

Two dimensions:

Breadth of information shared

Depth of information shared

Development of a relationship is a progression from the periphery of the model to its center

Types of information revealed:

Clichés—ritualized, stock responses

Facts

Opinions

Feelings

The Social Penetration Model provides a framework to represent how people share information. The model represents the range of information shared and how personal those messages are, which influences the level of intimacy in the relationship.

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Social Penetration Model

The Social Penetration Model represents the variety of topics to be discussed and how personal those topics can get.

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Johari Window Model

The Johari Window Model illustrates different areas that represent things about you that are known to yourself and to others. Whether or not you are willing to share that information depends on whether that information is known to yourself and others, not known to the self, not known to others, or not known to any parties involved.

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Benefits and Risks of Self-Disclosure

Benefits:

Catharsis

Self-clarification

Self-validation

Reciprocity

Impression formation

Relationship maintenance and enhancement

Moral obligation

Neither all-out disclosure nor complete privacy is ideal, but there are obvious benefits to sharing information about oneself, which include feeling better, clarifying beliefs or opinions, confirming beliefs about yourself, others sharing with you, making ourselves look more attractive, maintaining our relationships or making them better, and because it might be morally right to do so.

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Benefits and Risks of Self-Disclosure

Risks:

Rejection

Negative impression

Decrease in relational satisfaction

Loss of influence

Loss of control

Hurt the other person

Opening up to others can involve risks, such as feeling rejected, giving a negative impression, feeling less satisfied with a relationship, loss of control of how others view you, or hurting the person you’re sharing with.

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Guidelines for Self Disclosure

Is the other person important to you?

Is the risk of disclosing reasonable?

Is the self-disclosure appropriate?

Is the disclosure reciprocated?

Will the effect be constructive?

In order to self-disclose effectively, it is important to consider whether the person is someone you wish to grow closer with, whether the benefits of disclosing outweigh the risks, whether it is appropriate information to share, whether the other person will self-disclose to you, and whether the disclosure will be helpful.

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Alternatives to Self-Disclosure

Silence

Lying

Benevolent lies—not malicious

Equivocation

Equivocal language: Two or more plausible meanings

Hinting

Seeks to get desired response from other person

If self-disclosure doesn’t seem to be appropriate, there are a few things you can do. You might choose to keep your thoughts and feelings to yourself, deliberately hide the truth, make statements that avoid unpleasantness, or send a message that is direct while still saving face.

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The Ethics of Evasion

Provides a way to manage difficult situations

Times when honesty is the right approach, even when painful

Consider:

Are the effects of a lie worth the deception?

Is the indirect message in the interest of the receiver?

Is evasion the only way to behave?

How would others respond if they knew what you were really thinking/feeling?

Sometimes it is most appropriate to be honest, and in those cases it is useful to weigh the effects of telling a lie, whether what you are saying is in the best interests of the receiver of the message, if there is another option besides evasion, and how people would respond if they knew what you were really thinking.

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