Law - Criminal assignment

25

Self-disclosure and Trust2

Learning Points

How do I: • Improve my personal and professional relationships? • Learn to trust others, especially when trust has been broken? • Determine the appropriate amount to disclose to others? • Use situational cues to guide self-disclosure and trust? • Share my feelings about and reactions to people and situations, in addi-

tion to facts? • Demonstrate that I can be trusted?

Emily Townsend has been on the fast track at the investment firm for which she has worked for five years. She entered graduate school shortly after graduating with honors from an elite university in the Northeast. While in graduate school she interned with an investment firm in New York City that at the time was co-headed by Michael White, a close friend of the family. During her tenure at the firm, she exceeded all performance expecta- tions and rose to the rank of vice president within three years. Now she is in line for another promotion, but her performance has slacked off. Her record is inconsistent. One minute she appears to be at the top of her game, the next she is preoccupied and unreliable. Her immediate supervisor, Hannah Montgomery, has tried to talk with Emily about her inconsistent performance, to no avail. Hannah, a director in the firm, placed a call to Michael White. Michael no longer heads the firm, but often serves as a sounding board to senior management on important personnel and client issues in his role as senior partner. Hannah has requested that Michael meet with Emily. After an initial greeting, Michael praises Emily for her past performance with the firm and then expresses concern over her current performance. Emily responds by revealing that she feels she is in over her head. “Promise not to tell anyone,” she pleads, and begins to discuss numerous personal incidents that are affecting her performance, such as the breakup of a long-standing romance, financial problems brought on by overextending her credit, and a falling out with her family over their concerns about her lack of interest in getting married, having children, and settling down. While sympathetic, Michael is dismayed at what he learns from Emily about her troubles. He concludes that Emily’s personal problems are detracting from her ability to focus on her

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26 1 / Intrapersonal Effectiveness: Understanding Yourself

job. Michael recommends to Emily’s supervisor that she be let go as soon as a “legitimate” opportunity presents itself. One such opportunity is the upcoming announcement that due to the growth of online investment companies, the firm will be less reliant on the individuals at Emily’s level.

1. What could Emily have done to minimize the degree to which her personal prob- lems spilled over into work?

2. Did Emily disclose too much about herself, setting herself up for a negative recom- mendation from Michael? How would you have handled this situation?

3. Did Michael overstep his bounds in his conversation with Emily about her perfor- mance? What about the promise he made to her?

“Trust no one. Not your closest advisors, your spouse, your brother, your God. Trust only yourself, or you will face pain every day of your life.”1

T hese harsh words were spoken by the Egyptian pharaoh portrayed by Cedric Hardwicke in the classic movie, The Ten Commandments. Fortunately, times have changed and we now know better! While it is good advice to not be too trusting

early in a relationship, the best relationships—in life and in business—are those that are built on mutual trust. Trust is built through a combination of shared experiences over time and willingness to talk with others about aspects of yourself that are relevant to your relationships. This chapter discusses self-disclosure and trust, their meaning and importance in life and in business.

What Is Self-disclosure? Self-disclosure means making the self known to others,2 letting others know what you think, feel, and want. It is revealing personal information to another that results in an enhanced and trusting personal or business relationship.3 By revealing information about yourself, you allow others to be better able to understand what “makes you tick”—your motivations, fears, work style, strengths, and weaknesses. This knowledge helps others to determine strategies for working effectively with you. In addition, as you self-disclose, others reciprocate, enabling you to better develop strategies for understand- ing and working effectively with them.

Self-disclosure benefits both individuals and their relationships. Individuals who self- disclose reap psychological and physiological benefits. By self-disclosing and recipro- cating others’ self-disclosure, we can improve our communication and relationships with others. ■ Sharing with others about ourselves or problems we are facing often brings an enor- mous sense of psychological relief.4 Think about a time you did poorly on an exam or ended a relationship with a significant other. How did you handle the situation? Some go for a long walk, cry, sleep, or exercise; most will eventually talk to a friend or loved one. Through disclosing to others, we gain an added perspective that helps us see our disappointment or frustration in a different light. ■ Disclosing to an appropriate person (one who is sympathetic, supportive, trustworthy, and a good listener) can help us validate our perceptions of reality. By hearing ourselves talk, we process thoughts in our head that help us to better understand the current situa- tion in which we are involved. Often this brings with it a self-validation that tells us either our thoughts are on the right track or our thoughts and perceptions need some tweaking. Imagine you are distraught over a strained customer interaction and fear the customer will cease to do business with your firm. Being new to the firm, you are unsure how management will respond to this “error” and decide to get a co-worker’s opinion on the

Why Is Self-disclosure Important?

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situation. You disclose the situation and your concerns with her; she responds by not only agreeing with how you handled the situation, but also by providing information that this customer has a reputation for “being difficult.” You can see how self-disclosure can open us up to new information about ourselves that improves our ability to look at the world through realistic—rather than idealistic—lenses. ■ Self-disclosure can help reduce stress and tension. By “getting things off your chest,” you feel as if a burden has been lifted. If a customer was verbally abusive toward you or a co-worker took credit for your contributions, you are likely to bottle up your feelings in the interest of appearing professional. However, should these feelings remain unex- pressed, you might explode! By sharing your problems or concerns with others, you might find ways to resolve them. Even if you find no resolution, you might feel relieved that you are not alone in your feelings—misery loves company. This intimacy brings us closer to others and increases our comfort in knowing that stress reduction through self- disclosure is available now and in the future in our relationships. ■ Self-disclosure improves us physiologically. By sharing ourselves with others, our stress levels go down, lowering anxiety and altering vital signs such as heart rate and blood pressure. Self-disclosure positively affects the mind–body connection and can lead to better physical—and emotional—health.5 This concept is one of the core tenets of counseling and hotline/crisis-prevention programs. ■ Self-disclosure can result in clearer lines of communication with others. By showing our willingness to self-disclose and encouraging others to share self-information with us, we improve our ability to understand diverse perspectives and viewpoints. We become more confident in our ability to clarify others’ intentions and meanings, and in giving feedback and having open discussions that minimize uncertainty and confusion. ■ Self-disclosure can lead to strengthened, enhanced relationships with people in our personal life, colleagues, and clients. As co-workers get to know each other, disclosure leads to liking, which leads to more disclosure, which leads to more liking—a cyclical effect that also occurs with supervisors and clients. Without self-disclosure, the level of intimacy and trust will be lower than in a group that discloses freely and appropriately. With disclosure comes trust, and with trust comes collaboration.6 Such collaboration and trust are essential to strong relationships and also to innovation, which is critical for organizations to compete and survive.7

■ Self-disclosure affects team productivity. The more co-workers enjoy working together, the more productive they can be on projects and in team situations.8 For example, when working as a team under a tight deadline, knowledge of one another’s work styles can help a team pull together and produce a top-quality project even when operating under time pressure. Conversely, a team that has not gotten to know one another will have difficulty pulling together on a tough assignment. This explains why team-building— processes and activities undertaken to help team members identify with one another and the team as a whole—is strongly endorsed by many organizations. ■ Self-disclosure can create a trusting environment that is conducive to promoting long- term relationships with employees, customers, and suppliers. Open communication is essential in dealing with and managing conflict, making effective decisions, and enhanc- ing organizational culture. By building relationships through mutual self-disclosure, employees and management will develop open lines of communication. Self-disclosure between customers and suppliers will open the doors to long-term relationships critical for the future viability of an organization.9

■ Self-disclosure also has benefits for people globally. Culture plays an important role in shaping our personality and communication style, and, like self-awareness in Chapter 1, self-disclosure is influenced by cultural rules and norms. Typically, Americans tend to disclose to many people but in less depth, while non-Westerners confide to fewer indi- viduals but in greater depth. Consequently the level of intimacy in friendships may be higher in non-Western cultures than in Western ones.10 Knowing how and when and to whom to disclose in different cultures is an important skill to master as you carve out a career that has global elements to it. ■ When used appropriately, self-disclosure can strengthen online communication. Disclo- sure is much more common now for many more individuals due to the prominence of

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interacting with family, friends, co-workers, and even strangers online. Right or wrong, we are becoming more accustomed to sharing information about ourselves in online social network communities. This can be positive when done appropriately—it is an easy way to connect on a regular basis with many individuals in your network—personally and professionally, domestically and globally. Surprisingly, this type of communication can actually enhance trust in relationships over time, as you exchange information that becomes more substantive and mutually beneficial.

Online Self-disclosure11

Trust and control over information play a central role in our online self-disclosure behaviors. In online environments, if we perceive a threat to our privacy, we are more wary about disclosing information about ourselves. But when we trust the source, are assured privacy checks are in place, and have a higher degree of control over what we can choose to share, we disclose more personal information. Internet users, and particularly young people, do not have privacy fears as long as these conditions—trust and control—are met.

■ Disclosure can improve organizational communication. Companies are beginning to see some positive outcomes of their employees and customers using self-disclosure in online communities. Innovation, market research, brand ambassador programs, support forums, customer motivation, positive reviews, and increased sales are some of the ben- efits being cited by organizations that make it possible for their employees and custom- ers to be connected to them through social media.12

Effective self-disclosure includes these elements:13

■ Feelings as well as facts—When you share your feelings about or reactions to oth- ers, let them get to know the real you. Saying you have three co-workers is interesting information, but revealing the kind of relationship you have with them helps others get to know you better. ■ Transparency—When you share information either face to face or online, to the extent that you can, prepare in advance, think twice before “speaking,” and provide details as appropriate to ensure those with whom you are interacting have the neces- sary information. Speak openly and transparently without hidden agendas. This will build trust and ensure your comments are taken as genuine. This will in turn encourage a similar tone and openness from others. ■ Authenticity—Authenticity is becoming a “currency of exchange” in online communications.14 Anyone can “google” you or look at your social networking sites (SNS) like LinkedIn, Facebook, or Twitter and glean quite a bit of information from you. Make sure that the way you are presenting yourself in meetings and interactions is consistent with what people may already know about you from your online presence. ■ Greater breadth and depth over time—Have you ever cared about someone but felt uncomfortable sharing your feelings? In order for self-disclosure to facilitate building a relationship, it has to grow gradually in depth (becoming more revealing about your feelings toward a particular issue or set of issues) and breadth (expand- ing the discussion to cover more issues, such as work, family, leisure, and core beliefs).15

■ A focus on the present rather than the past—While sharing about your past might help explain why you behave the way you do, it is not advisable to share all your past skeletons. Doing so might feel cathartic, but it also might leave you feeling vulnerable, especially if this disclosure is not reciprocated. Stay in the present.

Strategies for Self-disclosure

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■ Reciprocity—To the degree possible, try to match the level of self-disclosure offered by people with whom you become acquainted. Be careful not to overdisclose prema- turely, before the relationship has had time to build familiarity and trust.16 Don’t be afraid to take the first important step to building a relationship. Lead by example, and others will follow suit. If they don’t, pull back.

Self-description

Self-disclosure is different from self-description. ■ Self-description is the disclosure of nonthreatening information such as age,

address, major, or organization for which you work. Self-disclosure is revealing significant personal information about yourself that exceeds the expectations of the moment17 and that is not easily apparent to others, such as how you feel about issues that are important to you.

■ Some amount of risk—Not surprisingly, self-disclosure has an element of risk. At times, you may share information that might affect others’ perceptions and acceptance of you as a person. For every action, there is a reaction, and in the case of self-disclosure, the benefits far outweigh the risks. People who engage in healthy, give-and-take dialogue with others are good managers of other people and of their relationships with others. ■ Work focus—We are accustomed to sharing information with people in our lives with whom we are intimate: our parents, loved ones, and close friends. The lesson here is that even in work situations, it is important for project team members and co-workers to get to know each other personally. Naturally there are limits to what is expected and to what is appropriate. There is no need to disclose information of such a personal nature that it becomes awkward or embarrassing for you or your co-worker. And given the prevalence of sexual harassment incidents, we are all well advised to restrict our disclosing to “safe” sub- jects. A rule of thumb to use is this: If the information would help a co-worker or col- league better understand how to work with you in the present, then the information is probably relevant and should be disclosed. If the information has little or nothing to do with the project you are working on, your ability to do the job, or your work style, it is probably less relevant and does not need to be shared.

The importance of self-disclosure in business has long been recognized in terms of building client and employee relationships. As organizations become less hierarchical and more team based, employees have less structure and fewer authority figures to rely on, increasing their need to work collaboratively in making decisions and getting things done. In other words, we can’t rely on bosses to issue directives and achieve results based on sheer possession of authority. Collaboration depends to a certain extent on trust. And trust is fostered through self-disclosure. What does this mean for those who are shy or reserved? Or who come from families or cultures in which self-disclosing is frowned upon? Or who are afraid to disclose themselves to others? Or for people who have been hurt by disclosing information to others who have used it against them? You may be uncomfortable or hesitate to disclose information about yourself to co- workers for several reasons. First, you may be uncertain about how the information will be received and utilized. Will it be used against you in a performance appraisal? Will it be revealed to others outside the immediate work situation? You may be afraid of being judged harshly by others, concerned that things said in one context might be repeated in an unrelated context. You might have had previous negative experiences with self- disclosure in personal situations, affecting your willingness to be open in work situations. For example, it is quite common early in a close relationship to reveal much about

Concerns about Self-disclosure

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30 1 / Intrapersonal Effectiveness: Understanding Yourself

yourself before the other person is willing to open up. If one says “I love you” and the other, now feeling threatened by the implied commitment, says nothing, the original dis- closer will withhold any further disclosure. Or perhaps you revealed something personal to a co-worker only to have that person violate the trust by disclosing the information to someone else. If you have a low self-image, this will inhibit your willingness to self-disclose out of a fear of being judged negatively. However, the very act of appropriate self-disclosure can improve your well-being. Self-disclosure is best when met with responsiveness, caring, understanding, and support.18 If you can find a friend or colleague who offers this level of support, it is a good first step in the process of learning how to disclose in a safe environment. Sometimes managers fear self-disclosure because they are concerned that others, especially subordinates, will perceive their willingness to share as a weakness or a short- coming, leaving them vulnerable. Paradoxically, those managers who are willing to self- disclose in appropriate ways are often viewed very favorably by their co-workers. This happens because subordinates are able to see the manager as more human—complete with strengths and vulnerabilities—than before, allowing subordinates to feel closer to and interested in their manager. The popularity of the Internet and computer-mediated communication (CMC), com- munication occurring through the use of electronic devices, as opposed to face-to-face (FTF) communication, as a method to meet new people, initiate and carry on meaning- ful conversations, and build long-term relationships raises interesting issues about the quantity and quality of online self-disclosure. Are online communications more, or less, conducive to self-disclosure? The Internet provides a forum for quick self-disclosure with individuals you don’t know well. It can provide an anonymity that can lead to inappropriate self-disclosure. It also has the potential to lead to communication that, because of the lack of verbal and nonverbal cues, can appear to be abrasive, impulsive, and even abusive. Be aware, too, that gender can play a role in CMC self-disclosure. An investigation into gender-based patterns of college student self-disclosure on the Internet revealed females were more likely than males to disclose personal information and to be more aware of their self-disclosure behaviors. Males reported they were more likely to disclose negative statements than females.19

As with any new development, there are risks in online self-disclosure. Revealing and obtaining personal information on the Internet is correlated potentially with legal issues such as defamation, harassment, intellectual property rights, and others. And the prom- ise of “anonymity” seems to be encouraging some people to use the Internet as a forum for making controversial and offensive statements.20 However, by following the guide- lines for self-disclosure and building trust in this chapter, CMC has the potential to be as beneficial as FTF interactions.21

The benefits of self-disclosure far outweigh the concerns. If you are not used to talk- ing about yourself to others, you will want to start slowly and with people you can trust. As you get to know a person or members of a group, gradually reveal information that helps others understand how to work effectively with you. As they disclose to you, you can increase your level of disclosure accordingly. By following your instincts about what is appropriate and relevant, you will eventu- ally find that it feels quite natural to talk about yourself with others. Soon you will find your project team members and co-workers will appreciate getting to know you, and that together you will be able to produce results beyond what was possible when you— and they—were more reserved.

Some Guidelines for Self-disclosure

■ Discuss situations as they happen; don’t wait until they are old news.22 The impact of your disclosure will be greater and more understandable within the context of your relationship when you share your thoughts and reactions to

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2 / Self-disclosure and Trust 31

We have discussed the many benefits of self-disclosure in the business world. While it is important to disclose to others, it is equally important to be honest with ourselves about our strengths and weaknesses, as we noted in Chapter 1. Sometimes this is dif- ficult because we see ourselves differently than others see us or because we’re not com- pletely in touch with our inner selves—who we really are, what we believe, and how we come across to others. A concept that explains why this is true is the Johari Window.24 Created by Joseph Luft and Harry Ingram, the Johari Window helps us understand how well we know ourselves and how much of ourselves we let others know. The Johari Window is depicted in Figure 2–1 in a grid that is divided into four regions, which represent the intersection of two axes:

1. Degree to which you know or understand information about yourself (values, attitudes, beliefs).

2. Degree to which others know information about you.

The Role of Self- disclosure in Increasing Self-awareness

situations at the time instead of days, weeks, or months later. For example, if you are a member of a team evaluating the potential adoption of a new sales man- agement system, withholding your concerns about the viability of this new system might prove problematic. On the one hand, you are concerned that others may look at you as too rigid or unable to accept change. However, you may have information or concerns that, if shared, would completely alter the decision-making process—in a way that would benefit your organization.

■ Choose the appropriate time and place. Just as you may not choose to propose marriage in a crowded bar or noisy restaurant, you wouldn’t want to tell your boss of your need for personal time right after he shares news that the department is being downsized.

■ Choose the appropriate level of disclosure. Match the depth and breadth of your disclosure to the situation. You would be ill-advised to reveal your innermost dreams and fears to your boss on the first day of your new job.

■ Be cautious when sharing personal details or details regarding your employer online. Share personal information on sites frequented by your friends and family; save information of a more professional nature for LinkedIn or group chats.

■ Share your current feelings to create an emotional connection with others and invite understanding. You can focus on your feelings without having to act on them. Expressing your feelings, as opposed to focusing strictly on facts, can also stimulate reciprocal disclosure and initiate important conversation.23

■ Be sensitive to cultural differences. Look into the business customs of the home countries of your classmates and co-workers. Understand what is appropriate and effective before attempting disclosure.

Figure 2–1 The Johari Window

Open in Early

Relationship

Known to Self

Known to Others

Unknown to Others

Unknown to Self

OPEN BLIND

HIDDEN UNKNOWN

Feedback

(Disclosure)

Open in Later Relationship

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The basic premise of the Johari Window is that our personal and professional rela- tionships can be greatly improved through understanding ourselves in depth and then selecting those aspects of self that are appropriate to share with others. The more we share of ourselves with others, the more we can develop high-quality relationships. In order to complete this exchange, we must be fully aware of those aspects of ourselves that are “hidden” from view and those that we neither see nor know ourselves. The open area consists of information about us that both we and others know, such as our name, job title or role, level in the organization, and possibly something about our personal life such as our marital status or the college from which we graduated. When we first begin a relationship, the open window is relatively small. We begin with safe information, such as the weather, school, and sports. As we build a relationship, we disclose more facts and feelings about ourselves and our beliefs, and the window enlarges vertically, reducing the hidden area. The larger the open area, the more pro- ductive and mutually beneficial the interpersonal relationship is likely to be. The hidden area comprises information we know about ourselves but is hidden from others. This information can range from our concerns about a boss or job to financial, family, or health problems. Not sharing hidden information can create a barrier that protects a person in the short term. Over time, this lack of sharing can lead to distrust and miscommunication. In business this can have negative conse- quences such as reduced trust and morale. As we increase our comfort with and practice disclosing more and more information about ourselves through shared experi- ences with others, the hidden area shrinks. If we are more reserved, this area will remain rather large, resulting in relationships that aren’t likely to develop beyond the acquaintance level. The blind area denotes information others are aware of but we are not. For example, we might have an unknown nervous habit of tapping a pencil or wiggling a foot during meetings when we are feeling stressed or bored. We might see ourselves as patient and helpful, yet our subordinates see us as micromanagers. As we receive feedback from others on their observations of our personalities and behaviors, the blind area will decrease and the open area will become more complete. The more we understand our strengths and weaknesses and are open to others’ views of us, the better managers we can be of our personal and work lives. The unknown area contains information that neither we nor others know. This win- dow is unknown due to our lack of experience or exposure to various situations, or due to our inability to process difficult events that occurred earlier in our lives. Until we have experienced certain things in life, we will not fully know how we will react or feel. Until others have seen us in certain situations or we have disclosed to them how we behaved or felt, this information will remain unknown to them. For example, the first time you felt you loved someone other than a family member, you may have found those feelings hard to express. How you express love may be unknown to you and to your significant other. This unknown window can also contain information that is for- gotten or purposely suppressed. This window can become smaller over time as we grow, develop, and learn. Personal growth is a process. Self-awareness allows us to assimilate our experiences and move beyond them, rather than being unaware of, or worse, para- lyzed by them. It also allows us to move forward in a positive way as we experience life and learn from both our successes and our mistakes.

What Is Trust? By adding trust to self-disclosure, we are able to complete the relationship equation. The two elements form a circle: The more you trust, the more you disclose, and the more you disclose, the more you trust. How do we define trust? Trust is one’s faith or belief in the integrity or reliability of another person or thing. Trust means confidence. When you trust people, you believe in them—in their integrity and in their abilities.25 In business, as in life, trust is an essential building block in developing relationships with

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Trust is essential in the work environment. Research has shown that trust in the workplace promotes cooperation and effective teamwork and can lead to enhanced organizational performance.27 Clients and customers need to be able to rely on information a company and its employees provide. Subordinates need to be able to trust their managers, managers need to be able to trust senior management, and everyone needs to be able to expect consistent reactions from their co-workers and associates. Trust is a necessary foundation for a healthy work environment. Without trust, employees may focus on self-protection—weakening their willingness to cooper- ate and collaborate, damaging their motivation, and thwarting innovative and productive work.28

■ Individual impact—The role of trust in organizations begins at the individual level. Trust is what binds leaders and followers together. In order to build trust, communica- tion and action must be consistent. By demonstrating consistency, integrity, and con- cern, and by sharing organizational information straightforwardly and accurately, a leader’s trustworthy behavior can promote and foster trust.29

■ Organizational impact—The seemingly endless stream of stories about corporate misbehavior has contributed to a steady erosion of trust in corporate America. When organization members violate trust with stakeholders, organizations lose stakeholder confidence. Losing confidence and integrity can lead to the eventual demise of the institution. Trust is built up on the basis of past experience.30 In order to regain the trust of employees, stockholders, and the general public, leaders must first prove they are trustworthy, hence regaining integrity and confidence for their organizations.

While an essential component of good relationships, trust does not come without some element of risk. Trusting is a two-way street. The person who places confi- dence in an individual must rely on that person to treat the information that was given in confidence. The element of risk is compounded by the inability of the truster to monitor or control the other party. For this reason trust is best when built up over time. As we gain experience with the judgments and behaviors of others, we can gradually build confidence in their ability to follow through on commitments and keep their word. The development of trust in relationships may be affected by attribution theory (dis- cussed in Chapter 1).31 As defined, the bias of the fundamental attribution error causes individuals to overestimate the influence of internal factors on the behavior of others. Since trust in relationships is directly impacted by the behaviors of others, we tend to determine that a trustworthy or untrustworthy action by a friend or co-worker was con- trolled by them rather than the situation. Because this bias greatly impacts individual perception, it is easy to see how quickly trust can be destroyed. Managers must be aware of their judgments and attributions to clearly determine if a perceived untrust- worthy behavior warrants the loss of trust in a co-worker. Perhaps it had nothing to do with your relationship and instead simply resulted from the situation.

Why Is Trust Important?

Concerns about Building Trust

customers, colleagues, and business associates. Trust is very difficult to develop, and it is very easy to destroy.26 Think of a relationship you’ve had where trust has been broken. Perhaps a promised raise didn’t materialize, a client misrepresented his or her financial situation, or a friend informed you that your significant other—who was attending a conference in another state—was seen with someone else. Isn’t it difficult to relate to the person who disappointed you now or believe that person’s promises? Does the lack of trust make you less inclined to make plans or have anything to do with this person?

Self-disclosure + Trust = Stronger Relationships

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Trust is composed of five elements.32 (See Figure 2–2.) You are more likely to be seen as trustworthy if you demonstrate these characteristics: ■ Integrity—honesty and sincerity. In short, you say what you mean and mean what you say. Integrity also relates to your ability to honestly disclose and share your thoughts, beliefs, and feelings. ■ Competence—knowledge and ability. You are aware of your strengths and limitations, offering help where you can and seeking resources and assistance when needed. ■ Consistency—conformity with previous practice; good judgment in handling situa- tions. When you are consistent, for example, you do what you say you will do; friends and associates believe in your ability to follow through and do the right thing in a given situation. ■ Loyalty—faithfulness to your friends and ideals. A trustworthy person supports friends and associates both within and outside their presence. One who sings your praises in front of you, but then spreads rumors behind your back is not only duplici- tous but also untrustworthy. ■ Openness—welcomes new ideas; willing to share ideas with others. This compo- nent of trust suggests that you are aware of yourself and comfortable sharing and disclosing with others. In addition, when someone shares with you, you encourage them and offer acceptance and support, as opposed to judgment and ridicule. Openness has been found to be the most important trust factor for employees in an organizational setting.33

Strategies for Building Trust

Figure 2–2 Five Elements of Trust

Competence Consistency Loyalty Openness

Integrity

(without integrity, all other elements may be meaningless)

Personal Trust-builders

We can take some tangible actions to build others’ trust in us (see Exercise 2–H). Some of these include the following: ■ Follow through on promises and commitments made; and remember the

opposite—don’t promise what you can’t produce. ■ Don’t reveal confidences told you in private. ■ Avoid participating in unnecessary gossip about specific individuals. ■ Don’t make self-flattering or boasting statements about your capabilities. ■ Develop a reputation for loyalty—a willingness to stand by, protect, and save face

for others. ■ Be consistent: Reliability and predictability help others build faith in your ability to

deliver on promises made. ■ Be realistic: Don’t overcommit to the extent that you break promises. ■ Develop personal competence: When you improve your knowledge and skills,

people can count on you to hold up your end of the bargain. ■ Gain a reputation for honesty and truthfulness: “Say what you mean and mean

what you say.” ■ Make sure your actions are consistent with your spoken words: “Walk the talk.”

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Organizations with low or no trust are susceptible to a range of negative employee responses, including high turnover, reduced job satisfaction, less cooperation, and increased absenteeism.34 These behaviors often exist in organizations going through a merger or acquisition. As the products, services, employees, and cultures of two or more companies are joined together, clashes inevitably result. The more openly and effectively each company can communicate with its employees about the changes as they occur, the better the employees will be able to adjust and move forward in their work on behalf of the newly merged organization. Those companies that make information available to their employees are more successful at achieving their business goals than are those companies that keep their employees in the dark or misrepresent information to them.35 Organizational cultures associated with trust emphasize:36

■ Depth of relationships. ■ Understanding of roles and responsibilities. ■ Frequent, timely, and forthright communication. ■ Member self-esteem and self-awareness. ■ High levels of skill competence. ■ Clarity of shared purpose, direction, and vision. ■ Honoring promises and commitments.

Organizational Trust-builders

Ten Managerial Tips for Developing Trust37

1. Practice what you preach—narrow the gap between your intentions and your behavior.

2. Open lines of communication—declare your intentions to others and invite feedback on your performance.

3. Accept disagreements, differences of opinion, and conflict—when things go wrong and problems arise, seek solutions.

4. Keep confidential information confidential.

5. Let others know what you stand for and what you value.

6. Create an open environment—make it safe for others to be with you and to share with you.

7. Maintain a high level of integrity and honesty.

8. Know yourself and how others perceive you and your actions—build on your competencies and accept your limitations.

9. Build credibility with others by being consistent and reliable.

10. Avoid micromanaging—this sends the message that “I don’t trust you.”

A Note of Caution about Trust When you trust someone you give the person you are trusting, the trustee, a responsi- bility for actions or behaviors important to you that you cannot control. “Without vul- nerability, trust is unnecessary.”38 Trust is not a right; it is earned. Trust is an aspect of relationships and it varies “within persons and across relationships.”39 That is, we do not automatically trust every individual in every situation. In making the decision to trust you must assess trustworthiness by evaluating observable verbal and nonverbal cues that indicate the trustee consistently adheres to a set of principles you find acceptable such as

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36 1 / Intrapersonal Effectiveness: Understanding Yourself

honesty, reliability, strength, a sense of justice, and stability. Perhaps we might trust certain but not all aspects of a person. If your co-worker supports you, is loyal to you, and holds sensitive issues in confidence, you will trust her. However, if your co-worker reveals she has been unfaithful in her relationship with her spouse, sud- denly her trustworthiness becomes suspect. Our ability to trust is also situation-dependent. Trust depends on our having the information and experience needed to make good judgments in a given situation or situa- tions. Trust is earned. It evolves over time, based on past successful experiences that build on each other to eventually build a climate of trust. “However, every sign of trust- worthiness can be faked.”40 A trustee can mimic the appearance of trustworthiness, lulling you into a false sense of security. “Thus, a little prudent paranoia and due diligence are warranted, especially in situations where the costs of misplaced or mistaken trust are high.”41

Trust is fragile. It is easier to destroy than it is to build. Consider the couple who have been together for 10, 20, or more years. One untrustworthy act could destroy decades of trusting behaviors, with trust likely never to fully return. By valuing and fostering trust and trustworthiness in your personal and professional relationships, you will be able to build mutually satisfying, long-term relationships in both your work and life.

Summary Self-disclosure and trust are two mutually reinforcing skills that, when practiced with the appropriate persons at the right time and place, can serve to deepen and improve personal and professional relationships. By letting another person know your values and your beliefs about and reactions to a situation, you not only improve your own under- standing and concerns about a situation, but also improve the quality of communication, collaboration, and performance with that person. There are fears and risks associated with disclosure, however; knowing what, when, and how to disclose can serve to mitigate the fears and risks. By letting others know you, you pave the way for them to develop trust in you. When others trust you, they are more likely to disclose to you. The mutually reinforc- ing nature of disclosure and trust forms the basis of healthy personal and professional relationships. Organizations that are characterized by a lack of trust, as is the case during times of change (i.e., downsizing and mergers), become primed for employee gossip, absenteeism, and turnover. Those who are characterized by openness and transparency are widely trusted and admired. By practicing the tips and techniques we shared, you can improve your skills in self-disclosure and trust and become more effective as an individual and as a manager.

Key Terms and Concepts Authenticity Loyalty

Blind area Open area

Competence Openness

Computer-mediated communication (CMC) Self-description

Consistency Self-disclosure

Face-to-face (FTF) communication Social networking sites (SNS)

Hidden area Transparency

Integrity Trust

Johari Window Unknown area

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2 / Self-disclosure and Trust 37

Endnotes  1. The Ten Commandments, Dorothy Wilson Clarke and J.H. Ingraham (screenplay), Cecil B. DeMille (director). Motion Picture Associates, 1956.

 2. S. M. Jourard and P. Lasakow, “Some Factors in Self-Disclosure,” Journal of Abnormal and Social Psychology 56 (1958), p. 91.

 3. Yongsoo Kang, Jusik Park, and Jeanny Liu, “A Study of the Online Shopper’s Self-Disclosure,” Academy of Marketing Studies Journal 16, no. 1 (2012), p. 19.

 4. Tania Pantchenko, Marie Lawson, and Marie R. Joyce, “Verbal and Non-Verbal Disclosure of Recalled Negative Experiences: Relation to Well-Being,” Psychology and Psychotherapy: Theory, Research and Practice 76 (September, 2003), p. 260. Also see Georgeta Andreea Maier, Qin Zhang, and Alina Clark, “Self-Disclosure and Emotional Closeness in Intracultural Friendships: A Cross-Cultural Comparison among U.S. Americans and Romanians,” Journal of Intercultural Communication Research 42, no. 1 (2013), p. 22.

 5. James W. Pennebaker, Cheryl F. Hughes, and Robin C. O’Heeron, “The Psychophysiology of Confession: Linking Inhibitory and Psychosomatic Processes,” Journal of Personality and Social Psychology 52, no. 4 (April 1987), p. 782.

 6. David L. Paul and Reuben R. McDaniel Jr., “A Field Study of the Effect of Interpersonal Trust on Virtual Collaborative Relationship Performance,” MIS Quarterly 28, no. 2 (June 2004), p. 185.

 7. S. L. Brown and K. M. Eisenhardt, “Product Development: Past Research, Present Findings and Future Directions,” Academy of Management Review 20, no. 2 (April 1995), p. 357.

 8. Stephen B. Knouse, “Building Task Cohesion to Bring Teams Together,” Quality Progress 40, no. 3 (March 2007), p. 49.

 9. Richard S. Jacobs, Michael R. Hyman, and Shaun McQuitty, “Exchange-specific Self-disclosure, Social Self-disclosure, and Personal Selling,” Journal of Marketing Theory and Practice 9, no. 1 (Winter 2001), p. 48.

10. Georgeta Andreea Maier, Qin Zhang, and Alina Clark, “Self-Disclosure and Emotional Close- ness in Intracultural Friendships: A Cross-Cultural Comparison among U.S. Americans and Romanians,” Journal of Intercultural Communication Research 42, no. 1 (2013), p. 25.

11. Chyng-Yang Jang and Michael A. Stefanone, “Non-Directed Self-Disclosure in the Blogo- sphere,” Information, Communication and Society 14, no. 7 (2011), pp. 1040–1042. Also see Stefano Taddei and Bastianina Contena, “Privacy, Trust and Control: Which Relationships with On-Line Self-Disclosure?” Computers in Human Behavior, 29, no. 3 (May 2013), p. 822.

12. C. Posey, P. B. Lowry, T. L. Roberts, and T. S. Ellis, “Proposing the Online Community Self-Disclosure Model: The Case of Working Professionals in France and the U.K. Who Use Online Communities,” European Journal of Information Systems 19, 2 (2010), p. 182.

13. David W. Johnson, Reaching Out: Interpersonal Effectiveness and Self-Actualization (Boston: Allyn & Bacon, 2003), pp. 46–47.

14. F. J. Perez-Latre, I. Portilla, and C. S. Blanco, “Social Networks, Media and Audiences: A Literature Review,” Comunicacion y Sociedad 24, no. 1 (2011), p. 66.

15. Irwin Altman and Dalmas A. Taylor, Social Penetration: The Development of Interpersonal Relationships (New York: Holt, Rinehart and Winston, 2006).

Discussion Questions 1. Self-disclosure has benefits, but it also has risks. Discuss both.

2. Was Emily Townsend’s disclosure appropriate in the chapter-opening case? Why or why not?

3. With so much work being done by work teams, in what ways can self-disclosure improve team performance?

4. Have you ever worked for a boss you didn’t trust? How was this a problem?

5. We might trust certain but not all aspects of a person. Do you agree or disagree?

6. How does trust impact organizations? How can untrustworthy members impact an entire organization? How can organizations ensure members will be trustworthy?

7. Comment on these statements: “Trust is fragile;” “Trust is earned.”

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38 1 / Intrapersonal Effectiveness: Understanding Yourself

16. Linda R. Weber and Allison Carter, “On Constructing Trust: Temporality, Self-Disclosure, and Perspective-Taking,” The International Journal of Sociology and Social Policy 18, no. 1 (1998), pp. 22–23.

17. Charles Antaki, Rebecca Barnes, and Ivan Leudar, “Self-Disclosure as a Situated Interac- tional Practice,” British Journal of Social Psychology 44, no. 2 (June 2005), p. 195.

18. Jessica J. Cameron, John G. Holmes, and Jacquie D. Vorauer, “When Self-Disclosure Goes Awry: Negative Consequences of Revealing Personal Failures for Lower Self-Esteem Individuals,” Journal of Experimental Social Psychology 45, no. 1 (January 2009), p. 217.

19. Narissra Maria Punyanunt-Carter, “An Analysis of College Students’ Self-Disclosure Behav- iors on the Internet,” College Student Journal 40, no. 2 (June 2006), pp. 329–331.

20. Stefano Taddei and Bastianina Contena, “Privacy, Trust and Control: Which Relationships with On-Line Self-Disclosure?” Computers in Human Behavior, 29, no. 3 (May 2013), p. 821.

21. Young-ok Yum and Kazuya Hara, “Mediated Relationship Development: A Cross-Cultural Comparison,” Journal of Computer-Mediated Communication 11, no. 1 (October 2005), article 7. Accessed at http://jcmc.indiana.edu/vol11/issue1/.

22. Joanne Frattaroli, “Experimental Disclosure and Its Moderators: A Meta-Analysis,” Psycho- logical Bulletin 132, no. 6 (November 2006), p. 829.

23. S. Alavi, V. Ahuja, and Y. Medury, “ECRM Using Online Communities,” IUP Journal of Marketing Management 10, no. 1 (2011), p. 39.

24. J. Luft and H. Ingham, “The Johari Window: A Graphic Model for Interpersonal Relation- ships.” University of California Western Training Lab, 1955.

25. Stephen M. R. Covey, The Speed of Trust: The One Thing That Changes Everything (New York: Free Press, 2006), p. 5.

26. L. Poppo and D. J. Schepker, “Repairing Public Trust in Organizations,” Corporate Reputa- tion Review 13, 2 (2013), p. 127.

27. Anna-Maija Lämsä and Raminta Pucetaite, “Development of Organizational Trust among Employees from a Contextual Perspective,” Business Ethics 15, no. 2 (April 2006), p. 130.

28. Risto Harisalo, Heikki Huttunen, and John McInerney, “Trust-Creating Practices for Market- ing Managers,” Journal of Change Management 5, no. 4 (December 2005), p. 468.

29. Melinda J. Moye and Alan B. Henkin, “Exploring Associations between Employee Empowerment and Interpersonal Trust in Managers,” The Journal of Management Development 25, no. 2 (2006), p. 113.

30. H. Afzal, M. A. Khan, K. ur Rehman, I. Ali, and S. Wajahat, “Consumer’s Trust in the Brand: Can It Be Built through Brand Reputation, Brand Competence and Brand Predictability,” International Business Research 3, 1 (2010), p. 44.

31. Donald L. Ferrin and Kurt T. Dirks, “The Use of Rewards to Increase and Decrease Trust: Mediating Processes and Differential Effects,” Organization Science 14, no. 1 (January/February 2003), p. 18.

32. P. L. Schindler and C. C. Thomas, “The Structure of Interpersonal Trust in the Workplace,” Psychological Reports (October 1993), pp. 563–573.

33. Richard E. Wilmot, “A Commitment to Trust,” Communication World 24, no. 2 (March/April 2007), p. 36.

34. Stephen J. Deery, Roderick D. Iverson, and Janet T. Walsh, “Toward a Better Understanding of Psychological Contract Breach: A Study of Customer Service Employees,” Journal of Applied Psychology 91, no. 1 (2006), p. 167.

35. Robert D. Costigan, Selim S. Ilter, and J. Jason Berman, “A Multi-Dimensional Study of Trust in Organizations,” Journal of Managerial Issues 10, no. 3 (Fall 1998), pp. 303–317.

36. Jeffrey Cufaude, “Creating Organizational Trust,” Association Management 51, no. 7 (July 1999), pp. 26–35.

37. Robert Glaser, “Paving the Road to TRUST,” HR Focus 74, no. 1 (January 1997), p. 5.

38. Masoodul Hassan and Fatih Semerciöz, “Trust in Personal and Impersonal Forms Its Ante- cedents and Consequences: A Conceptual Analysis within Organizational Context,” International Journal of Management and Information Systems 14, no. 2 (Second Quarter 2010), p. 69.

39. F. David Schoorman, Roger C. Mayer, and James H. Davis, “An Integrative Model of Organiza- tional Trust: Past, Present, and Future,” Academy of Management Review 32, no. 2 (April 2007), p. 344.

40. Roderick M. Kramer, “Collective Trust within Organizations: Conceptual Foundations and Empirical Insights,” Corporate Reputation Review, Special Issue: Public Trust in Business 13, no. 2 (Summer 2010), p. 94.

41. Ibid.

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2 / Self-disclosure and Trust 39

Exercise 2–A People Hunt

Mill around the classroom or training room or participate with your online learning community and identify people who can help you complete the following chart.1 Write the names of the people you identify in the “match” columns. Try not to use the same person more than three times in your chart. Challenge yourself to meet and talk with as many people as possible.

Information Match 1 Match 2 Match 3

Same hobby or interest:

Favorite outdoor activity:

Same favorite music:

Same favorite movie:

Same favorite fast food:

Same favorite color:

Same number of siblings:

Same hometown or country:

Same favorite TV show:

After completing the chart, answer the following questions:

1. In what ways did this exercise help you get to know others better?

2. What did you learn about yourself from this exercise?

3. What things do you and don’t you have in common with others?

4. What additional questions can be asked to uncover other similarities between you and others?

5. How can you apply this exercise to improving your relationships with others? 1If this is a distance learning class, students should use whatever means available to identify people who

match your information.

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40 1 / Intrapersonal Effectiveness: Understanding Yourself

Exercise 2–B Icebreakers

Name, Face, and Fact

Participants sit in a circle and the first person states his or her name and a fact related to him or her. Facts can include items from the following categories: favorite food, hometown street name, college major, favorite color, favorite book, favorite travel destination, and so on.

Name Repetition

Participants stand in a circle and, taking turns, each person says her or his name. Partici- pants then throw a ball to another member in the circle, each stating her or his name first, followed by the name of the person to whom she or he is throwing the ball. Each time a person receives the ball, his or her name is stated as well as that of the person who threw the ball.

Name Tags

Participants write their name in the center of a piece of paper. In each corner of the paper participants write personal information such as where they are from, their college major, their ideal job, their favorite travel destination, their favorite movie/TV show/book, and so on. Participants mill about the room and introduce themselves to as many others as possible in the time allowed, being sure to listen intently to what each person is disclosing to others.

Show and Share

Participants bring in a personal item—an item that reveals something significant about their personal “essence” or identity. The item can be something the participant enjoys, car- ries at all times, is of sentimental value, or that holds some personal meaning. Participants show and discuss the meaning behind the object. Others give feedback on what they think the item says about the participant as well as share how they can personally relate to the other’s show-and-share item.

Multiple Introductions

Participants stand and mill about the room, introducing themselves to one new person every two minutes. The instructor asks the group to concentrate on one question at a time per person met. After two minutes, the instructor calls time and the participants introduce themselves to a new partner and engage in a two-minute discussion about the next topic on the list. Suggested topics, which can be written in advance on a board, include these:

1. Your college major and why you chose it.

2. Your current job and what you like about it.

3. What you did last summer (and what you wished you had done instead!).

4. Why you chose the college you’re attending or attended.

5. Your first job and what you liked, disliked, and learned about it.

6. A favorite hobby or nonschool, nonwork activity.

7. Why you chose the career you’re in or are pursuing.

8. What you would do (and in what order) if you won the lottery.

9. Your favorite video game, app, book, TV show, Broadway play, or movie and why.

10. Your favorite travel destination.

11. What you would do if you didn’t have to work for a living.

12. What you liked about this exercise—and what you didn’t—and why.

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2 / Self-disclosure and Trust 41

Exercise 2–C Fishbowl

A fishbowl is a clear glass container we can see through and into from every angle. The fishbowl exercise is designed to help participants identify personal things that others can see and that they feel comfortable disclosing to others. This activity may be done in small groups or in front of the class. Inside the fishbowl is an assortment of small cards, each containing a topic. Participants select a card and present a short (1- to 2-minute) impromptu talk regarding an experience they have had relating to the topic. Participants use as many descriptors as possible to allow everyone to be able to understand and relate to the situation. Participants should be as expressive as they can be, telling a story, emphasizing their feelings and those of the other people involved in the story, and including their and others’ reactions to what was occurring. Participants should include this information:

■ A description of the players—all those involved in the situation. ■ Information about the setting, atmosphere, surroundings, and so on. ■ Details about the situation as it occurred. ■ Thoughts and feelings they had about the experience as it unfolded. ■ Outcomes, including lessons learned, awareness gained, and others.

Note: If this exercise is being done outside of the classroom, participants should pair up with a friend at school or work and take turns sharing stories as explained.

Sample fishbowl questions (your instructor has more):

■ Your happiest/saddest holiday memory. ■ Your most/least enjoyable travel experience. ■ An accomplishment you worked hard to attain. ■ A lesson you learned in childhood that remains with you to this day. ■ A time when you felt angry/happy/embarrassed/lucky. ■ A memorable experience from grade school. ■ A time you realized you had made a mistake, how you handled it, and what you

learned from it.

Exercise 2–D Johari Window Questionnaire

Friendship Relations Survey

This questionnaire was written to help you assess your understanding of your behavior in interpersonal relationships. There are no right or wrong answers. The best answer is the one that comes closest to representing your quest for good interpersonal relationships. In each statement, the first sentence gives a situation and the second sentence gives a reac- tion. For each statement indicate the number that is closest to the way you would handle the situation.

5 = You always would act this way.

4 = You frequently would act this way.

3 = You sometimes would act this way.

2 = You seldom would act this way.

1 = You never would act this way.

Try to relate each question to your own personal experience. Take as much time as you need to give a true and accurate answer for yourself. There is no right or wrong answer. Trying to give the “correct” answer will make your answer meaningless to you. Be honest with yourself.

Never Always

1. You work with a friend, but some of her mannerisms and habits are getting on your nerves and irritating you. More and more you avoid interacting with or even seeing your friend.

1 2 3 4 5

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42 1 / Intrapersonal Effectiveness: Understanding Yourself

Never Always

2. In a moment of weakness, you give away a friend’s secret. Your friend finds out and calls you to ask about it. You admit to it and talk with your friend about how to handle secrets better in the future.

1 2 3 4 5

3. You have a friend who never seems to have time for you. You ask him about it, telling him how you feel.

1 2 3 4 5

4. Your friend is upset at you because you have inconve- nienced him. He tells you how he feels. You tell him he is too sensitive and is overreacting.

1 2 3 4 5

5. You had a disagreement with a friend and now she ignores you whenever she’s around you. You decide to ignore her back.

1 2 3 4 5

6. A friend has pointed out that you never seem to have time for him. You explain why you have been busy and try for a mutual understanding.

1 2 3 4 5

7. At great inconvenience, you arrange to take your friend to the doctor’s office. When you arrive to pick her up, you find she has decided not to go. You explain to her how you feel and try to reach an understanding about future favors.

1 2 3 4 5

8. You have argued with a friend and are angry with her, ignoring her when you meet. She tells you how she feels and asks about restoring the friendship. You ignore her and walk away.

1 2 3 4 5

9. You have a secret that you have told only to your best friend. The next day, an acquaintance asks you about the secret. You deny the secret and decide to break off the relationship with your best friend.

1 2 3 4 5

10. A friend who works with you tells you about some of your mannerisms and habits that get on his nerves. You discuss these with your friend and look for some possible ways of dealing with the problem.

1 2 3 4 5

11. Your best friend gets involved in something illegal that you believe will lead to serious trouble. You decide to tell your friend how you disapprove of his involvement in the situation.

1 2 3 4 5

12. In a moment of weakness, you give away a friend’s secret. Your friend finds out and calls you to ask about it. You deny it firmly.

1 2 3 4 5

13. You have a friend who never seems to have time for you. You decide to forget her and to start looking for new friends.

1 2 3 4 5

14. You are involved in something illegal, and your friend tells you of her disapproval and fear that you will get in serious trouble. You discuss it with your friend.

1 2 3 4 5

15. You work with a friend, but some of her mannerisms and habits are getting on your nerves and irritating you. You explain your feelings to your friend, looking for a mutual solution to the problem.

1 2 3 4 5

16. A friend has pointed out that you never seem to have time for him. You walk away.

1 2 3 4 5

17. Your best friend gets involved in something illegal that you believe will lead to serious trouble. You decide to mind your own business.

1 2 3 4 5

18. Your friend is upset because you have inconvenienced him. He tells you how he feels. You try to understand and agree on a way to keep it from happening again.

1 2 3 4 5

19. You had a disagreement with a friend, and now she ignores you whenever she’s around you. You tell her how her actions make you feel and ask about restoring your friendship.

1 2 3 4 5

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2 / Self-disclosure and Trust 43

Never Always

20. A friend who works with you tells you about some of your mannerisms and habits that get on his nerves. You listen and walk away.

1 2 3 4 5

21. At great inconvenience, you arrange to take your friend to the doctor’s office. When you arrive to pick her up, you find she has decided not to go. You say nothing but resolve never to do any favors for that person again.

1 2 3 4 5

22. You have argued with a friend and are angry with her, ignoring her when you meet. She tells you how she feels and asks about restoring the friendship. You discuss ways of maintaining your friendship, even when you disagree.

1 2 3 4 5

23. You have a secret that you have told only to your best friend. The next day, an acquaintance asks you about the secret. You call your friend and ask her about it, trying to come to an understanding of how to handle secrets better in the future.

1 2 3 4 5

24. You are involved in something illegal, and your friend tells you of her disapproval and fear that you will get in serious trouble. You tell your friend to mind her own business.

1 2 3 4 5

Friendship Relations Survey Answer Key

In the Friendship Relations Survey there are 12 questions that deal with your willingness to self-disclose and 12 questions that are concerned with your receptivity to feedback. Trans- fer your scores to this answer key. Reverse the scoring for all questions that are starred; that is, if you answered 5, record the score of 1; if you answered 4, record the score of 2; if you answered 3, record the score of 3; if you answered 2, record the score of 4; and if you answered 1, record the score of 5. Then add the scores in each column.

Willingness to Self-disclose Receptivity to Feedback

*1. 2.

3. *4.

*5. 6.

7. *8.

*9. 10.

11. *12.

*13. 14.

15. *16.

*17. 18.

19. *20.

*21. 22.

23. *24.

Total Total

On the Friendship Relations Survey Summary Sheet, add your score and your group’s average score for receptivity to feedback and willingness to self-disclose.

Friendship Relations Survey Summary Sheet

Draw horizontal and vertical lines reflecting your (Part a) and the group’s (Part b) recep- tivity to feedback and willingness to self-disclose scores. The results should look like the Johari Window.

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44 1 / Intrapersonal Effectiveness: Understanding Yourself

Receptivity to Feedback

0 10 20 30 40 50 60

10

20

30

40

50

60 (b) Group Average Scores

W ill

in gn

es s t

o Se

lf- di

sc lo

se

0 10 20 30 40 50 60

10

20

30

40

50

60 (a) Your Scores

Receptivity to Feedback

W ill

in gn

es s t

o Se

lf- di

sc lo

se

Group Your Score Average Score

Receptivity to Feedback:

Willingness to Self-disclose:

Exercise 2–E Circle of Friends

It is important to examine our interpersonal relationships to determine whether the levels of disclosure and trust we have enhance the relationships we value.

1. In the first column, list the people closest to you in different categories: family, friends, and co-workers (include classmates, teammates, or professors), and others (anyone with whom you have a valued relationship and are in frequent contact).

2. In the second column, rate your level of trust with each individual on a scale of 1–5, with 1 having very little trust and 5 having a high degree of trust.

3. In the third column, rate your level of disclosure with the individual on a scale of 1–5 with 1 being very low, dealing with trivial and nonthreatening information, and 5 being a high level of highly personable and sensitive information.

4. In the fourth column, write comments as to the quality of the relationship, such as a comparison on congruency between trust and self-disclosure and notes as to what you want and need to do to improve the relationship.

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2 / Self-disclosure and Trust 45

Name of Individual

Level of Trust (1–5)

Level of Self- disclosure (1–5)

Comments on the Relationship

(Family Members)

 

 

 

 

(Friends)

 

 

 

 

(Co-workers)

 

 

 

 

(Others)

 

 

 

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46 1 / Intrapersonal Effectiveness: Understanding Yourself

Look over your completed chart and answer the following questions:

1. Is there a correlation between the level of self-disclosure and the level of trust? Why or why not?

2. How satisfied are you with the level of trust and disclosure in your relationships?

3. In what ways are the relationships progressing the way you want them to?

4. How can you improve the level of disclosure or trust in each of the most important relationships?

Exercise 2–F Trust-building Activities

The following two activities are designed to expose participants to—and build their comfort level with—trusting others.

Blind Walk

Working in pairs, participants will take turns leading each other around. One member closes his or her eyes, and keeps them closed for the entire turn. The other member leads him or her around by the arm. The member should take the participant to as many differ- ent places as possible, incorporating other sensory experiences such as touch, smell, and hearing. Participants should then alternate and allow the other member to experience being “blind.”

Trust Meal

In pairs, participants share a meal while one member is blindfolded. The sighted member leads the blindfolded partner through the meal, explaining and/or answering any ques- tions or concerns. The blindfolded person may choose to request assistance or attempt to eat without help.

Questions

1. What was comfortable/uncomfortable about each of these exercises?

2. What were your feelings as you were going through each role in each exercise?

3. What did you learn about yourself and others through each exercise?

Exercise 2–G Ideal Cards: A Self- disclosure Activity

1. Participants get into groups of five to seven members.

2. The instructor distributes play money and two Ideal Cards to each participant.

3. The instructor explains the following ground rules for buying, selling, or trading Ideal Cards before the exchange phase is begun:

a. Each individual must sell or trade at least one of his/her Ideal Cards sometime during the entire experience.

b. Each individual may buy, sell, or trade Ideal Cards within his/her group. Cards may be bought or sold for any mutually agreed-upon price or traded outright.

4. Participants trade cards within their subgroups.

5. When the trading within subgroups is completed, the instructor announces that participants may exchange cards (in accordance with the rules) with any other person in the room.

6. Following the activity, reflect silently on the following questions:

a. What were the original Ideal Cards you received? Why did you want to keep/ trade them?

b. How much money did you have at the end of the experience?

c. Were you more interested in obtaining meaningful Ideal Cards or in accumulating the most money possible?

d. Which Ideal Cards did you most wish to obtain? Why?

e. Are you satisfied with the Ideal Cards you now have? Why or why not?

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2 / Self-disclosure and Trust 47

7. Now discuss your reactions to these questions in your original group.

8. The instructor leads a discussion of the entire experience.

Examples of Ideal Cards

1. To persevere in what I am doing.

2. To be honest.

3. Never to be worried about having enough food.

4. To be a member of the opposite sex.

5. To be needed and to be important to others.

6. To have better feelings about myself.

7. To have a better relationship with God.

8. To be a good conversationalist.

9. To have my opinions respected.

10. To develop my potential.

Your instructor has more.

Source: J. Pfeiffer & J. E. Jones, The 1975 Annual Handbook for Group Facilitators, University Associates, 1975. Copyright © 1975 by John Wiley & Sons, Inc. Reprinted by permission of John Wiley and Sons, Inc.

Exercise 2–H Self-disclosure Poker

The objectives of this activity are to build trust and generally serve as an “ice breaker.”

1. Distribute one pack of playing cards to each team of between four and eight persons.

2. Each team should shuffle the deck and place it in a stack in the center of the team.

3. Team members must, in turn, disclose something interesting about themselves in order to draw a card.

4. Other team members can deny a member a card if their disclosure is not insightful or does not go beyond self-description.

5. The objective is to get as many cards as possible so as to maximize one’s poker hand. (Note: Members are not allowed to exchange or replace cards in the deck, so they must play the hand they draw.)

6. Only the best five cards are part of the final hand for each member. (Note: Hopefully a team member can inform each team of the winning hand.)

7. The winner of the game must do the following:

a. Describe, without violating anonymity, the most insightful or interesting thing a member of their team said.

b. Give an example of a purely “self-descriptive” comment from their team (without violating anonymity).

Debriefing can consist of the following discussion questions:

1. How many persons commented, or rounds transpired, before truly insightful com- ments began to be the norm? (Icebreaker?)

2. How uncomfortable were some of you to hear an insightful or deeply personal com- ment from a team member?

3. Did an insightful comment from a team member encourage you to be more comfort- able sharing a meaningful comment about yourself?

4. How did your level of trust in your teammates change with each round of comments?

Submitted by: Professor Dr. Brian K. Miller, Texas State University, San Marcos, TX.  Reprinted with permission.

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48 1 / Intrapersonal Effectiveness: Understanding Yourself

Exercise 2–I Disclosure and Trust in Action

1. Watch a television show or movie (or read a book) in which trust plays a large part— perhaps trust is broken or is built over time. Describe the role that self-disclosure and trustworthiness played in either the building or destroying of trust. What are some lessons that could be learned and applied in your own life from these depictions? What are behaviors to be avoided?

2. Take someone with whom you would like to enhance your interpersonal relationship to your “special place” (somewhere you feel special, peaceful, content, or comfort- able). Discuss with that person what is going on in your life and your feelings and reactions to the situations. Encourage the other person to take you to a special place to discuss what is going on with him or her.

3. Practice “trust-building.” Be aware of trust behaviors you are trying to incorporate into your daily interactions with others. Once a week for a month, record the times you have consciously or unconsciously done things that build others’ trust in you. Exam- ples can include returning money you’ve found in a public place to the appropriate office, planning your time so as to be able to follow through on commitments, and keeping a secret told you by a good friend from a mutual acquaintance.

Exercise 2–J Reflection/Action Plan

This chapter focused on self-disclosure and trust—what they are, why they are important, and how to increase your comfort and skill in using them. Complete the following work- sheet upon reading and finishing the experiential activities for this chapter.

1. When do you think it is appropriate to receive feedback from and self-disclose to others? To trust others?

2. How comfortable are you with self-disclosure? With trusting others? What aspects are most difficult for you?

3. How does self-disclosure or trust affect your receptivity to feedback and willingness to give feedback?

4. In what ways is your current use of trust and self-disclosure effective in your rela- tionships with friends and loved ones?

5. What specific changes about your self-disclosure and trusting behaviors would you make that would enhance relationships with your friends?

6. If you made the changes listed, what impact would this have on your relationships? Explain.

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