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Communicating for Success, 2nd Edition by Cheryl Hamilton, Bonnie Creel and Tony Kroll

Reprinted for Personal Account, Purdue University Global

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Reprinted with permission as a subscription benefit of Skillport,

Chapter 6: Building Interpersonal Relationships

Overview

LEARNING OBJECTIVES

6.1 What is the definition of interpersonal communication, and what are the differences between impersonal and interpersonal communication?

6.2 How does a person's desire to get needs met relate to interpersonal relationships? What is meant by inclusion, control, openness, and contradictory needs; and which theory offers insight into needs fulfillment?

6.3 How does a person's desire to gain rewards and minimize costs relate to interpersonal relationships, and which theory offers insight into rewards and costs?

6.4 How does gathering information about a person reduce relationship uncertainty; how does effective conversation improve interpersonal relationships; and what are some conversational principles and openers?

6.5 What is self-disclosure; what are some suggestions for improving self-disclosure; and which theory offers insight into self- disclosure?

6.6 What information and skills covered in this chapter relate specifically to your career?

AFTER STUDYING THIS CHAPTER, YOU SHOULD BE ABLE TO …

Determine where your relationships fall on a continuum from impersonal to interpersonal communication and adjust them

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as needed.

identify your inclusion, control, and openness needs; evaluate whether your interpersonal relationships are fulfilling those needs; and adjust your personal relationships if needed.

Improve your interpersonal relationships by gathering needed information, developing conversation principles, and using appropriate self-disclosure.

Build and enhance successful interpersonal relationships at home and at work by applying the communication tips provided from at least one of the theories covered in this chapter.

Credit: Shutterstock.com/Rawpixel.com.

Figure 6.1

Introduction

Think of your previous relationships. Which ones brought you joy and which ones caused you pain? At this point in your life, do you think relationships are worth the effort? When we look at relationships, we are looking at patterns of communication. Effective communication is the fuel that drives the development and maintenance of our relationships, and ineffective communication is usually the most significant factor in the failure (disintegration) of our relationships.

In this chapter, we will discuss how and why we engage in interpersonal relationships and explore some guidelines for building and enhancing satisfying relationships. Think of your own relationship experiences as you read. In the next chapter, we will examine how relationships develop and learn some dos and don'ts for handling interpersonal conflict. These two chapters are

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by no means an exhaustive treatment of these subjects but are an introduction to a topic that is relevant to us all. Interpersonal relationships are, after all, at the center of our lives.

Before you apply Chapter 6 concepts to your own life, see if you can apply them to the Technology Committee chair and members in our Unit II Scenario. Look for specific questions to answer in the margins at various spots throughout the chapter. Refer to the scenario on page 160 to refresh your memory as needed. Be prepared to share your answers with one or more classmates.

Interpersonal Communication

We often overlook the importance of communication in the management of interpersonal relationships until something goes awry. When a relationship is going well, most people are not conscious of making choices in their communication behaviors. When trouble looms, however, they become acutely aware that "things aren't working so well" and realize that communication may be at fault. If you have anxiety when communicating interpersonally, retake the PRCA-24 presented in Chapter 1 (see the Skill Builders section at the end of this chapter for more on this assessment) and identify specific communication skills from this chapter that might help you gain confidence in relationships.

LEARNING OBJECTIVE

6.1 What is the definition of interpersonal communication, and what are the differences between impersonal and interpersonal communication?

GENERAL DEFINITION

So what exactly is interpersonal communication? It is the exchange of verbal and nonverbal symbols to initiate, develop, and maintain (as well as terminate) relationships between people who relate to each other as unique individuals. When communication scholars examine interpersonal communication, they usually focus on the dyad, meaning that they are particularly interested in what happens in one-on-one communication. This does not mean that interpersonal communication is not taking place among groups of three or more close friends. It simply means that the most fruitful way to look at the dynamics of interpersonal communication, even in larger groups, is to study the situation as a series of multiple dyads in interaction with each other.

UNIT II SCENARIO

Question #1

Is impersonal or interpersonal communication more likely to occur when the members of the Technology Committee are first getting to know each other? Why? How will this change once relationships start to form? Why? Which group member, if any, is likely to make only impersonal comments from start to finish? What clues do you see? Be specific.

IMPERSONAL VERSUS INTERPERSONAL COMMUNICATION

Not all dyadic communication is interpersonal; there is a distinction between the two types. Interpersonal communication, as the definition above points out, occurs when people relate to each other as unique individuals—no formal roles are involved, just direct, person-to-person communication. By contrast, in impersonal communication, the people involved relate to each other only as the occupiers of the roles or positions they hold. For example, communication between shoppers and clerks seldom moves beyond the impersonal. It is helpful to think of these two types of communication as falling along a continuum with impersonal communication on the left side of the midpoint and interpersonal communication on the right, as the conversation between a student and professor in Figure 6.2 illustrates.

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Figure 6.2: Impersonal versus interpersonal conversation between student and professor

If you want to build a quality interpersonal relationship, please realize that impersonal comments aren't the building blocks needed for a relationship; interpersonal comments are. As you can tell by noticing all the failed relationships around you, building a relationship takes skills that begin with knowing what kind of comments to make. You will probably note from the student–professor interaction in Figure 6.2 that fully interpersonal communication has not yet occurred. The conversation becomes more interpersonal as the professor and student discuss the impact of their relatives’ illnesses. More personal information is yet to be disclosed, as indicated by the boxes with "Etc…." It is important to recognize that the relationship between this teacher and student cannot be characterized as genuinely interpersonal until their interactions consistently involve depth of disclosure. Most student–teacher relationships do not move to such intensely interpersonal levels, although exceptions do occur. The book Tuesdays with Morrie (Albom, 1997) illustrates a deep interpersonal relationship that endured between the author Mitch Albom and his beloved professor to the end of the professor's life.

APPLY WHAT YOU KNOW: IMPERSONAL COMMUNICATION

Now that you see the difference between impersonal and interpersonal communication, check your understanding by answering the following questions:

Make a list of several interactions you've had today. Identify which ones were interpersonal and which ones were impersonal.

In what situations do you typically use impersonal communication; in what situations do you typically communicate interpersonally? How do you determine when each is appropriate?

Interpersonal Relationships: Getting Needs Met

Interpersonal levels of communication are required to develop interpersonal relationships, but the question arises: Why do we bother to form such relationships? The answer: To get our needs met and to gain personal rewards.

LEARNING OBJECTIVE

PERSONAL NEEDS AND WANTS

Although the idea of forming relationships to satisfy personal needs may seem cynical, it is a major reason we develop and

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continue in relationships. It is also the reason we end relationships. We may not be aware of a specific need when we begin a relationship, but if we look at what drives our decisions to stay in or get out of relationships, we will see that the underlying issue is need. William Schutz (1958, 1992), in his concept called FIRO-B, suggests we have three basic interpersonal needs:

Inclusion is the need to feel that we belong and need to interact with others.

Control refers to the need to feel that we have some influence over our own lives as well as the lives of others.

Openness (originally called affection) is the need for emotional connection with others by disclosing our inner thoughts and feelings.

Thinking of yourself, which of these levels would you say you find most important? Is there one that stands out as the least important to you? Schutz points out that each of us would rank the importance of the three levels somewhat differently (ranging from low to high). Where we rank these needs determines how we communicate and whether we find a certain relationship fulfilling. For example, communication would be difficult if you were a person needing a great deal of solitude, but your relational partner needed a high level of interaction with others. On the other hand, if you both had the same levels of control, you would either be competing for control or finding that neither one of you wanted to take control. In the same way, it would be difficult to find pleasure in the company of another if you liked openness and wanted to disclose feelings, but your partner was a withholder who felt uncomfortable with such displays.

Do any of these examples sound like something you have experienced? Or perhaps you have wondered why a specific relationship failed to satisfy you. The first step is to verify your inclusion, control, and openness levels, by taking the survey in the Developing Skills feature on page 168. The next step is to better understand your scores from the survey, by taking a detailed look at each interpersonal need: inclusion, control, and openness.

Credit: Shutterstock.com/DmytroZinkevych.

Figure 6.3: People have three basic needs–inclusion, control, and openness–in varying degrees

INCLUSION NEEDS (EXTROVERT–INTROVERT)

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If you have high inclusion needs (a score of 0–7 on the survey on page 168), you are referred to as an extrovert. If your inclusion needs are low (a score of 23–30), you are called an introvert. If you are somewhere in the middle with characteristics of both (a score of 8–22), you are referred to as an ambivert (Figure 6.4).

Figure 6.4: Inclusion needs

Although you can estimate where you would fall on this continuum by your scores from the survey on page 168, it may interest you to know that there are several personality tests, including the Myers-Briggs Type Indicator (MBTI), that are used to measure more specifically where a person lies on the inclusion spectrum. Being at either extreme is regarded as unhealthy: the extreme extrovert would be incapable of being alone while the extreme introvert would be a recluse—neither of which is conducive to good social relationships. Although there is no "best" type, there are trends that have been identified at the cultural level:

DEVELOPING SKILLS: HOW TO DETERMINE YOUR NEEDS

Have you considered how your personal needs control your behaviors with others–especially in a close relationship? To determine your three basic interpersonal needs, take the following survey.

Directions

On a scale of 0, 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6 rate yourself on how well the following statements describe you from 0 (does not describe me at all) to 6 (totally describes me).

Survey: Score:

1. I seldom engage in conversations or activities with people in groups. _____

2. I certainly don't seek to become a group member or participate in group activities. _____

3. I might participate in an activity with one or two friends, but only if asked. _____

4. I feel very uncomfortable around groups and prefer being alone to being in a large group. _____

5. If forced to participate in groups in a classroom or job setting, I would try to transfer to another class or job. If impossible, I would drop the class or quit the job.

_____

6. I would never volunteer for a position that requires making decisions or taking charge. _____

7. If asked to take the primary leadership role, I would definitely decline. _____

8. If asked, I might work with someone on a project as long as the other person was in charge. _____

9. I am more comfortable being a follower than being a leader. _____

10. If my job required taking a leadership role, I would find another job. _____

11. I would never volunteer to share my thoughts or feelings with others. _____

12. I see no advantage to sharing thoughts and feelings with others unless the person is a close friend. _____

13. I might share a thought with someone I know well, but only if asked. _____

14. I am more comfortable listening to other people's ideas and feelings than sharing my own. _____

15. If a class or job required sharing feelings, I would find a different class or job. _____

Scoring directions

1. Your total for numbers 1–5 are an indication of your inclusion needs with a total of 0–7 indicating characteristics common to those with high inclusion needs (extrovert) and a total of 23–30 indicating characteristics common to those with low inclusion needs (introvert).

2. Your total for numbers 6–10 are an indication of your control needs with a total of 0–7 indicating characteristics common to those with high control needs (dominant) and a total of 23–30 indicating characteristics common to those with low

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control needs (submissive).

3. Your total for numbers 11–15 are an indication of your openness needs with a total of 0–7 indicating characteristics common to those with high openness needs (discloser) and a total of 23–30 indicating characteristics common to those with low openness needs (withholder).

4. A total of 8–22 indicates more moderate inclusion, control, or openness needs which may mean that you tend to be flexible and find it easier to communicate with and accept others.

Use this survey to identify possible strengths and problem areas. You may wish to apply the interpersonal techniques discussed in this and the next chapter to any problem areas you uncover.

Note: This survey is an indicator of your inclusion, control, and openness needs but is different from Schutz's 54-question FIROB. This 15-item scale created by your authors is not an official scale, has not been checked for reliability, and should be used only as an indicator of possible needs.

From a worldwide data set that includes more than ten million participants, NERIS Analytics, a research group in the United Kingdom, maintains an online tool to study personality types across the globe (Global personality map, 2017). They found the top five extroverted countries to be Oman (62%), Yemen (59%), Saudi Arabia (59%), Jordan (58%), and the United Arab Emirates (58%). The top introverted countries, from their research, are Japan (60%), Lithuania (56%), Portugal (54%), Czech Republic (54%), and Barbados (53%).

Sloan et al. (2004) found that 61% of college students at an American university studying to be elementary school teachers were extroverts.

In a study of Malaysian university students, Ishak et al. (2002) found that 83 percent of those majoring in law or administration were extroverts while 63 percent of engineering majors were extroverts.

A study by Wu et al. (2007) found that 43 percent of Chinese applicants to a dental school were found to be extroverts, and 57 percent were introverts.

It may be to one's advantage to be an ambivert because people who are able to blend both types may find it easier to be comfortable in relationships with either extroverts or introverts. However, the real issue is this: Whichever you are, do your communication behaviors enable you to consistently get your needs met?

Your behaviors are how you express your needs. If you think about the behaviors that are expected of extroverts and introverts in American culture (Figure 6.5), you will see some real differences.

Credit: Adapted from Knapp and Daly (2011).

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Figure 6.5: Behaviors of introverts vs. extroverts

As an introvert, there are tips for improving interactions in social settings. For example, a good first step is to venture into social situations with a friend. You cannot gain communication skills without being in social settings, any more than you could learn to swim without going into the water. Once there, make a concerted effort to practice appropriate social behaviors, perhaps focusing on one or two at a time, such as direct eye contact and asking questions. Another strategy is to plan ahead by practicing good conversation-openers discussed on page 176.

Figure 6.6: "Do you mind if I say something helpful about your personality?"

As an extrovert, there are also tips for improving interactions in social settings, such as these ideas for enhancing communication with introverts (Cain, 2013; Merrick, 2016):

Embrace quality over quantity—introverts prefer one-on-one interaction and, when possible, an advanced scheduling notice. This allows the introvert to prepare his or her thoughts, especially if the topic is a big or important one.

Resist pressure for an immediate answer—introverts want time to think and process their ideas.

Promote cooperation—while extroverts thrive in competitive environments, introverts prefer cooperative environments.

CONTROL NEEDS (DOMINANT– SUBMISSIVE)

The unsuccessful negotiation of control needs will doom most relationships, no matter how successfully other needs are met. Using your scores from the Developing Skills feature on page 168, we term those who are high in their need for control (a score of 0–7) as dominant and those whose control needs are low (a score of 23–30) as submissive (Figure 6.7).

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Figure 6.7: Control needs

Being at either extreme is regarded as unhealthy: the extreme extrovert (called an autocrat) would require total personal control while the extreme introvert (called an abdicrat) would abdicate or "give up" all control. When control is related to cultures, the term power distance is used. Cultures with a high power distance, such as Arab and Latin American countries, the Philippines, Malaysia, and India, accept an unequal distribution of power as normal (Littlejohn et al., 2017). Dominance is expected from some members, and other members of the culture are expected to be submissive, or at least to exhibit submissive behaviors. In countries with low power distance, such as Poland, New Zealand, and the United States, people are less likely to take a submissive role and more likely to search for equality and appreciate empowerment practices (Marchese, 2001).

Keep in mind, however, that while behaviors are important, we are talking here about needs. Just as a shy person may wish to be included, so some people who typically behave in submissive ways may still desire some measure of control over their lives. However, the key question remains: Wherever you fall on the control continuum, do your verbal and nonverbal behaviors enable you to consistently get your needs met? Remember that your behaviors signal to others what your needs are and indicate how you would like others to respond to you.

OPENNESS NEEDS (DISCLOSER–WITHHOLDER)

People who have a high need for openness (a survey score of 0–7) are termed disclosers while those whose need for openness is low (a score of 23–30) are called withholders (see Figure 6.8). To determine where you stand, refer to your scores in the preceding Developing Skills feature.

Figure 6.8: Openness needs

Withholding observations, feelings, and thoughts not only hampers the growth of relationships, it is also not good for your mental health (Petrie et al., 1998). As with inclusion and control, neither end of the openness continuum is as healthy as more moderate levels. Both extreme disclosure and extreme withholding make others feel uncomfortable and make it difficult to get your needs and wants met. A moderate amount of disclosure is recommended in most relationships and usually produces more satisfaction (Daft & Marcic, 2017; Petronio, 1991).

If you wish someone to be open with you, begin by disclosing an observation, feeling, or thought. The other person will likely disclose an observation, feeling, or thought back to you—disclosure tends to be reciprocal (Kreps, 1990). Your first disclosures will probably be mostly impersonal, but, as the relationship grows, the disclosures will become more personal.

APPLY WHAT YOU KNOW: SIGNALING YOUR NEEDS

Demonstrate your knowledge of needs by completing the following:

imagine that you are in a relationship in which the other person makes most of the major decisions. Although this arrangement was fine while you were going to college full-time, now that you have only one semester left, you want to take more control of the everyday decisions. You realize that your behavior in the past has signaled submission; what steps can you take to more accurately convey your true needs without alienating your partner?

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Under what circumstances might a person with high control needs choose to consistently use submissive behaviors? Can you think of an actual case to illustrate your view?

CONTRADICTORY NEEDS (DIALECTICS)

Although inclusion, control, and openness are significant factors that we may desire at times and that certainly affect how we communicate in relationships, there are times we may prefer their opposites. Sometimes we want to be alone; sometimes we prefer others to take control; and sometimes we prefer to withhold disclosures. This interplay of contradictory needs (i.e., I want closeness but I want my own space; I want to be known as "we" but I need to be "me") is referred to as dialectical tension (Baxter & Montgomery, 1996; Thompson, 2000). You can see how this tension complicates getting our needs met. In close relationships, we expect our relational partner to "know" what we need—yet we may have conflicting needs and may not be sure of them either. This makes predicting attitudes and behaviors of others difficult and increases our feelings of uncertainty. It should be clear that in order to have a solid and satisfying interpersonal relationship, the needs of both parties must be taken into consideration. It is often challenging to find ways to communicate so that you can accomplish that goal. Understanding the complexity of human needs is but one step toward meeting that communication challenge.

Credit: Shutterstock.com/DashaPetrenko.

Figure 6.9: Although this man enjoys cooking alone, he also has the contradictory need of being with others

Interpersonal Relationships: Gaining Rewards and Minimizing Costs

Getting our interpersonal needs met is not the only reason we establish relationships. We also engage in interpersonal relationships to gain rewards and minimize costs. A look at Thibaut and Kelley's social exchange theory (1959; summarized in Roloff, 1981) will give you a good insight into how this concept affects your decisions to stay in or get out of relationships.

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LEARNING OBJECTIVE

6.3 How does a person's desire to gain rewards and minimize costs relate to interpersonal relationships, and which theory offers insight into rewards and costs?

According to Thibaut and Kelley, the issue of rewards and costs affects our decisions to initiate, develop, and maintain relationships. In fact, human relationships are very much like economic relationships. In economics, each party possesses resources that the other desires. If you crave a latte, there is a sales assistant somewhere who would be glad to supply it for a price. If the latte tastes good, your exchange was successful; you would both be glad to engage in a similar transaction in the future. So it is with relationships. You possess certain "resources" that are desired by another person, and that person possesses resources that you find attractive. Your relationship, then, in part is based on the exchange of resources.

If this seems a calculating way to look at relationships, consider your own relationships for a moment. What rewards do you receive from being in these relationships? For example, being in an interpersonal relationship might offer you companionship, financial security, status, affection, information, personal validation, access to other relationships, and a host of other benefits that you value. At the same time, as Thibaut and Kelley point out, there are also costs associated with being in relationships. Time, money, privacy, freedom, loss of status, and loss of other relationships are just a few of the sacrifices you might make to sustain a relationship. As long as you perceive that the rewards are greater than or at least equal to the costs, you will find the relationship to be reasonably satisfying. However, if you perceive that the costs exceed the rewards, you will most likely choose to downscale or terminate the relationship.

UNIT II SCENARIO

Question #2

How would you describe rewards and costs for both Joshua and Galina in the Unit II Scenario? What is the likelihood that their relationship will continue? What happens when interpersonal relationships are brewing on the side while a group is forming for a problem-solving task?

There are times when you might tolerate temporary costly periods with the belief that rewards will follow. For example, as the spouse of a graduate student, you might be willing to endure several years of financial struggle, additional household responsibilities, and loneliness because of the hope that, once the degree is in hand, life as a couple will be easier and the rewards many. However, when a relationship is more costly than rewarding to either partner, especially when improvement seems unlikely, chances are the relationship will not last.

There are some exceptions, of course. You may know someone who has remained in a relationship despite repeated instances of physical, sexual, emotional, or psychological abuse. Consider the victim of domestic abuse. Perhaps the person perceives one or more of the following rewards for staying in the relationship: keeping the family intact for the children, having financial security, not having to find a job with no career skills, not risking the disapproval of family or religion, or not having to face the unknown. In many cases, the perceived reward for staying in a relationship is greater than the perceived cost of getting out. It is not until something transpires to force a reevaluation of the reward/cost ratio that the victim is finally able to summon the courage to leave.

APPLY WHAT YOU KNOW: REWARDS VERSUS COSTS

Now that you are aware of the rewards-versus-costs concept presented by social exchange theory, consider these questions:

If you had a friend who was a victim of domestic abuse, do you think helping him or her think through the reward/cost aspects of the relationship would be helpful? Why or why not?

It's easy to say that each of us has a moral and legal obligation to report child abuse to local authorities, but how can we be sure that it really is child abuse and not a different type of parent–child relationship than we are used to or think is best? Google reporting child abuse to find related websites with valuable information and be prepared to share it with your classmates.

Most of the time, we do not consciously think of our relationships as a balancing of rewards and costs, particularly when all seems to be going well. However, if you have found yourself in the middle of a troubled time in a relationship, you may recall asking yourself, "Is this relationship worth it?" Essentially, at that moment, you were mentally assessing the reward/cost ratio. Using social exchange theory is one way we can assess why we choose to be in some relationships and not in others.

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Gathering Information and Using Effective Conversation

You have spotted someone who appears to be a viable candidate for a relationship; however, you know little-to-nothing about the person and are uncertain whether the two of you would be compatible. What should you do? First, you would gather information to reduce uncertainty; then you would engage in good conversation.

LEARNING OBJECTIVE

GATHERING INFORMATION TO REDUCE UNCERTAINTY

Before you initiate relationships with others, you need to gather enough information to reduce uncertainty about them and to predict their actions and behaviors. According to uncertainty reduction theory, when people search for information to reduce uncertainty, they are likely to use three strategies (Berger & Calabrese, 1975; Berger, 1997). Have you used any of these?

Passive strategy: Initially, most people will adopt a passive strategy such as sitting back and observing and noting how the person customarily interacts with others. If you like what you see, you may expand your observation to watch the person in a different setting to gather additional information.

Active strategy: Your next step might be an active strategy of soliciting information from people who are acquainted with the person. Do their impressions match yours? If not, why might their impressions differ? How people describe themselves can be very enlightening. You might also use the Internet and various forms of social media to search for information on the person. As an example, seeing what a person tweets or retweets can give insight into their core beliefs.

Interactive strategy: Eventually you will be ready to employ an interactive strategy where you engage the person in conversation to find out for yourself if the potential exists for a rewarding relationship. What you learn from interacting with someone will ultimately be more important than what you learn from observation or from others.

Using these three strategies to gather information should help you reduce uncertainty in two ways. First, the more you know about people the better able you will be to make predictions about their future behavior. Second, gathering information about people will help you understand why they behave as they do. For more specifics on uncertainty reduction theory see the Making Theory Practical feature in Chapter 10.

Once you have gathered enough information to decide you would like to get to know a certain person better, the next step is to initiate a conversation with them. And sometimes initiating and conducting a conversation can be intimidating.

USING EFFECTIVE CONVERSATION

If you aren't naturally gifted in the art of conversation, remember that the most important thing is to listen. Think about the best conversationalists you know. What sets them apart? Isn't it their ability to listen more than what they say? As you will recall from Chapter 3, good listening is marked by effective use of questions and paraphrases. Therefore, when you hear conversational partners say something that suggests a logical probe, use it to get them to elaborate. The probe may take the form of either a question or a paraphrase. "You seem to be really familiar with that band. How many times have you heard them?" "It sounds like you basically have no allegiance to any particular football team, but you like to collect the shirts." By listening and responding with questions and paraphrases, you draw the other person out and exhibit your interest.

CONVERSATIONAL PRINCIPLES Using probes and questions while listening is a vital skill for generating good conversation; however, since no one enjoys being interrogated, eventually you will be expected to provide information about yourself and your interests as well. Grice's conversational principles (Arundale, 2005; Grice, 1975; Littlejohn et al., 2017) state that effective contributions to the conversational dialogue must meet the following criteria:

Contributions must have quality—meaning that they must be truthful; not deceptive, false, or manipulative. Although it may take time to realize that the other person's contribution contains deception, once suspected, your perception of the speaker will change and conversation will likely end.

Contributions must have quantity—meaning that there must be enough information to be judged effective without having so much that it overwhelms the other person. For example, self-disclosure that is too personal or detailed is not appropriate for most conversations and will usually make the other person uncomfortable. On the other hand, if you are

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asked a question and your response is comprised of only a few words, this will likely bring an end to the conversation.

Contributions must have relevancy—meaning that it is not acceptable to abruptly switch to a new and unrelated topic. In the ebb and flow of conversation, new topics will be introduced, but they should emerge from the previous topic. If, however, a conversation takes a turn that is uncomfortable, and you want to change the subject, it is less obtrusive to return to a previous topic than it is to suddenly jump to one that is unrelated to anything that has gone before. Saying, "You mentioned earlier that …" is a more natural way to change the topic than it would be to respond to a critical remark about your favorite political figure by saying, "Say, do you know what our next assignment will be?" (There may be exceptions to this rule, however. If your intent is to signal clearly, although indirectly, that the developing topic is uncomfortable to you, but you wish to defuse the moment in a humorous way, a well-timed "How about those Cubbies!" may be effective. Times do change, but the old maxim about avoiding discussions of sex, religion, and politics until the relationship is well enough developed to support those topics is probably always going to be good advice.)

Conversations must have manner—meaning they should be organized and clear; not ambiguous. However, if the previous comment or question is too personal to answer or might hurt the person's feelings, it is possible to indicate this indirectly in your comment. For example, suppose you were asked what grade you made on the midterm exam by a person who tells you she made a "D." Although you missed only one question on the exam, you reply, "Oh, it was better than I made on the last exam" or "Oh, you know what they say about people who discuss grades or politics."

Anytime you violate one of these maxims, be sure to do so in a way that shows that you still intend to be cooperative and are still interested in the conversation.

CONVERSATION OPENERS While adhering to the principles just outlined, here are some suggested conversation openers:

An honest compliment (about something the person is wearing or a beautiful or different hairstyle) but not a corny compliment such as, "Your eyes look like pearls."

References to the event or place you are in, such as, "I see you are wearing a Rams T-shirt. Do you think the Rams have a chance to make it to the Super Bowl this year?"

A current topic in the news (Olympics, bus crash, etc.) but not something personal, such as which political candidate the person favors.

Where the person is from ("Are you a native of this area?"), but watch for facial expressions that might show that the topic is too personal.

Reference to the weather (if it is unusual); the person's major field of study (if she or he is a college student); a favorite singer, movie, teacher or hobby (if something the person said earlier makes this appropriate).

Ask an open-ended question about the day ("What made today fun for you?") instead of "How was your day?" which will likely result in a response of "Fine" and the conversation ends.

Suggested ways to lead into the preceding questions were adapted from Peck (1996) and Colin and Baedeker (2014):

That was interesting. Tell me more about …

Based on your experience, what do you think about …

How do you feel about …

I was wondering if you know …

With your background …

What is your viewpoint on …

Have you ever been …

I was interested in knowing how you …

I am really impressed with …

I'd like to hear your feelings about …

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How are you connected with …

APPLY WHAT YOU KNOW: UNCERTAINTY REDUCTION AND SUCCESSFUL CONVERSATIONS

Now that you have a good idea of how to use uncertainty reduction and initiate conversations, check your understanding by completing the following:

Think back on a previous relationship that ended after you learned important information about the other person. How did you learn the information? What was the timeline? Which strategies did you use and how effective were they?

Which conversation principle and conversation opener would improve your conversations the most? Give an example to support your answer.

Credit: Shutterstock.com/Pressmaster.

Figure 6.10: How would conversation openers differ if this were a man and a woman?

Improving Self-Disclosure

If your initial conversation develops into one that is rather lengthy, and certainly if you continue to interact in later conversations, you will eventually find the need to engage in some degree of self-disclosure, or revelation of personal information about yourself to others. Although self-disclosure was mentioned earlier as one of our basic needs, it warrants a more thorough discussion.

LEARNING OBJECTIVE

6.5 What is selfdisclosure; what are some suggestions for improving selfdisclosure; and which theory offers insight into self- disclosure?

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TRUE SELF-DISCLOSURE

Not all statements about yourself are included in the concept of self-disclosure. It is the level of risk to your partner's perception of you and, therefore, to your relationship with the person that determines the degree to which your message rates as true selfdisclosure. Announcing that you like action movies or Thai food is not self-disclosure. Admitting that you have a fondness for Thai food may affect your partner's perception of you, possibly suggesting to some people that you are adventurous, but it is unlikely to have any significant effect on your relationship. Additionally, your revelation must be a conscious act for it to rise to the level of true self-disclosure. If you accidentally let it slip that you got your term paper from an Internet site, you have clearly provided information about yourself that is significant, but an unintentional revealing remark is not true self-disclosure either. Comments that include some personal risk would be considered true self-disclosure. A comment such as, "I really appreciated your speech on the effects of cancer. I had cancer two years ago and experienced some of the effects you mentioned," includes some risk because personal comments disturb some people.

SELF-DISCLOSURE AND CULTURE/GENDER/ETHICS/TECHNOLOGY

Culture, gender, ethics, and technology all play a role in our disclosures. Let's take a brief look at each factor.

CULTURE If you have had the interpersonal experience of communicating with people from a different culture, especially if you don't speak their language, you know that reducing uncertainty requires a great deal of information. Getting that information can be quite exhausting and even may seem impossible. According to Igor Klyukanov (2005, p. 42), "We must acknowledge uncertainty as an unavoidable aspect of intercultural communication and, because it is unavoidable, deal with it." He goes on to note that creativity can arise from uncertainty as well as intolerance and prejudice.

Obviously, self-disclosure is a behavior that is culture bound. Some cultures are categorized as "open" cultures because the people in those cultures favor talking openly and candidly about self, even when the subject of discussion is highly personal. America is one of those cultures; in fact, Americans are among the most "open" people on the planet. The American media question celebrities about their personal flaws, and the public feels that it has a right to know. Even average citizens are willing to volunteer information on television about their reactions to a tragedy—something that would be regarded as an invasion of privacy in many other cultures. People in more relatively "closed" cultures, such as Asian cultures, feel that disclosure is not needed. For example, Chinese people consider self-disclosure to be in poor taste, and Japanese people are unlikely to disclose true feelings that might offend another since saving face is so important (Caputo et al., 2000). For more on the importance of saving face, see the Making Theory Practical feature on page 179.

GENDER Men and women differ in both the amount and the types of self-disclosure with which they feel comfortable in everyday interaction (Wood & Fixmer-Oraiz, 2017; Wood & Inman, 1993). Women regard self-disclosure as a necessary factor in the development and maintenance of friendships. They are willing to divulge personal information more readily than men in face-to-face situations and on the Internet (Punyanunt-Carter, 2006; Wood & Fixmer-Oraiz, 2017). Men, on the other hand, favor shared activities as the primary means by which they form friendships. Men are less likely to talk to other men about personal issues, especially those that might cause them to feel emotionally vulnerable. Perhaps because they know that women are generally more comfortable with the language of emotions, most men do realize that intimate relationships require some measure of self-disclosure. However, even in intimate relationships, men may find it easier to self-disclose as a part of or after a shared activity.

ETHICS Is it ethical to tell a friend that his wife is cheating on him? Is it ethical for a relational partner to keep things from the past to him or herself—such as having been jailed for a DWI? Is it unethical for an employer to omit telling employees that their building has dangerous levels of asbestos? Or for a doctor to leave out just how serious the cancer is? Or for a professor to omit telling a student that he or she is failing the class until after the drop date has passed? Or for a person to divulge personal information about another on a TV talk show? Many of these questions are difficult to answer even if we consider ourselves to be ethical. There is a fine line between disclosing and withholding information, regardless of the type of relationship. According to Jaska and Pritchard (1994, p. 201), ethical issues are often a matter of discretion: "Simply speaking out truthfully about what we know can cause needless harm or suffering. It can also betray confidences or show a lack of respect for individual privacy." In some cases, disclosing information may be a matter of confidentiality that may have legal ramifications—such as a journalist withholding the source of an article, a spouse testifying against a partner in a legal trial, or a friend honoring a request to keep comments private. On the other hand, whether to disclose information may depend on the other person's "right to know" (Jaska & Prichard, 1994; see also, Harris & Pritchard, 2014). Government regulations on food labels, information about toxic chemicals, and warnings about unsafe working conditions are examples. Is there a definite answer for when disclosure is ethical and when it is not? Unfortunately, no. We are each responsible for deciding what to disclose and whether an issue requires discretion, confidentiality, or the right to know. Disclosure is a difficult decision to make, especially when the information you are disclosing is about yourself.

Communicating for Success, 2nd Edition

MAKING THEORY PRACTICAL: FACE NEGOTIATION THEORY

When you speak to people, how concerned are you with allowing them to save face and maintain self-respect? Saving face is of greater concern for some cultures than others.

THEORIST

Stella Ting-Toomey and her colleagues developed the face negotiation theory to predict how different cultures go about the process of saving face (1985, 1988). According to Ting-Toomey, saving face involves "communicative behaviors that people use to regulate their social identity and to support or challenge the other's social dignity" (Ting-Toomey & Kurogi, 1998, p. 188). Therefore, "face" refers to an individual's image of self-respect in the eyes of others, and "facework" refers to the process of managing face–creating and protecting your own face; supporting or challenging the face of others. Ting-Toomey identifies two types of facework (Littlejohn et al., 2017, p. 412):

Preventive facework "involves communication designed to protect a person from feelings that threaten personal or group face." When approaching a group to make a request, you might say: "Excuse me. I am so sorry to interrupt you–I can see you are hard at work."

Restorative facework "is designed to rebuild one's face after loss has already occurred." After being overly critical, you might say: "That didn't sound at all like I intended it to. Your past ideas have been extremely valuable to this group, and I'm looking forward to hearing what you have to say."

It is important to recognize how other cultures view you–especially if you will be dealing with them in conflict situations. Normally, collectivistic cultures such as China and Japan value relationships and are very careful that any disclosure will not cause a loss of face. However, individualistic cultures such as the United States and Great Britain tend to be more concerned with telling it like it is and disclosing the "truth" than in saving face.

Credit: Shutterstock.com/aijiro.

Figure 6.11: In Japan, the presentation of a business card is a significant event, requiring the use of both hands to show respect

PRACTICAL USES

Ting-Toomey offers the following advice designed to create trust and respect (Ting-Toomey, 1992, 2000, 2015; Hall, 2002):

When dealing with collectivistic cultures:

Use tentative rather than blunt statements: "Perhaps …" or "Don't you think …"

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Compliment the group rather than the individual.

Use mediators to facilitate face saving.

Don't back people to the wall–allow a way out.

Suggest a cooling-off period if needed. Or discuss the problem indirectly through storytelling by describing a situation and how it was resolved.

When dealing with individualistic cultures:

Express ideas or opinions openly; separate the problem from personal feelings.

Compliment the individual rather than the group.

Realize that assertive discussions allow members to defend their positions without losing face.

Offer a clear thesis statement followed by examples and evidence.

Use paraphrasing and perception checking to clarify the other side's position.

Source: Ting-Toomey & Kurogi (1998).

TECHNOLOGY The most obvious technology that relates to disclosure and interpersonal relationships is use of the Internet and computer-mediated communication (CMC). Consider the following research results (Antheunis et al., 2007; Barak & GluckOfri, 2007; Cho, 2017; McKenna & Bargh, 2000; Walther et al., 2001):

People communicating with others by computer (whether text only or visually) ask more questions and disclose more than people communicating face-to-face.

Self-disclosure is used as a method to reduce uncertainty when online.

People communicating on instant messaging offer more intimate disclosure than people communicating face-to-face.

Discussion forums (on impersonal topics such as motorcycles) include much less disclosure than do support forums (on personal topics such as loss and bereavement).

People with communication anxiety not only find it easier to make relationships online, but find they gain a new confidence that makes face-to-face communication easier as well.

Women on Facebook are more likely than men to disclose problems relating to social relationships, work, and health problems.

Latino adolescents find one-to-one mediated communication (e.g., Skype) to be beneficial to their romantic relationships, but view one-to-many mediated communication (e.g., Facebook or Instagram) as negative to their romantic relationships.

UNIT II SCENARIO

Question #3

Select three group members from the Unit II Scenario and describe the selfdisclosure each is likely to use; then, locate each on Figure 6.12 to clarify your explanation.

DISCLOSURE AND THE MODEL OF SOCIAL PENETRATION

In the development of interpersonal relationships, self-disclosure is used to achieve intimacy. Intimacy refers to the closeness in a relationship that is achieved by the mutual sharing of intellectual, emotional, or physical aspects of oneself. It is possible to be intimate in only one of these dimensions—to be physically intimate, for example, without being intellectually or emotionally close. The most profound relationships in our lives, however, are those in which we reach a level of trust that allows us to be vulnerable in all three areas. Such intimacy is developed through self-disclosure.

Communicating for Success, 2nd Edition

The amount and type of self-disclosure in which you engage will always depend upon the nature of the relationship. Altman and Taylor's model of social penetration (1973) provides a way to consider the process of disclosure as you work toward achieving intimacy with someone. The model depicts the layers—with varying widths and depths—through which self- disclosure passes in developing relationships (Figure 6.12).

Communication in the outer layer is relatively superficial. Initially, you tend to offer only low-risk facts and opinions. Your goal is to increase the breadth of disclosure in your communication, establishing a range of topics you can discuss with your relational partner without revealing the "real you" that you are keeping safe in the core (layer 4). Facts about your line of work or area of study, about your tastes in music and preferences in food, or about your general impressions of the context in which you are communicating (class, workplace, or party) reveal something about you without revealing too much. At the same time, you acquire information about the other person that can enable you to form a judgment about whether a relationship with this person might be sufficiently rewarding to justify further communication. If you determine that this person is a promising relational partner, your self-disclosure will move into the next layer.

To summarize:

Layer 1, the outer layer, is represented by the first few dates of a romantic couple where communication is mostly impersonal (Littlejohn et al., 2017). They talk about the topics represented by the outside ring of this layer. The remaining topics, the Xs near the "holes" in the top layer, will be addressed later in the relationship.

Layer 2 involves further exploratory exchange in which the facts and opinions you offer are riskier. You are working toward greater depth of disclosure in your communication. You begin to reveal your attitudes and beliefs, seeking to assess whether there is sufficient similarity between the two of you to serve as a basis for a more substantial relationship. Your communication is less impersonal and more interpersonal. Using the romantic couple example, layer 2 represents dating that continues well after the first few dates.

Layer 3 is considerably more intimate, meaning that both breadth and depth are present. Not only can you talk about a large range of topics, but you feel comfortable revealing more about your beliefs, values, and especially your feelings. Unless both people in the relationship feel that the potential rewards of the relationship outweigh the costs, this level will be avoided (Littlejohn et al., 2017). Using the romantic couple example, layer 3 occurs when the couple decides to date each other exclusively and begin thinking about a possible future together.

Layer 4 reveals the essence of who you are—the core. Only in your most intimate relationships will you venture into communication that penetrates to your core. Almost always there will still be information that you are unwilling to share. Shameful secrets and experiences that are too painful to recount may always remain hidden, as exposing these could disrupt the relationship and, possibly, leave you unacceptably vulnerable. It is probably not possible, and possibly not desirable, for anyone to be a totally "open book." Despite this, intimate relationships are achievable, although not without taking risks in disclosure. Using the romantic couple example, layer 4 represents marriage or a long-term partnership.

RELATIONSHIPS AND YOUR CAREER

Developing interpersonal relationships will be of special importance to you in your career. The Spotlight on, Career Moment, and Connecting to features look at interpersonal relationships in the workplace specifically as they relate to careers in business, education, and healthcare.

LEARNING OBJECTIVE

6.6 What information and skills covered in this chapter relate specifically to your career?

Communicating for Success, 2nd Edition

Figure 6.12: Model of social penetration

Spotlight on the Value of Communication Skills

Business

How important are relationships in the workplace:

For hotel employees in China, a lack of intimate communication increased intentions to leave the organization. This was especially true for managers who were perceived as less genuine or as "acting" in their communication (Xu et al., 2017).

A study by Feeley et al. (2008) found that it was possible to predict the likelihood of turnover of employees by their friendships. Specifically, researchers found that employees who were actively connected with a greater number of coworkers (but not necessarily close to them) were "less likely to leave" (p. 56). In other words, employee retention is related more to the number of friendships (acquaintances) a person has than to the closeness of those relationships.

Education

Graduates with learning disabilities (LD) who are looking for employment have a special problem with the rewards and costs of disclosure.

According to Madaus (2008), the need for employees to disclose disabilities to receive protection under the Americans with Disabilities Act (ADA) is especially risky if the disorder is not visually obvious. Once they disclose their disability, their public image is damaged, and they have lost face (see also Madaus et al., 2010).

College accommodations may not translate into the workplace. Madaus studied 500 graduates from three universities and found that 73 percent indicated that their LD "affected their work in some way," but only 55 percent "disclosed to an employer at some time"–in the interview or after–and only 12 percent asked for an accommodation (Madaus, 2008, p.

Communicating for Success, 2nd Edition

295).

Healthcare

In Communicating about Health (2016), Athena du Pre discusses "doorknob disclosures." Although the doctor is ready to hear everything the minute the session begins, most patients need to work up to embarrassing conditions or worries. They start off with minor conditions and are just getting ready to disclose the real reason for the visit as the doctor is preparing to leave the room—a hand already on the doorknob.

Du Pre offers two suggestions for avoiding doorknob disclosures:

Patients: Hint that you have a serious problem early in the session with a comment like, "Later, I have something awkward to tell you."

Healthcare provider: Before beginning the exam, invite the patient to "share all concerns"–but show them you mean it by listening and looking concerned.

Career Moment: Interpersonal Skills in the Workplace

What skills and qualities do you think employers in your field consider essential? If you are like most people, you will say, "It has to be knowledge of the field." But you would be wrong!

Each year, the National Association of Colleges and Employers (see naceweb.org) surveys employers nationwide about their hiring expectations for the coming year. NACE also asks employers to rank, on a five-point scale, the skills and qualities that they find most important when interviewing and hiring a candidate. In order, here are the top five hiring skills for 2017 (Job Outlook, 2017, p. 25): (1) Critical thinking/problem solving; (2) Professionalism/work ethic; (3) Oral/written communications; (4) Teamwork collaboration; (5) Leadership. Note that these skills are taught in the Speech Communication course you are taking.

Forbes reports that a survey of more than 63,000 managers and 14,000 graduates by PayScale.com (Strauss, 2016) finds several skills weak or missing from new college graduates include: critical thinking and problem solving (60 percent); failure to pay attention to detail (56 percent); communication skills (46 percent); leadership skills (44 percent); writing skills (44 percent); public speaking skills (39 percent); interpersonal and teamwork skills (36 percent); and data analysis skills (36 percent).

Credit: Getty/John Wildgoose.

Figure 6.13

Connecting to … Business

If you are considering a career in business, you will likely find your interpersonal skills stretched to the max when personality differences occur. In an article entitled "When Personalities Clash," Judith Sills (2006, p. 62) offers the following advice:

Resist recruiting allies–telling the problem to others may make the problem seem larger.

Focus on strengths–dwell on the positive contributions of this irritating person.

Get out of the way–remove yourself from contact with agitating personalities.

Look in the mirror–search for the "source of your response" to this personality type.

Communicating for Success, 2nd Edition

Credit: Shutterstock.com/Monkey Business Images.

ACTIVITY

1. In small groups of people interested in business, share your personal experiences of working with irritating coworkers. Make a list of the most annoying personality styles and compare them with those discussed in this chapter.

2. Which one or two pieces of advice offered by Sills does your group think is the most likely to work? Provide examples.

3. Be prepared to share your ideas with other groups.

Connecting to … Education

If you are considering a career in education, it might interest you to know the five main motives that students have for disclosing with their instructors (Mottet et al., 2004, 2016): (1) relational motive–desire for an interpersonal relationship; (2) functional motive–the desire to gain more course information; (3) participatory motive–desire to show course-related knowledge; (4) excuse-making motive–desire to explain why assignments are late; (5) sycophantic motive–desire to ingratiate self with instructor.

Credit: Shutterstock.com/AVAVA.

ACTIVITY

1. In small groups of people interested in education, write out at least two comments a student might make that demonstrate each motive (e.g., "I really like your tie" would indicate the sycophantic motive).

2. Which of these motives are important to student learning and why?

3. Be prepared to share your results with another group or the class.

Connecting to … Healthcare

If you are considering a career in healthcare, you have probably heard people say, "Don't get too close to your patients–don't get emotionally involved." Today, the importance of having a relationship with your patients is known and taught. Berman et al. in Fundamentals of Nursing (2016, p. 425) offer the following advice for developing relationships: listen attentively; help to identify what the person is feeling; put yourself in the other person's shoes; be honest; be genuine and credible; handle problems with ingenuity; be aware of cultural differences; maintain client confidentiality; and know your role and limitations.

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Credit: Shutterstock.com/ Tyler Olson.

ACTIVITY

These suggestions sound good, but how do you accomplish them?

1. In small groups, compare these with the theories and advice given in this chapter. What discrepancies, if any, do you see?

2. Take the first two items and discuss how to communicate your caring to the patient. Make a list of the verbal and nonverbal behaviors you would use.

APPROPRIATE SELF-DISCLOSURE As the model of social penetration suggests, there are guidelines for appropriate self- disclosure that should be followed if relationships are to flourish:

Self-disclosure should proceed gradually. It is unwise to reveal too much too soon. Furthermore, to do so is potentially alienating; you risk making others so uncomfortable that you drive them away. The best course of action when you reveal something that is somewhat risky is to wait a while before revealing more, observing how your partner handles the information. If the other person does not respond with disapproval or divulge the information to others, you can then develop enough trust to enable you to risk further self-disclosure. Sometimes people divulge amazingly personal information about themselves to others when they feel sure that they will never see that person again. Your seatmate on a cross-country flight might feel safe in recounting his marital woes and struggles with addiction as a sort of catharsis, or release of pent-up emotions. Depending upon your temperament, you might find this interesting or even enjoyable, or you might find it extremely annoying or uncomfortable.

Appropriate self-disclosure is also reciprocal, meaning that it is not one-sided. There is an inherent imbalance created when one party is an open communicator and the other is hidden. In the first place, the hidden communicator possesses a great deal of power over the other, as there is always the potential that information may be intentionally or unintentionally leaked to others. It may sound cynical, but when there is some reciprocity, both parties are in possession of information about the other, which serves as mutual "leverage." Even in trusting relationships, imbalance of self-disclosure prevents authentic intimacy. It is hard to feel genuinely close to someone when you have no sense that the other person knows who you really are. It is probably also worth noting that reciprocity is something that usually occurs without any conscious formation of intent. In other words, when someone discloses to you, you probably unconsciously recognize the need to balance that disclosure with similar disclosure of your own. This reciprocity can be a good and proper thing in developing relationships, or it may cause you to reveal information before you are truly ready to do so. In the hands of an unethical communicator, the principle of reciprocity can be used to manipulate.

APPLY WHAT YOU KNOW: IMPROVING SELF-DISCLOSURE

Now that you have a good idea about the importance of self-disclosure to effective relationships, check your understanding by answering the following questions:

Based on face negotiation theory, how do you think other cultures view your culture and how accurate is their view? Give an example to explain your answer.

Discuss a time when you had to make a decision on whether to disclose something with a friend or acquaintance. Based on information in this chapter, was your decision an ethical one? Was it an appropriate one? Why or why not?

The third guideline, and perhaps the most important, is that you should always weigh the risks. Mindless communicators just react without thinking. Mindful communicators make choices, and self-disclosure should be a choice. This does not

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mean that you must always be on guard, pondering for long periods of time the reward/cost ratio of every communicative act. It does mean that it is useful to consciously assess the nature of your relationship, the degree to which trust in the other person is warranted, the goals you have for the relationship, and the potential for a particular act of self-disclosure to undermine those goals. Too much self-disclosure is risky; too little self-disclosure hampers the development of relationships. Mindful and effective interpersonal communicators achieve a balance.

CHAPTER SUMMARY

As this chapter indicates, building successful relationships requires knowledge and skill. For a detailed summary of the chapter's learning objectives, see Online Materials for Chapter 6. Summarize this chapter by checking each skill that ysou now feel qualified to perform:

I can pinpoint where one or more relationships in my life fall on a continuum from impersonal to interpersonal and adjust them as needed.

I can identify my inclusion, control, and openness needs, evaluate whether my interpersonal relationships are fulfilling those needs, and adjust my relationships if needed.

I can improve my interpersonal relationships through one of the following: gathering needed information, developing conversational principles, or improving my use of appropriate self-disclosure.

I can build and enhance my interpersonal relationships at home and at work by applying the communication tips provided from at least one of the theories covered in this chapter.

The next chapter will look at interpersonal relationships in more detail. It will cover the stages relationships go through as they develop and deteriorate and suggest how to manage conflict when it occurs in relationships.

KEY TERMS (CHECK GLOSSARY FOR DEFINITIONS)

active strategy

ambivert

breadth of disclosure

control

conversational principles

depth of disclosure

dialectical tension

discloser

dominant

dyad

extrovert

FIRO-B

impersonal communication

inclusion

interactive strategy

interpersonal communication

intimacy

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introvert

model of social penetration

need

openness

passive strategy

reciprocity

self-disclosure

social exchange theory

submissive

uncertainty reduction theory

withholder

SKILL BUILDERS

1. Unit II Opening Scenario Activity: Refer back to the Unit II Scenario and analyze how each member of the group is using uncertainty reduction theory. Given what you know about the Technology Team, which uncertainty reduction strategy is being used? How does this compare to problem-solving groups where you have been a member? How could other uncertainty reduction strategies be used to help the members of the group feel comfortable with each other?

2. Communication Apprehension Activity: Do you recall the PRCA-24 communication apprehension quiz you took at the beginning of the semester? Take a look at your scores again (see the Developing Skills feature in Chapter 1). If your total score was above 65 or any subtotal was above 18, then you suffer some anxiety in communicating with others; a total score over 80 or any subtotal over 24 indicates you had high anxiety at the time you took the survey. High-anxiety communicators are likely to experience difficulties in their careers as well as in their personal relationships. To revisit your PRCA-24 scores do the following:

Being as objective and honest as possible, answer the following questions indicating the degree to which each statement now applies to you. Answer using this scale (but don't try to remember what you said before): (1) Stronglystatement now applies to you. Answer using this scale (but don't try to remember what you said before): (1) Strongly Agree, (2) Agree, (3) Are Undecided, (4) Disagree, (5) Strongly Disagree

____ 13. While participating in a conversation with a new acquaintance, I feel very nervous.

____ 14. have no fear of speaking up in conversations.

____ 15. Ordinarily I am very tense and nervous in conversations.

____ 16. Ordinarily I am very calm and relaxed in conversations.

____ 17. While conversing with a new acquaintance, I feel very relaxed.

____ 18. I'm afraid to speak up in conversations.

_____ To total subscale begin with 18 points. Subtract your scores for questions 13, 15, and 18. Then add the scores for 14, 16, and 17.

Compare your dyadic subtotal (which is the best indicator of relationship anxiety) to your previous score. Do you see any differences in your dyadic score? If not, you might want to skip ahead and read the section on anxiety in Chapter 10. Keep in mind that the lower your scores, the more confident you are.

Based on the information in this chapter on building relationships, what two steps could you take to increase your communication confidence when working in small groups?

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3. Critically Evaluating What You Read Activity: Using the critical evaluation form from Chapter 1, select and evaluate an article on interpersonal communication or one of the specific theories, such as FIRO-B, social exchange theory, or uncertainty reduction theory, obtained from a communication journal. (You may wish to check for articles in library databases, such as

4. Communication and Mass Media Complete in EBSCOHost.) Be prepared to share your observations with your classmates.

5. In small groups, practice your knowledge of needs of extroverts/introverts by deciding which of the following jobs would be best for each style communicator. Be prepared to support your decisions with specific reasons:

Personnel recruiter

Technical writer

Copy editor

Sales manager

Lawyer

Accountant

Computer software engineer

Counseling psychologist

Nurse

Automotive Repairperson

Educator

Postal Service Mail Carrier

Employment interviewer

Graphic designer

Public relations specialist

Elementary school teacher

Communicating for Success, 2nd Edition

Chapter 6: Building Interpersonal Relationships
Overview
Introduction
Interpersonal Communication
Interpersonal Relationships: Getting Needs Met
Interpersonal Relationships: Gaining Rewards and Minimizing Costs
Gathering Information and Using Effective Conversation
Improving Self-Disclosure