Discussion post assinment

Interpersonal Communication Romantic Relationships and Love

Overview

 Different styles of love

 Factors affecting your intimacy style

A Personality Test

 Take the test of “Your Romantic Styles” in the course module

A Personality Test

Different Styles of Love: Color Wheel Theory

Eros Love on beauty

and sexuality

• Eros (the Erotic lover): passionate, tends to

be drawn toward a preferred physical type,

often sees sex as the ultimate aesthetic

experience

• Advantages: intense focus on partner,

doesn’t push and allows for relationship

development, has high self-confidence and

self-esteem

• Disadvantages: has an idealized image of

beauty, feels empty and is sensitive to

imperfections of their partner

Different Styles of Love: Color Wheel Theory

Ludus Love as an exciting

and entertaining game

Eros Love on beauty

and sexuality

• Ludus (the Ludic lover): experiences love as a

game to be played for mutual enjoyment but

not necessarily with any serious outcome

• Advantages: quickly recovers from break-ups,

do not wish to hurt anyone — only to enjoy

life

• Disadvantages: only maintains a partner for

as long as he/she is interesting or amusing,

the need to manage love, are linked to sexual

aggression and engaging in “outside-the-

couple” dating and sex

Different Styles of Love: Color Wheel Theory

Ludus Love as an exciting

and entertaining game

Eros Love on beauty

and sexuality

Storge Love grounded

in friendship

• Storge (the Storgic lover): builds a

relationship on a secure friendship, finds a

compatible relationship with someone they

already know and share common

interests/values

• Advantages: shared values, strong, secure

• Disadvantages: move slowly, lack of arousal

Different Styles of Love: Color Wheel Theory

Ludus Love as an exciting

and entertaining game

Eros Love on beauty

and sexuality

Storge Love grounded

in friendship

Pragma Practical love

• Pragma (the Pragma lover): pragmatic, has a

virtual shopping list of qualities (social rather

than personal) sought in a partner, views

love as a useful relationship and as a way to

make the rest of life easier, places more

emphasis on suitability of mate than on

pleasure

• Advantages: relationships hardly decay, with

realistic romantic expectations

• Disadvantages: the strict screening process

for relationship candidates may result in loss

opportunities

Different Styles of Love: Color Wheel Theory

Ludus Love as an exciting

and entertaining game

Eros Love on beauty

and sexuality

Storge Love grounded

in friendship

Mania Dramatic love

Pragma Practical love

• Mania (the Mania lover): has passionate love

qualities, but are characterized as having

extreme highs and extreme lows, obsession

and anxiety to the partner

• Advantages: may realize how intensely one

is capable of loving another

• Disadvantages: obsessive, may experience

fear that prevents them from enjoying

relationships, may also experience extreme

jealously

Different Styles of Love: Color Wheel Theory

Ludus Love as an exciting

and entertaining game

Eros Love on beauty

and sexuality

Storge Love grounded

in friendship

Mania Dramatic love

Pragma Practical love

Agape Compassionate

and selfless love

• Agape (the Agape lover): altruism, the

partner’s welfare is more important than

one’s own welfare, relationship marked by

spiritual qualities

• Advantages: the ideal form of love

• Disadvantages: pure Agape is unlikely

Different Styles of Love: Color Wheel Theory

Ludus Love as an exciting

and entertaining game

Eros Love on beauty

and sexuality

Storge Love grounded

in friendship

Mania Dramatic love

Pragma Practical love

Agape Compassionate

and selfless love

• Do you think this theory accurately depicts your styles as a lover?

• Do you think men or women are more likely to be a certain style of lover?

Different Styles of Love: Color Wheel Theory

Love type Men (n=444) Women (n=646)

Sex difference (p < .05)

Eros 2.92 3.02 √ (Women)

Ludus 1.58 1.00 √ (Men)

Storge 2.24 2.52 √ (Men)

Pragma 1.70 2.00 √ (Men)

Mania 2.09 2.12 x

Agape 2.73 2.62 x Hendrick & Hendrick (1998), Study 1, Table 3

Different Styles of Love: Triangular Theory

Intimacy (feelings of closeness and connectedness)

Liking, e.g., friendship

Passion (arousal, emotional stimulation,

and physical attraction) Infatuation, e.g., puppy love

Commitment (promise and loyalty)

Empty love, e.g., arranged marriage

Romantic love, e.g., a romantic

affair

Companionate love e.g., a long-term marriage

Fatuous love, e.g., an impulsive marriage

Consummate love

 Color wheel theory:

• The dimensions are considered as attitudinal only

• Tend to be stable as one’s relationship “theme”, and people may simultaneously hold different love attitudes with different partners

 Triangular theory:

• An integration of actions into love

• People’s love behaviors are changing with the relationship dynamics

Different Styles of Love between Theories

Factors Affecting the Intimacy Styles

 Attachment style: a general orientation toward close relationships that reflects how people see themselves in relation to others

• Developed based on the bond between parent and children at very early age

Factors Affecting the Intimacy Styles

Secure Ambivalent Avoidant

Separation Anxiety

Distressed when mother leaves

Intense distress when the mother leaves

No sign of distress

Stranger Anxiety

Avoidant when alone but friendly when the mother is present

Shows fear of the stranger

Okay with the stranger and plays normally when the stranger is present

Reunion Behavior

Positive and happy when mother returns

Approaches the mother, but resists contact

Shows little interest when the mother returns

Other Mother as a safe base to explore their environment

Cries more and explores less than the other two types

Can be comforted equally by mother or stranger

% of infants

70% 15% 15%

Factors Affecting the Intimacy Styles

Factors Affecting the Intimacy Styles

 Attachment style: a general orientation toward close relationships that reflects how people see themselves in relation to others

Factors Affecting the Intimacy Styles

 Sex differences

• Women may select mate more carefully and work harder at maintaining a good relationship

• Men are attracted to women who are physically attractive, women are attracted to men who have resources and are willing to make a commitment

• Men are more likely to become angry when a partner withholds sex and is moody, women are more likely to become angry when a partner is inconsiderate, condescending, or inattentive

 Gender orientation: masculinity vs. femininity