644 response

  I share an anecdote in some of the classes I teach, which is truer at times than I would prefer. I tell the classes, “I do not listen very well because most people are not very interesting”. An unfortunate reality in which I find myself. It is not because they lack intelligence, but I simply have little interest in common topics of conversation. I find a few people engaging and spend what little social time I have with them. To combat my lack of interest in most people’s conversation topics, I read an excerpt from Desiderata which my wife has hanging on the kitchen wall, “Speak your truth quietly and clearly; and listen to others, even the dull and the ignorant; they too have their story” (Ehrmann & Ehrmann, 1927).

            There is of course a different approach within my team. What the members of my team find important is worth a listen, because it is important to them. At times it can be exhausting, frequently in fact, but they are my team and deserving of my time. Still, a team member told me last year the most difficult part of communicating with me is keeping my attention. Interestingly, the evaluation suggests I am equally a people-oriented listener and an action-oriented listener, with content-orientation (Johnson, 2018) closely behind. Time, it appears, is of little consequence if the engagement is appealing.

            Daily I engage with members of my team, and the organization as a whole, on a personal level. Team members trust me with their confidential personal and professional matters and either seek insight or simply a willing listener. Understanding emotional intelligence and the need for people to talk out their thoughts has gained me that role; a role in which I find no small amount of fulfillment. Trust and confidence are important to me. On the negative side, I do not enjoy banter or long stories with what I perceive as having little value. Where time is usually of little concern for important matters, time becomes valued when wasted. My perception of waste may be someone else’s attempt to connect. I can see where these few may feel pushed off and placed in an out-group. It would not be unreasonable for such persons to perceive a similarity bias or other form of particularism because I engage in more conversations with others. Long term effects of these engagements can lead to social comparisons being made and perceived threats to self (Jia, et al., 2016). It is important to listen to input from others regarding your areas which need improvement. “A fool is right in his own eyes, but a wise man listens to advice” (Watchtower Bible, 1984). I need to be more vigilant in improving my listening skills and endeavor to become more centered on the speaker (Johnson, 2018). An integral component of communication is trust. If my team knows I am not listening, they will not trust me to hear.

            One of the greatest tools a leader has at their disposal is influence. If you do not listen to others, do not expect others to listen to you. If they do, it is merely out of obligation to your position. If you do not listen, you are not open to being influenced by others (Johnson, 2018) and will likely be perceived as arrogant.

References:

Ehrmann, M. & Ehrmann, B. P. (ca. 1927) Desiderata. , ca. 1927. , C1954. [Photograph]