Psychopathology

Discussion 6.1 Me First

Joy

Earlier this year, my pastor at Heartland Church did a sermon on the Beatitude about being a Peacemaker. Peacemaking is not absence, avoidance, or appeasement of conflict, but it is actively working for peace by facing the conflict in love. Jesus said, “Peace I leave with you; my peace I give to you. Not as the world gives do I give to you. Let not your hearts be troubled, neither let them be afraid.” (ESV, 2016, John 14:27). He told us that God would replace peace for every fear or trouble that we have, and that we shouldn’t hurry to solve the problem on our own to find peace, but rather bring the problem to God and let Him give us peace.

So often we deal with conflicts by either over functioning and trying to control or fix the problem, or we avoid it all together. We can become indignant, thinking about how we were wronged by someone else. We make it all about us, when what we should do is give up being right, realize it isn’t all about “me,” and know that God proudly identifies me as His own. The problem is that oftentimes when we experience conflict, it can be in large part due to past experiences and traumas we’ve suffered. The way we see things, our perspectives, are from the wounds of yesterday. God wants us to end the game of tug-of-war simply by dropping the rope. It is said, “And a harvest of righteousness is sown in peace by those who make peace” (ESV, 2016, James 3:18). Despite how we interpret the actions of someone else, despite our knee-jerk “me first” mentality, we must take ourselves out of the equation, leave our hurts at the alter, and resolve these conflicts with Jesus. As I’ve shared in the past, my stepson and I have a very strained relationship. For a long time, I did everything I could think of to get him to accept me as his father’s fiancé to no avail. I was angry, hurt, and frustrated feeling like he was selfish and thought of only himself. I finally reached the point where I knew that there was nothing more that I could do but let go and let God take care of this because it’s bigger than me. This is where I finally started being a true peacemaker in the way God has called me, and all of us. I stopped looking at my situation through the lens of how this situation was negatively affecting me and handed over this conflict to God. Not much has changed in the way of strain between us, but I trust that God will heal our relationship and that with time, and as I’ve backed away from the situation, things will get better.

References

English Standard Version. (2016). Crossway. https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=James%203%3A18&version=ESV&scrlybrkr=96856d67

English Standard Version. (2016). Crossway. https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=John+14%3A27&version=ESV

Discussion 6.2 Meaningful Relationships

Joy

Question one is such an interesting one for me, in the time and place we’re in, in our society, and I believe the answer is dictated by the outlook and perspective that each of us takes on the world. For me, due to situations I’ve gone through in my own life, I’ve started the practice of gratitude in any given situation, as often as I am able (I’m human, so don’t get it twisted – it certainly doesn’t happen as much as it should). What I’ve realized is that gratitude has become such a game changer for me, and it trickles down for me in any given situation and quells the fears, anxieties, and any other upsets that might “pop” up at any time. So, to answer question one, I feel like any and every interaction with others during my day is meaningful and satisfying. Each of those interactions, no matter how long or short, give me the opportunity to learn and to love others.

Social media can enhance the possibility of meaningful connections, if our hearts are in the right place, when we use it. That starts with us, I believe. For instance, when my dad was diagnosed with Primary Progressive Aphasia with Early Onset Alzheimer’s I felt completely in the dark; I knew nothing about this disease. So, I took to social media and joined several support groups. It was in one of these groups that I met a woman named Mel from California whose mother was going through the exact same thing and she and I, because of our circumstances in life, became close. We had one another to share with and offer comfort to, because we both knew exactly what the other was going through. It was helpful to have friends and family, yes, but there was something even more powerful about walking this journey with someone who was directly impacted the same way that I was, in this unknown and painful journey.

So, in this circumstance, social media helped me create and develop a meaningful relationship, but I can see how in other instances, social media creates a sort of counterfeit intimacy. We see images and videos of what others want to put out to the world, but even that is oftentimes strategically calculated. We see the best of the best, but we don’t usually see the bad and the ugly in people’s lives, so it can create unhappiness in us when we start comparing our own lives to the happy, perfect photos of the lives of others. I think, too, the norm nowadays is having a smartphone, and it’s no secret that smartphone usage becomes addictive. The more we’re on our phones, too, the less we’re fully present with the people who are with us. We’re not looking them in the eyes and having meaningful conversations; we’re glued to a device and our attention is divided.

If we are disconnected from others, isolated and alone, we exponentially increase our chances for any number of mental health struggles (Asatryan, 2015), suicide obviously being the most permanent. When we fall down that trap of isolating ourselves, we grow more and more absent from meaningful human connection and unfortunately, suicide becomes the option that others choose to eliminate the pain they feel from being so disconnected. Disconnection from others is literally killing us. And in the age of smartphones where we opt (even unknowingly) to disconnect from others at our own hands, we hurt ourselves if we don’t exercise smartphone usage with care and intentionality. I think, also, the fact that basically everything we want, or need can be delivered to us, at our doorstep, with no contact, has created laziness and stagnancy within us. While those things might be convenient in the short term, we’re trading convenience for meaningful, human interaction and it’s costing us everything.

I love the idea of local churches doing festivals, which bring community members together to share a meal, talk, play games, and just be with one another, with no other hidden agendas of indoctrinating anyone – just a celebration of humans coming together to connect. There is a Greek Orthodox church nearby where I live that does this and it brings in so many people who aren’t even church members. And I think about Jesus. He would gather people and just spend time with them, in much the same way. The church needs to be more like this.

References

Asatryan, K. (2013, July 23). 4 disorders that may thrive on loneliness. Psychology Today. https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/the-art-closeness/201507/4-disorders-may-thrive-loneliness?scrlybrkr=96856d67