Feminist studies

9 Buying and Selling the "Girlfriend Experience" . The Social and Subjective Contours of Market Intimacy

Elizabeth Bernstein

In the back room of a discreetly furnished apartment in a quiet San Fran-

cisco neighborhood, I am sitting on a brown leather so~ talking with Amanda, who has just said good-bye ro the day's first customer. We drink te.1. .1s rhe early afternoon

sunshine streams into the room, illuminadng many overstuffed bo~l~cases: an ex- ercise bicycle, and Amanda herself-a slender woman in her lare thirnes with d~rk hair and serious eyes. Smiling slighdy, she shrugs when I ask her how the session

with her client wern.

Actlta!ly, I spent mosr of rhe rime giving him a backrub, and we ~!so spenr a lot of time talking before we had sex. In the end, we went over [time] by ;lb?ut seven minutes .... You know it's really funny to me when people say that Im sel!ing my body. Of all rhe work I've done, this isn't abusive tom! body. Most

0 f my clients are computer industry workers-about half. Sometimes I ask

myself: what about their bodies? 1hese men spend 40 homs a week hunch~d over a desk. They live alone, eat alone, drive to work alone. Other than seemg

me, they don't seem to even have rime for a social life.

Amanda goes on to explain that today's client ~as a_ rna.~keting :xecutive for a prominent Silicon Valley software company. 'This chenr :s a regular, someone she has seen before, who bas often complained to her chat he ts overworked a_n<l too b~sy

m .,, I wond•, aloud how it is that he 11onethelcss has the mnc to dnve ro=-· .. I

two and a half hours on his lunch break to come and sec her. Amanda obs~rves Wlt l bemusement that for the majority of her client pool-educated, professional men

who have contacted her through an on-line ad-such paradoxes ar~ the norm .. This chapter is about the ways in which recent c:an_sformanons 11~ ec01:011:

1 ~ and

culrural life have played themselves out ,it the most mmnate of levels. the rndtvidual

'Adapted from Temp,mirily Ycim: h1timmy, Audxmidty, ,md the Commcrc,: of Sex (Chicago:

University of Chicago Press, 2007)

186

'\b-:L Buying and Selling the "Girlfriend Experience" 0 T

experience of bodily attributes and imeg,:iry, and the meanings afforded to sexual expression, 'The !ens through which I examine these transitions is sexual commerce,

the exchange of sex for money in rhe g!obalizcd, !ate-capitalist marketplace. My con- tention is that experiences such as those of Amanda and her clients reflect and t!ms offer insight into broader crends at work within intimate life in the contemporary

Wesr. 1

Once largely restricted to face-co-face interactions and the sm:tll-sc,1le circulation of pornographic images, sexual commerce has grown to include a vast and ever-

expanding range of commercia!ly ani!able products and experiences------fetish dubs; live sex shows; erotic massage; escort agencies; telephone and cyber-sex contacts; "drive-rhrough" striptease venues; sexual "emporiums" featuring lap and wa!l danc- ing; sex tourism to developing countries and within global cities; and all variety of sexually explicit texts, videos, and picmres, in print and on-line-whar is purport- edly a more rhan $20-bil!ion-a-year industry, and a mainstay of both first and third world economies (Wdtzer 2000; Kempa<loo and Doezema 1998; Lopez 2000). By examining this growth and diversification of sexual commerce from the perspectives of the purveyors of sexual services and their consumers, my aim has been ro <1rticu- !ate a polirica! economy of sexual practices and desires. By detailing die relationship between money and sex ar the "micro" level of bodies and subjectiviries, I seek to reveal rhe relationship between economy and de.sire more broadly.

My argument is that the global restructuring of capitalist production and in- vestment that has taken place since the 1970s has bad consequences that are more profound and more intimate than most economic socio!ogisrs ever choose to con- sider.2 The desires rbar drive the rapidly expanding and diversifj,ing international sex

trade have emanated from corporate-fueled consumption, an increase in tourism and business travel, and the symbiotic relationship between information technolo-

gies and rhe priva_t_i.zation_ of comn:iercial co.nsumptio_n..' At the same time, the rise in service occup.\(i~ns and temporary work as we!! as an increase in labor migrations from developing to developed couritries, have frtded the growth and diversification of sexual !abor. For many sectors of the population, these shifts have resulted in new configuradons of familial life as wdl as in new erotic dispositions, ones that the mar- ket is we!! poised to satisfy.

Old and New Markets in Sexual Labor To historically situate my claims about the "newness" of late capitalise configurations of eroticism and desire, I begin with a brief review of some of the scholarship that documents the shifts in the social organization and meaning of prosticudon that have rnken place in the United States and Western Europe over the past few centuries. As wcia! historians such as Judith Walkowitz (1980), Rud1 Rost:n (l 982), and Darbarn Hobson (l 987) have poi med out, despite the frequent equation of "prostitution" with the "o!de.st profession," what many of ut typically think of as prostitution has not existed for very long at all. -n1e rise of large-scale, commercialized prostitution in the West emerged only with modern-indmtria! capitalism and its attendant fea-

Part Ill: Fantasy, Image, and the Commerce oflntimacy

tures in the \are 19th century: urbanization, the expansion of wage labor, and rhe

decline of the exte1ided~kin based "traditional fumi!y.'' 1hese s trnctura! transforma-

tions brought with them new culturnl ideologies of gender an d sexuality, and new

symbolic boundaries between public-ai1d_1)_rivate life. Accenti.1a ted gender differences

produced a "double standard" in sexual relations, dichotomiz.ln g women along dass

lines. While white, bourgeois, married women ;:iracticed sexu; ,I restraint in the pri-

vate sphere Of the !'i6ine, many _woi:king-class women and wo men of color joined

men in the public sphere as wage laborers and sexua!ly availab le prostitutes." By the

early 20th century, numerous "vice commissions" had been cr eated to smdy-and

thereby constitute-the soda! problem of modern prostitution.

By contrast, what historians typica!ly refer to as "premo<lem " forms of sexual

commerce were self-organized, occasional exchanges in which women traded sexual

favors during limited periods of hardship. Premodern prostitutio n was small in scale,

frequently premised on barter, and generally took place within the panicipants' own

homes and communities. O!& with the onset of modern-it1dustri:1 ! capit~lis_n_1 did

large_ n~!1:i:i\_1_ers of women find t_i_l!!mse!ves sequestered in a_ sp_a ~_e that ..yas_phrsi.c_al!y

fii1<r5od~!l_y separate,. thereby affixing them with the permanent ly stigm~_ti_z(ng}?.<:_n-

tity i('.'pt"qs.tltt~te." buring the Progressive Era in rhe United St;m:s, red-light dis-

nicts were officially shut down and the sex trade was criminali zed, bur this did not

fundamenrn!!y alter the meaning of modern prostitution, whic h marked the female

prostitute {but not her male cusromer) -as a criminal omsi<ler . Instead, associations

with rhe·image of a dangerous and gritty underworld were dram adcally exacerbated,

m1d prostitutes now had to cope with the added stigma of crim inality.

l"lie terms modern and premodem foci!irnre the comprehension o f social realities

that are in facr much messier than this simple categorization permirs. Prototypi-

cally premo<lern forms of sexual barter never disappeared enr irdy but exist ro this

day as the dominant mode of commercial sexual exchange in many impoverished

communities duoughout the world, and in the sex-for-drugs b aner economy of the

inner city. 1he terms, nevertheless, capmre something impona nt in terms of large-

scale soda! change. They highlight the ways in which new rorms and meanings of

sexual exchange emerge at particular historical junctures, co existing with, and al

times eclipsing, d1e forms that preceded rhem.

.. O,c g!oba!ized, late capitalist era of the late 20th and early 2 tsr cemuries has

witnessed a simib.r transitiorutl moment in paradigms of co rnmerda! sexual ex-

change. In postindusrrial cities such as San Fr.tndsco, Amsterd am, and Stockholm,

the boundaries of vice have been remapped in such a Wfl)' so as to cnnai! the "deviant

underworld" of modern prostiturion, while the commerciali7 .. at ion of sexual services

overall has expanded.' For example, in San Francisco, by the late 19':JOs the nine-s

<iuare-b!ock aiea

of the City that had housed the city's primary street prosrirmi on strolls for over 75

years was on its way to being incorporated into Union Sciuare , the principal tourist

district, as fashionable restaurants and high-priced apartment complexes continued

to widen their spread. At the same time, advertisements for pro stitution in the news-

papers and through rhe new 011-line services exploded, as diJ prostitution in 11 of

the City's 17 legal strip clubs. Many of the w:ry same women an d men who had

Buying and Selling the "Girlfriend Experience"

been working on the streets now bega11 co get cd! phones an d to take om ads, or

ro look for work in indoor venues. Unlike sueerv>'a!king, the n ew m-arkess in_se_xua!

commerce were no~ conce11~1:at(;'.d in a·-ac f~C:to_ ur_ban_red-!ig! 1t-cfbinkc--b~;t ~r~ dis-

pei"se'~~.tl_:i~?~ghout the city, housed in inconspia.io11s Victorian s in qui"er i:e51aential

ndgl10_oi·h_oods, or relocated to indoor businessi>.~ in rhe city's suburban p_eriphery."

In similar fashion, the number of licensed massage parlors in the city overall was

actually increasing, despite the police crackdown on Asian-ru n massage parlors in

the Tenderloin. 111e explosion of commercial sexual services w as met by an almost

complete lack of concern by the police, despite d1eir intense fo cus upon the prostitu-

tion of illegal migrants and on visible streerwa!k:ng.

1l1e transformation that was under way in S.1.11 Francisco did no t n1erdy concern

the fate of a few hundred srreer prostitutes and rheir customers bm was about a more

wide-sweeping reallocation of urban space, in which rhe inner city was reclaimed by

the white middle classes, while those at rhe sochl margins wer e pushed to rhe city's

literal periphery (Smith 1996; Pred 2000; So!nit and Schwa nzenberg 2000). Al-

though the neighborhood residenrs actively opposed flagrnm an d visible prostitution

on their streets, it is i111pom1nc to note that, in contrast to mor .··tl reform movemems

of eras past, they did not issue a <lenunciatit->1 of the interming ling of sexuality and

the market. 7 To the comra.ry, the young, w .. ite profession.a!s who flooded

the ciry

during the 1990s ro work i11 high-tech, nmltimediu, and oth er industries were ar

the forefront· of a new economy in sexual services, by creating a demand for them

and facilitating new conditions of production. 11-ie_ s_~:X. ~.rad_ ~ _d\1 .. D.ot.~/~_app_ear !mt

inste<1d ~l-~a11ged its predominant form: the subterranean wor!d of street prostitution,

along with its classic paraphernalia-the pit'1p, the police officer, the prosrintte as

"public" and therefore disrepmab!e wom.in-had begun _to __ rec ede_i_nt() _the distance,

while an array_ of spatia!ly dis_p_ersed sexual servke"s '(:1T\erge d ~~- take its place. In

table 9. l, I summarize t!-ie key spatial and poliri<a! uansformati Cms of postindusnial

sexual commerce, as we!l as the subjective components of these chant,,es that I dabo-

rsHC upon in the ro!lowing disn1ssion.

The Subjective Contours of Market Intimacy

The economic transformations of recent decades have resuucm red the social geogra-

phy of sex work and the subjective meanings thar guide the ex perience from within.

While a fuit amount has been written about the ways in whic h the new globa!ize<l

economy h.1s spawned a lucrative traffic in women and childr en from Asia, Africa,

Latin America, and more recently, Eastern Emope (Demleirn er 2001; Ehrenreich

and Hochschild 2002; Bales ! 999), I wou!d like co point ro a d ifforent !eve! at which

new global economic realides have been significant to dw dt' .veloprnent of the sex

trade in the West. 1hey have contribmed to a transforrnado11 i n practices and mean-

ings (what we might think of as the subjective contours of marker intimacy) for

pan:icipams on borh sides of rhe commercial sex~work encmm rcr.

In modem prostitution, whar was typically sold and bought was ,1n expedient

and emotionally concained exchange of cash for sen1al relea se:' To survive in the

trade, prostitutes learned to develop strategies to distance them selves from their la-

\9,c Part Ill: Fantasy, Image, and the Commerce of Intimacy

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Buying and Selling the "Girlfriend Experience"

bor, co treat their commercial sexual activity as "work." In my interviews with street- walkers, many strived to emphasi7..e the difference between "career prostitutes" and "crack prostitutes," not only because crack prostitution involved sex-for-drugs rather than sex-for-money, but because most· career prostitutes felt that crack prostitutes did not maintain a dear division bet<.veen pub,ic and private selves.

F9r self-identified "carceu~rnHi.lli~~i:_ owdJ.TI_eo_nant Wi_!Y .. d.1!.':.._pJJ..b.LlQp_r!Y.stte bound~ is m~~!_led !U.tl!.2.~Jgb _a .. pa,rjq.;Jm:.B-_1.n,ap.ping..0£ C(Q.ti.c. b.Qi;liJJ~.gi;:.Qg!slc."": .. phy,jn wblch..03.1.e.J~~eps certain sexual practices, aspects of the _s,;:!f, _:md segme.J],.t'i_.of the body off-limits. A~-SUsan -E&.vardi"l-i:is" otiw·V-Cd: . . - --

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1he belief that, for women who supply the service, "anything goes," is widespread, as women who sell sex forfeit rhe right to say "No." . . While sections of the public world may hold this view, the selling of sex by prostitute women is carefo!ly circumscribecL . Prostitute women care less about the

genitals and breasts, and much more about rhe mouth, the lips, the kiss, and tenderness, for them the truest meaning and expression of intimacy. (l 993:98)

In addition to extreme vigilance about tbe use of condoms {as a physical and a p$y- chologica! barrier) and working "straight" {rat:1er than drunk or high), most of the street-based sex workers that l interviewed strenuously insisted that they would not engage their clients in a mouth-ro-mouth kiss. In Oslo, one woman explained to me that her work had "nothing to do" with her sexuality, because "the most intimate thing that I have is not what I am $dling. I am simply selling the man his orgasm." Karolyn, a Swedish street prostitute, explained $imi!ar!y:

If you work like this, you need to have unseen borders you don't let people trespass. If you do, then you start to drink or use drugs, because yoo can't bear ro see yourself in the mirror afterwards: 1I1ere are things that you al,low, and there are things that you don't allow, things rhat you won't do for money. 'There has to be a privnre plac~ inside of you. You can't be d1c same person when you go out to work.

And Ulla, who has worked 011 the srreets of Stockholm and Helsinki, described the necessity of "leaving_fl_l)' p~ivate me ar_h!=m.1e_ so_that l ca;1_go_rn _wor.k."

By contrast, within-:;n,,;1l1e;g~;1t postindustrial p;:t.f.<!~\ig1~1 _o( s_exual com_n,q:s:.e, what iS.Oemg b()_ug_h_~ __ ;i.pQ __ s_old&"eqlie"Ody iriCotP-orate_s a_ great deal more emotional, as wen ·as phys-icai labor within· the commercial conrexr:_•1 The term sex wor!, !~as come into increning!y widespread use since the 1980s, when it wa$ first coined by prosti- nites' rights activists to signal that the sale of sex for money need not imply a uniq_ue

degradation of self (Leigh 1997). Yet, ironically, it has been precisely during this period that rhe sexual labor that is exchanged within the transaction is le$s defined by the sexual acts themselves and more likely to implicate one's "private" erotic and emotional life.

With the relocation of $exua! labor from the street to indoor venues such ,1s pri- vate homes_,_ rented apattmcms;·and "genrlf nen;s dubs," the quality of sexual°Ebor

\"\,~ Part 11!: Fantasy, Image, and the Commerce of Intimacy

that is entailed .is.s1J~9:_transfon.1~ed. 1n Sex wor~ers incre_asipgly _e111phasiz~--tb-~Fa!-

icy~(~;1~·;i;nally __ en_g;g~J ~Onversation· i:o their v,,ork, _-as __ yv_ell _~-~--a -~_ill(!!lm~~-to

participate in a diversiq~ of sexual activities (e.g., bodily caress es, full-Oody touc~mg,

receivin"g ;'pleasure," al! of which can require a tremendous amount o~ emonona\

labor on the p,1.rr of the sex worker), and bestowing mouth-to -mouth kisses. Com-

pared to the labor of streetwalkers, th;_. h1.~9-~-_of i:1~oor'. sel~~em p_l_o_y_:d _ ~~~-"."_O,rkers

is likely to require a larger investment of time w1_th each _client (typica!ly an hour,

as opposed to 15 mirrntes for streetwalkers), to r;:ike place w_it!:in t'.le ~onfines_ of one's own home, and to remain outside the purview of the cnmm:i_CJ_l!S.t

!,Ce system.

Conteinp6i:.try "intimacy provide[$" (as· some in tbe industry have _taken to callin_g

themselves) chatge by the hour rather than for specified acts, so then- sexual labor is

diffuse and expansive, rather than delimited and expedienr.n . .

In conrrnst to the quick, impersonal sexual release associate d with the street~

\eve! sex trade, much of the new variety of sexual labor resi des in the provision of

what l caU "bounded authenticity"-the sale. and purchase of aur hG.1_1rk_e_1_,:15'.!f}Q1.J.al

and physic11 CO"ifri(:c"doil. Katharine frank (20 02) has simi!a~ly observ:d t1;e p~e-

mium ·placed on authemicity in contemporary srrip dubs, argumg that cli~ nrs d~me

for the real and the authentic is palpable eien amid the po st1110dem simulations

of make-lip, costumes, breast implants, and srnge names (no t to mention cash ex-

change). Based on ethnographic observations and i11:e_rview s, F.rank docu~ents the

numerous ways rhat dients seek to signal the authent1c1ty of t heir commercial sexual

uansactions with strippers, including pa}'menrs through gifts or cocktails {more per-

sonal tl1a11 casb transactions), and the persistent interest in d ancers' reai lives and

identities. 12 As both Fr;:ink's research and my own make dear, what is being bought

and sold is something quite orher than an ephemeral consum er indulgence, !~t also

distinct from premodern forms of sexual exch:mge that naturalize the prov1smn of

nonsexual forms of intimacy. In postindusrria! sexual commerce, e motional authen-

ticity is incorporated explicitly imo the economic comrnct. . . . .

For many sex workers, the provision of bounded authennc1t?' res1~es m ~u!-

filling clients' fantasies of senrnous reciprocity through the sel f-conscious si.tnulauon

of desire, pleasure, and erotic interest. For others, it may invo lve rbe emo~iona! •~nd

physical labor of m;:inufocwring genuine (if fleeting) libidin al and einononal nes,

endowing their clients with a feeling of desirability, esteem, o r even love.

When I fim started out, I enjoyed the sex. I'd go to work and "have se x." Now,

I do1lt have that association that much. But my clients seem to thi nk that

being a nice guy means being a good !over. 1hey do :hi'.igs to me that th_ey

shvuld do with a girlfriend. Like they ask me what l 111 rnro, and rtpo!ogrze

for coming too soon. So I need to play along. lhey have no idea th: Jt for $ex

workers, the best client is the one that comes immediately;

-Amanda, 39, independent escort

j have been ro!d by cen.iin clients tha: what l do is better tha n what the

psychiatrists and psychologists do. I had one diem who was v ery fut, kind of

unkempt, and really, really ugly. App>trently, the week before he saw me, he

Buying and Selling the "Girlfriend Experience"

bad gone to see two escorts that had turned him down. 'TI1e y told him that nor

even for money would they fuck him. But I did, plus I made him fee! really,

real!y good. So he thanked me. And he said to me, "Don't ev er let anyone uy

to tell you that what you're doing isn't important work. I was lonel y, tired, and

1 ne~de~ someone to make me feel good, a:1d that's wha[ you di< i_ \"\7hat you

provide is the most valuable service."

-Michael, 37, independent escort

What I've 11oticed is that a !ot of people redly wam ro be wit nessed when they

come. 111ey really want to feel that. You know, I totally get their d esire and I

want to be able to offn that. And so what I've learned how to do is to look

at them de.eply _and very, very lovingly .... For them, it feds great , like !r's so

personal, like girlfriend stuff. Bur I feel that I'm just offering them ... love

from the earth, coming up my feet and coming om to them. So they get love.

I'm just channeling love.

-Zoey, 30, erotic masseuse

ln apparent contrast to indoor sex worker5' accounts of the premi um their cli-

ents _place ~n erotic authenticity were comments fi-om the clie nts themselves. During

our mterviews, they repeatedly stressed to me chat one of th e chief virtues of com-

mercial sexual exchange is that the encounter fa clear and bou nded. It, ptiot histori-

cal epochs, this "bounded' quality may have provided men with an unproblematic

and readi!y ~vai!able sexual outk:t to supplement a relation ship with a pure ar1d

a~exual wife m ~he domestic sphere. What is unique to cont emporary client nan-a-

nves, however, is rhe explicitly stated preference for this type of bou nded imimate

engagemcm over other relational forms. Paid sex is neither a s ad substitute for some-

thing th~t 01_1e would ideally choose co obtain i11 a nonmarker romantic relationship

nor the mev1table outcome of a traditionalist Madonna/whore double standard.

Many of the clients I interviewed described a preference for a lif e constructed

around llving alone, intilhacy through dose frlenc!Shtps, an d. time-cffi~ient, safelv

contained commercial sexual encoumers. As such, they prov ide us with a concret~

:xamp!~ of the profound reorgani7.,.1tion of persona! life rhat h as occurred in posr-

mdusma! u~ban centers and nationwide during rhe past 30 or .s o years. Demographic

transformations such as a decline in marriage rates, a doubli ng in the divorce rare,

and a 60 percent increase in the nurnber of sii1gle-person househo lds have had sub-

jective and erotic consequences that few sociologists have pau sed to consider.'-'

Harold Hokman and Sharon Pines (l 982) have ,u·gued that it is t he funrasy of

a mlmia!ly desired, special, or eve11 romantic se.xua! encot1nt er that clients are pur-

chasing _in the prostitui:-ion cransaci:-ion-somcthing 11orah!y distinct from a. purely

mechanical sex act and from an unbounded, private-sphere r omantic entanglement.

They observed that the clients in their study emphasized rhar the warmth and friend-

liness of the sex-workers as characteristics that were at leasr a s important ro them as

the particulars of physical appearance (Holzman and Pines 1 982).

The clients that I interviewed were also likely to express variants of the state-

ment, "If her treatment is cold or perfunctory, I'm not intere sted." TI1ey were con-

Part !II: Fantasy, Image, and the Commerce of Intimacy

sistemly critical of sex workers who are "dock watchers," "too rushed and pushy,"

who "don't want to hug and kiss," or who "ask for a tip mid sex act." For dients, suc-

cessful commercial transactions are those in which the market basis of the exchange

serves n crucial delimiting function tbat facilitares-rather than inhibits-the fan-

tasy of authentic interpersonal connection. One of the most soughH1.fter features i11 the prostitution encounrer bas drns

become the "girlfriend experience," or GFE. Among both dients and provide,~~, the

GFE has often been described in the following way (and here I quote from the ex-

planation of one sex worker who specializes in this service):

A typical non-GFE session with an escort includes one or more of the basic

acts required for the customer to reach a climax at !east one rime, and !itd.e

else. A GFE-type session, on the other hwd, might proceed much more like

a nonpai<l encounter between two !overs. 1his may include a lengdiy period

of foreplay in which the customer and the escort touch, rub, f?nd!e, mas~a~:,

and perhaps even kiss passionately. A GFE session might also include acHvmes

where rhe customer works as hard to Stimulate the escort as she works to

stimulate him, Finally, a GFE session usually has a period of cuddling and

doseness at the end of the session, rather than each partner jumping up and

hurrying out as soon as the customer is finished.

Ads for escorts in print media and on-line now feature the GFE experience in their

adveniserrients, and there are entire web pages where people who specialize in this

service can advertise. Note, however, that the GFE is not, from (he dienr's perspective, a sad substi-

tute for a real girlfriend. ·The anachment of a monetary fee to the transaction pro~

vides a crucial boundary for both client and sex ,vorker, the significance of which is

iHtmrated by the consequences char ensue when boundaries are viol~ted. Aman~a,

one of che few sex workers I have spoken with who admined to occas1onally lookmg

for dating partners among her client pool, said that she had given ,up offering !:er

preferred clients "freebies" or "bargain rates," because the offer inevitably met wub

negative results.

'\hey pretend to be flattered, bur they never come b;1ckl lf you offer them anything but sex for money they flee. "fl1ere was one client I h.ad who was.so ,

sexy, a yoga teacher, really fun .... Since good sex is n rare thmg, I told hun Id

see him for $20 (my normal race is $250). Another guy, he w;1s so sexy, I told

him, ~Come for free." Both of them freaked out and never returned. 1he men

want an emodonnl connection, but they don't want any obligations. 1hey ~on't

believe they can have no-strings-attached sex, which is why rhey pay.1hcyd

rather pay rhan get it for free.

Christopher, a male sex worker who had also once tried to redefine bis relation-

ship with a client, recounted something similar: "l called a trick. once .becaus: I

wanted to have sex with him again .... We agreed in advance that it was JUSt gomg

Buying and Selling the "Girlfriend Ex.perience"

to be sex for sex's sake, not for pay, and that was the last time I ever heard from

him!"

The notion of bounded amhemidty I am offering here has been misinterpreted

by some critics of prostitution who continue to regard the rnmmercia! sexual encoun-

ter from within a paradigm of mm.antic love char is premised upon monogamom

domesticity and imercwined life trajectories. Thus, Carole Pa.teman (1988: 199) asks

why, if not for the sake of pure domination would" 15 ro 25 petcent of the custom-

ers ofBinningham prostitutes demand what is known in the trade as 'hand relief,"'

something that could presumably be self-administered. Yet as one client insisted,

a~ter explainin? to me that he studied and worked a!l the time, and consequently

did not have tune to pursue <'l rrn.ditlona[ relationship, "[t's more real and human

tl~an would be satisfying oneself alone," This client reveals an underlying erotic para-

digm that is pretnised on the discrete sexual encounter and thus compatible wich the

rhythms of his individually oriented daily life. Increasingly, what is true for him is

also true fur other men like him, with similar whire, middle-da.,;,~, sociodemographic

profiles.

Transformations in Economy, Kinship, and Sexuality

Finally, l would like to consider some of the broader social lmp!ications of rhe shift

in commercial sexual markets I have bee11 describing. Table 9.2 summarizes the the0-

retical model I ?eve!oped t~ understand these transitions, bm I do not imend to sug-

gest an absohmst, teleolog1ca! model of history. What is crucial to recognfa.e abour

the aspects of social life stm1marized under the heading "Late Capitalism" in the

final colum1: is that they do not supplant the feawres of the prior historica! epochs

bu~ take their place (however comfonab!y or uncomfonab!y} alongside. As with the

senes of economic, familial, and sexual transformations ushered in by modernity,

the shift to a postmodern sexual ethic has been gradual and highly uneven. Nearly

a quarter of Americans still live in nuclear families, and more than half continue

to work in "non-flexible" jobs. 1.; In the most recent national survey of sexual atti-

tuclcs and behaviors in the United States, nearly 15 percent of those surveyed stated that they believe sex should be for procre:nion on!y.1S Despi,e che evident frailty of

marriage and !ong-tcnn rdarionships in la,e-capitalist society, romantic love of the

modernist variety remains a crucial repository of meaning for significant numbers of

individuals. At present, there is a fierce political struggle being waged in the United

States between rhe "old" and "new" regimes of intimacy, which has crystallized most

visibly around the issues of gay marriage and abortion (both of which signal a dis-

tance from the "procrearive" normative orientation toward sex).

Nor do I intend to suggest that the defining features of what I h,1.ve wrmed

t~e "postindustrial'" paradigm of sexual commerce have emerged without important

hmorical precedents. 1he uadh:ion of the European courtesan (prized as much for

c.on:ersarion and culture as for her erotic capacities) and the "patronage prosricu-

uon of Japanese geishas and Indian devadnsis are bur rwo well-known insta11ees of

emotionally expansive yet explicitly rransacrional erotic arrangements (Griffin 2001;

Dalby 1983; Downer 2001; Ramberg 2006), 1 (' Although I contend that contempo-

Part Ill: Fantasy, Image, and the Commerce of Intimacy

Table 9.2: Paradigms of economy, kinship, and sexual ethics in three historical periods

Early modern Modern-i11dustrial Late capitalism

capitalism capitalism

Economy Domestic Wage labor Services, finance, and

production information; flexible accumulation

Kinship Extended kin Nuclear families Recombinant families,

networks iso!ab!e lndividua!s

Sexual ethic Procreative Amarive- Bounded aurhenticity

companionate

rary commercial sexual transactions incorporate some decidedly new features-in

terms of their formal organizadon and in terms of the explicitly bounded and com-

moditized (as opposed to naturalized) quality of the intimacy that is uansactcd-sex

workers have dearly traded in capacities other th.:in sex throughout much of his-

tory. l11e wide range of such rnses suggests thar the "'faylorized sex" (a term coined

by the historian Alain Corbin to describe the concentration, rationali1 ... -uion, and

standal'dization of prostitution in France during tbe imerwar years) featured within

the paradigm of modem-industrial prostitudon may itself constitute an exception,

rather th.:in the rule (Corbin 1990:338). Although sociologists and bisrorians of sexuality have amply described the "mod-

erniution" of sex, they have barely begun to theorize its "postmoderni1,ation" in the

contemporary period. 1heorists such as Manuel Castells ( 1996), Steven Seidman

(1992), and Zygmmn Bauman (1998) do begin to point us in this direction, When

Casre!ls speaks of rhe "normalization" of sex, when Seidman refers m "unbounded

eros," and when Bauman describes "the postmodern erotic revolution," they are most

certainly evoking something similar. As Bauman writes, "Sex free of reproductive

consequences and stubborn, lingering love attachments can be securely enclosed in

the frame of an episode, as it will engrave no deep grooves on the constantly re-

groomed fuce being thus insured against limiting the freedom of further experimen-

tation" (1998:27). In a sweeping journey through global sexual politics, emergent

sexual subcultures, and different varieties of globalized sex commerce, Dennis Alt-

man has perhaps gone furthest, declaring it his aim to "connect two of the domi~1ant

preoccupations of current social science and popular debare": globalization and the

preoccupation with sex (2001: !). Altmar\ excepted, most of the existing efforts to

!ink sexuality and globalization are premised on a naturalism l seek to avoid. ln these

;ina.!yses, "sex" is something that exists beneath rhe social layers of human existence,

by which it on either be constrained or rreed. Although l diverge from Foucault

(1978) in granting primacy w material conditions, with him I suggest that there is

no "uue" form of sex th:1t lurks beneath its socially paradigmatic expressions.

Meanwhile, social historians such as Kristin Luker (I 984) and John D'Emi!io

Buying and Selling the "Girlfriend Experience"

(1983) have linked the "rdationar' model of sema!ity (also referred to as "amative"

or ':companionate") to the rise of modern romance and the nuclear fumily under

capit~!ism, .contrasting it with the prototypically procre,nive orient.:ition of prein-

dustrial society. Thus, Luker (l 984) has deciph,:,red contemporary ;ibortion debates

in the United States in ,erins of a contest between procre-adve and rehnional wor!d-

views, !inking women's ideological positions on the question of abortion to disparate

~ets or: material im~rests. In similar fashion, D'E:ni!io (1983) has explained the ways

m w!11ch the peculiarly modern notion of gay idenrity could emerge only within a

~ex~w .. l erh'.c. premised upon intimate relationship, since both were products of the

mdmdua!wng freedom from domestic production and extended kin nenvorks that

was provided by a. system of wage labor:

Following D'Emilio's an.:ilysis of the emergence of a relatio;1al sexual ethic dur-

ing the rise of indusrria! capitalism, l p~opose t!_1a_t t!1e pro_life_radon ,of__f{_)r:ms of

ser~l~:-~~1~'--~~~_g!~l:i_a)i_zed _in_f9r_mario!_1_.ec6TiOCT'~y; irlcf pOstmodern··i-:~;~~i!ies peopled_ by 13.9l.i_b!e_.1_nd1_v1duals_ha~e.p.ro_d_uc(:d :m_orher p_rofoun_d __ trnnsform,1tion in the erotic

sph.<:~1=.· .. ~?!_~1 t_he _traditional "procreative" and the m~dern_"companionate" ll~odds of sexuality _are il1creas_ingly being supplemented by a. sexual ethic that is premised

on bom~?~d--~~thenricity. Instead of being predicated on marital or even durable

rda.tionsh_lps, this sexual ethi~ derives its primary meaning from the depth of physi-

cal sensanon and from emonona!ly bounded erotic exchange. Whereas domesric-

sphere, relational sexuality derived its meaning from its ideological opposition to

the rnarkctp!a~e, bo:mded ,mthenticity bears no antagonism ro the sphere of public

commerce. It rs available for sale and purd ,sc just as readily as any other fOrm or

commerciaUy packaged !eisme activity. When 5ex workers advertise themselves as

"girlfriends for hire" and describe the ways in which they offer not merely eroticism

bm amhentic intimate connection for sale in 1he marketplace, when overworked

high-tech professionals discuss their putsuit of emotional authenricit)' 'Within the

context of paid sexual transactions, and when municipal politicians stratcgizc about

[he best means to diminat: rhe eyeso~e of street prostitmion while encouraging the

development of corporate gendemans clubs,~ we can wimess the unfolding of pre-

cisely this transformation.

Conclusion

What is the significance of the rransfonn,nions that I describe for sex worke1·.5 and

clients, as well a~ for other inhabitants Of postindusrria! cities? I1~!:~5._c!_1~£~t.l. have

sou~ht t~ ~omplicate the view that the commodification of_sexua!!ty_i~.-.t1:~11sp~_rendy

eqt'.1raQJ.i;-._v.vi~!1 .. ~!!}?tional!y d_in1inished erotic exf':".:.i~_nce. Such an arglllnenr doe~ not

do Jtt5tkc to the ways in which the spheres of public ,111d private, intimacy :111d com-

mer~e, have interpenen:ated one another and thereby been mutually uansrormcd,

makrng the !are-capitalist consumer markerp!ace one potential arena for securing

amhentic yet bounded forms of interpersonal connection. "

Venturing into modernity, and postmodernity, may be seen as the ambiv,11em

pri~ilcgc ofindividua!s from specific classes, rnc_ial-ethnic backgrounds, regions, and ;·

11ano1~.s. It should thus come as no surprise to _find that more men than women,

Part 111: Fantasy, Image, and the Comm erce of Intimacy

more midd\_e-dass professional _s than wo.rking-class people, m

ore 9[ the y~mng than

rhe oid, and more whites than blacks have been among the fi

rsr social groups to folly

parrake in the sexual ethos that I have termed "bom_1ded auth~_!

_ltidt}'."17"A thorOugh

assessment of the mc::i.nings o f the incursion of the market

into intimate life can

therefore be a difficult and con tradictory task~p:micularly for

women. What Arlk

Hochschild has termed "womel 1's uneasy love affair with capi

talism'' (1997:229) is

made all the more acme whe n we consider that many of

the flourishing sectors

oF the late-capitalist service ec onomy-such as child care, dom

estic labor, and sex

work-nrc commercialized ref inements oF services that wome

n have historically pro-

vided fur Free. As service industry workers, women now conduct

this labor within

the context of market-generate d (as opposed to Starns-based

) social hierarchies. As

consumers, women as well as me n are gradually gaining access

to the panicular con-

veniences and pleasures--and emotional confinement--of co

mmerciaHy mediated

interpersonal reladons. 1 R The emergence and success o

f new sexual markets provides

evidence that female, as well as m ale sexuality, is currently being

reconsuucred as a

series of isolable techniques for the provision of personal meaning

and pleasure, as

opposed to an expression of e nduring connection with a pa

nicu!ar individual. For

increasing numbers of women ns well as men, passion, emoti

onal authenticity, and

connection have not disappear ed but have been packed ever m

ore tightly into mar-

ket conunodiries.

Notes l. Ethnogr:1phic fieldwork anJ

face-m-face imcrv!ews were co nJucn:d wid1 a Jiver$e array of

$ex workers {both fein11le and m :1le), dien1s, police officers, and mu

nicipal officials in San

fmncisco, Stockholm, and Ams .erclam belween 1994 and 200 I

. ·1he names and idcnti~,jng

features of a!l individuals that I t1uote here have been drnnged to p

rotect 1hdr anonymitj~

2, Of the nwltitude of recent wor ks on "global economic transfor

inatiow,,•· two massive ed-

i1s:<l co!lcct1ons (sec Hdd and M cGraw 2000; Lechner a11d Boli 200

0) arc indicacive of this

omi%io11. While lhq indnde se cdo11s on i:hc i111plk,1tions for p

olilics. cu!mre, and identity,

only one essay, notably tided "1 11e Geuder Di1ne11sio11" (Steans 200

0) nrnkcs any mendon

of the b<Jdy or sextm!ity. Harvey :~ (1990) bnd111ark treatment of

the ,rnnsition from ford-

ism 10 !lexible accumufadon and Sa5~en's (1998) ana\y~is of rhe e

mergence or significance of

global cities also lack sustained <lisc,1ssi{)ns of d,e sexttal domain

.

3. Br the "intcrn:11im1al sex trade," I am not referring w a coordinated

social or economic ne,-

work but to ;1 highly diversified set of dispersed tr..ins;ictions an<.! :1cm

rs.

4. Male pro.~titution w:is ::1ho prevalem in urban ccnter$d1.1ri

ng 1his period, but male prosti-

mtes were typlca!ly sulmuned u nde1· the new and more socially sal

ient banner or"homo-

sexua!s" in sodo!ogica!, mcdico- p.,;ychologiG.11, and political disc

ourses (Weeks 1981).

5. Br "postindosuia! cities·' l :im ref erring to cities with k>cal econom

ies weighted heavily to-

ward w11d.s111. business and pe,sona l ~crvices, and hiy,h technol<)g}'

(Smith 1996; Milkman

and Dwrer 2002; Swedish !ns!i tme 200\).

6. My co!le;igue Eliz.1beth Woo d. who similarly observed rhe st

tburbanir,:nion of sexual com-

mcn:e in one mid-si·led New Engla nd dty, h;1s referred w this pattern

as the usrrip-ni,111"

phwomenon (personal conmnin ication).

7. for an a11alysis of evangelicil women's morr,I reform movement

s in the 19th cc11t1.iry, see

Hobson (1987). Ahhough conte mporary Cl1ristfan Right and ra

dical fcminiat groups (as

ex~mplified hy ,is ,he Coalitiou Ag aiimTraffiddng in \Vornen) ()bj

cct to the intermingling

of sext~1liq-' and die market in priv a1e a> weli :IS in public, :1niculati11

g a condcnrnadon of

Buying and Selling the "Girlfriend Exp erience"

~rorjn~ion. 'tar is. Strsikingl)' Si lllilar to those or earlier mo.al rc

fom1 movemcms rhe neigh-

()[ 1◊0 res'.< ents 111 an Francisco d

id not espome (his view. ·'

8. Laura Agustm has described a transition from ~prt-indusuial"

to «indu t · ]" c f

work for migrai t ~ L • A ' s na 1orms o sex

. ' i 5 rom <1t111 n1crfc::1 who C0llle to

Europe ;o work in bro,h,k "Di I·

mg fher]self nude in a window in Ain$terdam for fourtee 11 hou

rs a da, d.' spa)'-

to a road !n rhe Casad· VI . M !·J

· ,J,orsmn mgnext

d• -·bd ,. ''. ~ mpo m ;it,, ,.,;utfo,msofpro~tirn

tionwhichmi<>htbe

d;.sc; '. c a~! mfusin~l, compared with types at home [hat perhnps iu

volve dandn; ,uid

ni~~;,'. 1 (~~;~\~~~~ts !!l n lllorc leisurely m

anner and having sex with two or (hrec in one

9. ·r1c phrase emctio11~! l«borderives from the work of Arlie Hochsdii!d (! 983·7) SJ I ·Ii .

r lC term as that which is require d "to induce or suppress feeling

in order to s~ist,ain 1:r:,t ~::~_s

watd COuntenan.cc t.hat pwduccs tb e proper swlc ~frnind in others

.... 1hi, kind of )

call~ fur~ co~rdm:inoi: of mind and feeling, and j,; sometilllcs draw

s on a so~rce of s)t~!~art

we 1ono1 .as e~p and unegral to o ur individuality."

·

lO. As K:d:ermc .Liepe~Le\'.i~so n (2002) observes, the 1m01bcr of stri

p dubs {or .. gcmlcman's

dubs.) '.n maior U.S. ca1cs roughly doubled between !987 and 1992

11. For sunilar observations, sec L ever and Do!nick (2000).

·

12. See a,!so 1 . !3ernstdn 200 I for a fuller disc

ussioq of 1hc significance of auth enticity w

1 ,ro•,,·

tutes C !Cll(S. , -

!3. ~)' l988, nearly~ thi1:d of A merican housi:holc!s(on.si.sted o

f ;1, single indivkhd. !n Wester 1

urope.1.n counmes, smg!c-pcrson h0\1seholds have been the niost

'rapidly growin, house 1

hold type since the ! 960s, IYidi fro m 25 percent (ln the Un!!cd Kingd

om)\o 16 g -•

~;v~d~n) of the popu.lation livin g alone (Sorremino 1990; Kello

gg and Mim,. ;;J;~~c~: 1 : 1

;~ 1

mtc States the peicentage of \Hlll larricd ::1dulrs rose from 28 perce

nt to 37 J)erccnt b

tween 1970 and 1988 And ace r I c-

l 200

I · or( ing to t 1e most recent census data in the

United State.~

Jy 0, es..s t!rnn a quarter of Am ericans were living in nuclear fomi

lics (US n ., r'

the Census 1989. J 992, 200 !). • · · , uu1

ea11 o

l/4. :: 1 ~<ells (2~01) defines ~non-~xibk"

cmplop11em as fo!l-ti1ne, year-roun d, snktried work

Jt 1 over. t i:ec ~r mor:, rears !11 t he s.1tnc compa11y.

I 5. ?n the dis~rib1mo1~ of. prn ercation,il," "relational." '1.nd "rccre

ationar' norrn::1tive oricnta-

u~ns t?waid sexuality rn rhe Un ited States, :;cc Llum,11111. er al. (199

4).

IG. ; 1 ;~ton~~siire also no~c(( that co

mmodideo other than sex were offe red in the luxury bor-

toc d~,:: 11 -.ce~itury I ans as wdl as in 19d1-cc

nn,ry China, where clients Wol1ld c ome

'to soeialm:, 1"" W share C<.mli dcnccs whh che !lladan, (Norbe g

1998 . H h

! 997). ' ' r , ers .~tt

er

17. Sec Laumann et.11. 1994 j\ 0 529 ' d

. . ,

0 - • ,or ,1 ctailcd s1atL,rica! bre;ikdown of the corrda-

unm.1 b d«

5 wee

11 norrnanvc sexual orientation an d 111embership in n«1ster Stallls

grollJ)' ind,,

nw: rntes. ' •

! 8. A!tl10ugh the bounded auth cmicity d1::1t women ~eek in ,he

ir crn,·• [' · ·1

pr vid db, l d'. _ t ... 1v,:s 1s no( necess,m y

. 0 e_k ). t

1e lie.ct pu1ch~~c of comn1ercial sex.1a! services die.re is nonedld

ess a g ow

mg ma1 1 cc 11~ sexually evocative romance 11

0,,el~, sex toys, '\v~mcn friendly'' po ri~o~r..i~,hi-

~;x,.s an< 1 ! 9 " 8 ·r o:i~iances, and sc_x cla%es and

sexlw.' advice manuals for kmale nm sum~rs c

n1tow .?: u,c 1998; Juffur !998. 1-lnrdy 200!).

' ·

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10 love Work in a Tourist Town Dominican Sex Workers and Resort Workers Perform at Love

Denise Brennan

"A Double Wedding" and "Love in rhe Caribbean," rhe news headlines read. 1 The local event in Sost'ia-a tourist town on the north coa$t of the Dominican Republic-had become national news. Two white English female tourists met-,md soon married-two Afro-Dominican male resort workers in a shared ceremony. 1hey married two months after they had first met at the a!l-indusive hotd in Sosl1a where the men worked and the women had been guests. -n,e marriage ceremony took place. after the men had been refused entry into England. Even though the men had tour- ist visas and all the necessary paperwork, when they !.mded at Heathrow, British im- migration officials detained them, questioned them separately, and decided that they were so young, at 18 years old, that they might have the intention of overstaying their tourist visas :rnd looking for work. But it was also on the issue of love-and its implausibillty-that the officials denied the Dominican men entrance. "The authori- ties concluded that it was not reamnab!e that two young English women, with less than 15 days to get to know rhe men, would h.ive sent two tickets to visit England, with no other additional motives," a leading Dominican news magazine reported {Victoria 1994:45). If officials reasoned that they were not really in love, they 1mm have seen the men as pretending or performing being in love.1

President Joaquin Balaguer issued a statement on the wedding, the media led with the story, and neighborhood gossip in Soslia picked up on this event. 111e wed- ding became symbolic of how the Dominican Republic sells itself through tourism. Dominicans and foreign residents ofSosUa alike declared, "1here is 110 way rhe men love these women." "These guys are sankies, they want visas; that's it." By charac- terizing the men as sankies-essernia!ly mate sex workers-Soslians assumed the men were in the relationships solely for material gain. This assumption is dear in a eirroon from a now-defunct Dominican sarincal magazine that lampoons the over- night weddings. 1he cartoon plays up rhe "predatory" side of the Dominican men in featuring in the second frame the mother of one of rhe English women crying, "Cuidado con !os Sand Key Pants Kids!" (Be careful wirh rhe sanky-pankies!). It is just as illustrative of the presumed na·ivetC of the English tourists, who are portrayed as initial!)' rejecting the advances of the predat0ry sanky-pankies. This cartoon, and

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