Touchstone 4: Revise an Argumentative Research Essay

Running Head: THE EFFECTS OF TECHNOLOGY 1

THE EFFECTS OF TECHNOLOGY 2

Brea Robinson Comment by Microsoft Office User: Hi Brea. This is Tyler, and I’m reading your paper.

Sophia Pathways

07 May 7, 2021

English Composition II

Introduction

The determination of how new technology affects our daily lives and the potential impacts on our future is evident through the analysis of how it has affected our past. An excellent example of this easement is the observation that comes can be used to manufacture ethanol. After coming up with ethanol, it can serve as the fuel that can further be used to run machines and cost, leading to increased production in the manufacturing sector at a low cost. However, this comes with some limitations. If one decides to change a large volume of corms for the production of ethanol, which could otherwise be used for food production, there will be a shortage of food for humans, resulting in hunger. Even though the technology is harmful to humans, how humans utilize it to achieve their goals determines whether to result in positive or negative impacts. Some of the effects of technology that can affect human beings are transportation, education, communication, and manufacturing. Comment by Microsoft Office User: This is awkward. Comment by Microsoft Office User: This is a run-on sentence and should be broken up. Comment by Microsoft Office User: corn Comment by Microsoft Office User: This is a good thesis for your paper.

Manufacturing plays an essential role in our daily activities since almost all; the products we use daily and the types of machinery used to make our lives comfortable and easy are manufacturing products. For many countries, their primary source of income comes from exporting manufacturing products to other countries. An industrialized nation is also advantageous since it renders employment to its citizens, enabling them to have a stable source of income which further improves their standards of living and the countries' economy in general. However, while having the positive effects of manufacturing, there are also adverse effects, including increasing pollution. Industries are the largest source of air pollution in the world, resulting in global warming and climate change. Pollution from industries comes in different forms, such as air pollution from the gases and smoke emissions, air pollution from the loud noises they make, water pollution from water discharge to rivers, lakes, or oceans, and/or solid waste pollution dumping solid wastes to the environment. The use of technology in the manufacturing sector needs to be monitored closely to ensure that the negative implications from the process are mitigated and reduced significantly. Comment by Microsoft Office User: delete Comment by Microsoft Office User: You should have at least one citation in each body paragraph of a research paper.

On the agricultural sectors there is also mechanization where technology has been used to enhance in production and hence lead to a boost in the economy of the country. A good example of mechanization is the use of technology in irrigation, pest control and technology used I planting and harvesting. However, there are negative implications that becomes with mechanization of technology such as emission of gases by the machines and global warming, (Takeshimaa, et al, 2020). Comment by Microsoft Office User: in Comment by Microsoft Office User: delete Comment by Microsoft Office User: al., Comment by Microsoft Office User: Don’t end your paragraphs with a citation. Add a closing sentence here that ties back to your topic sentence.

To a large extent, the transportation sector has been utilizing technology in how people are interacting in everyday situations. This, to a large area, enabled people to move faster than they could move if technology were not invented. This technology has been of help, especially to the developing countries, in making sure that they are getting funds from those countries considered to be wealthy so that they can also upgrade on the level of infrastructure they are using. However, with increased technology in the transportation sector, pollution has grown rapidly since transportation is a source of pollution. The source of pollution, however, from transportation has got some negative impacts, and it pollutes soil, water, air and, any others this technology also plays a very critical role in spent the community. This is because they are in a position to get their incomes and revenues from transportation, (Gössling, 2017) Comment by Microsoft Office User: transportation (Gössling, 2017). Don’t end your paragraphs with a citation. Add a closing sentence here that ties back to your topic sentence. You should have citations throughout your paragraph and not just at the end.

Communities ate access to the infrastructures they may want to use faster, including health sector facilities, markets, schools, and many others as the technology is increasing in the transportation sector. It is the same way that innovation and new cars are coming up due to this innovation. These cars, which people believe are advanced they are releasing so many harmful gases into the atmosphere. This has resulted in an increased climate change and global warming. It is therefore essential that people are supposed to be cautious. This makes sense to know that we are innovating. We must understand that costs are resulting from this and therefore considering measures before advancing into such technology is very important. Some of the cars have changed, and they no longer use fossil fuels; they have turned to electricity. However, this is also causing smooth strain in the resources. This is because these resources are scarce in the environment. Comment by Microsoft Office User: ? Comment by Microsoft Office User: You should have at least one citation in each body paragraph of a research paper.

Improved and enhanced technology has got a lot of impacts on public health. After they have caused pollution, many other adverse effects come with breakdown to human beings. Many people nowadays are suffering from health impacts, and they include asthma, respiratory illness, and heart and lung disease, amongst other consequences that come with exposure to pollutants. The physical activity of the people at some point is forced to change as a result of pollution. This is also to start dealing with essential things in curbing issues brought about by the pollutants. Advancement in technology has made so many people obsessed, and others are gaining a lot of weight. This is because they do not do the exercises; therefore, they have been able to contract so many lifestyle diseases. Consequently, people must do the cost and benefit analysis and develop a framework that will help their health continue improving and not deteriorating. some people have become very lazy, and they cannot be in a position to foot even for a very short distance, for instance, some neighbors even going to the groceries they have to use their vehicles, this is not healthy at all, and it is a lifestyle which people are supposed to change to make sure that they are not victims of lifestyle disease, (Collins, et al, 2013). Comment by Microsoft Office User: disease (Collins et al., 2013). Comment by Microsoft Office User: Don’t end your paragraphs with a citation. Add a closing sentence here that ties back to your topic sentence. You should have citations throughout your paragraph and not just at the end.

Improved technology has been very critical in ensuring that communication has been improved. This is because when one is transferring from one point to another, they can communicate with other people, which has helped people avoid the issue of fear when their loved ones are traveling. Calling and texting have made thins to be very smooth and easy. This is because one is in a position to communicate with friends, relatives, and many others. This can be through using the cellphone, (Bahrini, et al, 2019). This is one of the most basic communication tools, and almost every person either owns or has access to a mobile phone. Also, improved technology has made traveling safer, and this is because one can use google maps to know where they are heading to. The other important aspect is that cars have been automated and for that reason tracking a driver who has kidnapped the passage has become very easy, (Tariq, 2018) Comment by Microsoft Office User: cellphone (Bahrini et al., 2019). Comment by Microsoft Office User: easy (Tariq, 2018). Comment by Microsoft Office User: Don’t end your paragraphs with a citation. Add a closing sentence here that ties back to your topic sentence.

However, having advantages also has some disadvantages; the main drawback of improved technology is cyberbullying and online harassment. This is, for instance, through ruining the reputation of somebody or a company through the spreading of false hate speech. Many people do not know how they can cope with such issues, and such instances have made more people go into depression. This has also been remote o has been resulting in the low esteem of some people who have been bullied online. This, to some extent, has made the majority of the people take away their lives. One may feel so lonely and empty. This is after they are not in a position to know how they can deal with such huge things which they are befalling them. Comment by Microsoft Office User: This doesn’t make sense. Change it to: Technology has some disadvantages Comment by Microsoft Office User: You should have at least one citation in each body paragraph of a research paper.

However, all the above can be cured very easily. This is through teamwork; if a person works in isolation curbing and making sure that criminals are paying for whatever they are doing may be challenging. Therefore, all people must be aware of the risks associated with cyberbullying and try and avoid getting themselves into trouble through knowledge of the same. Awareness should as well be taught to young children, and this is because it is unethical to get engaged in such instances. When they are going to know that right from their childhood, even when they are going to grow, in most cases, they are not going to get involved in cybercrime, and this is an essential aspect for the community, (Marcino, 2018). Comment by Microsoft Office User: delete Comment by Microsoft Office User: Don’t end your paragraphs with a citation. Add a closing sentence here that ties back to your topic sentence.

Comment by Microsoft Office User: Delete extra space between paragraphs.

Conclusion

How people utilize technology to attain their goals results in the negative impacts that affect people's lives, such as transportation, education, communication, and manufacturing. Transportation is an essential service that increases productivity by facilitating mobility and the supply of products and services. However, the result of transportation is pollution, which negatively affects people's health and the environment. The use of technology for communication is also a positive impact of technology since it makes people stay connected. When the phones are misused, such as cyberbullying, it has a negative effect since it can lead to harming others. Technology is also an essential tool in the education sector, especially in the digital era, since one can use it to take notes, access learning resources, and many other benefits. This does not continually educate since students can use it in cheating during examinations or learn unethical things from the internet. Lastly, manufacturing is essential in the production of goods and services, which are essential in our daily survival. However, manufacturing can lead to the emission of gasses harmful to our health and the environment—dumping of the waste materials and chemicals from production without being treated for poisoning I dangerous and can lead to death. Comment by Microsoft Office User: Nice job restating your thesis here.

References

Bahrini, R., and Qaffas, A. (2019). Impact of Information and Communication Technology on Economic Growth: Evidence from Developing Countries. Economies 2019, 7, 21; DOI: 10.3390/economies7010021 Comment by Microsoft Office User: Only capitalize the first word, word after colon and proper nouns in article titles. Change this for all of your references.

Collins, J., Baer, B., Weber, E.J. (2013). Population, Technological Progress and the Evolution of Innovative Potential. University of Western Australia Business School, http://dx.doi.org/10.2139/ssrn.2284456

Gössling, S. 2017. ICT and transport behavior: A conceptual review. International Journal of Sustainable Transportation, http://dx.doi.org/10.1080/15568318.2017.1338318

Marcino, P. (2018). Impact of Information and Communication Technology on Academic Achievement for Exceptional Student Education Inclusion Students. Walden University Scholar Works. : https://scholarworks.waldenu.edu/dissertations

Raja, R., and Nagasubramani, P. C. (2018). Impact of modern technology in education. Journal of Applied and Advanced Research, 2018: 3. S33-S35. Comment by Microsoft Office User: All journal titles should be italicized.

Takeshimaa, H., Hatzenbuehlerb, P., and. Edehc, H. (2020). Effects of agricultural mechanization on economies of scope in crop production in Nigeria. Agriculture Systems, 177. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.agsy.2019.102691

Tariq, M. (2018). Information and Communication Technology (ICT) and Environmental Sustainability in Developed and Developing Countries. Pakistan Journal of Commerce and Social Sciences 2018, Vol. 12 (3), 758-783

Provide one example of a place where you have used rhetorical appeals or source material to support your argument. How does this enhance your essay? – “When they are going to know that right from their childhood, even when they are going to grow, in most cases, they are not going to get involved in cybercrime, and this is an essential aspect for the community” this citation provides a bolstering effect to my essay because it supports my thesis. Comment by Microsoft Office User: You did a nice job with your reflection answers.

Touchstone 4 is a revision of this draft. What kind of feedback would be helpful for you as you revise? Are there parts of your draft that you’re uncertain of? – I would like feedback that provides me with guidance on how I can better support my argument and research. I’m not a professional writer and I struggle with proper wording and supporting statements. It is also important for proper grammar to be accounted for.

Touchstone 3.2 Rubric and Feedback
Rubric Category	Feedback	Score (acceptable, needs improvement etc.)
Argument Development and Support	The argument is somewhat developed with highly relevant details to support it, including the use of rhetorical appeals and source material.	28/40
Research	Cites some outside sources appropriately; incorporates credible sources smoothly and effectively through direct quotation, paraphrase, or summary.	21/30
Organization	Includes most of the required components of an argumentative research paper, including an introduction with relevant and engaging background information and an argumentative thesis, an adequate number of body paragraphs with topic sentences, a body paragraph addressing counterargument(s), and a conclusion with a concluding statement.	12/15
Style	Demonstrates thoughtful and effective word choices, avoids redundancy and imprecise language, and uses a wide variety of sentence structures.	4/5
Conventions	There are several errors in grammar, punctuation, spelling, capitalization, and usage.	3/5
Reflection	Demonstrates thoughtful reflection; consistently includes insights, observations, and/or examples in all responses, following or exceeding response length guidelines.	5/5
Overall Score and Feedback: 73/100  You have some good content here. This is a research paper. Make sure you have at least one citation in each body paragraph and make sure they are throughout your paragraphs instead of at the end only. I tried to make some changes to make your writing a little more formal in nature and help you with APA formatting. You did a good job with this draft and I hope my suggestions are helpful to you. Good luck with your Touchstone 4!