Understanding the Speaker

CHAPTER 5 Listening

The Importance of Listening � When people think of

improving their communication skills, they usually think of developing their ability to send messages.

� We listen more than any other communication skill.

� Research suggests that listening is considered the most important communication skill people want in others.

Listening Defined � Listening: The process of receiving,

interpreting, and responding to spoken and non-verbal messages.

� Hearing: The process by which sound waves strike the eardrum and cause vibrations that are transmitted to the brain.

� Hearing is automatic whereas listening requires effort of paying attention, understanding, remembering, and responding.

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Listening Defined

� Mindless listening

! Occurs when we react to others’ messages automatically and routinely, without much mental investment.

� Mindful listening ! Involves giving careful and

thoughtful attention and responses to the messages we receive.

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Reasons for Listening 1. To understand and remember.

2. To evaluate.

3. To build and maintain relationships.

4. To help others.

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The Challenge of Listening

� Information overload

� Personal concerns

� Rapid thought

! Can understand~ 600 words per minute; average person speaks 100–140 words per minute.

� Noise

! Background noises means it takes more effort to listen

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Types of Non-Listening 1. Pseudo-listening

! Polite imitation of listening to mask inattention.

2. Stage hogging

! Being interested only in expressing one’s own ideas and not caring about what other people have to say.

3. Selective listening

! Responding only to the parts of a speaker’s remarks that spark one’s interest, rejecting everything else.

Types of Non-Listening 4. Filling in gaps

! Manufacturing information so that when a story is retold, the message is distorted in order to give the impression of imparting the full story.

5. Insulated listening ! Failing to hear or acknowledge certain topics when

they are raised.

6. Defensive listening ! Taking innocent comments as personal attacks.

7. Ambushing ! Listening in order to collect information with which to

attack the speaker.

Activity: Types of Non-Listening

1. Tyler couldn’t wait for Emma to make a mistake so that he could verbally jump on her for it. ________________________

2. Paige often appears to be paying attention in class even though her mind is miles away. ________________________

3. Keith thinks he knows what Craig is going to say because they are such good friends. __________________________

4. Sam seems to take everything anyone says as an attack. _____________________

5. Dale never gives anyone else a chance to speak. _________________________

6. Although we’ve told Cynthia three times that her partner is cheating on her, she never seems to register the message. ___________________________

7. Rylan was able to tune out the conversation in the other room while studying until he heard his own name come up. ___________________________

A: Pseudo-listening; B: Stage hogging; C: Selective listening; D: Filling in the gaps; E: Insulted listening; F: Defensive listening; G: Ambushing

The Components of Listening � Hearing

! Physiological; reduced by physiological disorders, background noise, and auditory fatigue.

� Attending

! Psychological; paying attention to both verbal and non-verbal messages.

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The Components of Listening � Understanding

! Familiar with rules of language; knowledge about the source and context of the message; and willingness/motivation to understand.

� Remembering

! Depends on the number of times information is heard; how much information there is to store; whether or not the information can be rehearsed; and the level of intimacy between the speaker and listener.

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The Components of Listening

� Responding

! Giving observable (both verbal and non-verbal) feedback to the speaker.

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Activity: Your Own Listening � Try to think about some specific instances when:

1. You heard another person’s message but didn’t attend to it.

2. You attended to a message but forgot it almost immediately.

3. You attended to and remembered a message but did not understand it accurately.

4. You understood a message but did not respond sufficiently to convey your understanding to the sender.

To be a better listener, talk less, get rid of distractions, don’t jump to conclusions, and look for key ideas.

Types of Listening Responses

A variety of listening styles that range from being quiet and thoughtful, to being verbally engaged and giving your opinion. On one end of the spectrum you are not giving advise or making comments (reflective), but on the other end you are saying what you think (directive).

Types of Listening Responses 1. Silent listening

! Staying attentive and non-verbally responsive without saying anything.

! Cultural differences regarding staying quiet. In some Asian and Indigenous cultures, silence is a way to communicate respect and to be considerate.

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Types of Listening Responses 2. Questioning

� Types of questions: 1. Open Questions: Allow the

respondent to answer in a variety of ways.

o “What did you think about the movie?”

2. Closed Questions: Allow the respondent a limited range of answers.

o “Did you like the movie?”

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Types of Listening Responses 2. Questioning continued

Sincere questions are used to understand others. ! To clarify meanings. ! To learn about other people’s thoughts, feelings, and

wants. ! To encourage elaboration. ! To encourage discovery. ! To gather more facts and details.

Types of Listening Responses 2. Questioning continued

Counterfeit questions are used to send a message, not receive one.

! Questions that trap the speaker (e.g. leading questions). ! Questions that make statements. ! Questions that carry hidden agendas. ! Questions that seek “correct” answers. ! Questions based on unverified assumptions.

Types of Listening Responses 3. Paraphrasing

! Feedback that restates in your own words the message you thought the speaker sent.

! When paraphrasing you can: A. Change the speaker’s wording. B. Offer an example of what you think the speaker is talking

about.

C. Describe the underlying theme of the speaker’s remarks. o Example: “Lee is so inconsiderate and self-centered. I can’t

believe I’m friends with him.”

! Paraphrasing factual information (date/time/directions). ! Paraphrasing personal information

(thoughts/feelings/behaviour).

Types of Listening Responses 3. Paraphrasing

� Objectives: ! Show your desire to understand the speakers thoughts. ! Check your listening accuracy and encourage further

dialogue. ! Let the speaker know you are committed to getting the facts

right.

� Method: ! Listen until you understand the speaker’s point of view. ! Wait for a natural “break” in the conversation. ! Briefly restate the speaker’s ideas emphasizing the facts. ! Request feedback.

Types of Listening Responses 3. Paraphrasing

� Why paraphrasing works: 1. It allows you to find out if the

message you think you got is correct.

2. It draws more information out from the speaker.

3. It can diffuse a heated moment because the speaker feels more “heard” and that you are trying to understand what they are saying.

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Types of Listening Responses 4. Empathizing

� What listeners use when they want to show they identify with a speaker.

� Requires perspective taking, emotional contagion, and genuine concern.

� Empathizing is not: ! Denying others the right to their feelings. ! Minimizing the significance of the situation. ! Focus on yourself. ! Raining on the speaker’s parade.

Types of Listening Responses 5. Supporting

� Reveals your solidarity with the speaker’s situation.

� Types of supportive responses: ! Agreement ! Offers to help ! Praise ! Reassurance

� Social support improves mental and physical health.

� Be sincere, focus on the “here and now”, and tune into what they need.

Types of Listening Responses 6. Analyzing

� The listener offers an interpretation of a speaker’s message.

� Guidelines for knowing when it’s helpful to offer analysis: ! Offer your interpretation in a tentative way rather than an

absolute fact. ! Your analysis ought to have a reasonable chance of being

correct. ! Make sure that the other person will be receptive to your

analysis.

! Be sure that your motive for offering an analysis is truly to help the other person.

Types of Listening Responses 7. Evaluating

� Appraises the sender’s thoughts or behaviour in some way.

� Evaluations may be favourable or unfavourable.

� Constructive criticism from friends, family, and instructors.

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Types of Listening Responses 8. Advising

! Providing the speaker with your opinion about what they should do.

! Most common reaction.

� Only offer advice under the following conditions: ! You are sure the other person really wants to hear

your suggestions. ! You are confident that your advice is correct. ! You are able to offer the advice in a sensitive manner.

Types of Listening Responses � Which style of listening should I use?

! Consider the situation.

! Consider the other person.

! Consider yourself, your weaknesses, and your strengths.