AS AGREED WITH DAISY ARABELLA
11
Smarthinking Tutor Response Form
Your tutor has written overview comments about your essay in the form below. Your tutor has also embedded comments [in bold and in brackets] within your essay. Thank you for choosing Smarthinking to help you improve your writing!
Hello Cristina! I’m Kristine B. I look forward to working with you on this Essay Center Review to improve your writing today. Let's get started!
*Writing Strength: Your essay is organized in a really clear, logical manner, Cristina, with clear subheadings making each discussion distinct.
This helps make your argument quite focused while still flowing in a natural way. In turn, this enables your reader to follow your discussion easily. Well done!
*Cristina 8941468, you requested help with Main Idea/Thesis:
There are multiple points at which you have a thesis statement, Cristina, but I would advise that you signpost these instances less overtly:
“My thesis statement is that Immigration in the United States should be allowed because they have social, demographic and economic benefits.”
“The Topic is Immigration in the United States and my thesis statement is that immigration in the United States should be allowed because of social, economic and demographic benefits.”
Your thesis statement should stand for itself; you should not have to introduce it by name this way. In addition, you could add detail. Stating what you feel/think on this topic outright can make your argument feel more confident. For example, if I was writing a similarly structured essay on reducing plastic usage, my thesis statement might look something like the following. First, I will provide a draft similar to yours, and then demonstrate the revision:
*** DRAFT: My thesis statement is that the government and corporations should discourage plastic packaging overuse because of its limited use, production processes and overall impact on the environment.
Revision: The overuse of plastic packaging should be discouraged by the government and corporations as it has limited usage, harmful production processes are used in plastic manufacturing and it has a largely negative impact on the environment overall.
While your thesis statement should be clear, signposting with the actual words can draw the reader out of your essay and make the process behind the writing obvious, as opposed to a confident, direct statement encapsulating your argument.
Content Development
The following points may feel a bit contradictory, Cristina, potentially confusing your reader: “Secondly is the sources I used were not inclined to one side. Most of the sources are opposing the immigrants in the country. The sources would acknowledge the opposing argument and further present evidence to support their view.”
In the first sentence, you state that your sources were NOT one-sided, but in the second, you state that most openly oppose immigrants. Adding a linking tool between the second and third sentences can help temper your argument here a bit, making your point clearer. For example (my additions are in bold):
“Although most of the sources are opposing the immigrants in the country, the sources would still acknowledge the opposing argument and further present evidence to support their view.”
Ensuring that your ideas are as clear as possible can help avoid any confusion.
*Cristina 8941468, you requested help with Grammar & Mechanics:
Occasionally, you make use of the incorrect verb form, Cristina. For example:
“Bipartisan Policy Center is celebrated 10th Anniversary in finding actionable solutions to great policy challenges in America.”
Here, the verb “is” suggest present tense, but “celebrated” is a past tense form of this verb. You need to either say “has celebrated its 10th Anniversary” or “is celebrating its 10th Anniversary, ” depending on your preferred tense here and what tense your have previously been using.
For more on this topic, take a look at the Smarthinking guide on Verb Tenses.
Summary of Next Steps:
· Write a strong thesis statement without labelling it too overtly.
· Make your point about the selection of sources clearer.
· Make use of verbs correctly.
Thank you for submitting your essay for a review, Cristina. I enjoyed helping you with this step in the revision process. Have a good day! Kristine B.
You can find more information about writing, grammar, and usage in the Smarthinking Writer's Handbook.
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Please look for comments [in bold and in brackets] in your essay below. Thank you for submitting your work to Smarthinking! We hope to see you again soon.
Student’s name
Immigration in the United States
Date
English 101
Table of Contents Preface 3 Source Defense 5 Work Cited Page 10 Work consulted page 11
Preface
Immigration in the United States
I chose the topic of immigration because it is one of the top debated issues in the social and political settings of United States of America. It has been a prevalent phenomenon on the international and national news broadcast as the new administration of President Donald Trump enacts laws and regulations that limit the immigrants' populations, deports some of the immigrants and stricter boundary laws on the issues of immigrants in the country. The nation has a lot of controversies that surround immigration due to the economic benefits, the political threats and the disadvantages of the immigrants especially from countries which have a historical terrorist background. With the upsurge of the illegal immigrants in the nations, the country resorts to more rules that limit the influx of immigrants in the country. Despite the negative attributes that are associated with the flow of the immigrants in the country, an increase of the illegal immigrants in the nations, the nation needs the immigrants in strike balance in their demographics, economic and social sectors. My thesis statement is that Immigration in the United States should be allowed because they have social, demographic and economic benefits.
My intended audiences are scholars and political analysts who have desires in knowing more about the immigration debate across the country. Those who will read the research paper will gain credible information on the benefits of immigrants in the United States. They will also learn that it is nearly impossible for the country to thrive without the influence of the immigrants. Some of the difficulties I encountered during my research is permission to do research on particular websites. Some websites required that one should subscribe to their article, even though the abstract documented for the research paper is quantitative and qualitative I was not able to access. Another challenge was getting peer-reviewed journals that support the argument or my thesis statement. Some of the journals were outdated thus I did not find source being credible. Since this topic is currently debated there is minimal peer-reviewed journals that discuss intensively on the topic.
The criteria that I used to know whether the sources that I used were credible is as follows. The first one is an authority. If the author has information that has an academic background and is an expert on the subject then I chose that sources. The academic qualification and experiences in the related field also gave me insight on choosing the source. Secondly is the sources I used were not inclined to one side. Most of the sources are opposing the immigrants in the country. The sources would acknowledge the opposing argument and further present evidence to support their view. Thirdly is the date of the source. If the article was recently updated then I would consider that source credible since the topic has a lot of controversies that emerged recently. Finally, I chose the sources that had references that shows the originality of their information. Even though some of the websites had no references but other aspects were correctly addressed.
I learned several aspects from the sources that I chose. Firstly is that the economic benefits that immigrants contribute to the nation are far much reaching. Immigrations enhances the workforce since it allows excellent specialization. This results in the upsurge of productivity as well the living standards of the people. Besides Immigration also results in an increase in diversity among the workforces. Diverse workforces are more likely to be creative and innovative particularly in industries where success is dependent on specialized knowledge. Secondly, the inflow of educated immigrants will be a boon for the government coffers. In accordance to National Academy of Sciences Report estimated that the immigrant who arrives at united states of America at the age of 25 years with a college education are expected to contribute to $500,000 net surplus finances to the government while those have advanced degree contribute twice the net amount in their lifetime (Griswold). This is one of the reasons why the inflow of immigrants on the country should not be curbed as this will reduce high skilled, innovative and hardworking foreign workers that the economy needs. Finally, it is important to note the tremendous force of the entrepreneurship and the innovation that is associated with the immigrants in the United States. Therefore the immigrants in the country are not only job makers but also job takers. The immigrant’s entrepreneurial power will empower the innovativeness of the country and make the country maintain its competitive edge throughout the world.
Research process has been one of the most interesting activity I have learned in this course.it has taught me on the basics of doing intensive research to enable one write a quantitative and qualitative research. Research Anthology requires skills that are learned and practiced. It is important in our life as a scholar since we are prompted to submit a research paper on different topics. I will now be able to write them effectively and without much strain.
Source Defense
The Topic is Immigration in the United States and my thesis statement is that immigration in the United States should be allowed because of social, economic and demographic benefits.
Martin, Philip L., and Elizabeth Midgley. Immigration. Population Reference Bureau, 2003.
This publication in Population Reference Bureau on Immigration wrote by Philip Martin and Elizabeth Midgley detailing the demographics of an immigrant in the United States. The authors also discussed the immigration policies in the country and their economic effects. Immigrants help the country in numerous ways. They help the economy by expanding the current population and provides more workers and consumers thus improves the growth of the economy.
Population Reference Bureau (PRB) is prominent is providing objective and timely information on the United States, international trends in population and their implication. Philip has Ph.D. in Economics and his interests are in immigration, economic development and farm labor. He has written numerous publication. Elizabeth is a renowned contributor to PRB. The contribution and research on issues of immigration are intensive. This publication focuses on the demographics of the foreigners, immigrants, refugees and non-immigrants into the country. The authors remained free from bias by giving actual data on the trends of the immigration in the country. The publication has numerous trustees. The publication is organized well and is rich in actual information.
Griswold, Daniel. "The Economy Needs Immigrants". U.S.News, 2017, https://www.usnews.com/opinion/economic-intelligence/articles/2017-07-31/donald-trump-should-realize-the-us-economy-needs-immigrants. Accessed 4 May 2018.
The article on "The Economy Needs Immigrants was published in U.S.News &World Report authored by Daniel Griswold details on the economic benefits of immigrants in the nation. The immigrants boost the economy of US by increasing the employees or workers and raising the worker's productivity.
U.S.News &World Report is a multi-platform publisher of information where its version of e-books and annual prints have attracted authoritative ranking in best hospitals, graduate schools and colleges. It is now 84 years old in providing credible information. Daniel is an author of the book "Mad about Trade: Why Main Street America Should Embrace Globalization" and co-director of the program on the American Economy and Globalization. The author has focused on the two ways that the immigrants boost the economy of the country. He acknowledges the remarks of President Trump but details evidential data and information why the country need more immigrants. He proposes that the immigrants improve innovation and job creation. His research on the topic and the expertise on the same makes the information credible and reliable to depend on.
Megan,, Kenneth, and Theresa Cardinal Brown. "America's Demographic Challenge: Understanding The Role Of Immigration". Bipartisan Policy Center, 2017, https://bipartisanpolicy.org/library/americas-demographic-challenge-understanding-the-role-of-immigration/. Accessed 4 May 2018.
This publication on "America's Demographic Challenge: Understanding The Role of Immigration" was published by the Bipartisan Policy Center authored by Kenneth Megan and Theresa Cardinal Brown outlines the economic challenges that the United States is facing as a result of a challenge in demographics and explains the role of immigration in easing the strains.
Bipartisan Policy Center is celebrated 10th Anniversary in finding actionable solutions to great policy challenges in America. It is a non-profit organization that offers best strategies to promote security, security for all Americans. Kenneth is a Senior Policy Analyst in the Bipartisan Policy Center while Theresa the Director of immigration and Cross-Border Policy thus this information is very thorough and credible. Immigration helps in providing the working-age populations that assist in supporting the high level of retires. They also contribute to the growth of the economy through entrepreneurship, innovation and productivity. The research of the authors and experts on the topic, their use of reliable information demonstrates the challenge in the United States and how immigration can curb that challenge. The work is very persuasive. [ Reemphasize what elements of this work make it persuasive, Cristina. Why is it a successful resource? What formal elements contribute to its success?]
Mansur, Samier. "How Immigration Benefits Americans And Is Key To US Leadership In The World". HuffPost, 2017, https://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/how-immigration-benefits-americans-and-is-key-to-us_us_59b6db42e4b02bebae75f071. Accessed 4 May 2018.
The article on "How Immigration Benefits Americans and Is Key to US Leadership in the World" was published in the HuffPost authored by Samier Mansur details on the benefits of immigration to Americans and how they contribute to US leadership in the world. They not only been providing a workforce for the numerous organization, firms or companies in the nation but also created jobs opportunities.
HuffPost is a website for American and international news and opinions which are liberal. [It would be interesting here to mention whether this publication outwardly states its liberal stance, or if it has been called liberal by external parties. What makes it liberal, Cristina? Who labelled it that way?] It is also a blog that publishes both international and local edition. Sameir is a Global policy strategist, entrepreneur and innovator who is passion is in technologies and idea of making the country or world better. The author documents the five key personnel, in the US economy who are immigrants in the nation. The statistics provided are compellingly indicating signs of extensive research on the subject. The benefits of immigration in the United States outweigh the disadvantages.
Velie, Jon. "The Positive Impact Of Immigration On America - Onlinevisas". Onlinevisas, 2016, https://onlinevisas.com/usa/positive-impact-immigration-america/. Accessed 4 May 2018.
The article on “The Positive Impact of Immigration on America” was written by Jon Velie o blog website Online Visas. The author echoes on the [positive impacts of the immigrants in the nation in that they increase wages for the Native Americans as well as generating jobs. They are contributing greatly to innovation in the country.
OnlineVisas is a revolutionary platform that manages the law cases that are related to immigration. John has practiced law on immigration since 1993, He is the director of the blog a global immigration network. This makes him an expertise in issues related to immigration. The author has provided evidence and statistical information on how the immigrants in the country are doing outstanding works towards the economy of the country. Personal testimonies, survey data has supported his article in giving out numerous companies that have remarkably changed the American economy. His research and information is a compelling warning that any restriction may impair with the innovativeness of the country and may lead to losing of competitive products.
Work Cited Page
Griswold, Daniel. "The Economy Needs Immigrants". U.S.News, 2017, https://www.usnews.com/opinion/economic-intelligence/articles/2017-07-31/donald-trump-should-realize-the-us-economy-needs-immigrants. Accessed 4 May 2018.
Martin, Philip L., and Elizabeth Midgley. Immigration. Population Reference Bureau, 2003.
Megan,, Kenneth, and Theresa Cardinal Brown. "America's Demographic Challenge: Understanding The Role Of Immigration". Bipartisan Policy Center, 2017, https://bipartisanpolicy.org/library/americas-demographic-challenge-understanding-the-role-of-immigration/. Accessed 4 May 2018.
Mansur, Samier. "How Immigration Benefits Americans And Is Key To US Leadership In The World". HuffPost, 2017, https://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/how-immigration-benefits-americans-and-is-key-to-us_us_59b6db42e4b02bebae75f071. Accessed 4 May 2018.
Velie, Jon. "The Positive Impact Of Immigration On America - Onlinevisas". Onlinevisas, 2016, https://onlinevisas.com/usa/positive-impact-immigration-america/. Accessed 4 May 2018.
Work consulted page
Camarota, Steven A., and Karen Zeigler. "Immigrants In The United States". CIS.Org, 2016, https://cis.org/Report/Immigrants-United-States. Accessed 4 May 2018.
Gold, Steven J. "Immigration Benefits America". Society, vol 46, no. 5, 2009, pp. 408-411. Springer Nature, doi:10.1007/s12115-009-9235-4. Accessed 4 May 2018.
Pekkala Kerr, Sari, and William R. Kerr. "Economic Impacts Of Immigration: A Survey". SSRN Electronic Journal, vol 24, no. 1, 2010. Elsevier BV, doi:10.2139/ssrn.1228902.
Raley, Spencer. "How Many Illegal Immigrants Are In The US?". Fairus.Org, 2017, http://www.fairus.org/issue/illegal-immigration/how-many-illegal-immigrants-are-in-us. Accessed 4 May 2018.
Ramakrishnan, S. Karthick, and Thomas J. Espenshade. "Immigrant Incorporation And Political Participation In The United States1". International Migration Review, vol 35, no. 3, 2006, pp. 870-909. SAGE Publications, doi:10.1111/j.1747-7379.2001.tb00044.x. Accessed 4 May 2018.