Business Finance - Management Unit 4 Assignment: The Pitch

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LO1

Identify four principles of writing style.

Chapter 5: Improving Your Writing Style Developing Your Business Communication Skills Book Title: Business Communication and Character Printed By: Alejandro Vivero ([email protected]) © 2023 Cengage Learning, Inc., Cengage Learning, Inc.

Chapter Review

Developing Your Business Communication Skills

Developing Writing Style

1. Analyze writing style.

Find an email that you received recently from a company or organization. Analyze the writing style by looking carefully at the words, sentences, paragraphs, and tone. How do you describe the style? Do you find it appropriate for you as the audience? What would improve the style? Compare emails and your analysis in small groups.

2. Identify style issues.

Read these paragraphs, which are from the retailer BJ’s website during the COVID-19 pandemic. What are the major style issues?

We are here to serve you in these challenging times. BJ’s provides essential services in our communities, giving you access to food and other products you and your families need during this time. We are considered an essential business and will continue to operate under

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LO2

Explain ways to choose the best words for a business message.

state of emergency and shelter-in-place orders recently issued in the United States.

We continue to closely monitor the coronavirus situation and our priority remains the health and safety of our team members, members and communities. We continue to follow recommendations and guidelines from the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) and other health organizations to help ensure our clubs exceed our already high standards for general hygiene and health practices.

We’ll continue to take precautions to keep our clubs and other facilities clean and help ensure the well-being of our team members, members and community, following protocols from health experts and relevant federal and state agencies.

Choosing the Best Words

3. Announce a new initiative using clear, simple language.

As the CEO of a growing business, you want to help employees save for retirement. Many of your employees receive minimum wage and have little experience with investing money. Write an email to employees explaining what a 401(k) plan is, why employees should participate, and how it will work

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at your company. You may need to research 401(k) plans first; you will find information on U.S. government websites, such as www.irs.gov.

For this new initiative, you will probably have in-person meetings, too, to explain the new plan. Imagine this email as a starting point.

4. Use simple language.

Revise the paragraph below to make it more understandable.

The privileged juvenile was filled with abundant glee when her fashion mogul employer designated her as the contemporary representative of an ostentatious couture line. Although she was temporarily employed for the summer for an internship in the design department, her adolescent ambition was to enrich her life as a model. Subsequent to altering her hair, administering makeup, and adorning herself with the fashion designer’s creations, she advanced in front of the photographer’s lenses, beginning the succession of fulfilling her dreams.

5. Use concrete language to explain food waste.

Imagine that you’re trying to convince world leaders to develop initiatives to reduce food waste. You found this information:

Roughly one third of the food produced in the world for human consumption every year—approximately 1.3 billion tons—gets lost or wasted.

http://www.irs.gov/

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Those sound like big, impressive numbers, but can you present this information in a more meaningful, actionable way? What could be a relevant, concrete comparison?

6. Revise to fix modifier and other issues.

Rewrite to clarify these sentences:

a. The actor was accosted after the play by a young man.

b. To become a policy, the management team must agree unanimously.

c. After attending the meeting, the minutes were prepared by the board secretary.

d. The manager fired an employee because he was insane.

e. Although the owners have changed, they continue to expand.

f. Sam only wants to work on weekends.

g. As a company, I want to be fair to all employees.

7. Write clearly and avoid slang.

These two sentences are filled with business slang and clichés. Revise them using simple, clear language.

Using the synergies amongst our competitors, we can formulate a program that not only capitalizes on the strengths of each of our respective constituencies but that raises the bar to a new level for each and every one of us.

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At the end of the day, we need to think outside the box to look for low- hanging fruit, or we’ll never reach our end goal.

8. Eliminate wordy expressions.

Revise the following sentences to eliminate wordy phrases by substituting a single word wherever possible. You may find other opportunities to tighten for conciseness.

a. Push the red button in the event that you see smoke rising from the cooking surface.

b. More than 40% of the people polled are of the opinion that government spending should be reduced.

c. Please send me more information pertaining to your new line of pesticides.

d. Due to the fact that two of the three highway lanes were closed for repairs, I was nearly 20 minutes late for my appointment.

e. Chef Ramsay, who was formerly my instructor at culinary school, is in today’s society the owner of several restaurants, which are all over the world.

f. The newest sports automobile trend is to install seats made out of leather.

g. Google is now taking applications for job positions at this point in time, in spite of the fact that they just laid off employees.

h. We have the ability to vote for the best performer on TV by text messaging the on-screen telephone number.

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9. Tighten a paragraph for conciseness.

By how many words can you reduce this paragraph without changing the meaning?

New York City is the most natural choice of a location for an innovative restaurant like Fellerton. It is no secret that New York City is a world capital in restaurant innovation. In fact, New York City residents and locals alike consider themselves the most experimental eaters in the country as well as the top foodies. It is also home to Restaurant Week, which has since spread to cities all over the world. The fact that people living in New York City are adventurous eaters means they are more likely to accept and praise an unheard of restaurant concept like Fellerton.

10. Eliminate hidden verbs and hidden subjects.

Revise the following sentences to eliminate hidden verbs and hidden subjects.

a. The jury needs to carry out a review of the case to make a decision about whether the actress has a violation of her alcohol probation.

b. For our road trip during spring break, we must undertake the calculations of our driving travel time from California to New York.

c. If you cannot make the payment for the $135 tickets, you will not be able to make backstage visitations for the Lollapalooza concerts.

d. After much deliberation, the group came to a decision about how to make a response to the lawsuit.

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LO3

Write three types of sentences.

e. Although Hugh wanted to offer an explanation of his actions, his boss refused to listen.

f. If confused about the assignment, there are some diagrams that you should review.

g. It is our intent to complete the project by Friday at 3:00 p.m.

h. There are four principles of marketing that we need to consider.

11. Rewrite a legal document.

Find any legal document, for example, one of the many privacy or user agreements you click through to use apps. Copy the original text, and then revise it for clarity and conciseness. By how many words (and what percentage of the text) can you reduce the document without changing the meaning?

Writing Effective Sentences

12. Identify types of sentences.

Copy a few paragraphs from an article in a major online newspaper. In a new document, identify whether each sentence is simple, complex, or compound. Find the percentage of simple, complex, and compound sentences by dividing the total number of sentences by each type. Notice how the author varies types of sentences for a sophisticated writing style.

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13. Practice writing different types of sentences.

Write a simple, a compound, and a complex sentence that incorporates both items of information in each bullet. For the complex sentences, emphasize the first idea in each item.

a. The new phone will be available on Wednesday / The phone will have more features than the older model.

b. The captain got promoted to a major today / He will lead the army.

c. Tim was promoted / Tim was assigned additional responsibilities.

d. Eileen is our corporate counsel / Eileen will draft the letter for us.

14. Practice sentence variety.

Rewrite the following paragraph by varying sentence types and sentence lengths to keep the writing interesting.

Smartfood was founded by Ann Withey, Andrew Martin, and Ken Meyers in 1984. The product was the first snack food to combine white cheddar cheese and popcorn. Ann Withey perfected the Smartfood recipe in her home kitchen after much trial and error. Smartfood sales were reportedly only $35,000 in 1985. During that time, the product was available only in New England. By 1988, sales had soared to $10 million. This attracted the attention of Frito-Lay. The snack-food giant bought Smartfood in 1989 for $15 million. Since the purchase, Frito-Lay has not tampered with the popular Smartfood formula. It has used its marketing expertise to keep sales growing,

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despite the growing number of challengers crowding the cheesy popcorn market.

15. Vary sentence length.

Write a long sentence (40 to 50 words) about a company or person you admire. Then revise the sentence so that it contains 10 or fewer words. Finally, rewrite the sentence so that it contains 16 to 22 words. Which sentence is the most effective? Why?

16. Use active and passive voice.

Working in groups of three, identify whether each of the following sentences is active or passive. Then, discuss whether the sentence uses active or passive voice appropriately and why. Next, change the sentences that use an inappropriate voice.

Sentence Example Active or Passive Voice?

Appropriate Use? (If not, then rewrite the sentence.)

A very effective sales letter was written by Paul Mendelson.

Our old office will be sold to a real estate developer.

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Sentence Example Active or Passive Voice?

Appropriate Use? (If not, then rewrite the sentence.)

You failed to verify the figures on the quarterly report.

The website designed by Catalina Graphics did not reflect our company’s image.

17. Check and revise sentences for parallel structure.

Determine whether the following sentences use parallel structure. Revise sentences to make the structure parallel.

a. The executive at Ernst & Young writes reports quickly, accurately, and in detail.

b. The bride hates wearing heels, and on her wedding day, she just wanted to wear flats, be able to dance around, and be comfortable.

c. The store is planning to install a new point-of-sale system that is easier to operate, easier to repair, and cheaper to maintain than the current system.

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LO4

Describe components of a logical paragraph.

d. Angelina’s children like to go swimming, biking, and play tennis.

e. According to the survey, most employees prefer either holding the employee cafeteria open later or its hours to be kept the same.

f. The quarterback is expert not only in calling plays but also in throwing passes.

g. Our career guide will cover writing resumes, cover letters, and techniques for interviewing.

Developing Logical Paragraphs

18. Order sentences into a logical paragraph (Honda Accord).

Place a number (from 1 to 7) next to each sentence to represent its position within the paragraph. Hint: The broadest statement will be the first sentence—the topic sentence.

The Accord has 17-inch alloy wheels.

The car’s wide-opening doors provide easy access to the interior.

With an automatic reverse feature, the moonroof is safe.

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The Accord is a good choice for today’s active driver.

The Honda Accord is a well- designed, functional car that will attract attention.

In a variety of colors, the Accord will stand out in the crowd.

The one-touch power moonroof with tilt is easy to operate.

19. Order sentences into a logical paragraph (Nick’s Pizza).

Place a number (from 1 to 8) next to each sentence to represent its position within the paragraph. Hint: The broadest statement will be the first sentence—the topic sentence.

But, as Nick says, “I decided I needed to do what felt like the right thing to do: communicate openly, clearly, and honestly.”

Going against the advice of his publicist and his banker, Nick decided to send an email explaining the situation to his customers and asking for their patronage.

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Analysts credit Nick’s transparency and authenticity for saving the business.

Some started a Facebook page, while others frequented Nick’s Pizza and spread the word.

This strategy also defies conventional wisdom, which warns of suppliers cutting off a potentially failing business and customers avoiding a place in trouble.

When Nick’s Pizza & Pub was going out of business, Nick turned to his customers for support—and he got it.

Nick saw an immediate increase in sales, and today it’s still a viable restaurant.

Customers responded.

20. Use transitions for paragraph coherence.

Revisit the Honda Accord paragraph in Exercise 18. Now that you have sentences in a logical order, add transitions to improve coherence.

21. Adjust paragraph length.

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LO5

Compare examples of appropriate and inappropriate tone.

Read the following paragraph and determine how it might be divided into two or more shorter paragraphs to help the reader follow the complex topic being discussed.

Transforming a manuscript into a published book requires several steps. After the author submits the manuscript, the copy editor makes any needed grammatical or spelling changes. The author reviews these changes to be sure that they haven’t altered the meaning of any sentences or sections. Next, the publisher begins the design process. At this point, designers select photographs and other artwork and create page layouts, which show how the pages will look when printed. The author and publisher review these page proofs for any errors. Only after all corrections have been made does the book get published. From start to finish, this process can take as long as a year.

Creating an Appropriate Tone

22. Revise a sales email to convey a confident tone.

Hi Raj,

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I’m wondering whether you enjoyed our first shipment of organic vegetables that we dropped off last week. Did you receive them? How did they look and taste to you?

If you would like to order more, let me know.

Otherwise, I hope you have a great day!

Jordine

23. Revise sentences to convey a confident tone.

Revise the following sentences to convey an appropriately confident attitude.

a. Can you think of any reason not to buy the latest Android?

b. I hope you agree that my offer provides good value for the money.

c. Of course, I am confident that my offer provides good value for the money.

d. You might try to find a few minutes to visit our gallery on your next visit to galleries in this area.

24. Discuss tone in text messages.

In small groups, discuss text messages you received recently that caused misunderstandings. What was the situation and what went wrong? If you can, share the messages to gauge how your classmates might have reacted. What could cause these differences? What ideas does your group have for reducing misunderstandings in texts?

25. Revise the tone in a paragraph.

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Rewrite this passage to avoid platitudes, obvious flattery, and exaggeration.

You, our loyal and dedicated employees, have always been the most qualified and the hardest working in the industry. Because of your faithful and dependable service, I was quite surprised to learn yesterday that an organizational meeting for union representation was recently held here. You must realize that a company like ours cannot survive unless we hold labor costs down. I cannot believe that you don’t appreciate the many benefits of working at Allied. We will immediately have to declare bankruptcy if a union is voted in. Please don’t be fooled by empty rhetoric.

26. Revise an email to a neighbor.

Revise this note to convey a better tone. This can be casual and fun but try to build a better relationship.

To Apartment 4,

You guys are so inconsiderate. You’re way too noisy and keep me up all night. Why do you have to stay up so late and blast music? At least you can invite me to your parties.

From Sleepless in Apartment 3.

27. Vary emphasis in a memo.

Assume that you have evaluated two candidates for the position of sales assistant. This is what you have learned:

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Carl Barteolli has more sales experience.

Elizabeth Larson has more appropriate formal training (earned a college degree in marketing and attended several three-week sales seminars).

Write a memo to Robert Underwood, the vice president, recommending one of these candidates. First, assume that formal training is the most important criterion, and write a memo recommending Elizabeth Larson. Second, assume that experience is the most important criterion, and write a memo recommending Carl Barteolli. Use appropriate emphasis and subordination in each message. You may make up any reasonable information needed to complete the assignment.

28. Use positive language.

Revise the following paragraph to eliminate negative language.

We cannot issue a full refund at this time because you did not enclose a receipt or an authorized estimate. I’m sorry that we will have to delay your reimbursement. We are not like those insurance companies that promise you anything but then disappear when you have a claim. When we receive your receipt or estimate, we will not hold up your check. Our refusal to issue reimbursement without proper supporting evidence means that we do not have to charge you outlandish premiums for your automobile insurance.

29. Make a positive impression.

Revise the following signs often seen in stores:

a. “No shirt, no shoes, no service.”

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b. “American Express cards not accepted.”

c. “No returns without receipts.”

d. “No smoking.”

e. “No dogs allowed.”

30. Stress the “you” attitude.

Revisit BJ’s website in Exercise 2. You probably noticed that every sentence starts with “we.” Revise the text using “you” to focus on the customer instead.

31. Use a “you” attitude and positive language.

Rewrite this email from a facilities manager to country club members. How can you stress the “you” attitude and focus on good news without misleading members?

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