ENG 121 Journal 4

Writing is a form of personal freedom. It frees us from the mass identity we see in the making all around us. In the end, writers will write not to be outlaw heroes of some underculture but mainly to save themselves, to survive as individuals.

—Don DeLillo

Learning Objectives

After reading this chapter, you should be able to:

1. Explain the purpose of a personal writing essay.

2. Recognize the different types of per- sonal essays.

3. Identify the different components of a personal writing assignment, such as point of view, structure, tone, and language usage.

4. Create personal essays that are aware of the audience, have a strong plot, have a clear point, use concrete language, and properly incorporate dialogue.

5. Generate essays with great descrip- tions by being specific, appealing to the senses, selecting the right details, and utilizing comparisons.

6Personal Writing

©Deborah Harrison/Photographer’s Choice/Getty Images

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CHAPTER 6Section 6.1 What Is Personal Writing?

As you have learned, there are four primary types of college writing: personal, expository, persuasive/argument, and research assignments. You are probably familiar with personal papers because they are frequently assigned in elementary and high school. For instance, you may have written a paper describing what you did on your summer vacation, or you may have shared your impressions of a book you read or a movie you saw. In college, you will occasionally be asked to write a personal reflection or essay on a defined topic. Although personal papers may not be the most common type of writing assignment you will encounter in your college classes, you will most likely have some personal or narra- tive writing assignments in your courses, and many of your academic papers will be com- bination papers in which you must take a personal position on an issue. Perhaps you have composed an essay about a significant person or event in your life or a paper reflecting on your personal goals or what a college education means to you. Papers such as these can be defined as personal papers. Developing a personal position on a subject can help you clarify ideas, practice logical skills, and exercise your reasoning abilities.

6.1 What Is Personal Writing?

Personal writing may share a personal experience or perspec-tive, and it can be an effective method for offering a viewpoint on a text or an event. Writing from the personal perspective may also allow a writer to write more freely than he or she otherwise would because it is less burdened by formal conventions than other types of writing. Personal writing includes opinion papers, reflective papers, response papers, creative writing assignments, and combination papers.

Ingram Publishing/Thinkstock Personal writing allows you the freedom to express your own ideas, thoughts, and beliefs in a creative manner, often without having to adhere to the structure or conventions of other writing styles.

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CHAPTER 6Section 6.1 What Is Personal Writing?

The Purpose of Personal Writing Personal papers are usually written to accomplish one of the following purposes:

• Tell a story; • Share a personal experience; • Give a personal interpretation of an event; • Describe a person, place, object, or event; • Express personal feelings or opinions on a subject; or • Entertain or provoke the audience.

When you write a personal paper, you express your own thoughts, ideas, and opinions about a subject. Writing in Action: Week 2 Essay: Literary Elements illustrates questions that could be asked for a personal paper on a film.

Writing in Action: Week 2 Essay: Literary Elements

Consider an interesting movie you have seen recently. Prepare a three-page paper about that movie based on the following questions:

1. Keeping in mind what you have learned in class thus far about literary elements, what does this movie mean to you?

2. What is this movie really about? 3. Is there a “moral to the story,” a theme to be explored, or a comment to think about? 4. What is the point of the movie? 5. Did you find this movie meaningful for you personally? Why or why not?

Recognizing Personal Writing Assignments Personal papers can sometimes allow you to think through your position on a topic and even aid you in writing an expository, persuasive, argumentative, or research paper. Many of the required papers in your college courses will be combination papers that are a blend of personal papers and one or more of the other types of college writing. Let us look at some assignments that fall into the category of personal papers or have personal writing components, as well as some that do not.

When It Is Not Personal If a prompt is asking you to write an analysis, interpretation, objective account, or a research paper, it is likely not asking you to write a personal essay or to integrate personal elements. A prompt will clearly indicate that it is asking you to incorporate elements of personal writing by asking you to discuss your feelings, experiences, memories, impres- sions, or perspective. Ask yourself whether the assignment in any way is about you as a person—if it is, then you should include personal elements, and if it is not, then no per- sonal elements should be used. Table 6.1 provides a list of words in an essay prompt that

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CHAPTER 6Section 6.1 What Is Personal Writing?

would signal that the essay is not personal (but make sure it is not a combination essay and doesn’t ask you to relate something from your personal life. See the examples given in the sections “Opinion Papers” and “Combination Papers”).

Table 6.1: Key words in an essay prompt that signal nonpersonal writing

Give an objective account . . .

Assess the factual circumstances . . .

Offer an interpretation . . .

Produce a reading. . .

Research the historical underpinnings of . . .

Evaluate the consequences of the newly passed legislation . . .

Argue for the significance of the text’s theme of justice . . .

Keep in mind that Table 6.1 is not a complete list; look for terms in the writing prompt that gesture toward objectivity or reasoned interpretation. If you are unsure whether or not a prompt allows for any personal elements whatsoever, ask your instructor, but bear in mind that the prompt will explicitly ask for this if it is what is required of you. The follow- ing Writing in Action box, Personal Paper Assignments, provides examples of paper prompts that specifically ask the writer to compose a personal paper.

Writing in Action: Personal Paper Assignments

You can recognize a personal paper assignment by key words or phrases in the assignment that ask you for your opinion or your views on a subject. Key words and action verbs are underlined in the following examples:

• Write about an experience in which you struggled with something and were unsuccessful and discuss what you learned from the experience.

• Explain what you think about a current scientific or social controversy. • Reflect on a person who had a strong impact on your life and the ways in which he or she

influenced you. • Imagine that you have unlimited wealth and write about what you would do with your money

and why. • What do you think has been the most important social or political movement of the 20th

century?

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CHAPTER 6Section 6.1 What Is Personal Writing?

Opinion Papers Opinion papers express the writer’s point of view or opinion on a specific topic. They may be personal papers if you are asked simply to give your opinion on an issue and explain your point of view. An opinion is a personal viewpoint on a subject that may or may not be supported with facts or evidence. However, if you are required to state your opinion and then argue that point of view, your paper will be a combination of personal and persuasive writing. This would be a hybrid paper that asks you to incorporate both personal reflection and logical, nonpersonal argumentation. If you are writing this kind of paper, you should keep the personal and argumentative sections of the paper separate in order to show how your personal reflections contributed to your argument. This will also help ensure that you include an argumentative, nonpersonal section to your paper. For example, an opinion assignment may ask you to write an essay in which you discuss whether or not you think you should buy products from a company who gives money to something you do not personally support.

Reflective Papers Personal papers may also be assigned when your instructors want you to think about something you have read and to respond to it or discuss its meaning for you; these assign- ments are often called reflective papers. However, if an assignment asks you to reflect, discuss, or explain something, be careful. The words reflect, discuss, and explain all have multiple meanings.

We reflect on something when we think about it and express our personal opinion or share a personal story. However, the word reflect can also mean to carefully consider something or to explore options. Instead of voicing your own opinion, a reflective paper assignment may be asking you to consider an issue, to analyze a situation, or to explore options, based on what you have learned in the course. This type of assignment requires an expository paper, which we will discuss in Chapter 8. Similarly, if an assignment asks you to discuss or explain an issue, you must look further at the assignment to determine whether you are being asked to write a personal paper that discusses or explains your own opinion or whether you are being asked to share information you have learned from your text or from research. A reflective paper, for instance, may ask you to read an article on a current event and then to reflect on the position stated there.

Response Papers When you are asked to respond to material you have read by expressing your personal opinion on a topic or to reflect on what you have read and share its meaning for you, your instructors are looking for a specific type of response from you. Responses to reading, like other personal papers, require that you state your opinion on an issue or reflect on an issue and state your viewpoint about it, and they are written in first person. However, unlike other personal papers, you do not choose the subject. Before you write a response, you have most likely read about or discussed a controversial topic. A response paper usu- ally requires you to think about the different points of view expressed in the material you read or discussed and to take a personal stand on the issue. Because a response paper asks you to begin by demonstrating that you understand the issue, it is usually best to begin with the more objective third person. Notice that this is very different from the suggested format discussed earlier for the combination personal and research paper.

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CHAPTER 6Section 6.1 What Is Personal Writing?

In this type of paper, you generally begin by presenting a brief overview of the issue and the different viewpoints presented, to demonstrate that you understand both the issue itself and the controversy surrounding it. This first part of the paper is expository (see Chapter 8) and should therefore be written in third person. Then, you will switch to a first-person point of view and share your opinion of the issue and state where you stand on the issue. This part of the paper requires personal writing. Finally, you must support your point of view by stating why you believe as you do and how you came to adopt this perspective. Discuss what factors were most important to you in arriving at a conclusion about the issue.

As you can see, papers that ask you to respond to reading share all the characteristics of other personal papers outlined earlier in this chapter, but they also require that you explore and explain your opinion, which is often a way to introduce you to expository writing. A response paper could ask you to read two positions on the creation of constitu- tional amendments—one for and one against—and then to develop a personal response that indicates your viewpoint.

Creative Writing Assignments The term creative writing refers to written works or artistic expressions whose purpose is to create images or to express thoughts or feelings. It can also include information and an implied or direct position. Creative writing can be considered personal writing and includes genres, or categories, of writing such as short stories, novels, poetry, screenplays, and creative nonfiction like biographies and memoirs. You may engage in creative writ- ing as part of your college career if you take a dedicated creative writing course, if one of your other courses has an assignment that involves creative writing, or if you decide to pursue creative writing as an extracurricular activity. Journaling, and idea-generating techniques like mind mapping and free-writing, covered in Chapter 4, are also examples of personal creative writing.

Combination Papers A combination paper may require you to combine elements of personal, expository, per- suasive or argument, and research papers. For example, you may have an assignment that asks you to state your opinion on a controversial issue (personal) and then to con- duct research and find evidence both in support of and in opposition to your viewpoint (research). This type of assignment combines elements of personal and research writing in the same paper. In a combination paper such as this, you will write in first person when you are stating your personal opinion and then switch to third person when you report the information you found in your research. This would be an appropriate format if the assignment asks you to first convey your personal opinion and then to lay out and develop your reasoning afterward. The first person “I” is not appropriate when you dis- cuss research because research is not personal but rather an objective interpretation. This means that while others may have a different interpretation of the same research, it is not “personal” to state your interpretation—therefore, the first person “I” is inappropriate. A combination paper could ask you to do research about the extent to which American citi- zens should have the freedom of speech before it begins to infringe on the rights of others and then to formulate a viewpoint on this subject using the first person.

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CHAPTER 6Section 6.2 Personal Writing Conventions

6.2 Personal Writing Conventions

Before responding to a personal writing assignment, it is important to understand how to construct a personal paper. Personal writing generally calls for writing conventions that differ from those used in other types of writing, such as argument and exposi- tion. For example, the tone, language, and structure used in a personal paper are often more informal than in other paper types. The following sections will help guide you in choosing the proper tone, language, point of view, and structure for writing a personal paper.

Tone and Language Personal papers are generally written in a less formal, or even conversational, tone, and the use of contractions and other types of informal language is often allowed, if it is appro- priate to the story or the topic. Personal papers might also include dialogue, which should be placed in quotation marks. However, it is important to remember that you are writing for an academic audience and that the essay prompt may require you to include an intro- duction and a thesis statement that makes a claim about the personal experience you describe. The language in personal writing assignments should be appropriate, and the paper must meet the writing requirements outlined in your course guide or syllabus. If you are unsure of the type of language that is appropriate for a particular writing assign- ment, make sure that you ask your instructor.

Point of View Because you are sharing your personal viewpoint on a subject, a personal paper is usually written from a first-person point of view, which means you are able to use pronouns such as I, me, my, we, and our. However, personal papers are often narrative and tell a story. In your paper, you might also tell a story about another person. In this instance, as the narrator, you would write from a third-person point of view and refer to the person by name or use the pronouns he, she, or they. This creates the effect of a more distant narrator, one who seems to be more objective precisely because the paper does not use the first person “I” and therefore does not seem to be speaking from personal opinion. Your instructor will not likely ask you to write a creative writing piece such as a short story, but the follow- ing fiction excerpt from Mark Twain’s The Adven- tures of Huckleberry Finn (1895) includes several of the key elements of a personal paper. Read Writing in Action: Excerpt From The Adventures of Huckle- berry Finn for an example of how Twain employs a

Pantheon/SuperStock The chosen style of narration can have a significant effect on the tone and effectiveness of personal writing. Mark Twain’s Huckleberry Finn is defined by the potentially unreliable narration of its young and uneducated title character.

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CHAPTER 6Section 6.2 Personal Writing Conventions

first-person point of view to create a narrative from the perspective of a young boy growing up in the antebellum South. In the excerpt, Huck is trying to decide if he should do what he believes to be his duty and mail a letter reporting the whereabouts of Jim, who has escaped from slavery.

Writing in Action: Excerpt From The Adventures of Huckleberry Finn

I felt good and all washed clean of sin for the first time I had ever felt so in my life, and I knowed I could pray now. But I didn’t do it straight off, but laid the paper down and set there thinking—thinking how good it was all this happened so, and how near I come to being lost and going to hell. And went on thinking. And got to thinking over our trip down the river; and I see Jim before me all the time: in the day and in the night-time, sometimes moonlight, sometimes storms, and we a-floating along, talking and singing and laughing. But somehow I couldn’t seem to strike no places to harden me against him, but only the other kind. I’d see him standing my watch on top of his’n, ‘stead of calling me, so I could go on sleeping; and see him how glad he was when I come back out of the fog; and when I come to him again in the swamp, up there where the feud was; and such-like times; and would always call me honey, and pet me and do everything he could think of for me, and how good he always was; and at last I struck the time I saved him by telling the men we had small-pox aboard, and he was so grateful, and said I was the best friend old Jim ever had in the world, and the only one he’s got now; and then I happened to look around and see that paper.

It was a close place. I took it up, and held it in my hand. I was a-trembling, because I’d got to decide, forever, betwixt two things, and I knowed it. I studied a minute, sort of holding my breath, and then says to myself:

“All right, then, I’ll go to hell”—and tore it up.

Structure and Supporting Ideas Personal papers are read sequentially from beginning to end, and frequently narrate events or circumstances in chronological order, as they would occur logically in time. Personal papers do not usually contain headings to divide one section of the paper from another (if you were writing a novel or short story, however, it would be appropriate to divide up your thoughts according to organized chapters or sections). Your intent should be to capture the reader’s attention at the very beginning of the paper and to carry the reader along with you, in a clear and organized way, through the end of the paper. All good personal papers share some common features. They have a suitable topic articulated over the course of several paragraphs, and they anticipate a reader’s desire for context, information, and development. Consider what would be interesting to you as a reader and what kinds of details and information you look for when you read a piece of personal writing. What allows you as a reader to stay engaged with personal writing?

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CHAPTER 6Section 6.3 Narrative Writing Pattern

6.3 Narrative Writing Pattern

N arration is storytelling from the perspective of a narrator, and the story may be true, false, imaginary, or a combination. A narration can be about past, present, or future events, and it can be short or the length of a novel—it is important to note

that more complex narrative forms of writing frequently combine a variety of time frames. For the purposes of your own writing, which will usually consist of a short assignment of approximately two to five pages, it is ideal to narrate from the perspective of one time frame. The event, or plot, of the narration may come from your own personal experience, or it may be a hypothetical situation or an event that you imagine. If the assignment states that you can make up a hypothetical or imaginary situation, then that is assumed and is fair to do so in your writing. However, if the assignment calls for a narrative based on something that actually occurred, be sure to select an actual event and stick to the facts of that event in writing your paper.

The Purpose of Narrative The purpose of a narrative may be simply to entertain or engage the reader, or the story might have a more specific purpose such as to share a personally significant event or to teach a lesson, or moral. When we tell a story using a narration strategy, we attempt to bring the subject and the events to life for readers so that they can share in the experience and the emotions of the experience. To accomplish this goal, we must make sure to incor- porate certain important elements in the narrative. Most of us remember being told sto- ries as children, and we love a good story that holds our interest. We have also probably known someone who is a poor storyteller, who rambles on or gives too much detail, who goes off track, or who ruins the ending. For our narration to have impact, we must tell a story that grabs and holds the audience’s attention, provides important and appropriate details, and discusses events in a clear and well-organized sequence.

Consider the Audience When you write narrative papers, remember to think about the writing situation and con- sider the purpose and the audience for your paper. You might be interested in the topic, but is it appropriate for the assignment you have been given and for an academic audience? Also consider aspects of the rhetorical context such as the backgrounds and the attitudes of the audience. Anticipate how the audience is likely to react to your narrative. Will they like or dislike what you write? How do you want them to feel when they have read the story? Answers to these questions can help you determine what to write and how to write it.

Develop the Thesis Review Chapter 5 for information on how to construct an effective thesis. Recall that a the- sis statement is a claim that the writer must argue and prove over the course of an essay. All good narrations make a point and have a clear purpose. Do not leave readers wonder- ing, “So what?” after they have read your paper. Make sure that they understand the sig- nificance of your story and the primary idea you want to share with them. In other words, why is the story important? If the assignment is asking you to articulate your personal position, then you should write a thesis that will suggest why your position is important.

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CHAPTER 6Section 6.3 Narrative Writing Pattern

In this case, you would also write topic sentences that link up with the thesis statement and claims that interpret evidence. However, if you are writing fiction or a short narrative, it usually will not contain a direct thesis statement, and will likely convey significance in the story through the articulation of a key theme or concept that the story builds toward and resolves to some extent. If your story has a message such as a lesson or a moral, also make sure that the message is clear to the reader either through an explicit argument (in the form of a thesis and well-argued paragraphs) or an implicit argument (through the careful structuring of a theme or issue).

Develop the Plot As you learned earlier, plot is the order, or sequence, of events that unfold in your story. It is crucial that you organize these events so that, by the end of the story, they make sense to the reader and build up to a crucial moment in the narrative. Your story should have some creative tension, and decisions about how to organize events often depend on how you want to incorporate that creative tension into the story.

Creative tension is the stress and interest created when a story has an unresolved prob- lem or disagreement, a decision that must be made, or a dilemma or conflict that must be resolved. Without creative tension, a story is boring. Stories that incorporate creative ten- sion capture and hold our interest. You build tension when your story includes surprising events, when an action leads to an unexpected consequence, or when factors complicate an issue and must be sorted out before they can be resolved. Include creative tension such as this in your narrative and carefully consider when to reveal key information and when to hold it back. Also make certain to resolve that creative tension by the end of your story. It is a careful balancing act: too much creative tension could result in undercommunica- tion with the audience, but revealing everything will likely make the story a bit dull.

Anticipate and Answer Possible Reader Questions When telling a story, do not leave your readers hanging by failing to answer important questions they may have while they read. As you create your narrative, anticipate what readers will need to know and include this information in the story. Remember what your needs are as a reader of a narrative and try to take that into consideration as you write. For instance, it is likely that you appreciate the appropriate context, background, and enough content to understand what is happening in the narrative, so you should assume your readers will as well.

Use Language and Dialogue Effectively Effective personal writing includes using specific, concrete language that allows the audi- ence to imagine with their senses. A writer’s use of dialogue can enrich a personal narra- tive or creative story.

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CHAPTER 6Section 6.3 Narrative Writing Pattern

Concrete Language Words can be categorized as either abstract or concrete. Abstract words such as freedom, peace, love, and success have no physical substance; we cannot see, hear, touch, smell, or taste them. Concrete words, on the other hand, represent people, places, and things we can see, hear, touch, smell, or taste. Concrete words such as book, child, apple, and ice are specific and tangible, and they represent physical objects rather than ideas, qualities, or concepts. They conjure up pictures in our minds of our own experiences with these objects. Good narration often utilizes the writing pattern of description, discussed later in this chapter, to ensure that readers have a clear mental picture of the story’s setting or scene and its characters. Try to paint pictures by using concrete words that describe physi- cal objects and people and help readers visualize or imagine what you want them to see.

Effective Dialogue In narration, dialogue is a verbal exchange between two or more characters in a text. You can make characters come to life and give them personalities by incorporating dialogue in your narration and letting them tell the story in their own words. Writing dialogue effec- tively takes practice. It is useful to look at examples of dialogue in texts to see how it oper- ates. Notice the dialogue in James McBride’s autobiographical narrative “Shul/School”:

One afternoon I came home from school and cornered Mommy while she was cooking dinner. “Ma, what’s a tragic mulatto?” I asked.

Anger flashed across her face like lightning and her nose, which tends to redden and swell in anger, blew up like a balloon. ‘Where’d you hear that?’ she asked.

“I read it in a book.”

“For God’s sake, you’re no tragic mul—What book is this?”

“Just a book I read.”

“Don’t read that book anymore.” She sucked her teeth. “Tragic mulatto. What a stupid thing to call somebody! Somebody called you that?”

“No.”

“Don’t ever use that term.”

“Am I black or white?”

“You’re a human being,” she snapped. “Educate yourself or you’ll be a nobody!” (McBride, 1996/2008, p. 482)

In this excerpt from “Schul/School,” dialogue serves to directly confront the issue of race as it is experienced by McBride. This dialogue conveys to the reader what the experience may have felt like from the viewpoint of McBride as a child, not McBride the adult who is reflecting back on the experience. If McBride had written this from the perspective of

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CHAPTER 6Section 6.3 Narrative Writing Pattern

an adult narrating this experience in paragraph form, it simply would not be as powerful. Here, the dialogue form allows us as readers to feel as if we are part of the moment, won- dering how someone could be called a “mulatto,” and how that differs from McBride’s own sense of himself.

Maintain Clear Narrative Order Writers use a number of different strategies to organize information and, often, the choice of how to organize is based on your judgment of what would be most effective. Below are some organizational strategies to consider as you plan your paper and present the material. You are not required to use one of these arrangements; just be sure that your paper flows well and is organized logically. As described in Chapter 5, two of the possible ways of organizing a narrative are chronological order and spatial order. Events arranged in a chronological order are organized by time, and may start with the earliest event and go forward in time to the present or start from the present and go backward in time. Infor- mation arranged according to spatial order is organized by direction—for example, left to right, north to south, or up to down. A third organizational structure that has great significance for narrative is dramatic order or structure.

The dramatic structure is common in many short stories, novels, screenplays, and other types of creative writing. It can also be used effectively in your personal papers. The dra- matic structure has five elements, which are described below:

1. the opening paragraphs, which establish the setting and characters and intro- duce the situation that contains the creative tension;

2. the rising action, which takes up the majority of the story and includes the interaction and/or dialogue between the characters, the building of tension, and the introduction of other elements of the story;

3. the climax or turning point, the moment in which the conflict comes into sharp focus and is resolved;

4. the falling action, or aftermath, where the rest of the story falls into place; and 5. the concluding paragraphs or sections, where some of the loose ends are wrapped

up and the story is brought to a close. Note that you do not need to resolve everything, and in fact trying to do so might sound reductive. You should, however, provide some resolution to the main concern of the narrative.

See Writing Sample: Soccer Personal Essay for an example of the personal soccer paper we began in Chapters 4 and 5. Notice how each paragraph focuses on one main idea that sup- ports the thesis, while the author also maintains a clear narrative order using the chrono- logical arrangement to lead the reader from her early experiences playing soccer to how soccer has made her the person she is today.

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CHAPTER 6Section 6.3 Narrative Writing Pattern

Writing Sample: Soccer Personal Essay

What is the most fulfilling part about playing competitive soccer? Perhaps you guessed winning tro- phies, adrenaline highs, or staying in great shape. But in my experience, bonding with teammates and learning how to be a true team player tops the list. Thinking back on my many years as a soccer player, I have realized how important the game of soccer has been in developing my greatest friendships, along with a positive attitude towards teamwork that has in turn influenced other aspects of my life. Playing soccer has caused me to grow as a person, influencing my values and the outlook on life I have today.

For one thing, soccer has helped me to make friendships that have lasted throughout the stages of my life. I remember loving soccer from day one, even if I barely understood the concept of the game. When I was just 6 years old, my mother signed me up for a local AYSO team (American Youth Soccer Organization) that played around the corner from our church. I had always been a spunky and ener- getic little girl, preferring to climb trees rather than play with Barbie dolls, but soccer brought out something new in me. Suddenly, I had to learn the rules of the game, and to learn how to work with a bunch of other girls that I just met. In that first year or two, it was all about being together with my teammates, kicking around the small black-and-white ball, wondering what we would eat for snack time, and pulling up grass with our fingers. Luckily, a couple of those girls grew into two of my best friends. Now that we are starting our own families, we can think back on those days and get excited about signing up our own children for soccer one day.

Continuing to play soccer throughout my life has also taught me a great deal about what it means to work hard and work as a team. Unlike some of the girls from AYSO, I kept playing soccer in middle school and high school and beyond, and it was during these years that soccer began to challenge me and shape me. Many people don’t realize the incredible commitment that is required when you play a competitive team sport. First, there’s the fact that you practice almost every day, which is physically draining. When I would return home from a long day of school and soccer practice, that’s when my homework and chores would only just begin. But in order to be at your peak condition and help your team when they need you on the field, you have to find the time and energy to handle it all. Spending so much time with the girls on my team taught us how to function as a unit. We knew we could count on each other, whether it was to show up for practice on time, help defend our goal during a game, or grab an ice pack for a teammate’s injury. Being a team player isn’t something that I left behind on the high school soccer field. When our son Toby was born 3 years ago, my husband Jayden and I had to support one another more than ever before, juggling our family, jobs, and finances. Like soccer, becoming a parent has been the ultimate challenge and yet so rewarding at the same time.

Soccer has also allowed me to have a familiar path toward fitness and wellness that I can take any time that I begin to feel out of shape or unhealthy. Now that I’m in my thirties and am raising my first child, it hasn’t always been easy to find time to exercise, or to make my health a priority. But while I’m shorter on time than ever these days, soccer taught me to value my dedication to physical activity and health. So a year after Toby was born, I joined a local adult team, partly to try to lose some of the baby weight and get back into shape. Now, my old jeans are finally starting to fit again, and I made friends with another new mom whose son is the same age as mine. When I could easily have been overwhelmed by new responsibilities and put my health on the back burner, my soccer background helped me stay disciplined and focused.

(continued)

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CHAPTER 6Section 6.4 Descriptive Writing Pattern

6.4 Descriptive Writing Pattern

D escription is a pattern of writing that can be defined as painting pictures with

words. When we describe a person, place, object, or event, we provide details about its physical characteris- tics. As we discussed earlier, descrip- tion and narration are often used together because description helps make the story we are narrating clearer and more vivid.

The Purpose of Description Effective description requires using carefully chosen language that creates the visual image you want readers to have of your story’s subject. However, you can use description in other types of writing besides narration. For example, in a persuasive paper (which will be discussed in Chapter 7), you might use description to help readers understand the seriousness of a prob- lem before you attempt to convince them to take action to solve that problem.

Use Specific Language To be descriptive, use specific terms and avoid vague and general words. Break the poor writing habit of using vague, informal “catch all” words such as things, stuff, and lots of. Instead of writing “I have lots of music stuff and other things in my room,” be specific and name each object or write a general statement and then expand it by specifically naming the various objects. For instance, you might write, “I have several musical instruments in my room including a guitar, a saxophone, and a set of drums, along with my radio and portable media player.” In all forms of writing, avoid using passive voice, forms of

Pixtal/SuperStock Descriptive writing avoids general words in favor of the specific. It is far more effective to describe your individual instruments than to refer generally to your musical equipment.

Writing Sample: Soccer Personal Essay (continued)

Overall, I would not be the person I am today without the years I spent playing competitive soc- cer. Not only did I learn to love the game itself, but I also learned how to make friends, be part of team, balance my time, and stay positive and healthy in multiple aspects of my life. While I’m sure I could have learned these lessons without playing soccer, I would not have learned them to the same degree. Those many days of sweat, late nights, singing on the bus, and games won and lost have stayed with me over the years. I still love soccer to this day, and cannot wait for the time to come when I can buy Toby his first jersey and pair of cleats.

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CHAPTER 6Section 6.4 Descriptive Writing Pattern

the verb “be.” For instance, if someone says, “Snacks are being eaten,” the word “being” is a form of the word “be” and is passive. Passive voice often adds unnecessary words and creates ambiguity at the sentence level: Instead, use a descriptive verb to indicate precisely what you mean. To take out passive voice, you could say, “Jennifer is eating snacks,” which directly identifies the subject of the sentence as actively doing something.

Select Specific Details Good description includes important details that help paint the picture for the reader by “filling in the blanks” in the visual image. Details help you focus the reader’s attention on characteristics that make people, places, objects, and events unique and help them “come alive” for readers. Look beyond the obvious for specific characteristics of what you are describing to help readers “see” it too.

Let us imagine, for example, that you are asked to describe your office workspace. You would probably begin with a description of the size and shape of your desk and the objects around the desk. But then you should look beyond the obvious and try to find specific characteristics of your workspace that make it unique from that of other workspaces. Try to elaborate on the basic description with carefully selected details that give readers a sense of the person who occupies that space.

For example, you might write, “The basic black-and-white décor of the cubicle is shat- tered by bold splashes of fire engine red, forest green, and pale yellow. Bright red coffee cups are strategically placed within easy reach of the computer and hold pens, paper clips, rubber bands, and other assorted necessities. The mugs contrast sharply with the four dark green sets of file folders neatly arranged, alphabetically by topic, in stacking black metal file holders. However, dozens of tiny yellow Post-it™ notes disrupt the sense of organization as they litter the computer screen and desk with reminders about everything from meetings and project deadlines to groceries and family birthdays.” It is precisely these specific details and uses of descriptive language that make these words more than just words—they become an imagistic scene the reader can visualize.

Use Descriptive Language When you use description in personal writing, you seek to involve readers in the story by helping them see, hear, touch, smell, or taste what you are telling them. You do this by using language that elicits emotional responses from your readers. Words can have different connotations, or emotional impact. In most of your college writing, you want to choose words that discuss or explain issues without stirring emotions. However, in personal writing, the opposite is true; you want to deliberately choose words that paint a picture, evoke sensory experience, or that stir the reader’s emotions.

For example, if you want to paint a negative picture of an alley in a rundown part of town, rather than simply stating that it “smells bad because it is littered with junk and rotting garbage,” you might take readers on a journey with you down this alley by describing it this way: “As I tripped over bent and rusted tin cans, jagged pieces of broken glass, and large plastic bags of unknown contents, the putrid smell of rotting food filled my nose. Suddenly, I found myself swatting huge, black horseflies that swarmed around me.” Can you visualize that alley better now?

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CHAPTER 6Section 6.4 Descriptive Writing Pattern

Descriptive language refers to words that are vivid, expressive, and highly specific to the topic you are writing on. Instead of stating that you smelled a strong odor, you might specifically describe it by saying that it was pungent, bitter, sweet, or spicy. Paint a clear picture of sensations and emotions for the reader as well. For instance, rather than writ- ing that you were angry, you might use the words livid, enraged, or fuming with anger to discuss your feelings—or better yet, you could explain a facial expression that conveys anger rather than simply saying you were “enraged.” Table 6.2 provides you with some descriptive alternatives to common verbs, adjectives, and adverbs. Use the alternative words in this list to help make your writing more vivid. Descriptive language tends to express an evaluation of something. Because it expresses an evaluation or perspective, there is no such thing as completely objective description. However, the best description would be one that is carefully informed and that does not exaggerate (“He is absolutely always happy”) or understate (“Though he is an Honors student, he is really only average in his performance”). Description should aim for accuracy and fairness and avoid exag- geration for the purpose of effect.

Table 6.2: Alternatives to common verbs, adjectives, and adverbs

Instead of see, write spy spot

observe notice

perceive witness glance detect discern glimpse

recognize

Instead of say or tell, write cry yell

shout exclaim whisper scream bellow

bark holler roar

shriek

Instead of ask, write beg

query plead

appeal inquire request

question demand implore

Instead of eat, write munch

swallow consume devour gobble gorge wolf

chomp chew gnaw nibble

Instead of run or go, write fly job flee race dart dash rush

bound scurry

scamper sprint hurry

Instead of like, write adore

admire respect worship

appreciate value

treasure cherish regard idolize

treasure relish

(continued)

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CHAPTER 6Section 6.4 Descriptive Writing Pattern

Instead of look, write gaze stare

glance glare

glimpse peep peek gape gawk

scrutinize survey study

Instead of take, write grasp

capture seize catch

pocket grab pilfer

snatch lift

pinch steal nab

Instead of think, write believe reflect

imagine consider

contemplate ponder

deliberate meditate mull over ruminate

muse wonder

Instead of angry, write livid

enraged fuming irritated

irate heated

annoyed furious

incensed outraged infuriated

Instead of pretty, write cute

adorable attractive beautiful alluring

glamorous handsome

lovely charming endearing appealing gorgeous

Instead of happy, write giddy elated

pleased glad

joyful cheerful blissful ecstatic

delighted jovial

amused excited

Instead of good or great, write huge

immense enormous

grand outstanding

commendable magnificent impressive remarkable

notable imposing inspiring splendid

Instead of bad, write evil

awful terrible dreadful appalling shocking ghastly

horrific or horrible deceitful

dire wicked poor

inferior

Instead of sad, write glum

depressed gloomy

miserable heartbreaking

distressing sorrowful poignant moving

disheartening discouraging

gloomy disappointing

Table 6.2: Alternatives to common verbs, adjectives, and adverbs (continued)

(continued)

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CHAPTER 6Chapter Summary

Instead of smart, write wise

gifted clever

intelligent bright brainy sharp quick

informed astute

perceptive incisive

insightful

Instead of nice, write pleasant

kind polite

agreeable pleasing

lovely amiable friendly likable affable

gracious sociable cordial

Instead of big, write huge large

enormous gigantic

giant immense

vast sizeable massive colossal

tremendous towering soaring

Compare the Unfamiliar to the Familiar One useful way to help readers visualize what you are describing is to compare it to some- thing they might already know. For example, suppose you are describing a flower. You could comment on the color and the size of the flower by saying that it is pink and tiny. However, the color pink has many different shades, and the word tiny has a wide range of interpretations. So, instead you might state, “The color of the flower was the same hue as that of the pink candy Valentine’s Day hearts.”

When you report your observations of something; share personal experiences; or describe a person, place, object, or event, remember to use the elements of effective description to make your ideas clear and vivid to your readers. Read the combination narration and description essay by professional writer Anna Quindlen (2007) found at http://www .newsweek.com/id/32467/page/1. This essay illustrates many of the characteristics of effective narration and description we have discussed in this chapter. See if you can iden- tify the strategies she uses to paint a picture of her beloved dog. On a separate sheet of paper, generate a list of strategies you see operating in the essay.

Chapter Summary At times your discussion-post assignments may be personal writing assignments, and other writing assignments will be combination papers that have one or more sections that must be written using personal writing patterns, so it is necessary to know how this form of writing differs from expository, persuasive, and argument papers.

Personal papers ask you to express your own thoughts, ideas, and opinions about a sub- ject. They can be written to tell a story about yourself or others; to describe a person, place, object, or event; or to express personal opinions on an issue. They may be called essays, opinion papers, reflective papers, or creative writing assignments. Personal papers, or the personal sections of a combination paper, have three important characteristics:

Table 6.2: Alternatives to common verbs, adjectives, and adverbs (continued)

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CHAPTER 6Key Terms

1. They are generally written from a first-person point of view, unless you are narrating a story about another person.

2. They are logically organized and do not have headings that interrupt the flow of the writing.

3. They are written in a conversational tone that is appropriate for an academic audience and may contain dialogue.

Personal writing often uses specific writing patterns. Each of these patterns—including narration, description, and responses to reading—has its own specific elements, which you must incorporate if your personal writing is to be effective. While narrative essays should communicate a clear purpose such as in the case of articulating a position, creative writing pieces may not contain either a direct or an implied thesis. Descriptive writing is the use of vivid, imagistic language that incorporates the senses, so in order to write descriptively, one should use language that pertains to all of the senses. This also allows readers to visualize the scene the writer creates. Because personal writing uses your imag- ination or asks you to reflect on your own experiences and viewpoints, it can be a useful tool to help stimulate your creativity and to give you valuable experience in expressing your ideas in written form.

Key Terms abstract words Words that have no physi- cal substance; we cannot see, hear, touch, smell, or taste them.

concrete words Words that represent people, places, and things we can see, hear, touch, smell, or taste; they are specific and tangible, and represent physical objects rather than ideas, qualities, or concepts.

combination paper An assignment that includes elements of personal, expository, persuasive or argument, and research papers. For instance, one section of the paper might be personal, while another is persuasive.

creative tension The stress and interest created when a story has an unresolved problem or disagreement, a decision that must be made, or a dilemma or conflict that must be resolved.

creative writing Written or artistic works whose purpose is to create images or to express thoughts or feelings. These works may also imply a position or argument.

description A pattern of writing that involves providing details about the physi- cal characteristics of a person, place, object, or event.

descriptive language Words that are vivid, expressive, and highly specific to the topic you are writing on.

dialogue A verbal exchange between two or more characters in a text.

narration Storytelling from the perspec- tive of a narrator. The story may be true, false, imaginary, or a combination.

nonfiction A genre of writing that includes biographies, memoirs, and his- torical documents.

opinion A personal viewpoint on a subject that may or may not be supported with facts or evidence.

opinion paper A type of essay that explains the writer’s point of view or opin- ion on a specific topic.

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CHAPTER 6Key Terms

plot The order, or sequence, of events that unfold in a story.

reflective paper An assignment that asks the writer think about something he or she has read and to respond to it or discuss its meaning for him or her.

response paper An assignment that requires the writer to think about the different points of view expressed in the material being discussed and to take a personal stand on the issue.

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