Intrapersonal Communication, Self-Perception, and Interpersonal Communication

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Learning Outcomes

After reading this chapter, you should be able to

ሁ Understand the relationship between intrapersonal and interpersonal communication. ሁ Define self-concept and self-esteem. ሁ Examine the role of both intrapersonal and interpersonal communication in forming one’s

self-concept, self-esteem, and body image. ሁ Explain how biological sex and gender orientation shape identity. ሁ Implement strategies for improving the relationship between your intrapersonal and interpersonal

communication.

Willem Dijkstra/iStockphoto/Thinkstock

Interpersonal Communication Begins with the Self: An Introduction to Intrapersonal Communication

Introduction

Introduction The relationship between intrapersonal and interpersonal communication can be explained as follows: Who you are as an individual is inextricably linked with how you see the world, how you communicate with others, and with how others see you. Thus, understanding the different aspects of self—self-concept and self-esteem—can help you become a more compe- tent communicator.

If you are asked to tell someone about yourself, to introduce who you are as an individual, what do you say? Try this short, simple exercise. Take out a piece of paper and a pen or open a blank document on your computer and write “I am . . . .” Now set a timer for five minutes and complete this sentence by writing as many brief, different descriptions of yourself as possible. Try not to think too much about each description; just jot down what comes to mind.

When the five minutes are over, review the list of traits and characteristics you compiled. What kinds of categories emerged? Did you list physical qualities such as biological sex, eth- nicity, or an aspect of your appearance (e.g., “I am female” or “I am tall”)? Did you include roles that you play in your life, such as student, accountant, or parent? Did you associate yourself with a group, such as a religious affiliation, cultural identity, or sports team, or with a hobby or activity that you enjoy? Were any of your descriptions about the relationships you have with others (e.g., “I am Carl’s girlfriend” or “I am Abby’s father”)? Did you describe any of your personality characteristics, talents, or abilities (e.g., “I am introverted” or “I am a good writer”)? Did you note an aspect of your online persona (e.g., “I am a food blogger”)? Each of these are about the labels you embrace about yourself. You use these labels as identifiers for both yourself and others and they are central to your identity formation.

As we discuss in this chapter, we all create our own reality. Social scientists use many terms such as self-concept and self-esteem to describe all the many aspects that make up your “self ”— your identity and identity markers, or the consistent grouping of attitudes that define who you are. Intrapersonal communication refers to the internal communication within and to yourself. You communicate with yourself in a number of ways, some of which are similar to the conversations you have with other people. Your thoughts are a form of intrapersonal com- munication. You also communicate with yourself via verbal messages to yourself, either out loud or silently. For instance, you might congratulate yourself with a message such as, “Wow, I did a great job on that project,” or scold yourself by saying, “I’m an idiot for doing that!” You also communicate by being a friend to yourself with statements such as, “You need a break,” or by encouraging yourself with statements like, “You can do this.” As with the interpersonal communication we have with others, these intrapersonal messages are shaped and formed by our relationships with those around us, the culture(s) in which we were raised, and where we are currently immersed.

Chapter 2 examines the conscious and unconscious factors that influence how you see your- self and how you communicate with yourself. In this chapter, you will attempt to answer the question “Who am I?” by exploring the terms self-concept and self-esteem along with factors such as biological sex, gender orientation, and online presentation of self that influence your communication with yourself and with others. You will also learn ways to improve your intra- personal communication competence over your lifetime.

Section 2.1Communication and the Self-Concept

2.1 Communication and the Self-Concept Consider again the exercise presented in the chapter introduction. The contents of this list differ for every person, but taken together, they represent their unique self-concept. Self- concept can be defined as one’s broad description or perception of him- or herself as a per- son, “based on an organized collection of beliefs and feelings about oneself ” (Myers, 1993, p. 188). It is your sense of you, who you are as an individual, as well as how you make sense of your place in the world. The list that you created, which we will refer to throughout this chapter, shows that you have several components to your self-concept. These components of “you” are shaped and altered by aspects of self-concept, including the looking-glass self, social comparisons, culture, and the self-fulfilling prophecy. Together, these components combine to create who you are and shape your self-concept over time and are linked to both self-talk and interpersonal communication.

How Self-Concept Is Created Where does your concept of self come from? Most researchers believe that who you think you are is a complex mix of how you see yourself, how others see you, what others have told you about yourself that you have recognized and internalized, and what your society or culture tells you that you are or should be. For example, psychologist Michael Argyle (1983) described four key factors that contribute to development of self-con- cept. An example of how communication messages further help the influence of these factors are provided in parentheses:

• the reaction of others (A coworker complimenting you on how nice you look wear- ing a new shirt may encourage you to wear it more often. You might say to yourself, “I’m attractive.” If said enough, you might even believe it to be true.)

• your comparison with others (Your parents telling you to be more like your older sibling may create feelings of competition and resentment as you try to forge your own path. If you internalize this belief that you should be different, it might make you change your behavior or have thoughts about yourself as inadequate. It is not just about what others say, but what we internalize.)

• the social roles you play in society (You are an elementary school teacher, so, when you are in this role, your students call you “Mr. Montgomery” and your employer classifies you that way.)

• the groups with which you identify (As someone diagnosed with a specific chronic health condition, you may embrace labels such as “chronic pain sufferer” and this is integrated into your identity. You might seek out others who also have that condition via online support groups so you can discuss your situation with others. The more time spent with similarly-identified others, the more likely you are to integrate those labels into your self-concept.)

Bill Losh/The Image Bank/Getty Images ሁ The social roles you play and the groups you

identify with can contribute to your self-concept.

Section 2.1Communication and the Self-Concept

Your self-concept is learned; it is organized, it is dynamic, and it is ever-changing (Purkey, 1988). You construct this sense of self through communication with yourself and others—by what you tell yourself and what others tell you about yourself. In other words, your self-con- cept is first externally imposed by others and then internally incorporated in your thoughts, feelings, actions, and communication.

For example, when you were born, you had no clear concept of yourself. However, you expressed yourself by communicating with others through cries and other sounds, through facial expressions, and through bodily actions such as grabbing a finger that was extended toward you. At some point, you realized that your behavior resulted in responses from oth- ers. You cried and received something to eat or your diaper was changed. Then your behav- ior became purposeful; you made that cry because you learned that doing so would elicit a response from others. You most likely did not think through this action and reason, “If I cry, I will be fed or changed,” but, at a conscious or unconscious level, you communicated because you wanted to achieve a specific goal. As you matured, your behavior was more consciously planned to get your needs and desires met. And as you got even older, you started to develop your own sense of who you were, what you wanted to be, and what others were telling you was valued and devalued in your culture.

Throughout life, you have an infinite number of opportunities to express yourself and to inter- act with people. These people may express opinions about your behavior by smiling or frown- ing at you or by making verbal judgments about your behavior or appearance. “That baby sure cries a lot, doesn’t he?” “You are a very pretty child.” “She plays well with other children.” The opinions that other people express to you or about you affect you in ways you might not realize. They influence the way you see yourself, the way you respond to difficulties in life, and the way you interact with others. All the feedback you get from others, whether verbal or nonverbal, are early instances of you learning about the cultural standards that surround you and what is right or wrong or good or bad. We subtly and not-so-subtly learn that crying is not appreciated, being pretty is good, and getting along with others is beneficial. Though we will address culture more directly in the next chapter, culture is a central force in shaping our ideas of the self. Though self-concept is an internal process, it is learned, maintained, and can change through interpersonal communication. Now, let’s look more at what contributes to our self-concept.

The Looking-Glass Self Humans are social beings, and in the early 20th century, American sociologist Charles Horton Cooley posited that people always see themselves in relation to other people. Your sense of self, he believed, is formed by imagining how you appear to other people. Cooley used the term looking-glass self to describe this view of your self-concept, and the looking-glass self is the first way that self-concept is created.

Cooley suggests that other people are like a looking glass, or a mirror, in which you can view yourself from others’ perspectives. In other words, you are always considering how you look to other people. You might have a specific person in mind that you want to impress, or you might have a general sense of “other people” and how they might judge you. In essence, we treat others’ views of us as clues to who we are. We gather this information about their “views” through the verbal and nonverbal cues they provide, giving us clues about how we have met or not met cultural expectations. These clues to who we are may be accurate or inac- curate, harmful or beneficial, temporary or enduring. Look back at the “Who am I?” list that

Section 2.1Communication and the Self-Concept

you created. Are those descriptions at all based on how you think others view you? To what degree do these descriptions reflect how you view yourself ?

When you see yourself in a mirror, or think about yourself, you may be pleased or displeased by what you see, but not simply because it does or does not reflect who you want to be. You are likely also imagining how other people will judge you. In fact, we might even be visual- izing what others might say about us as we look into that mirror. These judgments create feelings in you such as pride or embarrassment. For example, in the presence of a person you think is beautiful, you may feel ugly. In the presence of someone who seems to be less fashion- able than you, you may feel sophisticated.

You might argue that you, or someone you know, are not affected by what other people think. However, when you say, “I don’t care about other people’s opinions,” that does not mean that you have not considered them. In fact, to come to this decision, you had to make a conscious choice to disregard the judgment of others. Instead of shame about an action you took, for example, you might choose an attitude of apathy and not allow yourself to be bothered by the opinion of others, or you might even feel pride at disobeying the rules of society. In any case, Cooley (1902) believed that the thoughts of other people are always there.

Social Comparison According to social psychologist Leon Festinger’s (1954) social comparison theory, humans have a fundamental impulse to evaluate their abilities and opinions. When there is no objec- tive assessment such as a test or a numerical evaluation available, we rely on social compari- sons and evaluate our abilities and opinions by comparing ourselves to other people. In par- ticular, Festinger’s (1954) theory specifies that this act of social comparison is more likely to occur in relation to a particular group that is important or central to you in some way, called a reference group. The results of these social comparisons—whether you conclude that you compare favorably or unfavorably to members of a group on a particular characteristic—is the second element that contributes to your self-concept. For example, you may think that you must have certain possessions because others in your reference group have them, or you must communicate in a certain way to fit in with a group you want to impress. Comparisons to certain reference groups can explain why teenagers adopt the dress and the slang expres- sions of their peers, or why cultural identification can influence how to care for an elderly family member or take part in particular holiday celebrations.

Research has consistently found that individuals who compare themselves to images in dif- ferent forms of media such as magazine advertisements, television shows, and commercials also feel dissatisfied with their own bodies (Nabi, 2009). Such findings support Festinger’s (1954) social comparison theory. Online interactions are also a source of social comparison. For example, one research study examined how the content of others’ social media profiles could impact users’ social comparison processes (Haferkamp & Kramer, 2011). Using ficti- tious social media profiles, the researchers found that users who viewed profile pictures of individuals who were deemed “very attractive” had a more negative image of their own bod- ies than those who viewed profile pictures of individuals who were deemed to be “unattract- ive.” When male participants viewed profiles of successful males, they perceived a larger dis- crepancy between their ideal and their current career paths compared with men who viewed profiles of less successful males (Haferkamp & Kramer, 2011). As the size and number of our reference groups expand along with the growth of social media, social comparisons are likely even more significant in shaping self-concept.

Section 2.1Communication and the Self-Concept

Culture At the broadest level, the culture in which we are raised is a third source of self-concept. Culture, as we discuss in greater detail in Chapter 3, is inherently interrelated with how we communicate, as well as how we form and reinforce views of our self. The impact of culture is reflected in what others—including our parents, authority figures, peer groups, and larger social structures such as the media, political parties, and organizations—tell us about ideals we should strive for and about ourselves. Culture also helps to shape our identity, which we will discuss in more detail in Chapter 3. Culture also influences what its members consider socially significant and personally valuable. For example, psychologist Bella DePaulo (2007) calls American cultural bias against individuals who are not in romantic relationships “sin- glism,” and this prevailing cultural belief could make individuals who are single (an identity marker) feel as if they do not measure up to those who are in relationships, thus contributing to a more negative self-concept. So, because culture is such a major part of who we are, it can also have an impact on self-concept.

Self-Fulfilling Prophecy Your interpretation of situations, as well as the messages that you use to describe them, can affect your approach to particular situations and, subsequently, your behavior in these situ- ations. Your experiences condition you to see the world in a particular way, and such per- ceptions are difficult to change. Thus, in a very real way, you create your own reality. You approach communication encounters with certain expectations and, through your perception and your symbolic use of language, you can create a self-fulfilling prophecy in which you see what you expect to see and hear what you expect to hear. For example, when college stu- dents enter into a conflict interaction expecting that it will be intense, they later report that it indeed involved a number of intense components, including the use of personal attacks, and they experienced emotional upset and subsequent interference with their day-to-day activi- ties (DiPaola, Roloff, & Peters, 2010).

Health communication researchers also describe a self-fulfilling prophecy that can occur in doctor–patient interactions (Perloff, Bonder, Ray, Berlin Ray, & Siminoff, 2006): If a patient believes that the doctor will not respect him or the questions that he asks, he is likely to make fewer inquiries during an appointment. The doctor will then think the patient is not moti- vated or interested in his health and will provide less information or information that uses too much confusing medical jargon. The doctor’s response affects the patient’s understand- ing, influences the likelihood that he will follow treatment recommendations, and confirms his belief that the doctor does not respect him and did not provide the best treatment. Per- loff and associates (2006) further review a number of research study findings that suggest that this self-fulfilling prophecy can be exacerbated in doctor–patient interactions where the patient is a racial minority, underscoring the impact that culture can have in determining our communication “roles” in formal health interactions. The best method for addressing such self-fulfilling prophecies is to keep in mind that your expectations about a person or situation should not control how you communicate in an interaction.

Body Image Self-concept, as you just learned, refers to your overarching view of yourself across situa- tions as well as your attitudes, values, beliefs, and feelings about yourself. Body image is an important part of your self-concept. Your body image involves how you think and feel about how others see you and also how you think, feel, and respond to your perception of your

Section 2.1Communication and the Self-Concept

own physical attributes (Cleveland Clinic, 2019). It’s important to stress here that body image involves how you view your physical self, but it also includes how others see you. Research on body image is most prevalent with regard to women; however, men have personal body image issues as well. In recent years, diagnosed eating disorders among men have been on the rise, and steroid and supplement use to improve appearance or strength has increased dramatically. These issues seem to be associated with men’s preoccupation with their weight, their dissatisfaction with their bodies, poorer attitudes about health, and the growth of men’s fitness magazines (Tager, Good, & Morrison, 2006).

All societies have ideal body types for both men and women, and these ideals are reflected in the judgments of family and peers as well as in art, literature, and the media. Sports Illustrated magazine’s annual swimsuit edition and People magazine’s annual “Sexiest Man Alive” list are examples of how media in the United States promote ideals of female and male bodies. Research confirms this relationship: A meta-analysis found that, across 25 published experi- ments, the more females are exposed to media messages that depict a thin body ideal, the lower their satisfaction with their own bodies (Groesz, Levine, & Murnen, 2002). This link extends to social media as well: When it came to how they presented themselves on Insta- gram, female college students report putting a great deal of effort into their posts, presenting their best selves, seeking engagement with others via likes and comments, and striving to measure up to beauty ideals such as being made up, thin, curvy, or fit, wishing they could look like others they viewed on the site and comparing themselves to other users (Baker, Freszt, & Brines, 2019). Together, these experiences on Instagram made the college women feel badly about how they looked and want to alter their appearance when they were using the site (Baker et al., 2019).

Plastic surgery and body art such as tattoos are other ways in which some people choose to alter their bodies in hopes of changing their body image. Cosmetic surgery, once an activity that people hid from others, is now performed at elite medical institutions (Elliott, 2004). According to The American Society for Aesthetic Plastic Surgery (2018), Americans under- went almost five million cosmetic medical procedures in 2017. Cosmetic surgical procedures increased 27% from 2012 to 2017, and cosmetic noninvasive surgical procedures, such as injections and fillers, increased 38% during that same time span (The American Society for Aesthetic Plastic Surgery, 2018). Striving for a “perfect look,” individuals also spent a stagger- ing $8.6 billion for cosmetic procedures in 2017, a figure that includes $6.6 billion for surger- ies and $2 billion for nonsurgical procedures such as injections and laser treatments (The American Society for Aesthetic Plastic Surgery, 2018).

Self-concept is important because how you think about yourself affects your physical, men- tal, social, emotional, and spiritual well-being and how you respond to events in your life. Self-concept can also determine the quality of your relationships because you carry that self- concept into all your interpersonal interactions with others. Weight reduction and plastic surgery can be positive steps to improving your view of yourself. However, your body image is not what you look like but what you tell yourself that you look like. Changing your exterior self also requires internal changes in how you see yourself. Changing your body image, and, by extension, your self-concept, takes time and work. It requires you to think and feel differ- ently about yourself, and it means you must alter how you perceive yourself and how you respond to your body. For example, the rise of social media has made the desire for cosmetic surgery even more complicated: In one study of Dutch adolescents, the more they used social media, the more they were invested in their physical appearance (de Vries, Peter, Nikken, & de Graaf, 2014). Findings were the same for boys and girls. Over time, these adolescents’ social

Section 2.1Communication and the Self-Concept

media use also was related to their increased desire to undergo cosmetic surgery (de Vries et al., 2014).

Whatever image you now hold about yourself, your self-concept is not permanently fixed. Self-concept can even shift in elderly individuals as their circumstances change. In one study of elderly persons who had recently moved into a retirement home, this change impacted their self-concept in three ways: (1) they felt that their bodies, over which they now had less control compared to when they were younger, had become less recognizable; (2) they expe- rienced greater physical and psychological fragility and less freedom to make decisions or come and go as they pleased; and (3) they looked to small events, such as helping at meal- times and looking at photographs of family, to provide them with inner strength and dignity (Franklin, Ternestedt, & Nordenfelt, 2006).

As you age, every stage of your life is thus associated with changes, but you can learn to accept these changes and to develop a healthy view of yourself. If you have a negative self-concept, you can learn to develop a more accurate view of yourself (Cleveland Clinic, 2019). A positive self-concept begins by accepting and loving yourself and allowing yourself to be accepted and loved by others. (See the Web Field Trip feature for ways to improve your self-concept.)

Web Field Tr ip: St rateg ies for Improv ing Your Self- Concept The Cleveland Clinic, a premier medical facility, provides a helpful list on their website (https://my.clevelandclinic.org/) for ways to improve your self-concept. Search for an article titled “Fostering a Positive Self-Image” and read the list under the heading “Specific steps to develop a positive self-image.” Consider the information in the list, and then read the following suggestions for how to use interpersonal communication to aid in each step:

• When taking a self-concept inventory, truly think about how you see yourself and then think about the major communication sources of your self-concept—the media, your family, a romantic partner, and so on.

• Ref lecting on your positive qualities will likely involve you using the social comparison and looking-glass self that was mentioned earlier. Be aware of this when you are being hard on yourself.

• Talk to others to get feedback on what they consider to be your positive qualities; others often see strengths in us that we overlook. This is also a great opportunity to share what you think is positive about them!

• Use positive self-talk to reward yourself each time you make progress toward achieving your personal goals.

• Think about where distortions in your thinking are coming from and try to develop com- peting narratives and positive labels for yourself.

• Are labels from your childhood still relevant to your self-concept now? If you are com- fortable doing so, talk with your parents and siblings to learn more about the origin of these labels. Did they come from direct feedback from others or did you develop them on your own?

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Section 2.1Communication and the Self-Concept

Self-Esteem Self-esteem consists of your broad sense of self-worth and the level of satisfaction you have with yourself; it is how you evaluate and judge yourself (Crocker & Wolfe, 2001). A good self-concept is associated with increased self-esteem; a poor self-concept is often linked to poor self-esteem, lack of confidence, and insecurity. Some research- ers argue that self-esteem is central to how we view the world and to our quality of life, indicating the importance of this aspect of self (Crocker & Wolfe, 2001). Although it is desirable to have high self-esteem, some individuals have such a high opinion of their self-worth that they believe they are better, more deserving, or more special than oth- ers. An inflated self-concept or extremely high self-esteem can negatively impact your inter- actions with others, which will in turn impact your friendships, work relationships, and romantic relationships. Researchers have found that people who keep trying to prove their worth focus excessively on themselves and have less successful relationships (Park, Crocker, & Vohs, 2006).

Web Field Tr ip: St rateg ies for Improv ing Your Self- Concept (cont inued) • Comparing yourself to others can be unhealthy for your self-concept. Remember that for

social media specifically, we know that most people are “putting their best foot forward.” If you feel this is having a negative impact on your self-concept, limit your usage of social media.

• One way to develop your strengths is through positive self-talk. For example, small man- tras such as “I am good at ping pong” can be extended to “I am an athlete” or maybe sim- ply “I am good.”

• Hear and internalize the compliments you receive from others and don’t downplay them. Repeat them. Incorporate them into who you are and what you say to yourself.

• Be generous with compliments to those around you—people you know and those you don’t. Often, people will reciprocate.

• When we accept that we are unique, we can often also accept the positives about us that make us special. Use your uniqueness to develop positive self-talk.

• Acknowledge how far you’ve come by rewarding yourself for any small progress you have made and any obstacles you have overcome in your life. Use those to embrace labels such as kind, creative, strong, bold, survivor, or nurturer.

James Woodson/Photodisc/Thinkstock ሁ How you think about yourself, at every age,

affects your physical, mental, social, emotional, and spiritual well-being. It can also influence your interactions with others.

Section 2.2Self-Expression and Interpersonal Communication

On the other hand, people who have low self-esteem tend to engage in excessive attempts to seek reassurance of their self-worth from others. They look for affirmation to make them- selves feel more secure. However, the attempts frequently backfire, and they end up push- ing away the people they most want close to them. Because a person with low self-esteem needs constant reassurance, other people begin to feel frustrated and irritated and often socially reject the person (Van Orden & Joiner, 2006). In these and other types of interactions, self-esteem can influence interpersonal communication. For example, the more we perceive through their words and behaviors that our romantic partners are committed to us and to our relationship, and the more we ourselves experience this relationship commitment, the higher our self-esteem (Rill, Baiocchi, Hopper, Denker, & Olson, 2009).

We can also use communication to provide others with esteem support, which “is a form of social support that is provided to others with the intent of enhancing how they feel about themselves and their attributes, abilities, and accomplishments” (Holmstrom & Burleson, 2011, p. 326). Amanda Holmstrom’s (2012) research has found that esteem support is par- ticularly helpful to others when it is offered as praise, as a comparison of the situation to someone or something that is worse, or as an expression of caring and affirmation that the situation will ultimately end well. Providing others with praise, affirmation, and acceptance in these ways can then assist in raising those individuals’ self-esteem through the building of positive self-talk (Vonk, 2006). In this way, interpersonal and intrapersonal communication work together to mutually benefit both individuals in the interaction.

In fact, Roos Vonk (2006) argues that being accepted and affirmed by those we are close to is the best path to truly raising our self-esteem; this acceptance from others allows us to feel comfortable and on solid ground. Because we feel this comfort and stability, we then become more open and less defensive with others, and we start to feel relaxed and in control. This feeling translates into our increased ability to grow and to be more determined to better ourselves. This, in turn, reinforces our increased self-esteem (Vonk, 2006). Thus, the relation- ship between self-esteem and how we relate to others is crucial for building and maintaining increased self-esteem.

2.2 Self-Expression and Interpersonal Communication Now that you have a better understanding of the self and the factors that create your self- concept and self-esteem, how do these aspects of the self affect your communication with other people? Refer to the “Who am I?” list that you created at the beginning of this chap- ter. How do the categories or descriptions of who you are influence how you communicate with others? Why are these categories so central to how you communicate with people? Has your communication from others shaped which descriptions you use in your intrapersonal communication?

So far in this chapter, we have focused on how the messages from others throughout your life affect your view of yourself. However, as we have illustrated in this section, just as your inter- personal communication with other people affects your view of yourself, the way in which you communicate internally also has an effect on your ability to build positive relationships with other people. The characteristics, roles, and other measures of self that define who you are—your identity—affect your interactions with yourself and with others and will be dis- cussed in Chapter 3, but two other important ways in which intrapersonal and interpersonal functions are interrelated are described next.

Section 2.2Self-Expression and Interpersonal Communication

Biological Sex and Gender A controversial topic among communication researchers concerns the communication styles of men and women and the question of whether the two sexes really communicate differently. This question is best answered by focusing on how communication scholars characterize sex. If we only measure how males and females biologically differ—which the majority of com- munication researchers do by simply comparing how males and females communicate—the differences are almost nonexistent. In fact, a landmark analysis of over 1,000 research studies that compared males’ and females’ communication patterns based on their biological makeup found that biological sex differences only provide 1% of an explanation for how and why we communicate the way that we do (Canary & Hause, 1993). In other words, according to this analysis, whether we are born as a male or a female and how we live biologically as a male or a female has little to no influence on how we communicate interpersonally. But researchers can also consider male and female differences in communication by focusing on socially and culturally constructed ideas of sex and gender.

Gender Orientation Biological sex and gender orientation are related but different. Biological sex is physi- ologically determined at birth. Gender ori- entation, on the other hand, is psychologi- cally created and is based partially upon a combination of one’s biological sex, group membership, culture, and a host of other individual, relational, and societal factors. Specifically, one’s gender orientation is a “social, symbolic construction that expresses the meanings a society confers on biological sex” (Wood & Dindia, 1998, p. 20). In fact, some researchers argue that gender orientation can be a problematic way to consider sex differences between males and females because it is at least par- tially based on a society’s gender stereo- types (Canary & Hause, 1993). For example, the American stereotype that females are relationship-focused and dependent whereas males are strong and independent could be perpetuated with a focus on gender (Reeder, 1996). Oth- ers note that gender orientation involves identifying with norms, or a group’s expected or standard pattern of social behavior, for feminine and masculine sex roles (Wheeless & Duran, 1982). This means that some people’s gender can be more influenced by traditional roles and social norms than others. However, because gender takes into account an individual’s physi- ological makeup (that is, their biological sex) and their social environment, it is typically a better representation of individuals than biological sex alone.

When directly comparing biological sex and gender in relation to different aspects of inter- personal communication, gender is consistently a better predictor. For example, research- ers found that gender was a more useful concept than biological sex for understanding how romantic partners express jealousy (Aylor & Dainton, 2001). Specifically, being more mascu- line was associated with using more destructive, antisocial methods of expressing jealousy,

Creatas Images/Creatas/Thinkstock ሁ Unlike biological sex, which is physiologically

determined, gender orientation is a social construction based upon a combination of several individual, societal, and relational factors.

Section 2.2Self-Expression and Interpersonal Communication

and having more feminine characteristics was linked to greater usage of a direct, construc- tive form of jealousy expression called integrative communication. Examples of integrative communication include disclosures, openness, and working with one’s romantic partner to try to reach an understanding. In addition, gender is a better predictor than biological sex when understanding how individuals maintain their relationships (Stafford, Dainton, & Haas, 2000).

Gender orientation should not be considered as being on a single continuum, with masculin- ity and femininity at each extreme and androgyny at the midpoint. Instead, each person falls on three continuums in terms of their unique gender levels for masculinity, femininity, and androgyny. For example, being more masculine is consistently linked to the increased use of instrumental and assertive communication in interactions, including accomplishing goals, influencing others, or finishing a job or task, whereas those who are more feminine use more expressive and affiliation messages such as focusing on relational communication, closeness with others, and emotions (Aylor, 2003; Palomares, 2012).

An androgynous individual, who possesses aspects of both masculine and feminine gender orientations, could have more satisfying relationships than either masculine or feminine indi- viduals because he or she has the advantage of being able to employ both communication styles with some degree of skill (Ickes, 1985). Note that androgyny is not akin to possessing both male and female biological sexual organs—it concerns your social gender orientation only. Androgynous individuals are also best able to adapt and be flexible, as well as focus on and be positive toward others, during interpersonal interactions (Wheeless & Duran, 1982).

Different Cultures Versus Gender Similarities Hypotheses Another way to consider whether males and females are more alike or different in how they communicate is by understanding two competing ideas: the different cultures and the gender similarities hypotheses. Linguist Deborah Tannen’s (2001) work, which includes the best- selling book You Just Don’t Understand: Women and Men in Conversation, argues that men and women have different communication styles because they grow up in different worlds or cultures. Tannen supports the different cultures hypothesis of gender, as does John Gray, whose book Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus takes this notion quite literally. According to this hypothesis, although young boys and girls occasionally play together, they spend most of their time playing in groups of the same sex. Tannen notes boys’ and girls’ favorite games are different, and their ways of using language in their games are different as well. She states,

Boys tend to play outside, in large groups that are hierarchically structured. Their groups have a leader who tells others what to do and how to do it . . . . It is by giving orders and making them stick that high status is negotiated. . . . Boys’ games have winners and losers and elaborate systems of rules that are frequently the subjects of arguments. (Tannen, 2001, p. 43)

Girls, on the other hand, says Tannen, engage in games such as jump rope, hopscotch, or play- ing house, where everyone gets a turn, cooperation is required, and there are no winners or losers.

In contrast, Janet Shibley Hyde (2005) and Kathryn Dindia (2006) are two of many propo- nents of the gender similarities hypothesis, which states that males and females are much

Section 2.2Self-Expression and Interpersonal Communication

more alike than different in terms of how they think, feel, and communicate. Though there are some differences between males and females, the differences are quite small and generally inconsequential. Dindia amusingly portrays the rather minimal size of these differences by titling a book chapter based on this position, “Men Are from North Dakota, Women Are from South Dakota.” If we consider which hypothesis the bulk of scholarly research supports, in both communication and psychology, the gender similarities hypothesis is overwhelmingly upheld (Canary & Hause, 1993; Hyde, 2005). For example, males and females show little to no difference (or there are multiple alternative explanations for any small to moderate differ- ences that are observed) in terms of self-disclosure, support messages, aggressive communi- cation, interruptions, and smiling (Canary & Hause, 1993; Hyde, 2005). Thus, though biologi- cal sex is a central aspect of the self, being male or being female does not fundamentally alter how we think, feel, or communicate.

Overall, we must be cautious about attributing communication differences solely to biological sex or even gender. However, when you communicate across gender lines, keep in mind that, like culture, socialized gender roles may slightly predispose women and men to interpret messages differently in certain circumstances. As you have learned thus far in this text, in interpersonal communication, it is important to check your perceptions with the other per- son to determine if he or she interprets a message in the same way that you do.

The Self Presented Online As mediated interactions continue to increase and become more central in our interpersonal communication, we are more aware of how we present ourselves online. For example, 67% and 62% of 18 to 29 year olds use Instagram and Snapchat, respectively, as of April 2019 (Per- rin & Anderson, 2019). Such exponential growth and reach of these social networking sites also means that we have new online arenas to help us craft and showcase to others who we are as individuals and images and ideals with which to compare ourselves. What is unique about how we present ourselves online versus offline? According to mediated communica- tion researcher Catalina Toma (2012), the nature of Facebook self-presentation is shaped by the following technological parameters, all of which could be applied to other social media as well:

• There is a large audience, including family members, friends, acquaintances, and even strangers.

• The asynchronous (that is, the lack of an interaction in real time) nature of social media provides extended time to think about and create claims about the self.

• The ability to edit the content of one’s social media profiles allows users to continu- ally alter or refine presented information.

• These unique online parameters create a highly controllable and selective pre- sentation of the self and should motivate users to design desirable, yet honest, self-presentations.

Based on these technological parameters, think of who you are in your social media profiles. How much time and effort do you spend crafting and curating your “online self ”? How does your online self differ across different social media profiles—is your Facebook self differ- ent from your Twitter or Instagram self ? How and why? Now that you know about self-con- cept, body image, and self-esteem, how do these concepts play into how you present yourself online?

Section 2.2Self-Expression and Interpersonal Communication

Soon after Facebook launched, three-quarters of students reported that their Facebook pro- file pages accurately represented who they were (Stern & Taylor, 2007). Such authenticity on Facebook is linked with positive psychosocial outcomes such as decreased stress and greater social connectedness (Grieve & Watkinson, 2016). Subsequently, Toma and Carlson (2015) found that college students believe they present themselves positively on their Facebook pro- files and also engage in strategic self-enhancement relevant to dimensions of the self that display their popularity; social media users realize that a small amount of self-enhancement is acceptable, but too much can arouse suspicion from other users (Toma & Carlson, 2015).

A review of college students’ Facebook use determined that the majority of student users posted personal information such as their birthdays, hometowns, sexual orientation, and relationship status (Foon Hew, 2011). By reporting this type of information, Facebook users establish their online selves by categorizing themselves as members of specific demographic groups—such as by ethnicity, gender, or sexuality—and even co-cultures (described in greater detail in Chapter 3)—such as fans of specific types of music, movies, or teams (Pem- pek, Yermolayeva, & Calvert, 2009). These online selves can be carefully constructed to reflect cultural and social norms and values and are accomplished by using positive language to describe the user as being outgoing and socially desirable (Zhao, Grasmuch, & Martin, 2008). In fact, a positive image of one’s self on Facebook significantly boosted students’ self-esteem (Toma, 2012).

However, online identity construction can also be less direct and explicit. For example, the number and quality of one’s online friends is a more direct method for examining online identity construction (Utz, 2010; Walther, Van Der Heide, Kim, Westerman, & Tong, 2008). Researchers can also get a glimpse of users’ online personalities via images, status updates, and posts on friends’ walls (Zhao et al., 2008). Research on “selfie” images posted on social media profiles has revealed that editing these photos prior to posting them is motivated by a desire for a more ideal presentation of one’s self on social media (Chae, 2017). As image- based social networking sites such as Instagram and Snapchat continue to grow in popularity (Perrin & Anderson, 2019), these indirect sources of information about an individual’s online self continue to expand as well.

What do these findings tell us about our online selves? First, though we believe our online selves closely reflect who we are offline, there is evidence that we have the motivation and ability to craft slightly more positive versions of ourselves online. These positive and selective self-presentation options can improve our self-esteem. Second, it is difficult to fully monitor and alter our online identities because there are many direct and indirect messages that can provide information about the self. Finally, we don’t yet know how newer sites such as Snap- chat help to create and shape online identities because researchers have focused almost exclusively on Facebook, with growing interest in Twitter and Instagram. But because there are more sites that are either image-based or focused on a limited number of characters, they are likely different from Facebook in how they create the online self and therefore require further study and a different approach. Take a look at IPC in the Digital Age feature to learn more about your Facebook self.

IPC in the Digital Age: What Does Your Facebook Profile Say About How You See Yourself ? When you set up an online profile, you try to identify how you see yourself and how you want others to see you. You ask yourself basic questions: What core things should people know about me? Is it helpful or necessary to share my gender, birthday, or occupation? Do I have a religious or political view, and if so, is it important enough to my identity to list it online? After you’ve set up your online profile, you choose the people you want to associ- ate with and the groups you want to join; you decide which of your hobbies and interests to include based upon how they affect and ref lect how you see yourself. And finally, you decide if you should post pictures on your profile and which pictures send specific mes- sages about who you are and what you value. Do you want to post a professional portrait where every hair is in place, a photo acting silly with friends, or a photo of you hiking a particularly impressive mountain? Social networking sites like Facebook prompt you to contemplate such questions from a unique perspective. The combination of items you post on your page, including comments and images, is a representation of you.

A research study conducted by undergraduates in communication at Chapman University was the first known to formally analyze young college students’ Facebook profile photo- graphs. These student researchers, led by Noelle Hum, argue that group affiliations, hob- bies, and other self-categorizations on Facebook allow each user to construct an image of the self, or an online identity, that is communicated to other online users. A Facebook profile photograph, along with a cover photograph feature added in 2011, is “one of the most telling pieces of self-disclosure or image construction” (Hum et al., 2011, p. 1828). An analysis of 150 college student profile photos revealed that these images tended to be posed, were appropriate for all audiences to view, depicted little to no physical activity, and contained only the profile user. The content of these profile pictures was also consistent for both male and female users. Hum and her colleagues (2011) conclude that users likely select their profile photographs with the goal of portraying a professional, appropriate image in anticipation of a postgraduation job search. Now apply these findings to your online identity.

Critical Thinking Questions

1. Look at your Facebook profile photograph and think about what it might convey to others. Is your photo posed or candid? Does it show you engaged in a physical activity or sitting or standing still? Is it appropriate (i.e., would you be embarrassed if your 6-year-old nephew or your grandmother saw it)? Are you alone in the photo or are there others with you?

2. Think about these questions for other public online images of yourself, including your Facebook cover photograph, your Twitter photo, and the photos you post if you have Instagram or Pinterest accounts. Do these images offer information about different parts of your identity? Did you make a conscious choice to convey these different identities?

3. Consider again the different photos associated with your separate online networks. If each site is meant to convey a different element of your identity, what is the purpose of these separate online identities? Why are they different?

Section 2.2Self-Expression and Interpersonal Communication

Critical Thinking Questions

Section 2.3Improving the Relationship Between Your Intrapersonal and Interpersonal Communication

2.3 Improving the Relationship Between Your Intrapersonal and Interpersonal Communication

Before you read this chapter, many aspects of your self-concept, self-esteem, and self-expres- sion were already an unconscious part of your life. By focusing on and consciously consid- ering these factors, you have already taken the first step to improving your intrapersonal communication and your communication competency. Whenever you communicate with oth- ers, your view of the world and who you are as an individual influence those interpersonal interactions. Thus, your intrapersonal and interpersonal communication are inherently inter- twined. Here, we offer some specific strategies to improve this relationship between your intrapersonal and interpersonal communication.

Increase Your Self-Awareness There are two techniques you can use to increase your self-awareness. The first is to be con- scious about how you interpret your world. Take a step back and evaluate how you commu- nicate with yourself and with others. Pay attention to what you choose to focus on, and ask yourself what internal factors, such as your past experiences, how you view yourself, and your self-esteem, influence how you approach and perceive a situation. Look for differences between past experiences and present circumstances. Why might such differences exist?

Education is the second technique you can use to increase your self-awareness. Some people perceive and understand significant differences or nuances in a given scenario—elements that are not noticed by people whose senses are not trained to perceive the same things. For example, music sounds different to a trained musician than it does to an untrained ear, and wine connoisseurs can perceive subtle flavors in wines that are indistinguishable to someone who has not trained his or her palate to recognize flavor nuances. As you continue to study interpersonal communication, the knowledge you gain about the communication process will increase your awareness of how you and others communicate. Learning to use critical think- ing and learning to differentiate among facts, opinions, observations, and inferences can help you strengthen your self-awareness and recognize that your view is just one of many.

Accept Yourself Review the “Who am I?” list you created at the beginning of this chapter. Are there any items on your list that you view as being more positive or being more negative? Are there aspects you would like to change or improve? Do you like yourself ? If you accept and like yourself, despite your faults and failings, you are more likely to carry a positive attitude into your inter- personal communication with others. If you accept yourself as you are, you are more likely to accept others as they are too. If you can admit and forgive yourself for mistakes, you are more likely to allow others to make mistakes and to forgive them as well.

One way to build acceptance of yourself is to look at how you interpret your own behav- ior—particularly how you communicate—and consider how realistic you are in appraising your abilities and behavior. Assessing your communication competence can be beneficial as part of this exercise. Do you rationalize or make excuses for unacceptable behavior or, on the other hand, do you fail to give yourself credit? For example, if you do well on a test, do you tell yourself that it was just luck or that the test was easy, or do you attribute your success to

Summary and Resources

your hard work and study? Another way you can better accept yourself is to pay attention to and internalize the positive feedback that you receive from others via their communication.

Remember that you can choose what you will accept and “own” about yourself and what you will reject. Some people who received negative feedback about themselves from other people when they were children carry these negative self-concepts throughout their lives. You do not have to be a victim of other people’s opinions. You can, as an old Southern expression says, “rise above your raising.” You are not what others think of you, and you are not neces- sarily what others have told you that you are. You have the ability to build and shape your self-concept.

Practice Your Communication Skills and Be Adaptable Finally, to improve your intrapersonal communication, you must practice the communica- tion skills you are learning about in this text. Completing the exercises and activities in this text and employing the tools you acquire can help you be a more competent communicator. In addition, learning to be more aware and mindful of what works in your interactions with others and what doesn’t can build your knowledge, which then contributes to your increased competence. Adaptability, however, is also an important skill you can develop to increase communication competence. You should strive to be flexible and tailor your messages to each specific person and interaction; realize that one message or way of communicating will not work in every, or even most, situations. Reflect on an interaction as it occurs and adjust how you encode and decode messages.

Summary and Resources The self is a critical component in communication. It affects the way you interact with other people and the way they interact with you. Intrapersonal communication occurs when we communicate with ourselves via our thoughts, or internal dialogue. Your self-concept is a col- lection of the traits and characteristics you use to describe yourself. Most researchers believe that who you think you are is a complex mix of how you see yourself, how others see you, what others have told you about yourself, and what your society or culture tells you that you should be. Your self-concept is learned, organized, and dynamic, or changeable. It involves a set of labels we embrace to identify ourselves. You develop your self-concept through inter- actions with other people who act as metaphorical mirrors reflecting to you the way you think others see and judge you. This is known as your looking-glass self. You internalize these assumed viewpoints of other people, and they affect the way you act today as an adult and the way you communicate with yourself and with others. You also compare your abilities and opinions to those of other people (social comparison). Culture has the ability to shape how you see yourself. However, you have the ability to view yourself objectively, to change your self-concept, and to make choices about what judgments of others you will accept or reject.

Your self-concept is related to your physical appearance and body image. Self-concept is important because how you think about yourself affects your physical, mental, social, emo- tional, and spiritual well-being. It also influences how you respond to life and can determine the quality of your relationships with others.

Your self-concept also results in your level of self-esteem, the beliefs and feelings you have about yourself. Self-esteem is tied to your interaction with others. Esteem support from

Summary and Resources

another person can help you build your self-esteem. In addition, being accepted and affirmed by others can raise your confidence in yourself, which then helps to enhance your self-esteem.

However, your self-concept and self-esteem are not destiny. You can build your self-concept and your self-esteem through successful experiences. Your successes create self-confidence, which enables you to take on new challenges and to increase your self-esteem in an upward spiral of success.

Aspects of your identity can also influence how you communicate with others. Your biological sex, which is the physiological difference between males and females, is traditionally thought to have a large influence on how we communicate. However, research shows that this is not so. Rather, our gender orientation, or our socially-constructed expression of how society views biological sex, is a better predictor of how we communicate than our biological sex. This viewpoint is also consistent with the gender similarities hypothesis, which states that males and females are more alike than different in how they communicate. In contrast, the different cultures hypothesis of gender states that males and females fundamentally differ in how they communicate with one another.

One way to improve your intrapersonal and interpersonal communication is to develop your communication competence. Overall, you can learn to change the way you view the world and the way you communicate with yourself and with others by increasing your self-awareness, building an identity around acceptance of yourself, and practicing the skills of communica- tion competence that you are learning in this text.

Critical Thinking and Discussion Questions 1. Which aspect of the self—self-concept, body image, or self-esteem—do you find

most challenging or are you most negative about in your own intrapersonal commu- nication? What can you do to improve how you view that aspect of self ?

2. How much do you think that others’ impressions of you affect how you view your- self ? What can you do to combat the effect of negative external messages on your view of yourself ?

3. How much does your online self reflect who you are offline? How much effort do you put into how others view who you are online?

4. How much do you believe that your gender orientation contributes to how you communicate? Are there particular situations or conversational topics where your gender orientation becomes particularly important?

Key Terms body image How you think and feel about how others see you and how you think, feel, and respond to your perception of your own physical attributes.

different cultures hypothesis of gen- der Theory stating that males and females are much more different than alike in terms of how they think, feel, and communicate.

gender orientation An individual’s psy- chologically-constructed gender identity, which is based on a combination of one’s biological sex, group membership, culture, and a host of other individual, relational, and societal factors.

Summary and Resources

gender similarities hypothesis Theory stating that males and females are much more alike than different in terms of how they think, feel, and communicate.

intrapersonal communication Internal communication within and to the self.

looking-glass self An early theory about self-concept, conceptualized by Charles Horton Cooley, that states that one’s sense of self is formed by imagining how he or she appears to other people.

norms A group’s expected or standard pat- tern of social behavior.

reference group Groups that we identify as important or central to us in some way and that can have a significant influence on our sense of self.

self-concept One’s description or percep- tion of him- or herself as a person.

self-esteem The beliefs and feelings we have about our self-worth; how we feel about ourselves.

self-fulfilling prophecy The tendency to see what we expect to see and hear what we expect to hear based on preconceived expectations.

social comparison A concept, identified by Leon Festinger, that pinpoints the human impulse to evaluate our abilities and opin- ions by comparing ourselves to others.