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Human Communication The Basic Course 14th edition

Chapter 7 Interpersonal Communication and Conversation

Learning Objectives

7.1 Define interpersonal communication and explain the interpersonal continuum and the stages of conversation.

7.2 Explain the principles of turn-taking, dialogue, immediacy, flexibility, and politeness.

7.3 Identify some relevant strategies for engaging in small talk, formulating credible excuses and apologies, giving and receiving compliments comfortably, and giving and receiving advice appropriately.

The Nature of Interpersonal Communication and Conversation 1 of 2

L.O. 7.1 Define interpersonal communication and explain the interpersonal continuum and the stages of conversation.

Definition of Interpersonal Communication

Communication that occurs between two people who have a relationship and are thus influenced by each other

The Interpersonal Continuum

Social role versus personal information

Social versus personal rules

Impersonal (Social) versus personal messages

FIGURE 7.1 An Interpersonal Continuum

Here is one possible interpersonal continuum. Other people would position the relationships differently. You may want to try constructing an interpersonal continuum of your own relationships.

The Nature of Interpersonal Communication and Conversation 2 of 2

The Stages of Conversation

Opening

Feedforward

Business

Feedback

Closing

FIGURE 7.2 The Process of Conversation

This model of the stages of conversation is best seen as a way of looking at conversation and not as defining unvarying stages that all conversations follow. As you read about conversation, consider how accurately you think this model reflects the progression of your last conversation. How might you diagram a typical Facebook conversation?

Principles of Conversation and Interpersonal Communication 1 of 6

L.O. 7.2 Explain the principles of turn-taking, dialogue, immediacy, flexibility, and politeness.

The Principle of Turn-Taking

Speaker Cues

Turn-maintaining cues:

Audibly inhaling

Continuing a gesture or series of gestures

Avoiding eye contact

Sustaining the intonation pattern

Vocalizing pauses

Turn-yielding cues

Principles of Conversation and Interpersonal Communication 2 of 6

The Principle of Turn-Taking continued

Speaker Cues continued

Listener cues

Turn-requesting cues

Turn-denying cues

Backchanneling cues

Interruptions

Figure 7.3 Turn-Taking and Conversational Wants

Quadrant 1 represents the speaker who wants to speak (continue to speak) and uses turn-maintaining cues; quadrant 2, the speaker who wants to listen and uses turn-yielding cues; quadrant 3, the listener who wants to speak and uses turn-requesting cues; and quadrant 4, the listener who wants to listen (continue listening) and uses turn-denying cues. Backchanneling cues would appear in quadrant 4 because they are cues that listeners use while they continue to listen.

Principles of Conversation and Interpersonal Communication 3 of 6

The Principle of Dialogue

Dialogue: each person is both speaker and receiver, sender and receiver

Monologue: one person speaks and the other listens

The Dyadic Effect

The dyadic effect claims that people return the kinds of messages they receive. So, if someone compliments you, you feel a need to say something nice about him or her. If someone is polite to you, you’re likely to be polite in return. Conversely, if someone says something negative, you would likely want to respond with a negative comment of your own. In what ways does this dyadic effect work in your social media communication?

Jon Barlow/Pearson Education Ltd.

Principles of Conversation and Interpersonal Communication 4 of 6

The Principle of Immediacy

Self-disclose.

Refer to the other person’s good qualities.

Express your positive view of the other person.

Talk about commonalities.

Demonstrate your responsiveness.

Express psychological closeness and openness.

Maintain appropriate eye contact.

Smile.

Focus on the other persons’ remarks.

Principles of Conversation and Interpersonal Communication 5 of 6

The Principle of Flexibility

Analyze the specific conversational situation.

Mindfully consider your available choices.

Estimate the potential advantage and disadvantages.

Competently communicate your choice.

Principles of Conversation and Interpersonal Communication 6 of 6

The Principle of Politeness: Conversation Is (Usually) Polite

The maxim of tact

The maxim of generosity

The maxim of approbation

The maxim of modesty

The maxim of agreement

The maxim of sympathy

Gender Differences

Research shows there are gender differences (as well as similarities) in the expression of politeness (Holmes, 1995). Generally, studies from several different cultures show that women use more polite forms than men (Brown, 1980; Holmes, 1995; Wetzel, 1988). Both in informal conversation and in conflict situations, women tend to seek areas of agreement more than do men. There are also similarities. For example, both men and women seem to pay compliments in similar ways (Holmes, 1986, 1995; Manes & Wolfson, 1981), and both men and women use politeness strategies when communicating bad news in an organization (Lee, 1993). What’s been your experience with politeness in men and in women?

Monkey Business Images/Shutterstock

Everyday Conversations 1 of 10

L.O. 7.3 Identify some relevant strategies for engaging in small talk, formulating credible excuses and apologies, giving and receiving compliments comfortably, and giving and receiving advice appropriately.

Making Small Talk

The Topics and Contexts of Small Talk

Guidelines for Effective Small Talk

Be positive.

Be sensitive to leave-taking cues.

Stress similarities rather than differences.

Answer questions with sufficient elaboration.

Avoid monologuing.

Choose topics carefully.

Table 7.2 Interpersonal Communication Tips between People with and without Speech and Language Disorders 1 of 2

If you’re the person without a speech or language disorder:
Generally	Specifically
Avoid finishing another’s sentences.	Finishing the person’s sentences may communicate the idea that you’re impatient and don’t want to spend the extra time necessary to interact effectively.
Avoid giving directions to the person with a speech disorder.	Saying “slow down” or “relax” will often seem insulting and will make further communication more difficult.
Maintain eye contact.	Show interest and at the same time avoid showing any signs of impatience or embarrassment.
Ask for clarification as needed.	If you don’t understand what the person said, ask him or her to repeat it. Don’t pretend that you understand when you don’t.
Don’t treat people who have language problems like children.	A person with aphasia, say, who has difficulty with names or nouns generally, is in no way childlike. Similarly, a person who stutters is not a slow thinker; in fact, stutterers differ from non-stutterers only in their oral fluency.

Sources: These suggestions were drawn from a variety of sources, including the websites of the National Stuttering Association, the National Aphasia Association, the U.S. Department of Labor, and the American Speech and Hearing Association, all accessed March 17, 2016.

Table 7.2 Interpersonal Communication Tips between People with and without Speech and Language Disorders 2 of 2

If you’re the person with a speech or language disorder:
Generally	Specifically
Let the other person know what your special needs are.	If you stutter, you might tell others that you have difficulty with certain sounds and so they need to be patient.
Demonstrate your own comfort.	Show that you have a positive attitude toward the interpersonal situation. If you appear comfortable and positive, others will also.
Be patient.	For example, have patience with those who try to finish your sentences; they’re likely just trying to be helpful.

Everyday Conversations 2 of 10

Introducing People

Cultural differences may create intercultural difficulties and misunderstandings.

Making Excuses

Types of Excuses:

Denial

Minimalize

Qualify

Everyday Conversations 3 of 10

Making Excuses continued

Good and Bad Excuses

1. Demonstrate that you understand the problem.

2. Acknowledge your responsibility.

3. Acknowledge your own displeasure.

4. Make it clear that your misdeed will never happen again.

5. Issue an apology.

Table 7.3 Six Steps to an Effective Handshake

Dos	Don’ts
Make eye contact at the beginning and maintain it throughout the handshake.	Look away from the person or down at the floor or at your shaking hand.
Smile and otherwise signal positiveness.	Appear static or negative. You shake hands not just with your hands but with your whole body.
Extend your entire right hand.	Extend just your fingers or your left hand.
Grasp the other person’s hand firmly but without discomforting pressure.	Grasp the other person’s fingers as if you really don’t want to shake hands but you’re making a gesture to be polite.
Pump three times for about 3 to 4 seconds.	Give the person a “dead fish.” Be careful that the other person’s pumping doesn’t lead you to withdraw your own pumping.
Release grasp while still maintaining eye contact.	Hold grasp for an overly long time or releasing too early.

Everyday Conversations 4 of 10

Apologizing

Admit wrongdoing if it occurred.

Be apologetic.

State in specific terms what you’ve done.

Express understanding of how the other person feels.

Express your regret that this has caused a problem.

Offer to correct the problem whenever possible.

Give assurance that this will not happen again.

Everyday Conversations 5 of 10

Apologizing continued

Don’t

Apologize when it isn’t necessary.

Justify your behavior by mentioning everyone does it.

Minimize your wrongdoing.

Accuse the person of contributing to the problem.

Minimize the hurt this may have caused.

Include excuses with the apology.

Apologize through e-mail.

Apologizing

Research finds that women report apologizing more than do men (Schumann & Ross, 2010). Additional research finds that apologies by men are more effective than apologies by women (Walfisch, Van Dijk, & Kark, 2013). One reason for these differences seems to be that men feel that fewer things require an apology than do women and so apologize less. Therefore, when men do apologize, it’s more effective because it happens less often. What other reasons might you advance for these gender differences?

Vladimirfloyd/Fotolia

Everyday Conversations 6 of 10

Giving and Receiving Compliments

Giving a Compliment

Be real and honest.

Compliment in moderation.

Be totally complimentary.

Be specific.

Be personal in your own feelings.

Everyday Conversations 7 of 10

Giving and Receiving Compliments continued

Receiving a Compliment

Smile with eye contact.

A simple “thank you.”

A personal reflection in which you briefly explain the meaning of the compliment and why it’s important to you.

Compliments

Some interpersonal watchers recommend that you compliment people for their accomplishments rather than for who they are or for things over which they have no control. For example, you would compliment people for their clear reports, their poetry, their problem solving, and their tact but not for being attractive or having beautiful green eyes. What do you think of this advice?

Hill Street Studios/Blend Images/Getty Images

Everyday Conversations 8 of 10

Giving and Receiving Advice

Meta-advice: advice about advice

To explore options and choices

To seek expert advice

To delay decision

Everyday Conversations 9 of 10

Giving and Receiving Advice continued

Giving Advice:

Listen.

Empathize.

Be tentative.

Offer options.

Ensure understanding.

Keep the interaction confidential.

Avoid should statements.

Everyday Conversations 10 of 10

Giving and Receiving Advice continued

Receiving Advice

If you asked for advice, accept what the other person says.

Resist the temptation to retaliate or criticize the advice.

Interact with the advice.

Express your appreciation of the advice.

Giving Advice

Men are frequently accused of offering advice even when it isn’t solicited (Tannen, 1994a, 1994b). When a problem or question is expressed, the stereotype goes, men will try to solve the problem while women will be more likely to express empathy for the speaker. Do you find this true from your own interactions?

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