Part 2 – Describing Communication Patterns

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Week 4 CCC

Osondu Elekwachi

Chamberlain College of Nursing

SPCH 227: Interpersonal communication

Elizabeth Nelson

July 2020

Week 5 CCC: Parts 5 & 6 Template

Recap of 4E

Final Goal (Updated Goal from 4A): My goal for this project remains as it is from the beginning which is “I want to learn how to stop interrupting people when we are in an argument”

5A. Covert Rehearsal

For My covert rehearsal, I will use a situation similar to one that I have described in one of my earlier assignments. The communication event will take place on Wednesday, August 13, 2020. I will just have gotten home from a long day of work and will be sitting on the sofa in my living room watching the news network CNN. It is around 7pm. My wife will be in the kitchen cooking dinner for the family. My wife Fiona will walk up to me from the kitchen and sit down beside me on the couch in the living room. and tell me that Gabby, our second daughter has a birthday party to attend. I will say okay. Then she will say that they will be going to the store to buy an outfit for her to wear for the party. I said no that I don’t have money for that. She will say Gabby wants to buy the outfit with her money that was given to her during her graduation. At that point, I will pick up the TV remote and turn the volume down. I will then turn on my chair facing her, and I will say its still no because Gabby has enough clothes to choose from and I want them to learn how to save money. Fiona will say no and try to explain why Gabby needs a new outfit, While she was trying to explain this, I will be tempted to interrupt her, but I will remember I am working on my goal and will let her finish her explanation. I will be patient and listen to her all through her explanation. At the end of her explanation, I will see understand her reason and I will agree with her.

5B. Covert Practice

I will walk into my house through the back door. Drop my car keys on the kitchen counter. My wife Fiona will be standing over the stove there in the kitchen making steak, and she will say “Hey Babe”. I will say hey. I will then open refrigerator door and take out a bottle of beer, walk past her, and into the living room. My living room has three couches, I will sit on one side of the three-sitter couch. Pick up the TV remote and put on the TV, then turn it to the news channel CNN then start sipping my beer. My wife will walk into the living room and sit beside me on the three-sitter couch. Then the conversation will go this way:

Wife: Babe, I want to talk to you about something.

Me: Okay babe, what is it?

Wife: Gabby has a birthday party of one of her friends to attend.

Me: Oh okay, so what day is the party and where is it taking place

Wife, I am not sure yet, will talk to her friend’s mother.

ME: Okay.

Wife: She wants a new outfit and so we will be going to the store tomorrow to get her a new outfit.

ME: Really? Why does she need a new outfit, she has enough. Let her just choose from one of her clothes, because I don’t have money to buy her a new outfit.

Wife: Oh, that’s okay, she has some money. Uncle James and Dion gave her some money during her graduation party, she wants to buy the outfit with that.

Me: What? We have had this conversation before, and I told you that we should start teaching them how to save money. They can’t just keep spending money they get on unimportant things. And as I said she has a lot of clothes, so she don’t need a new one.

Wife: Yes, she does need a new one.

Me: why? (in a raised voice). What happened to all her clothes.

Wife: Its summer and its hot outside and she has outgrown all her shorts. So she needs a new one.

ME: She should cut one of her jean pants to shorts.

Wife: Babe, it’s a birthday party and all her friends will be looking good and you want her to just cut a pant and put on. All her friends will be there with new outfits, so why make her look different and feel bad about herself.

Me: Okay, but just this once.

5C. Reflection

When I prepared for this situation, I was a little wary about the whole idea. I took the time to practice my responses and channel how to stay calm throughout the situation and how to be patient and listen to someone without interrupting. The practice really helped me because I thought about all types of responses, I could give that didn’t not sound like me interrupting her. I utilized the behaviors I created by trying to practice listening without interrupting especially raising my voice while responding. This experience makes me understand and realize that I can actually listen to someone while involved in an argument without interrupting them. And by listening, I will learn and understand their own point of view.

6A. Shared Behavior Rehearsal

I practiced my situation many times with a variety of individuals that were not involved. I noticed my peers provided me different scenarios and different responses. But after all the different trials, my friend Jerry was my best choice for a role partner because he and I are always arguing and he is aware of my problem and also because he knows my wife very well and so can talk a little bit like her. He found different ways to respond to my part of the conversation. He tried so many ways to stimulate an interruption from me. He gave me a better understanding on what my thoughts and actions looked like. He sought out any of my flaws that I had stated I did not want to act like. This helped me work on my tone as well as staying calm and listening. As I rehearsed through the situations, I was able to stay calm and really listen to someone without interrupting them. I feel very satisfied and I believe I was successful about the behavior techniques.

6B. Reflection on Observations and Reactions

I chose my friend Jerry as my role partner because he has been my friend for a very long time. We have known each other for over thirty years, we went to college in Nigeria together. He also my wife for a very long time and this one major factor that made me choose him because I feel he knows my wife and to some extent knows how she will react in certain situations. He and I have seen each other during our rough times as well as happy situations. He knows about the situation being role played because he and I argue a lot and he has told me several times that I do not listen to him talk and that I am always interrupting him. My wife Fiona knows him very well too. When I brought this scenario up to him, he had prior knowledge about it because Fiona has complained to him about this so many times. I found Jerry to be great at providing a different perspective for my thoughts and responses. I would trust Jerry with many things, and I do believe he would only look out for me in my best interest.

6C. Reflection on Planning

My shared behavioral experience went much better than I thought. I think it went so well because Mariah was very much involved and sincere while we did our role playing. I was very nervous leading up to this rehearsal because this is a problem I have heard most of my life and didn’t know how it will play out. I felt much better after this rehearsal, as though a weight had been lifted off of my shoulders because I could actually have an argument with some without interrupting them. The best part of this exercise for me was that I could actually stay calm and listen to another person make their own point. Listening, at its best, is active, focused, concentrated attention for the purpose of understanding the meanings expressed by a speaker (Wrench, 2014). I feel like I am now ready to get involved in more real arguments and see if I can actually keep this up.

Reference:

Wrench, J. S. (2014). The Importance of Listening in Effective Communication. Brewminate

Retrieved from https://brewminate.com/the-importance-of-listening-in-effective-

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