Part 2 – Describing Communication Patterns

Monday

· Who? My wife (Fiona) and her younger sister (Toni)

· What? My little daughter’s birthday party.

· Where? At home

· When? 4.00pm on the 7/20/2020

· Why? It was Emily’s and a few of her friends were invited for the party. Fiona and Tony were arguing on what clothes Emily should put on.

· Circumstances? Fiona bought a dress that she wanted Emily to put on but Toni felt the weather was too hot for that dress and that Emily should put on a shorts and T-shirt because it will be easier for her to play with her friends in those

· How? Fiona felt the dress was better because it was the little girl’s birthday, but Toni felt it was too hot and that Emily would not be able to play in that dress freely as she would like to. The argument went smoothly as they both listened to each other’s points without interrupting each other and that made it easy for them to come to a compromise.

Tuesday

· Who? My group of four friends, Jerry, Nnamdi, Emmanuel and Okezie

· What? Nigerian politicians and their politics

· Where? At Nnamdi’s house patio

· When? 8.00pm on the 07/27/2020

· Why? Jerrys cousin in Nigeria is contesting for the governorship election of his state.

· Circumstances? Nigerian politicians are very corrupt. Therefore, when Jerry informed the group that his cousin was contesting for the governorship position. The others were against him because they felt his cousin is a corrupt politician

· How? They all got into an argument because Jerry was trying to tell the others that his cousin is an upright man and will do a lot to improve the lots of the poor people in the state. The others were telling him how corrupt his cousin and all the other politicians are corrupt and will simply pocket the money meant for the people. The argument went on with all of them interrupting each other and none of let the other make their point.

Wednesday

· Who? Family meeting with Uncles and Aunts.

· What? Burial arrangements for our sister

· Where? My Uncles house in Vernon Hills

· When? 11 am on 07/22/2020

· Why? Our sister before her death had made a request that her body be flown back to Nigeria and buried if she died.

· Circumstances? Most of us from the Igbo speaking part of Nigeria like to be buried in our home state. Our sister wanted the same and had told her children and our oldest uncle the same. Now she is dead, and the problem was if her body should be flown back to Nigeria or not.

· How? The meeting was one of a series of meetings that the family has been having since she died. Our oldest uncle insisted that her body be flown back while some other family members believed that it was not feasible because of the covid 19 situation all over the world and also the financial implications of flying her body back home. The argument went on well and everyone could make their points without being interrupted. At the end of the meeting we all reached on an agreement to fly her body home.

Thursday

· Who? My younger brother and my Mother

· What? Shipment of things in a car to Nigeria

· Where? Over the phone in my house

· When? 7.30pm on the 7/23/2020

· Why? My brother’s girlfriend is shipping a car to Nigeria and my mother wanted my brother to buy somethings for her and put in the car.

· Circumstances? My mother asked my brother to buy somethings for her and put in the car but my brother told her he couldn’t put all the things she wanted in the car because the car was already filled up, but my mother insisted in him getting those things because she really needs them.

· How? They got into a serious argument because my mother insisted that she needs those things and can’t get them in Nigeria. They both kept interrupting each other and wouldn’t let each other make their points. At the end of the day they could not come to an agreement especially because my mother did not want to understand that the car was already filled up.

Friday

· Who? Emily, my 5-year-old youngest daughter and Felice, her 17-year-old older sister.

· What? What to watch on TV

· Where? In my Living room

· When? 5.00 pm on the 7/24/2020

· Why? Emily likes to watch videos on YouTube while Felice likes to watch shows on Netflix.

· Circumstances? Felice wanted to watch her show on Netflix, but Emily was watching her usual You tube videos. But Emily has been watching these videos all day and everyone at home was actually tired of watching them. Felice took the remote and tried to change the channel.

· How? They both got into an argument when Felice tried to change the channel, but Emily would not let her. Felice was trying to explain to Emily that she was tired of watching the kiddy videos and wanted to watch something else but Emily wouldn’t have that. They both got into a serious argument with both of them yelling on each other and not listening to what the other was saying. I ended up sending them both to their rooms to go watch whatever they wanted to watch in their rooms.

Saturday

· Who? My sister Stella who stays in Germany and I

· What? Buying a present for my mother on her birthday

· Where? Over the phone

· When? 10 pm on the 7/25/2020

· Why? My mother’s birthday is at the end of August and my sister wanted us to put money together and buy her a present.

· Circumstances? My mother’s car is currently bad, and my sister felt that since her birthday was coming up soon, we should all put money together and buy her a new car. I felt the suggestion was too soon because her birthday is just a month away and so I don’t think we can all come up with that type of money before her birthday.

· How? We got into an argument because I kept trying to explain to her that the timing was too short. But she insisted that it was doable if we were all truly committed to it. We had a very good argument and I was surprised that we were not interrupting each other. I let her make her points and she let me make mine. At the end of the argument we agreed on buying the car.

Sunday

· Who? My wife (Fiona) and our oldest daughter Felice

· What? Felice wanted to go to the store to buy clothes with money she was paid from after school matters.

· Where? At my house

· When? 1.00 pm on 7/26/2020

· Why? Felice wants to go spend her money in the store buying clothes, but Fiona will not let her

· Circumstances? Felice was paid some money from a job she did at school, and she wanted to go spend it in a store buying new clothes. Fiona will not let her because she felt Felice had enough clothes and so should save her money for better things that might come up tomorrow. Fiona was trying to teach Felice the importance of saving money

· How? They both got into an argument because Felice and her friends had planned on going to the store and she did not want to disappoint her friends. But Fiona argued that she had enough clothes and didn’t need to spend any money she gets on buying clothes. The argument went on peacefully with both of them listening to each other and not interrupting each other.

2B. Behavior Log Review and Evaluation – Most Effective

While observing these different groups of people and individuals, I learned that during their arguments, most of them were calm and patiently listened to each other and as a result, came to a very good. While those who had the same problem just like me were impatient and did not listen to each other. I learned that it was good to be patient and have a good listening habit when having an argument with others. That way you get to understand their own point of view and you also learn by listening patiently.

2C. Behavior Log Review and Evaluation – Least Effective

The least effective was the communication amongst my friends. I only saw and learned the ineffectiveness of not being patient and listening to other people. I also realized that sometimes you might really have a good case in an argument, but because you did not listen to each other, you mess up your whole case.

2D. Behavior Log Review and Evaluation – Recurring Communication

During this week’s observation, I realized how well other people had the patience to listen to others which I did not really have and I saw the good effects of that aspect of communication skills.

2E. Behavior Log Review and Evaluation – Most Pressing Behavior

After this week’s observation, I believe my greatest communication problem is still the one listed as my goal, which is “I don’t know how to stop interrupting people when we are in an argument”. However, I did realize that I had made some progress at improving on this problem. I had a conversation with my sister and I was patient enough to listen to her points without interrupting her.

3A. Positive Role Models

Example 3A1

· What do they say? They talked about what dress my little daughter would put on for her birthday. My wife (Fiona) said she should put on the dress we bought originally for the birthday. My wife’s sister (Toni), said she should put on a simple pant and T-shirt.

· How do they say it? They both said their points in a calm way without yelling on each other or interrupting each other.

Example 3A2

Example 3A3

· What do they say? My sister said we should contribute money to buy our mother a car as a birthday present, while I said it was too soon and that we don’t have enough time to put the money together.

· How did listening help you to understand the positive model? Observing myself listen to my sister talk with interrupting her really made me happy because I now realized that I could achieve this communication skill if I work on it.

Example 3A4

· What do they say? Felice said she wanted to buy new clothes, but the mother said no, instead she should save her money.

· How did they say it? The argument was quite peaceful and they both listened to each other in a calm way without interrupting each other

· How did listening help you to understand the positive model? Listening to both of them have a simple calm argument without interrupting each other and making their points clearly, made me understand how being patient had a positive effect in my communication skills.

· What behaviors would be useful to incorporate into your own repertoire? Their behavior of listening to each other with out interrupting each other is good for me because it will improve my communication skills when in an argument with an individual or a group of individuals.

3B. Negative Role Models

Example 3B1

· What makes them ineffective nonverbally? Their yelling at each other and standing over each other so they can be heard was really ineffective.

· How did listening make this a negative model? Listening to them talk and seeing that they were not communicating effectively with each other made it a negative role model.

· What behavior do these people exhibit that you would like to avoid? I would like to avoid not listening to each other and the constant interruption of one another. As a group, there are different people, and everyone has something to add to the conversation, but you can only know this if you listen to each other.

Example 3B2

· What makes them ineffective verbally? Felice and her younger sister Emily were talking to each other at the same time and not listening to each other and that made them verbally ineffective.

· What makes them ineffective nonverbally? They were both struggling for the control of the Tv remote control and yelling at each other at the same time

· How did listening make this a negative model? Listening to them talk and seeing that they were not communicating effectively with each other made it a negative role model.

· What behavior do these people exhibit that you would like to avoid? I would like to avoid not listening to each other and the constant interruption of one another. They are sisters and by listening to each other could have solved their problems faster.

Example 3B3

· What makes them ineffective verbally? My mother and my younger brother were talking to each other at the same time, kept interrupting each other and not listening to each other and that made them verbally ineffective.

· What makes them ineffective nonverbally? They were both talking yelling at each other.

· How did listening make this a negative model? Listening to them talk and seeing that they were not communicating effectively with each other made it a negative role model.

· What behavior do these people exhibit that you would like to avoid? I would like to avoid not listening to each other and the constant interruption of one another. My brother should have listened first to what my mother was saying and then tried to make his own point.