Part 2 – Describing Communication Patterns

Description 1: I can’t stop interrupting people when we are involved in an argument. I do not ever listen to them and get to understand their own point before I jump in trying to force my own points on them. I sometimes find out later that they are actually right, and I was wrong and if I had just listened to them, I would have known that and probably learned from them. I would like to have the patience to listen more and understands another person’s point of view. It will make me come up with better points to counter theirs.

Description 2: I can’t stop getting angry when I keep repeating myself when giving instructions. I get angry easily and then I raise my voice at the person or people. I do forget that I have an ascent that not everyone understands clearly and so sometimes do not actually understand what I am saying or to some of them I speak too fast and so they don’t pick out what I am saying. So most times they keep telling me to repeat what I said and that gets me angry and frustrated. I would like to learn how to pass out instructions in a calm way so that all those I am talking to will clearly understand what I am saying. I need to make myself understand that’s its partly my fault too that they understand me the first time.

Challenge 3: I can’t stop making up excuses for things even when I am wrong.

Description 3: I can’t stop making up excuses for things even when I am wrong. Sometimes it could be something as small as not turning off the light in the house. Instead of me just to own to it and apologize, I will always want to give a reason why I did not do that. That affects my communication and relationship with other people especially at work.

Description 4: I can’t say know to people especially friends and family when they ask me to do things for them even its really inconvenient for me to do that thing at that time. I believe this is because I am the first child of my parents and I have always felt responsible for my younger siblings. Therefore, I got used to that and so always feel I am obliged to help or do something for others.

Challenge 5: I can’t ask my friends to do me a favor when I need their help.

Description 5: I can’t ask my friends to do me a favor when I need their help because I am afraid of being turned down. I get very upset when friends turn me down or when people tell me no when I ask them for something. So, in other to avoid being turned down or told no, I don’t ask for favors from people.

Challenge 6: I can’t easily start a conversation with new people.

Description 6: I can’t easily start a conversation with someone new especially if they are of the opposite sex. I do get a bit shy and can’t just start up a conversation with someone I just met. If they do start the conversation, I will end up having very good discussions with them but can’t just start it.

1B. “I Won’t” List

Challenge 1: I won’t stop getting angry when I have to keep on repeating myself when giving instructions.

Explanation 1: I believe the better to say is that I won’t stop getting angry when I have to keep on repeating myself when giving instructions. I know I have an ascent and I do speak a little bit too fast which makes it difficult for other people to understand what I am saying. Therefore, I feel if I slow down the way I speak a little bit people will understand me better and I wouldn’t have to repeat myself all the time.

Narrative 1: I believe this statement belongs here instead of I can’t because, because I have a choice on what to do to change my behavior which will enable people understand me better.

Challenge 2: I won’t say no to people when they ask me to do things for them.

Explanation 2: I believe there is a time to say yes and a time to say no when people ask you to do things for them. So, if someone asks me to do something and its convenient for me at that time, I will do it but if its not, I will not.

Narrative 2: I believe this belongs here because all I have to do is understand that I don’t have to say yes, all the time. I just have to know when it is convenient for me and say yes and if its not convenient, I say no.

Challenge 3: I won’t ask my friends to do me a favor when I need their help.

Explanation 3: I don’t ask my friends to do favors for me because I am too scared to get a ‘NO’. I just need to realize that getting a ‘NO’ is a part of life. Some will say ‘NO’ and some will actually do it. So just need to figure out how to handle no when I get it.

Narrative 3: I believe that this belongs here instead of I can’t because I do have a choice to either ask them or not ask them. And if I figure out how to take a ‘NO’, then I can actually improve my communication skills on this.

1C. “Don’t Know” List

Narrative 1: Starting a conversation with people that I Just met has never been easy for me. I always for them to start the conversation which if they don’t, I end up not talking to them despite me really wanting to sometimes. I have tried different methods, but none has worked out for me yet. Sometimes I work up to them to start the conversation but end up not saying anything when I get to where they are.

Narrative 2: I love to have arguments with people but whenever I am involved in an argument with someone or a group of people, I do let them make their point. I will always interrupt them and try to talk above them. Always making sure that just my own points are hard. Sometimes I might be wrong but because I don’t listen to them, I don’t get to hear their own opinion or points.

Challenge 3: I can’t stop making up excuses for things even when I am wrong.

Narrative 3: This statement remains in the ‘I can’t’ section because I am not really sure if I can change from this. I have tried so many ways after getting so many complaints from my parents to my siblings and now to my wife. Therefore, this does not belong to the I wont and does not belong to the I don’t know group either.

1D. Issue Selection

After evaluating the six items on my list of I can’t, I came up wit two topics in my I don’t know how to list. These includes

1. I don’t know how to easily start a conversation with new people.

From these two topics, I will choose to work on the second one on the list “ I don’t know how to stop interrupting people when we are in an argument”. This is because I believe this is really important to me now and something I would really like to work on and change.

1E. Project Statement

“I don’t know how to stop interrupting people when we are in an argument” which one of my “I don’t know” communication behaviors is what I will working on this project. I intend to work on and learn how to listen more to people.