What is sexuality?

1. I also love the quote in the book from Barbera Carrellas on ecstasy. I think we live in a very sexually based generation, in which everyone seems to be focused on sexual orientation and expression, yet the acts of sex are disregarded as "no big deal". I like the idea of sex being "life-force energy" as it is described in the book, because sex is the basis of life and it's how we're made. I don't think it should be taken as lightly as it often is, but I believe that we live in a time in which everyone is focused on how other's "do sex" that we often don't look deep into our own sexuality.   

I guess looking deep into my own sexuality, I identify as a heterosexual female. I've had sexual encounters to some degrees with both men and women. So why do I identify as heterosexual as opposed to bisexual maybe? I guess mainly because although I've had these experiences, I've never had a sexual attraction to a woman, only heterosexual men. I think any attraction I may have towards someone of the same sex has been on an emotional level or based on their personality, but I personally just don't find women to be my preferred sexual partners. 

2.On page 152 the concept of 'pass or fail' is very much a concern that I have. If I like certain things, then I want to do well when doing them. Like Bornstein said previously, how we do one thing determines how we do most things; I'd like to be successful in expressing what I want and in my ability to do it. When thinking about the ways my sexuality can be defined by what I prefer to do and how I do it, it makes me think of how I am ‘heterosexual’ (which I identify with for the most part) and also I am more. 

I am more because I have changed and I do change and nothing in life is truly permanent. I identify as being straight because I am physically attracted to straight men 95% of the time. The individual that I am attracted to is determined ‘straight’ because they have a working penis and would like to use it with a certain person (me) and are turned on by women like me. The remaining percent of who/what attracts me is smaller and shifts, because I can be attracted to someone just based on their way of being. This is not something physical. An individual’s character and vibe is what attracts me, is what makes me interested. With all of that aside and when it comes down to really doing it, I’m attracted to men. These are my standards; this is how I define things for myself. Now being on the subject of actually doing it, and recalling the many subsections of what the act of doing it includes, I am pretty much indifferent. I have a few set standards and guidelines that are born from what I naturally enjoy too, my morals, and my values. I made a note after taking the quiz on ‘Your Sexual Compatibility Needs.’ When considering if no compatibility of sexuality is a deal breaker for me, my thought was this: if I was with someone whose sexuality was not like my own, it would not cause me to run for the hills. Their incompatible sexuality may require more creative thinking on our part but in the end I feel we only need to fully understand the wants and needs of the other person. If we are aware then we can find a way to fulfill the needs of others, regardless if it is identical to our own. Therefore, if there’s a substantial amount of compatibility between you and another being and they’re not willing to compromise differences and return the favor, than you’re wasting your time.

3.  The first quiz I answered in the chapter was very alarming because it was very unlike Bornstein. Usually she has a category for everyone and here she said if you answered yes to the first question (which I did), you passed, and if you didn’t you failed. I found that to be very narrow minded and unlike her. 

I’m going to go ahead and say I am definitely more because I am 100% attracted to straight men. I determine them straight because they’re attracted to me a straight woman and other straight women. I have never been attracted to another person in a sexual way if I didn’t like the looks of them or their personality. I have never found myself to be curious about women in any way, honestly I think girls are gross hahaha like I have enough of my own problems I don’t want to deal with another girl’s either. I feel like boys are really easy and just really compatible for me, I feel really comfortable with them and have no problem trying to fake it or anything with them.

But moving more through the chapter I found the topic compatibility and as I read it I was surprised to see that people with other sexual needs can be with people who need more than what they can offer. I question this because I don’t see it working out in the long run. I couldn’t be with someone that needed more than me, for example if I was dating a boy and found out he was bisexual I don’t think I could continue dating him. It’s not the person it’s just me and that’s not something I’m comfortable with, I need to be the only thing the person wants or needs. That sounds really selfish but I don’t think I could change. Maybe if I really cared for the person I could try and make something work but the odds are I couldn’t. I have to worry about all straight women, but now I have to be worried about him checking out homosexual men? It’s just not something I see myself doing.

4.