What kind of a defender are you? Not all of our communication is defensive, but each of us has a tendency to engage in either subordinate or dominant defensiveness. The following table presents twelve sets of choices that will help you see whether you ten

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What kind of a defender are you?
Not all of our communication is defensive, but each of us has a tendency to engage in either subordinate or dominant defensiveness. The following table presents twelve sets of choices that will help you see whether you tend to be more subordinate or dominant when you communicate defensively. Complete the questionnaire by allocating 10 points between the two alternatives in each of the twelve rows.
For example, if you never ask permission when it is not needed, but you do give or deny permission frequently, you may give yourself 0 and 10 point, respectively, in the third row. However, if you do each of these behaviors about equally, though at different time, you may want to give yourself 5 point for each alternative.
Add your total points for each column. Whichever number is larger identifies your defensive style.
Subordinate Defensiveness
             Explain, prove, and justify your actions, ideas, or feelings more than is required for results wanted.
           Ask why things are done the way they are, when you really want to change them. Why don’t they….?
            Ask permission when not needed. Is it okay with you if……?
           Give away decision, ideas, or power when it would be appropriate to claim them as your own. Don’t you think that…..?
              Apologize, feel inadequate, say I’m sorry when you are not.
              Submit or withdraw when it’s not in your best interest. Whatever you say….
             Lose your cool, lash out, cry where it’s inappropriate (turning your anger toward yourself).
              Go bank, click off, be at a loss for words just when you want to have a ready response. I should’ve said…(afterwards).
               Use coping humor, hostile jocularity, or put yourself down when ‘’buying time’’ or honest feedback would get better result. Why don’t you lay off?
              Use self-deprecating adjectives and reactive verb. I’, just a … I’m just doing what I was told.
               Use the general you and they when I and personal names would state the situation more clearly. They really hassle you here.
                Smile to cover up feelings or put yourself down since you don’t know what else to do and it’s nice.
                      TOTAl Subordinate Points.
Dominant Defensiveness
          Prove that you’re right. I told you so. Now see, that proves my point.
        Give patient explanations but few answers. It’s always been done this way. We tried that before, but….
          Give or deny permission. Oh, I couldn’t let you do that.
           Make decisions or take powers as your natural right. The best way to do it is… Don’t argue, just do as I say.
           Prod people to get the job done. Don’t just stand there.
            Take over a situation or decision even when it’s delegate; get arbitrary. My mind is made up.
            Lose your cool, yell, pound the desk where it’s inappropriate (turning your anger toward others).
         Shift responsibility for something you should have taken care of yourself. You’re always done it before. What’re you all of a sudden upset for now?
              Use coping humor, baiting, teasing, hostile jocularity, mimicry to keep other people off balance so you don’t have to deal with them. What’s the matter, Can’t you take it?
            Impress others with how many important people you know. The other night at Bigname’s party when I was talking to….
            Don’t listen: interpret. Catch the idea of what they’re saying, then list rebuttals or redefine their point. Now what you really mean is….
           Use verbal dominance, if necessary, to make your point. Don’t let anyone interrupt what you have to say.
            TOTAL Dominant Points.

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