Listening is More than Hearing

"Conflict can and should be handled constructively; when it is, relationships benefit. Conflict avoidance is *not* the hallmark of a good relationship. On the contrary, it is a symptom of serious problems and of poor communication." - Harriet B. Braiker

Conflict, actually, can be positive or negative, constructive or destructive, based on how we approach it, engage in and navigate around the conflict. In the mid-1800s, conflict theory originated with the work of Karl Marx. Marx understood human society in terms of conflict between social classes, notably the conflict in capitalist societies between those who owned the means of economic production (factory or farm owners, for example) and those who did not (the workers).

Managers solve conflicts. One method to do so has the acronym LEAP. LEAP stands for:

Listening - listen to the concerns expressed which are creating conflict.
Empathize - empathize with the parties expressing how they feel.
Ask - ask intelligent questions to fully understand the issues and their solutions.
Paraphrase - repeat back to the parties the issues and possible solutions.

Utilizing behavioral techniques and with practice, managers show their prowess in the area of conflict resolution. Here are some techniques to use:

• Only discuss when all parties are calm
• Forget what happened in the past and stay in the present
• Focus on the problem not the person
• Communicate feelings assertively, NOT aggressively
• Expect and accept another's right to disagree
• Don't view the situation as a competition where there is a winner and a loser
• Work toward a solution where both parties have some of their needs met
• Build 'power with' NOT 'power over' others

Conflicts cause stress. Stress is a normal psychological and physical reaction to the ever increasing demands we all experience. Our brain comes hard-wired with an alarm system for our protection. When the brain perceives a threat, it signals the body to release a burst of hormones to fuel your capacity for a response. This has been labeled the "fight-or-flight" response by Walter Cannon, who first observed this in animals. Once the threat is gone, your body is meant to return to a normal relaxed state.

Chronic stress leads to health issues. It also leads to unhealthy choices which affect performance of work. The behavioral effects of an over-stressed lifestyle are easy to see. When under pressure, some people are more likely to drink heavily, use drugs or smoke, as a way of getting immediate chemical relief from stress. Watch any popular movie where the main character is under stress and see how that person responds.

Dr. Herbert Benson, a cardiologist and professor, wrote "The Relaxation Response" in 1975 and continues to do research in this area today. Stress management is the term we use today to define the many tips and techniques employed to combat negative stress, called distress.

Conflict and communications are connected. A manager must perform her or his duties in a constructive and honest manner, with proper timing to mediate conflicts and perfect pitch, in a manner of speech, to communicate what is needed to be known and when to do so. It does not matter if your natural style is that of an extrovert or introvert, management is not a genetic predisposition, it is learned through practice. They say "timing is everything" and this applies to the delicate balance good managers show as they weave their way around the world of people management.