Essay Revision

Below are the proffesors comments on the essay I turned in about pitbulls.

Professors Comments: "This is a wonderful example of a narrative essay. The subject matter was entertaining, you presented it in an interesting way, and you provided enough detail to make the writing come alive. To improve the essay: the intro is stiff--you might try to use your thesis statement to open or include a story about a pit bull to draw your reader in. Some of your paragraphs are too short—add more details for better flow. There are a few grammar/punctuation errors; be sure to do an extra edit. The APA style is good as well, and you will learn more about citations as the class progresses. I look forward to reading the revision."

So i would need the intro to not be so stiff, maybe include a story and add more details. Fix grammar and punctuation errors. 

The professor wants us to go through these steps when revising.

Step

1. Purpose

2.Audience

3. Thesis

4. Support/evidence

5. Structure

6.Typos

7. Spelling/punctuation

8.Run on sentences/ common splices. 

The original essay that was written was close to perfect. So basically just go off of the professors comments to make it better. 

The essay is attached.