essay fixed with 8 details

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there are 2 essays which u need fix them with the 8 directions. here is the details:

For #1, #3, #4, #5, #6, #7 and #8, write thorough responses on your critique sheet (aseparate piece of paper for each paper critiqued). For #2, write comments on the paperdraft.
1/ Comment on the introduction. Pay special attention to the thesis. First, write down aparaphrase of the thesis. Put it in your own words. Then answer these questions. Does it have a
cause/effect statement? Does it satisfy the “What, Why?, and So what?” criteria? Explain your
answer. How could the thesis be stronger? Maybe pose some difficult why/how questions to thewriter.

2/ Do #2 on the draft itself

As you read each body paragraph, circle the main point and underline the evidence. Writedown comments next to (in the margins of) each body paragraph. The comments will berelated to the body paragraph criteria below.

Criteria for body paragraphs: Tightly focuses on one specific point that supports the thesis. Reveals insightful/meaningful connection about the two stories in a parallel manner. Credibly supports point with specific illustration (showing, evidence, examples) Clearly explains point and how evidence fits point.3/ In regard to the above paragraph criteria, which paragraph does best at providing a narrowpoint and supporting it with strong evidence. Identify the paragraph and write the point downhere. Explain why it’s well focused. Also, give suggestions for improvement. 4/ Which body paragraph (s) needs to provide a more narrow focus? Identify the paragraph andwrite down the point. Then, explain why it’s too broad. Give some ideas for narrowing it down.5/ Which body paragraph (s) needs to provide stronger evidence? Identify the paragraph andexplain why lacking enough evidence. Give some ideas for evidence.6/ Which body paragraph (s) needs to provide a better parallel discussion/analysis? Identify theparagraph and explain how it is imbalanced. Give suggestions for making it more parallel. Ifthere are more than one imbalanced paragraphs, please point them both out.7/ Comment of the paper’s structure. First write down all the main points of each body paragraph(a post-outline). Then respond to the following questions: , “Does it have a good parallelstructure?” “Are the paragraphs sequenced in the best logical order?” “Do all the paragraphssupport the thesis?” Explain your answers. Don’t just say yes or no. Also, give suggestions for a
better structure.8. Other comments/suggestions: