draft and revise essay for kelvin

Hello Kelvin, here is the rivisition attachement and draft.

The draft is the one that you used did. Which is the one is arguemantative one. Please just give a draft out of the one that you give me. It doesn't need to be perfect, it just a one and a half page. 

for the revision, it is the casue effect essay which is in the attachement, the professor saids that "You are confused and not sure on what you want to say. Choose causes or effects, not both. Explain why they are not receiving attention and what do you mean by attention. What is it that they need? Why is society responsible for giving them this attention?"

Thank you so much