can you give feedback to my peers/classmate (follow the red guide please) 1 paragraph

 Terror in the Courts Causes Woman to Faint

 The trial for murder suspect John Abernathy continued today from yesterday's recess in the honorable judge Judith Inkster's courtroom. Insurmountable evidence builds up against Mr. Abernathy, who is the main suspect of Donna Wicket's gruesome murder back in 2013. Several witnesses took to the stand and withheld their own against the barrage of questions from both the prosecutor and defense, but the key eye witness, Ida Rhodes, was another story. As she was recalling the disturbing image of Ms. Wicket being shot in the head point blank then dismembered, she glanced over to Abernathy who in turn watched her with a maniacal expression. Now this wouldn't normally disturb someone like Ida Rhodes, who insists that she's "neutral" to this sort of behavior, but the fact that John Abernathy held his hand at his temple in a gun fashion and then proceeded to point at her made her anything but neutral. Miss Rhodes all of a sudden stopped talking and started to sway in the witness stand. Bailiff Porter recognized what was happening and rushed to steady Miss Rhodes, but he arrived too late. As soon as he stepped in to steady her from fainting, Miss Rhodes fell face first and hit the front of the witness stand, knocking her out cold. Mr. Abernathy broke out in laughter at this and stated "I guess your 'eye' witness isn't so reliable now". After making this statement, officers arrived to escort him back to his jail cell by orders from Judge Inkster until further notice.

 Following an extended recess, I caught up with Miss Rhodes to find out more on Donna Wicket’s murder and to also get her insight as to what happened in the courtroom. When asked what exactly she was doing before she came across Abernathy murdering Ms. Wicket, she took on a proud stance and said, “I run the neighborhood watch on Burberry Street and was making my rounds at 10pm like I normally do. As I rounded the corner to start going down Cadbury Lane, I saw lights on in John Abernathy’s garage and curiosity took hold of me so I went to sneak a peek through the garage door window. That’s when I saw him take a pistol with what looked like a silencer on and shoot that poor woman between the eyes. The pleading, terrorized look on her face right before that moment will haunt me for the rest of my days.” I then proceeded to ask her what went through her head at the moment that she started to get dizzy in the courtroom. She told me, "When Abernathy pretended like he was shooting himself then pointed at me after, it made me think of my children back home and that monster getting his hands on them. At first it made me angry, but then all of a sudden fear gripped me and I started to get woozy. I couldn't control it no matter how hard I was trying to look away from the beast." My next question stirred up the funny yet serious side of her. When told that the prosecution was planning on putting her back on the stand as soon as she was better, she laughed then shook like a shiver went down her spine. Closing her eyes in a downcast manner, she stated in a matter of fact way, "I guess I better put some shades on so I don't have to look directly at the maniac killer".

                 My goals for these paragraphs was to keep the audience entertained and interested in my story of terror. My inspiration for this particular story was from hearing about tragic murders happening all across the US and of course watching NCIS, Law and Order, CSI(Miami and New York are my favorites), etc. I also like a good mystery novel now and then too but that usually isn't the genre I choose to read. I'm more into regency romances, paranormal, and science fiction. My strategy to keep it interesting was to add more narrative and to give a little more background into how Miss Rhodes witnessed the murder. I didn’t add anything to the first paragraph seeing as it already had a lot going on in it as is. As I reread my story, I saw that I didn’t really give a background story into the how’s and why’s of her witnessing anything so I added it into the second paragraph. I thought I did really good and I hope that you all enjoy my short story. :)