Sociology-Family
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Across time and social change, the shape our choice of a partner have
changed with the times. Marriage choice in primitive societies and other
preindustrial forms was based upon endogamy. Exogamy can only become
widespread with the emergence of more sophisticated communication and
transportation technologies. The first groups of people to marry outside of
their immediate surroundings were the nobility. In fact, they have been
called the first group to have “elaborated” personalities. They had access to
the highest culture of their times. Even Greek society had people who were
leaders with systematic advantages and they came from the privileged group
called “citizens.” They learned to read and write, were literate, they had
access to the music (Mozart, Bach, etc. were court musicians), they could
travel form place to place and country to country, etc. As a result, and
because they wanted to keep the power they had, they would marry other
members of the nobility but often ones from other countries in order to form
alliances with those countries. Their marriages were based on political goals
rather than romantic ones. This, of course, changed over time. Think of
Henry the 8th in England who separated from the Catholic Church in order to
divorce. His motive was to have a male heir. In many societies it is still the
case that boys are preferred.
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Many factors have shaped the process of selecting a mate. These include
such motivating factors as the need to address political goals, cultural
practices and expectations, the desire to marry someone like yourself, etc.
The bases for the marriage such as the arrangement of the marriage by
family members vs. personal choice and cultural and personality factors that
provide reasons for staying together once the marriage has occurred.
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Marrying within your group was the general practice for most of human
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history.
Opportunity was a critical determinant of marriage choice:
•In primitive societies there were generally very few opportunities to marry
outside of your small society or group. You could not travel far and there
were very few differences among groups that actually came into contact with
each other.
Economics and the change from egalitarian societies to societies with more
inequality had a big impact on marriage choices. Families must adapt and
change in response the economic opportunities and obstacles that surround
them. In modern times we can see how the economy impacts the form the
family takes, decisions about whether or not to marry and the choice of a
partner.
•For example, primitive societies were very homogeneous. They all did the
same kinds of jobs across generations and they believed the same things
about the world. Women were gatherers and men were hunters. They were
very egalitarian because there was no surplus to gain control of. People did
not store food or herd animals. They simply gathered and hunted for what
they needed.
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•As surpluses emerged, there began to be increasing inequality. This meant
that more powerful families wanted to unite with other similar families. And,
as a the estate system and the nobility emerged, the practice of marrying
someone from the same caste or estate became more common. Caste
societies are closed societies that allowed for very little social mobility and
this is reflected in the fact that someone was expected to marry someone
within their own caste. Estate societies like those found in Europe in the
Middle Ages allowed some social mobility. For example, the son of a
peasant might become a monk or a priest and military service became an
avenue for advancement. Interestingly, it was this time period that priest
began to be forbidden to marry. The economic motivation for this was the
idea of descent and dynasty. Priests were often very powerful but they
could not marry and produce heirs who could inherit is power. They could
not produce a powerful family that could compete with the nobility.
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Social class is a much more open system of stratification. This does not mean, however, that people are necessarily going to marry outside of their group. At first, however, that people are necessarily going to marry outside of their group. At first, people in the colonies tended to live in small, agricultural villages and marry within their religious and geographical group.
•As industrialization progressed and the society became more urban and more unequal with waves of poor immigrants arriving, the upper class was still very likely to want to marry in This was the era of debutantes and social barriers. In this area it was a time when the power of the “Boston Brahmins” was very great. Harvard University had originally been a school for the education of the children of the religious leaders. As the mercantile class became more powerful it was their children who attended Harvard and belonged to the exclusive clubs. In the 20th
Century there were still many elite organizations including The Country Club in Brookline. That was a patriarchal organization that had very restricted membership. In fact, if a member died the membership always voted about whether or not their wife could continue as a member. This was in response to the increasing “threat” of exogamy—the possibility that the member had decided to marry someone with an “inappropriate” background. Exclusivity is a means to maintain power and control.
•And, immigrant groups in Boston and environs also tended to marry within their own ethnic groups. This was, in part because of cultural sameness but also because of the likelihood that they would be living in the same area and be from the same social class. At the time of early industrialization the new immigrants experienced discrimination and disadvantage. This meant that they tended to remain within their own ethnic group/subculture.
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In primitive societies all members shared the same beliefs and practices, values and norms. Their view of the world and their strategies for survival values and norms. Their view of the world and their strategies for survival were shaped by their physical environment. Within each small society, their religious beliefs were all the same and they relied on magical explanations rather than science to explain why things happened. They would have talked about spirits and as religion developed, they were polytheistic which means that they believed in a multiple gods or deities. This meant that endogamy was a given. And, in caste and estate systems, marital choice was based on family arrangements. The type of arrangements were shaped by and perpetuated by the culture. Value systems define certain practices as good or bad, as right or wrong. Cultural practices which reflect the norms of the society include rituals which reinforce the stability of the culture. Rituals associated with the family include engagement, the marriage ceremony itself, baptism, etc. Besides the “little rituals” mentioned in “The Joy of Rituals” the author also includes Thanksgiving as a family ritual. Such holidays definitely do serve to bring families together. However, statistics also show that suicide is more likely on Thanksgiving than any other holiday. This is due, in part, to the cultural expectations associated with the holiday which include joyful family time. People who are alone or are unhappy with their family or isolated and alone are more likely to commit suicide on such a day when they are “supposed to be” happy.
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Factors associated with the increased incidence of exogamy are all related
to rapid social change and modernization.
•Any social change will impact the options that families have. They have to
find new ways of accomplishing their goals as their options change. For
example, both Irish and Chinese immigrants tended to include large
numbers on single males or males that hoped to bring their families along
later or send money back to their families. This a pattern that still exists
today for some immigrants and it has an impact on family formation. The
Irish already had a tendency to marry later, in part because the small farms
could not support that many people. Their arrival in America reflected this
tendency and the economic necessity that prompted emigration from
Ireland.
•Increased social mobility, either geographical or vertical, means that people
“move around” or “move away” and they come into contact with people from
different social classes and backgrounds. Many more people are now
potential mates.
•Our shrinking planet also contributes to exogamy. People are increasingly
exposed to different cultures and ideas. This offers more choice in mates
and lifestyles.
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•Technology has a dramatic impact on marriage choices. With the invention
of trains and automobiles and the telegraph and telephone came the ability
to reach out to an meet many more people. Today we have internet dating
and singles organizations and “facebook,” etc. We can easily fly to another
country. How else do you think technology impacts your personal life?
•One of the most important agents of socialization that impacts marriage is
the media. We are now a consumer culture that focuses on celebrities.
Increasingly, the media show couples with diverse backgrounds and it
seems to be the case that celebrities are actually viewed as role models in
spite of some very questionable behavior. Whatever should be, the reality
is that many standards are now questioned and this makes it more likely that
we will “think outside the box” when we decide whom to marry. The media
also produces images of beauty and desirability that have a tremendous
impact on our perception and evaluation of potential mates. Beauty
standards and fashion change constantly. And, generally the images
portrayed a unattainable by mere mortals.
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Traditional societies are characterized by very little social change. Arranged marriage reinforces the traditional values of the society. Partners are marriage reinforces the traditional values of the society. Partners are chosen with the goals of appropriate pairings and duration. Of course, it is important to remember that members of preindustrial societies do not have the same life expectancy as people in modern societies. Arranged marriages did not have to last as long as we would ideally like modern marriages to last. “Till death do us part” means a much longer time today than it did them
Romantic love as the basis for marriage is a modern pattern. It has been reinforced by the increasing individualism in this and other modern societies. It is also reinforced by the same media that created the “consumer.” Images of romance and excitement are everywhere. Romance and sex are used to sell everything from vacations and cars to diets and cleaning products. The reading, “This Thing Called Love” points out that “novelty triggers dopamine” and that we have to move beyond love/lust in order for a marriage to last. We have to bond with our partners and children and become good companions. If the stability of a marriage depends on “Viagra” or breast implants then the likelihood of divorce is greater. The first time I was ever a bride’s maid, my mother was at the wedding, too. After the ceremony, the bride came to my mother and, in reference to her vows, said that if she had “known all that she wouldn’t have gotten married.” Needless to say they divorced. This reflects the individualism in our society and the focus on romance over commitment.
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Traditional, preindustrial societies focused on duty as the basis for choice of
partner and longevity. Divorce was not a legitimate option and the focus was
on the duty of the husband to provide for his wife and family and for the wife
to remain loyal and caring.
Our modern individualistic society produces people who are more focused
on their own needs and desires. When people think of themselves first then
the reasons for getting married are much different. People want a partner
that meets their needs rather than one who represents traditional values and
norms. My story about my friend’s wedding also illustrates this point. She
was focusing on her own needs rather than thinking about family formation
and persistence. Fortunately, they did not have any children before
divorcing.
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