section 1
3: Social Connections
Your Health Today, 6th edition
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Healthy Personal Relationships
Relationships are at the heart of human experience
Family
Community
Classmates, teammates, colleagues
Acquaintances, friends, intimate partners
Relationships are fraught with difficulties
Divorce
Single-parent and blended families
Living alone
Electronic connections
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A Healthy Sense of Self
Relationships begin with who you are as an individual and what you bring to the relationship
Attributes that make successful relationships possible:
A healthy sense of self
A reasonably high self-esteem
A capacity for empathy
The ability both to be alone and to be with others
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Friendships and Other Kinds of Relationships
Friendship is a reciprocal relationship based on mutual liking and caring, respect and trust, interest and companionship
Considered longer-lasting and more stable when compared to romantic relationships
Offers a psychological and emotional buffer against stress, anxiety, and depression
Networks that provide social support also increase one’s sense of self-worth
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Strengths of Successful Partnerships
Intimate relationships have similarities to friendships, but also other qualities
More exclusive
Deeper levels of connection and caring
Sexual component
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Strengths of Successful Partnerships (2)
Some characteristics of successful partnerships:
Independence and maturity
Self-esteem and mutual respect
Understanding of the importance of good communication
Open expression of sexual affection and respect
Enjoyment of time together and time alone
Acknowledge strengths and failings
Assertive and flexible in wants and needs
Handle conflict constructively
Friends as well as lovers, with a focus on unselfish caring
Good relationships with family and friends
Shared spiritual values
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Attraction
People seem to use a systematic screening process when deciding if someone could be a potential partner
Factors that promote attraction:
Proximity—or, sometimes determined by proximity, familiarity
Physical attractiveness
Similar characteristics, including values and attitudes
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The Process of Finding a Partner: Dating and More
Indirectness is not an effective strategy
People who are straightforward and respectful in developing a relationship are more likely to get a positive response
Partners are often found through social connections
The Internet is playing a larger role
Enlarges the pool of potential partners
Online social networking
Importance of caution: How much do you really know about the person?
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What Is Love?
Similarity theory is based on the concept that we fall in love with people who are similar to us in important ways
Social exchange theory suggests that falling in love and choosing a partner are based on the exchange of “commodities’”
Love, status, property, services
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The Course of Love
Beginning stages of falling in love can feel like a roller coaster ride
“Lovesick”
Experience of love likely involves increased levels of dopamine
Causes arousal of the sympathetic nervous system
Effects subside as lovers become habituated to each other
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Sternberg’s Love Triangle
According to psychologist Robert Sternberg, love has three dimensions
Intimacy, the emotional component
Passion, the sexual component
Commitment, the decision aspect
Different combinations of these components produce different kinds of love
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Figure 3.1 Sternberg’s triangular theory of love.
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Source: “A Triangular Theory of Love,” by Robert J. Sternberg, in Psychological Review, 93, pp. 119–135. Copyright © 1986. Reprinted by permission of Robert J. Sternberg.
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Nonverbal Behavior and Metamessages
Nonverbal communication includes facial expressions, eye contact, gestures, body position and movement, and spatial behavior
Nonverbal and verbal communication cues make up the metamessage, or the unspoken message you send or receive when communicating
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Building Communication Skills
Before you speak, know what you want to say
Use “I” statements
“I feel…when you…” vs. “You make me feel…”
As a listener, give the other person time and space
Good communication skills help make conflict constructive
Assertiveness: speaking up for yourself without violating someone else’s rights
Gender differences in communication patterns can significantly impact relationships
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Table 3.2 Gender Differences in Communication
| Men | Women |
| Feel oppressed by lengthy discussions | Expect a decision to be discussed first and made by consensus |
| Do not want to have long discussions, particularly about what they consider to be minor decisions | Appreciate the discussion itself as evidence of involvement |
| Are included to resist what they perceive as someone telling them what to do; do not want to take orders | Are inclined to do what is asked of them |
| Think every question needs to be answered | Believe a questions is not simply a question but the opening for a negotiation |
| Believe they are showing independence by not asking probing questions | Believe that when men change the subject they are showing a lack of interest and sympathy |
| Goal is to “fix” the problem | Goal is to share, develop relationships, and listen |
Source: Adapted from You Just Don’t Understand: Women and Men in Conversation, by D. Tannen, 1990, New York: William Morrow.
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Sex and Gender
Sex is a person’s biological status as a male or female
Intersex is a condition in which the genitals are ambiguous at birth
Gender refers to “masculine” or “feminine” behaviors and characteristics considered appropriate in a particular culture
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Gender Roles and Gender Identities
Gender role: a set of behaviors and activities a person engages in to conform to society’s expectations
Androgynous: a person who displays characteristics or performs tasks traditionally associated with both sexes
Gender identity is an internal sense of being male or female
Gender dysphoria: discomfort about one’s own sex
Transgender: having a sense of identity as a male or female that conflicts with one’s biological sex
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Sexual Orientation
Sexual orientation refers to a person’s emotional, romantic, and sexual attraction to a member of the same sex, the other sex, or both
Exists along a continuum, influenced by a complex interaction of biological, psychological, and societal factors
Heterosexuality: emotional and sexual attraction to members of the other sex
Homosexuality: emotional and sexual attraction to members of the same sex
Bisexuality: emotional and sexual attraction to both sexes
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Marriage
Both a legal union and a contract between the couple and the state
Age at first marriage has risen
Confers benefits for the individual and society
One predictor of a successful marriage: positive reasons for getting married
Characteristics of successful or unsuccessful marriages are typically present before the marriage
Infidelity mars some marriages but does not necessarily end them
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Gay and Lesbian Partnerships
Same-sex couples have the same desire for intimacy, companionship, passion, and commitment
As a result of the struggle with “coming out,” many gays and lesbians have valuable communication skills and strengths
Homophobia: irrational fear of homosexuality and homosexuals
More than 60% of the U.S. population now supports same-sex marriage
Made legal with a June 2015 Supreme Court decision
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Cohabitation
Cohabitation is when two people of the opposite sex live together as unmarried partners
Incidence has increased 10-fold since the 1960s
More than 60% of marriages are preceded by a cohabiting relationship
Individuals may choose cohabitation as a path to marriage or as an end in itself
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Divorce
First marriages have a 40–50% probability of ending in divorce
Many ill-prepared to handle the challenges of married life
Leading cause of poverty
One of the most stressful life events a person can experience
Especially hard on children
Best served by continuing contact with both parents, as long as parents get along
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Blended Families
In blended families, one or both partners bring a child or children from a previous marriage
It takes time to achieve a level of cohesion and for stepparents and stepchildren to build relationships
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Singlehood
Many young adults are delaying marriage
An increasing number of people view singlehood as a legitimate, healthy, and satisfying alternative to marriage
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Keeping Your Relationships Strong and Vital
Cohesion is the dynamic balance between separateness and togetherness in both couple and family relationships
Relationships are strongest when there is a balance between intimacy and autonomy
Flexibility is the dynamic balance between stability and change
Communication is the tool that partners and families use to adjust levels of cohesion or flexibility when change is needed
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Communities
Community: group of people connected in a way that transcends casual attachment
Typically, shared common goals and a sense of belonging
Being active in a community is likely to have a positive impact on health
Positive relationships within a community are essential to personal health and growth
Improve self-esteem
Improve social capital: sharing and exchanging of resources
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Community Starts Within
Fulfilling community participation requires an understanding of your beliefs and how you fit into a particular community
Knowing what your values are, what gives meaning to your life, and what you want to accomplish
Values: set of criteria for judging what is good and bad that underlies moral principles and behavior
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Finding a Community That Works for You
Religious and spiritual communities
Spirituality: experience of connection to self, others, and community at large, providing a sense of purpose and meaning
Spiritually connected people stay healthier and live longer
Social activism and the global community
Social causes can unite people from diverse backgrounds for a common good
“Dragonfly effect”: how social media has been used to facilitate social change
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Finding a Community That Works for You (2)
Volunteering
People who give time, money, and support to others are likely to be more satisfied with their lives
One-on-one contact and direct involvement are key to experiencing positive effects
Service learning
Service learning: form of education that combines coursework with community service
Meant to teach students how to extend themselves beyond their enclosed world, taking the risk of getting involved in others’ lives
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Finding a Community That Works for You (3)
The arts
Enjoying and appreciating the arts allows you to embrace diverse cultures past and present;
Expressing yourself creatively can forge a connection between yourself and the natural world
Internet communities
Virtually limitless in number
Have a global reach, connecting with international social and political movements
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Review
What kinds of relationships are important for health?
How do people attract and find intimate partners?
What makes people fall in love and fall out of love?
What are different communication skills and styles?
What are the differences between sex and gender?
What are different types of relationship choices?
What are the benefits of connecting with a community?
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Appendix A
Long image descriptions
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Figure 3.1 Sternberg’s Triangular Theory Appendix
Intimacy alone produces liking, or friendship
Passion alone produces infatuation
Commitment alone produces a dutiful relationship that many would consider empty love
Intimacy and passion combined produce romantic love
Intimacy and commitment combined, but without passion, produce companionate love
Passion and commitment combined, but without intimacy, produce fatuous love, a love that has probably developed rapidly and has little substance
The three components together—intimacy, passion, and commitment—produce consummate love
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