COM2006-3
Communication Strategies
Oftentimes, it is the hardest to communicate when a situation is emotional. Communication can easily denigrate to accusations and
overgeneralization. You read in the last section about polarization, allness, and bypassing, where a meaning is misconstrued because
of our word choices. Other words that have a great likelihood of setting off arguments and hard feelings are always and never. In
arguments, when you use the words "always" and "never," you are categorizing the other person. This can be harmful to the relationship.
For example, Maria and Bob, a newly married couple, are having a heated argument. Maria is angry with Bob because he came home
late after going out with his friends. Maria confronts Bob, saying that he is always inconsiderate to her when he goes out with his
friends and he never considers her feelings. Bob retorts that Maria is always too sensitive and never considers Bob's needs—only her
own.
So now let's discuss the communication strategy of assertive communication. First of all, when being assertive, you need to be careful of not verbally pointing a �nger at the other person. When you say "you always" or "you never," this can be interpreted as being
aggressive. Beebe, Beebe, and Redmond (2017) advise that you should avoid evaluating others and instead use an extended "I"
language to describe how the other's actions have affected you.
In the case of Maria and Bob, both Maria and Bob are acting aggressively by saying "you always" and "you never." When you
communicate with the words "always" and "never," you put the other person on the defensive. Because there are very few occasions
when someone always or never does or says something, you are categorizing the other person with little chance of redemption.
More effective communicators are careful to be assertive, especially in emotionally charged conversations. Assertive communication has three components. First, neutrally describe the situation. Second, describe how you feel about the action. Finally, give an option
for future actions.
In the case of Maria and Bob, Maria can act assertively by �rst describing the situation, saying that she sat up until midnight waiting
for Bob to either call or come home. Next, using an extended "I" language, Maria needs to explain how Bob's action affected her.
Maria can explain that she was worried that something may have happened on the road because she knows Bob likes to drink beer
when he is out playing pool with his buddies. Finally, Maria should request a future action. She can suggest to Bob that if he is going to be home late or stay out past midnight, he should call Maria so that she is assured that Bob is �ne and able to drive.
Being assertive rather than aggressive in emotional discussions is not always easy. This is a learned skill that will help forge a better
understanding and ensure less hurt feelings. Assertiveness is an ethical choice because it is focused on the action or problem and not
on demeaning the other person. Assertive responses give the other person an opportunity to understand our feelings and amend his
or her behavior in the future.
Additional Materials
Developing Communication Strategies
Assertive Communication
You can apply the following steps to show your assertiveness in communication:
1. Describe the situation or issue using nonjudgmental words.
2. Define how this situation has affected you.
3. Name a future solution.
4. Listen actively for the other’s response or negotiate an acceptable future solution.
View a PDF transcript of Developing Communication Strategies (media/transcripts/Week3/SU_COM2006_W3_G2.pdf?
_&d2lSessionVal=G8yTd5fDEtOWhKGrLSjs64OmW&ou=91172)