Every time, employees within an organization use interoffice memos to communicate with one another. Using these memos significantly improves communication and get everything in the organization going. For instance, managers use interoffice memos to make requests, seek explanation, convey information, solve problems and provide suggestions and instructions which are all geared to ensure smooth-sailing of the organization activities. However, just like any other form of written communication in business, it is necessary to format the memo appropriately, use the right wording and style, and more importantly, use an appropriate professional tone. Employing the wrong tone can be detrimental because no one wants to be addressed disrespectfully or unprofessionally just the way using the wrong tone of voice can significantly affect the listener.
The memo, in this case, has used a somewhat unprofessional tone which makes it counterproductive. The unprofessional and rough tone in this memo is clear evidence of the lack of salutation. In every professional business writing, it is a must to salute the intended recipients of the message. The writer ought to have used salutation phases such as "Dear Employees." Lack of salutation is a clear sign of professionalism or even disrespect to some and this adversely affects the communication.
The second tonal mistake made in this memo is the subject of the memo. The term used a subject (cleanup!) and the exclamation make used clearly evidence a wrong attitude towards the recipients of the message. Even though the employees might have behaved wrongly but that doesn't mean they should be addressed so casually with such a threatening attitude. The writer could have used a more courteous phrase such as "Cleaning" or "Request for Cleaning". Use of proper subject make the memo and the entire memo appealing and conversational (Guffey & Loewy, 2014).
The body of the memo, particularly the first two paragraphs are too direct and to some extent, threatening. In professional business writing, it is not advisable to be as blunt and direct as in this case which sounds overly assertive. While the message in this memo might be clear, its delivery lacks the much-needed courtesy and this might become a communication barrier between the audience and the sender.
The writing also lacks positivity. Obviously, the memo was written to call employees to responsibility and accountability regarding cleaning their work areas. However, there are ways to convey the same message with positivity. For instance, the writer ought to have stressed the health benefits of the employees cleaning their work areas. In other words, instead of writing the memo from the perspective of a "boss", the writer could have tried to write it from the perspective of the readers in a way that shows what he or she wants them to do-clean all area of their work areas. Doing this would make the memo more professional also, it would motivate the employees to do as their manager wants.
The other mistake done this memo is the use of discriminatory language. This is evidenced when the writer says "Everyone must clean up himself." In professional business writing, gender neutrality is paramount. A more gender-neutral term or phrase such as "themselves" would have been more appropriate. Another major mistake is lack of a complimentary close which is usually short and polite. In nutshell, this memo lacks professionalism from its formatting and more significantly, its tone and language.
Below is a revised version of the same memo.
From: Albertina Sindaha, Operations Manager
To: All Employees
Date: March 3 2018
Subject: Cleaning
Dear all
As you know, the organization lacks an adequate custodial budget and therefore, cleaning the working areas have been made a shared responsibility of every employee. Last Friday, everyone was required to clean up their work areas but that was not fulfilled. A clean workplace is healthy and conducive to work in. To this effect, this coming Friday, every area in the facility must be cleaned especially the lunch room, the refrigerators, sinks, coffee machines, and the copy machine area. Also, everyone is required to organize paper and toner supplies.
Failure to do the cleaning to the required standards might push the company management to make a cleaning schedule but no one intends to reach that extent. Let every employee purpose to keep the working areas clean for the greater good.
Sincerely,
Albertina Sindaha
Reference
Guffey, M. E., & Loewy, D. (2014). Business communication: Process & product.