COM2006

Understanding the Self

Understanding yourself involves exploring many different facets of yourself, including your self-

concept, which is how you think of yourself. Who we think we are, what our level of self-esteem is, and

how we value ourselves also greatly in�uence how we communicate with others. Since most of us

don't live in isolation, how we develop and continue to grow as people is through our relationships and feedback from others.

You have many selves—your material self, your social self, and your spiritual self (Beebe et al., 2017).

Your material self is how your self-concept is affected by your material possessions, where and how

you live, and how you feel about your body. Your material self is born from social comparisons and

cultural and family expectations and is often impacted by the media.

Let's look at an example of how our different selves impact our self-concepts. Roberto is studying interpersonal communication and learning about how his self-concept in�uences the way he

communicates with others. His �rst assignment is to do some self-exploration and describe his

material self, social self, and spiritual self.

Roberto, starting with a description of his material self, decides that he identi�es himself with his new

truck, a shiny red Ford F-150. Every Saturday morning, he washes his truck so that he can go cruising

with his friends that evening. He is proud of his truck, especially when he feels others are admiring it.

He is also conscious that his new truck has helped give him a better reputation as a guy who is more successful. Roberto used to own an old, used car and was very self-conscious about people seeing him

drive this car. He shares his friends' beliefs that what you drive is important. His old, battered car made

Roberto feel like a loser. Now that he owns his new truck, Roberto believes people are admiring him

and, therefore, feels like a winner. Roberto is more con�dent now, especially when dating new girls.

The second part of Roberto's assignment is to describe his social self. He �nds this part harder than the

previous one. Since Roberto is the middle child and has four older sisters and three younger brothers, he grew up feeling that his opinions and ideas did not matter. His siblings almost always took center

stage; and at family parties, it was hard to get into the conversation. As a consequence, Roberto was

usually quiet in group situations and was often labeled as being shy by his family and relatives. On the

other hand, when Roberto was with his three best friends, he was more con�dent about sharing his

ideas and opinions, especially since his friends listened to him. The sum of Roberto's experience

impacted his estimation of his social self, directing him to develop con�dence when speaking one-on- one with friends and with close peers but restraining him from participating in group conversations,

especially with those who tend to dominate the conversation. Although Roberto unconsciously dealt

with both aspects of his social self, now that he is going to college and needs to speak up in classroom

discussions, he needs to think about how to remedy his shyness in group situations.

Finally, Roberto needs to describe his spiritual self. His �rst thought is that he needs to describe

whether or not he goes to church. As a Hispanic American, he has been going to church with his family

ever since he was a young child. However, Roberto is confused about why this will in�uence his self- concept and how he communicates. After reading Interpersonal Communication: Relating to Others (Beebe et al., 2017), Roberto understands that his spiritual self is about his beliefs and values. Because

Roberto was raised Catholic and continued to practice his religion, he re�ected on how Catholicism

has affected his beliefs and values. Roberto realizes that his Catholicism is a strong core in his life.

When he was a youth, Roberto felt like religion was imposed on him. Now that he is older, Roberto

realizes that he believes in the values that he was taught as a young boy and tries to live accordingly. He strongly believes that you should treat others the same way you would like them to treat you, and

this belief has in�uenced his sense of integrity. Therefore, Roberto is conscious about how he acts and

communicates with others.

Even though at �rst Roberto was reluctant to elaborate on this assignment, he found that exploring his

ideas of who he thinks he is was a good experience. Now, he can see how the different aspects of his

material self, social self, and spiritual self have developed and how these have impacted his relationships.